tips for a begginer in Thailand, culture diff., dating ...

[smotherb]

I recommend learning by experience.

private Dancer is <deleted>

I agree, with both your statements. I am not sure the right books are available; too many, like Private Dancer, are geared toward singular points of view. However, that does not necessarily make them wrong, if your views coincide.

However, for best results Thailand-specific experience is needed, and should be coupled with some prior-experience common sense on what not to do until you have gained that experience. Unfortunately, the decision as to when the experience has been acquired is often made too early.

Here are ten points of common sense I would employ until I felt comfortable with my experience. I am sure others with Thai experience can offer even more.

#1 Do not fall in love, get married, or enter into a relationship.

#2 Do not buy property, condo, car, or anything else expensive.

#3 Do not enter a business, partnership, or invest.

#4 Do not give or loan anything of value for any reason.

#5 Do not enter into any illegal activity.

#6 Do not fall victim to the many scams for all tourist activities.

#7 Do not forget your entry and exit dates for immigration.

#8 Do not forget Thais are different culturally, religiously and emotionally.

#9 Do not forget that things are not as they were back home.

#10 Do not forget to maintain these same "Do nots" with other foreigners.

[JRinPDX]

Books;

Inside Thai Society by Mulder. (sociology text one of the most valuable sources of info I've read)

Culture Shock! Thailand by Cooper (beginner level but comprehensive)

A History of Thailand by Baker and Phongpaichit

Thai Ways, also More Thai Ways by Segaller (tons of little tidbits)

Working with Thais by Holmes and Tangtongtavy

For insightful entertainment: Travelers' Tales by a collection of authors.

Learning the language is an excellent way to gain insight into Thai thought. For language, I recommend the many free videos by Kru Wee on YouTube and the books and discs from LearnSpeakThai.com but there is no substitute for a personal tutor/teacher. Don't get Rosetta Stone, it may be great for other languages but was terrible for Thai. (I think the discontinued it.)

[smotherb]

I met my wife on a dating website too. That's how a lot of people meet these days. Nothing odd about it.

Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

If you want to probe deeper, there is a couple of well-written pieces out there on the net (both from the Daily Telegraph) which show that almost everyone these days uses dating sites.

I have never understood why some men on this forum have such a strange aversion to dating websites.

Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?

Some may also be leery of a medium so easily faked and fraught with deception. I prefer face to face relationships; to which messaging, email, and even teleconferencing pale in comparison. Similarly, I find little joy in pornography; methinks sex is not a spectator sport.

[SoiBiker]

I met my wife on a dating website too. That's how a lot of people meet these days. Nothing odd about it.

Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

If you want to probe deeper, there is a couple of well-written pieces out there on the net (both from the Daily Telegraph) which show that almost everyone these days uses dating sites.

I have never understood why some men on this forum have such a strange aversion to dating websites.

Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?

Some may also be leery of a medium so easily faked and fraught with deception. I prefer face to face relationships; to which messaging, email, and even teleconferencing pale in comparison. Similarly, I find little joy in pornography; methinks sex is not a spectator sport.

I did actually meet her face to face before we got married, you know. Dating sites are a way to meet people, not a way of conducting a relationship.

[Lenscraft]

The Vicious Truth About Thai Hookers

by TheBlether

"A finely crafted piece of modern literature that blends good advice with refreshingly original Caledonian humor"

The New York Times Book Review

====

I have actually heard some fairly good reviews about this guy's stuff. Check it out over on Amazon. It'll only cost you a dollar or so.

I have to second this recommendation. TheBlether writes some excellent guidebooks on things to do and not do in Thailand, and they're cheap.

Just how many sock puppets does TheBlether have here?

He used to post a lot of nonsense, but now he has decided to market it? Wonder why he no longer posts...

That was an entirely uncalled-for attack. On what basis do you call me a 'sock puppet'?

[smotherb]

SoiBiker said, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?"

smotherb said, "Some may also be leery of a medium so easily faked and fraught with deception. I prefer face to face relationships; to which messaging, email, and even teleconferencing pale in comparison. Similarly, I find little joy in pornography; methinks sex is not a spectator sport."


