Unhappy in Bangkok - relationship issues - need a change

[Kabula]

Most relationships today worldwide are about money and security. As the world economies retreat so do relationships. The single web sites allow endless better dealers to crush romance in the blink of an eye. Perhaps even over a romantic dinner thanks to the cell phone. Much of the cash flow generated by alleged love flows to less fortunate family members who actually pressure their children to transfer more and more. For many expats they never seen to understand this because of denial and they refuse to believe it. Thank goodness they don't as there would be a lot of hungry children and elderly parents around the world!

[1FinickyOne]

op - just a quick response - you look fine but you look quite serious - Thai people like light hearts and fun... They will judge you by your smile. If you do not smile, especially on first meeting, they will think you are not polite...

So, lighten up and also, whether you are a serious photographer or not - putting in an advert that you want to hpotograph someone, well, it is a little creepy - eh?

Good luck. You look like a nice fellow. Smile and you will meet ladies everywhere you go.

[atyclb]

many clubs, discos, = mix of full time hookers, part time hookers, gals with normal jobs needing supplemental income. dating sites = online version of the same (exceptions duly noted)

better looking gals may have dozens if not hundreds of messages from around the world. jane doe from nahkon nowhere suddenly realizes she can cash out on her newfound popularity.

most dating site gals idea of dating is finding a guy that will commit to a LTR aka support her before they even begin dating. western style is spending time with various gals and seeing where the chemistry lies.

if you seem to read/write thai the vast vast majority of these gals will pass you by eve you look like brad pitt. they want soft targets that they can manipulate.

in many ways they are emotinally immature, like children. reliability is a big issue as well as erratic behaviors.

IMO far from the best place for dating or finding a gf - wife.

[Dustdevil]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

Don't buy into that silly nonsense, its not easy at all. It sounds like you need to be a bit more patient. You can meet women if you want but I don't think they are the sort you really want to meet unless you think with a certain part of your anatomy like some apparently do. I would suggest spend a few years improving your Thai and broadening your social circles. It's generally who you know and their friends that make the difference. I think you need to take your time. Any fool can find a woman here but finding one that's right for you takes time.

I guess that may be the issue. I'm not sure I want to patiently practice Thai for years, when I'm not even sure if I want to spend another 6 months here. I had always heard that if you were a lonely western guy with a bit of money then Thailand was the place to be. I guess maybe that logic only applies to short-term bar-scene visits.

Thai women are so easy to meet like I said. Even the very good ones are approachable. It all comes down to you. How you behave ,how comfortable they are around you things like that. That is why bars are the worst places.Start conversations,most speak a little english in Bangkok.Take them for ice cream.For Thai women its about how they feel around you and how you treat them. The more things you do with them that includes sharing the more they will like you. Simple sharing.Share ice cream,ice coffee anything that is giving and sharing. they just love that. If when you are with them you see something girly look at it with them and then buy it for them,they love that. It does not have to be expensive ,A keyring always works or hair clip simple and cheap.Never rush things, they will let you know if and when things can happen.Take it slow treat them good and the heavens open.The great part is it so much fun meeting them and doing these simple things,gives a guy good insight to who she is.

The really pretty ones get insulted, though, if your first date invitation isn't at least a dinner or shopping. Something simple like a walk in the zoo is insulting to them.

[Dustdevil]

many clubs, discos, = mix of full time hookers, part time hookers, gals with normal jobs needing supplemental income. dating sites = online version of the same (exceptions duly noted)

better looking gals may have dozens if not hundreds of messages from around the world. jane doe from nahkon nowhere suddenly realizes she can cash out on her newfound popularity.

most dating site gals idea of dating is finding a guy that will commit to a LTR aka support her before they even begin dating. western style is spending time with various gals and seeing where the chemistry lies.

if you seem to read/write thai the vast vast majority of these gals will pass you by eve you look like brad pitt. they want soft targets that they can manipulate.

in many ways they are emotinally immature, like children. reliability is a big issue as well as erratic behaviors.

IMO far from the best place for dating or finding a gf - wife.

I asked a real beauty out, one who had made all the obvious eye flirts with me first. She was behind the info counter in a Chiang Mai mall. She's also an Air Asia trainee, and smug about her looks and body--puts herself out in bra and panties on Facebook with 4,000+ followers. I approached her info stand to chat with her 3 or 4 times because of the busy nature of her work. She was very sweet and all, until my idea for a first date was walking in the zoo. I should have known better--I'm an old Asia hand, and was married to a Chinese for 15 years. The Air Asia girl was insulted. I think most pretty Asians would be. A zoo? They consider that something for children, and cheap.