SoiBiker said, "I did actually meet her face to face before we got married, you know. Dating sites are a way to meet people, not a way of conducting a relationship."

Good on ya SoiBiker, but do try not to get so defensive. I hoped you had not married her via the dating site. However, I was responding to your, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?" retort.

[SiSePuede419]

"Sorry but books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating. How Jaded are all of you."

Yeah, when I was talking with a lawyer and he found out I was going to Thailand, he recommended that novel.

So, might I add...

Sorry but FICTIONAL books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating.

555

[mcfish]

"Sorry but books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating. How Jaded are all of you."

Yeah, when I was talking with a lawyer and he found out I was going to Thailand, he recommended that novel.

So, might I add...

Sorry but FICTIONAL books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating.

555

Since the majority of westerners will date hookers or ex hookers then that novel is the Bible. Remember a hooker doesn't need to come from a bar, and actually those dating Web sites are infested with them

Sent from my SC-01D using Tapatalk

[SoiBiker]

SoiBiker said, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?"

smotherb said, "Some may also be leery of a medium so easily faked and fraught with deception. I prefer face to face relationships; to which messaging, email, and even teleconferencing pale in comparison. Similarly, I find little joy in pornography; methinks sex is not a spectator sport."

SoiBiker said, "I did actually meet her face to face before we got married, you know. Dating sites are a way to meet people, not a way of conducting a relationship."

Good on ya SoiBiker, but do try not to get so defensive. I hoped you had not married her via the dating site. However, I was responding to your, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?" retort.

And my point stands. You said you prefer face to face relationships. I was pointing out that dating sites are merely a way to find someone to conduct such a relationship with, not a replacement for one.

[fekman]

90% of TV members have a hi-so wife or g/f, not met on a dating website, so you should get some good info here !

About 90% of Farang friends of mine are married to ex bargirls, I cannot think of one who is hi-so, like any married couples, they will have their ups and downs, and from

what I have seen, the are decent girls.

There is one friend in particular who is 38 years old, his wife is ten years older, have been married for about ten years, have two children and

are still happily married. Although his wife was a bargirl, they never met in a bar.

And I will say again "No, my wife was never a bargirl". If I had found out she was after we met, I would still have stayed with her.

You would stay with her? You're a better man than I am. She would be out the door. Ain't nobobdy got time for that.

[smotherb]

"Sorry but books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating. How Jaded are all of you."

Yeah, when I was talking with a lawyer and he found out I was going to Thailand, he recommended that novel.

So, might I add...

Sorry but FICTIONAL books on dating prostitutes shouldn't be a bible for dating.

555

I think you have missed the point. It wasn't whether the book was fictional or factual, it was that dating Thai girls and dating prostitutes is not necessarily the same thing.

However, since so many foreigners seek the fruit of the Thai female and the produce of prostitutes is so readily available; Private Dancer may provide some valuable insight.

[fekman]

"Thailand Fever" sounds like the book for the OP.

It explains many things about the differeneces in cultures, in both Thai and English (so you can read it together with your girlfriend/wife/bargirl/whatever)

Thai fever is complete rubbish, its the perfect guide for gold diggers and scammmers, an extra advise is, not to read Sticky boy.

I can tell after 40 year Thailand experience, 2 marriedges of 32 and 6 years,

Stay away from beerbars and prostitutes. Trying to date a common girl like an office worker is a long proces. Do some jogging in the local park or go to a Gym is my advice.

40 years in Thailand? Wow! The changes you must have seen in that time. Would be fun to pick your brain and hear some stories.

[smotherb]

SoiBiker said, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?"

smotherb said, "Some may also be leery of a medium so easily faked and fraught with deception. I prefer face to face relationships; to which messaging, email, and even teleconferencing pale in comparison. Similarly, I find little joy in pornography; methinks sex is not a spectator sport."

SoiBiker said, "I did actually meet her face to face before we got married, you know. Dating sites are a way to meet people, not a way of conducting a relationship."