[ThaiWai]

I was moving around Thailand for a few months a few days in one place at a time so on a Thai dating website I chose a few girls and sent my phone number and a message saying I was in town briefly no time for long winded chats. Phone started ringing immediately. I have a GF for 2 years now and she was the one that messaged me first (she was in BKK and I was in NY) and gave me 48 hours to Skype her or she was moving on. I did and she is the best girl I have ever known. Learn to weed out the bullshitters fast it will save you time and money. One more tip depending on what you are looking for, I don't start conversations easily so one of the best ways to meet women is at a salon where conversation inevitable and there is usually at least one cutie in the shop. Start getting regular manicures and hair cuts and different salons and you might find a winner. If you are shy you can go request the same girl a few times till you feel comfortable. My GF is a beautician and she rarely has a guy in the chair that does not ask her if she has a BF or outright request her number. And I don't blame them at all, she is a knockout. Believe me they are used to it. You live once. Winners don't always win but they always try.

[Caca4u]

Maybe join some photograph groups on meetup.com

Thaifriendly is not a good dating site

You will find more quality women at tinder.

It is very easy to meet women here, good women is hard.

Good luck to you

[TheKnave]

If you feel more confident in Phnom Penh, go there. Thai women are tough going, especially if you're shy. I think your camera will be safe...

[F4UCorsair]

Try Chiang Mai, a very photogenic city, and maybe the country girls more suited? Worth a try.

[KC 71]

Try North Thailand

[merlen10002]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

I completely agree with this post, before I was married and lived in BKK for three years and I met ladies everywhere in BKK , Shopping malls , BTS, MRT, walking along the footpath, Supermarkets, everywhere and I never went to bars, don't drink. the ladies from the age of early twenty to over fifty. very easy to sleep with them if you treat them nice and are decent. the only problem was getting rid of some. and I was over seventy and not what would be called a handsome man, if you are have a problem meeting ladies in BKK you must have a big problem. it is the easiest place to meet ladies.

[BookMan]

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

What is your thinking behind that one JhJ?

[off road pat]

Not a ton, but I've had some successful long-term relationships. Enough for me to know that it is possible.

I tried the bar scene recently and found the price high and the service lousy. I'm 33, so I would have to spend 2,000 - 4,000 baht 3 - 5 times a week to be satisfied. I loved the bar scene in Cambodia, where I was popular and the prices were affordable, but Bangkok seems a little too high for long-term accommodation.

2000-4000 baht....You are paying tourist prices.......

If you are looking for long lasting companionship you won't find it in those bars....

Travel , move around, and one day you will find it unexpectedly.....There is a saying in my country "only trees and mountains never meet each-other..."

Food for taught....!!

Best of luck.....

[Scouse123]

^^^ You are a photographer but don't know how to take a portrait? You don't know that the wide angle lens you are using distorts your face including making your nose look big? The yellow light makes you look sickly.

I have a hunch that you are better looking than that photo, but if you're using dating sites you need to find a photographer.

Cheers.

I use that photo (and others like it) because I think it's a realistic representation of how I actually look in the daily life. I have used only good portraits taken by myself before, and you know what I got? A bunch of girls who were disappointed when they actually met me. The old "You looked better in the photos" kind of deal.

Honestly??

They can be so cruel, eh?

I've got a decent clean respectable woman for you. She asks me every time I go into the local Big C supermarket if I can get her a decent foreigner.

It happens in the local bank as well.

Also, if you want a Cambodian I can do that for you as well. Loads of them who are not ' on the game ' but looking for a way to improve their life and willing to meet. You might want a Filipina girl, leave your camera at home/ hotel for a few nights.

Edited March 8, 2016 by Scouse123

[CoreanoOzzie]

Maybe because this is Asia and Asian girls at the end of the day prefer Asian guys. Same thing if your story was about an Asian guy in Australia for example.

[ozyjon]

Don't talk about photography, politics, geography, world economics

or refugees, try talking about money or gold, see where the

conversation goes, or ''build house'' that one also gets their attention.

[Sheryl]

An unhelpful post has been removed

[MaeJoMTB]

Don't talk about photography, politics, geography, world economics

or refugees, try talking about money or gold, see where the

conversation goes, or ''build house'' that one also gets their attention.

'selfies'.

They can spend all day showing you 'selfies' on their mobile.

I guess you could work that around to you photographing them.

[Thainess]

She's also an Air Asia trainee, and smug about her looks and body--puts herself out in bra and panties on Facebook with 4,000+ followers.

That tells you all you need to know, actually. Any woman who would put near-naked photos of herself on Facebook for likes and followers is a basket case you should avoid with a bargepole, or a h00ker, or both.

[HooHaa]

Meeting women in bangkok is like falling off a log. It is too easy.I have met them trying to jaywalk at the same place and slept with her the next night. When I lived in Bangkok I met women all day. Could have dinner every night with a new women. I think maybe you should just get outside and meet them. Easy at Big C or any mall.At an eatery,just about any where you go. Bars are the worst places. Ice cream parlours,coffee shops just about any were. Just smile and make eye contact and be friendly too easy.Bangkok women are receptive to meeting new men.

my, but times certainly were different in the 70's.