Good on ya SoiBiker, but do try not to get so defensive. I hoped you had not married her via the dating site. However, I was responding to your, "Because they're distrustful of any relatively recent technological developments?" retort.

And my point stands. You said you prefer face to face relationships. I was pointing out that dating sites are merely a way to find someone to conduct such a relationship with, not a replacement for one.

Whether your point stands or not is dependent upon whether or not the reader believes meeting on a dating site is a relationship.

In my opinion, multiple conversations on any medium constitute a relationship and a single conversation on any medium does not.

Since you said you met your wife through a dating site, I assumed you had multiple conversations on that dating site. Forgive me if my assumption is erroneous.

However, I was responding to your comment that aversion to meeting on a dating site is based upon technological distrust.

[SoiBiker]

No, we met on a dating site then went on a date. That's what dating sites are for. We enjoyed the date, went on another, then another, and it turned into a relationship.

Frankly it feels weird to have to explain this process to anyone. I'd have thought it was self-explanatory.

[mrfaroukh]

Just remember few things.

1. Be lawful meaning respect the law , you don't want to land in monkey house
2. Avoid fight with everyone specially Thai people. If you fight with foreigners you both will be looser anyway and if you fight with Thai people you will be the looser. As long as you respect Thai people you will never have problem with anyone but if you feel you are from Western countries and try bull them you will soon understand you come to the wrong country.
3. Do not hurry to start a business or buy a condo or other properties before you understand everything here and decide where you really want to live. It is not so easy to sell a business or property.
4. Warning, Warning, Warning, Do not fall in love for at least the first couple of years..You must learn the culture, know the Thai girl and their responsibilities towards their family and probably a child from other person etc. You may get a shock if fall in love quickly and then can not take the responsibilities which actually should not be yours.
5. Take care of your health and make sure you have a good health insurance. Trust me Thailand is not that cheap if you fall sick and have to be treated in the hospital.

Rest have fun

[NoshowJones]

90% of TV members have a hi-so wife or g/f, not met on a dating website, so you should get some good info here !

About 90% of Farang friends of mine are married to ex bargirls, I cannot think of one who is hi-so, like any married couples, they will have their ups and downs, and from

what I have seen, the are decent girls.

There is one friend in particular who is 38 years old, his wife is ten years older, have been married for about ten years, have two children and

are still happily married. Although his wife was a bargirl, they never met in a bar.

And I will say again "No, my wife was never a bargirl". If I had found out she was after we met, I would still have stayed with her.

You would stay with her? You're a better man than I am. She would be out the door. Ain't nobobdy got time for that.

I am a strong believer in what happened in someones life before they met you is none of your business.

I have known some Farangs for years who are still happily married to the same exbargirl wife

[SoiBiker]

90% of TV members have a hi-so wife or g/f, not met on a dating website, so you should get some good info here !

About 90% of Farang friends of mine are married to ex bargirls, I cannot think of one who is hi-so, like any married couples, they will have their ups and downs, and from

what I have seen, the are decent girls.

There is one friend in particular who is 38 years old, his wife is ten years older, have been married for about ten years, have two children and

are still happily married. Although his wife was a bargirl, they never met in a bar.

And I will say again "No, my wife was never a bargirl". If I had found out she was after we met, I would still have stayed with her.

You would stay with her? You're a better man than I am. She would be out the door. Ain't nobobdy got time for that.

I am a strong believer in what happened in someones life before they met you is none of your business.

I have known some Farangs for years who are still happily married to the same exbargirl wife

She must be a busy lady.

[khunPer]

Best book about Thai culture and relationship is "Thailand Fever" by Chris Pirazzi & Vitada Vasant, available i English (+ Thai, all versions comes in Thai also), German and a few more translations. More info at thailandfever.com

Private Dancer is a (very) good book with lots of correct information, and being a novel more interesting to read. However, to understand the "business" of many a Thai lady – also all those you may date outside of the nightlife – the book "Love Entrepreneurs" by Phil Nicks is recommendable. ISBN 978-981-05-9211-0. More info at monsoonbooks.co.sg

Bookazine book stores have a variety of good books in English language (some also in other translations) about Thai culture, business etc. and also some funny written books about Thai-Farang relationships, like "Money Number One".

Wish you good luck in Land of Smiles...

Edited February 1, 2016 by khunPer

[NoshowJones]

SB, a very busy lady. who's that then?

[SoiBiker]

SB, a very busy lady. who's that then?

The one all those farangs are married to.

[sanukjim]

Bring lots of money,tip well for all services ( not like kinneal Brits) Wear a condom,Do not rent a jet ski,,Try to travel with a companion,Unless extremely knowledgeable of motor bikes Do Not Rent One,Do not argue with a drunk Thai (or other Thais) just walk away.Thais are cowards and will join in a fight with other Thais in a fight just to get a few kicks in on a single farang,you can't win.Try to meet Thai ladies ( unless you are a Brown Hatter) in stores away from the tourist areas.Go to as many of the great tourist places all over Thailand and above have fun.

[NoshowJones]

SB, a very busy lady. who's that then?

The one all those farangs are married to.

All those Farangs married to the one lady??

[SoiBiker]

SB, a very busy lady. who's that then?

The one all those farangs are married to.

All those Farangs married to the one lady??

It was a joke. Don't worry about it.

[seancbk]

"What about the 10% with Thai Chinese wives with managerial jobs and PhDs?"

What does it matter what someone else marries? Why do you doubt people?

There are 1000's and 1000's of Thais with Phd, so why can't TV members be married to them? Why can't TV members be married to Middle and Upper class locals?

The jaded view of posters here is really sad.

I am married to what you might call a "middle class local", she has been in the same job since she left college, and I was no more than working class back in the UK.

I would hate to think any of my views are "really sad". I respect the biggest majority of TV members views, and would hope they respect mine, even if they don't agree with them.

Here in lies the problem. If you were married to a woman from your home country, would you need to justify your wife's background in a public forum?

People that introduce their wife with her degree and title and job in the first breath, are still a part of the problem.

The other part of the problem is all the guys who assume that we are all dating or married to poor issan farmer's daughters.

[atyclb]

met my wife 9 years ago on a dating site. she bought me a condo and bmw. takes care of me (tongue in cheek)

[seancbk]

I know that you are a troll, but I will bite. I left the country and am now back for a few weeks before going abroad again. No I don't currently have a Thai license, but I never said in that thread that I didn't have one. I never said that I was on a tourist visa for those 15 years either. So please tell me why any of that thread applies to this discussion?

Most people who live here manage to get a Thai driving license.

If you don't have one, you're a beginner.

Not the Thai cultural expert you claim to be.

How do you figure that?

Public transport in Bangkok is excellent, I have absolutely no reason to have a car here so no need for a driving licence.

[SoiBiker]

I know that you are a troll, but I will bite. I left the country and am now back for a few weeks before going abroad again. No I don't currently have a Thai license, but I never said in that thread that I didn't have one. I never said that I was on a tourist visa for those 15 years either. So please tell me why any of that thread applies to this discussion?

Most people who live here manage to get a Thai driving license.

If you don't have one, you're a beginner.

Not the Thai cultural expert you claim to be.

How do you figure that?

Public transport in Bangkok is excellent, I have absolutely no reason to have a car here so no need for a driving licence.

Apparently driving a car is essential to understanding Thai culture. Who'd have thought it?

[mihalis]

Your first mistake is asking advice on this forum, to many burnt farang.... Thai visa, seems to be full of blame Thailand for their own mistakes... \

Keep away from bars, even tho, bar girls call you handsome man...................

Dont rush, take your time and learn about Thailand.. Don't throw your money around, splash it about...

[thaiduncankk]

Your first mistake is asking advice on this forum, to many burnt farang.... Thai visa, seems to be full of blame Thailand for their own mistakes... \

Keep away from bars, even tho, bar girls call you handsome man...................

Dont rush, take your time and learn about Thailand.. Don't throw your money around, splash it about...

Maybe he is the sociable type, and would enjoy a drink and a chat with fellow Westerners. So why keep away from bars ?

[ozyjon]

What baloney,,,

stop wasting my time.