[MyFriend You]

Look, This is Thailand - TIT - keeping everything on a monetary basis and you have no problems - If you came here looking for a "meaningful intellectual relationship" I fear you may have come to the wrong place - your hobby is what keeps your juices flowing?? Then pursue to your hearts content - there's a whole world out there waiting to be recorded, photographed, in time you'll find someone you can relate too - Example, in The central Highlands of Vietnam, they recently discovered what could well could be the longest, deepest cave system in the world - go photograph it. Vietnam Son Doong Caves, google it there is a tour company planning a photography trip this month I think.

[MyFriend You]

Deleted duplicate post

Edited March 8, 2016 by TunnelRat69

[seancbk]

Not a ton, but I've had some successful long-term relationships. Enough for me to know that it is possible.

I tried the bar scene recently and found the price high and the service lousy. I'm 33, so I would have to spend 2,000 - 4,000 baht 3 - 5 times a week to be satisfied. I loved the bar scene in Cambodia, where I was popular and the prices were affordable, but Bangkok seems a little too high for long-term accommodation.

2000-4000 baht....You are paying tourist prices.......

If you are looking for long lasting companionship you won't find it in those bars....

Travel , move around, and one day you will find it unexpectedly.....There is a saying in my country "only trees and mountains never meet each-other..."

Food for taught....!!

Best of luck.....

How do you figure that? Bars don't charge tourist prices for drinks.

He's talking about going to a bar and spending 2,000 - 4,000 on drinks which is easy to do here, even without offering to buy drinks for a girl and possibly her friend.

[Minnehaha]

Even the horniest thai woman will NOT make the first move…it really is up to the man…they have told me this.

They like men with the guts to come up and say hello…yes, hello…that is all you need in terms of game.

Then invite them out…and go slow….unless she's a ho…which I gather you don't like.

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

Don't take any shit…and nip any gold digging behaviour in the bud by removing yourself from the situation pronto.

I would say good luck but you don't need any luck with these gals….just focus on the one you like and get in there.

Theres an old saying…any idiot can get a girl to fall in love with him…but it takes a a smart man to get a woman out of his life.

Cheers.

Spot on.

I remember 20+ years ago, on my first tour... I was young lad and everything changed when I learned a few simple things.

1. You have to make the move with Thai women. Being a little aggressive is OK. I dont mean physically. And in the beginning polite and well-dressed and well groomed is EXTREMELY important. Then keep asking girls out. You will have a list of names in no time.

If you want to take it to the next level, after some food and maybe a few dates ... it is not difficult. They will follow you. Be discreet and take care of them. You can have more action than you can imagine. But it all starts with making the first move and being in charge.

2. Follow on to point 1 is that Thai women are one way in public but very often they are completely different once the door is closed and you are alone. I mean sex of course. This can go both ways. I have known so many wild ones, tons of fun and surprises, and more than a few disappointments and a couple that left me scratching my head wondering...

3. To clarify... coming from a western background I was always looking for consensual clarity. Once I started with the assumption that if I got their number they wanted me to call. And if we met then they wanted to see me. If we were alone then they wanted to be alone. Keep going with that. If you ask for permission it is confusing for them. If they want you to stop they will tell you so. It will be more than "No" which does not mean stop. It usually means "don't stop"!

4. I used to play games ... like taking the skytrain home ... I would play the pick up game. Just a little challenge I liked to undertake to pass the time. More than once I met a girl who left the train with me and was in bed in hours.

5. There are a few classifications of girls who I found to be a waste of time or massive headaches and not worth it. The first are girls who work in the beauty sections selling cosmetics in department stores. (Not katoeys). Overall the young ones who are good looking tend to be a lot like another group - prettys or girls who do some kind of modeling or selling or promoting of products. These are high maintenance and often a pain in the ass.

The key all starts when you realize you have to take what you want, not ask for it.

[GF47]

Not a ton, but I've had some successful long-term relationships. Enough for me to know that it is possible.

I tried the bar scene recently and found the price high and the service lousy. I'm 33, so I would have to spend 2,000 - 4,000 baht 3 - 5 times a week to be satisfied. I loved the bar scene in Cambodia, where I was popular and the prices were affordable, but Bangkok seems a little too high for long-term accommodation.

2000-4000 baht....You are paying tourist prices.......

If you are looking for long lasting companionship you won't find it in those bars....

Travel , move around, and one day you will find it unexpectedly.....There is a saying in my country "only trees and mountains never meet each-other..."

Food for taught....!!

Best of luck.....

I'm adding in cost of drinks plus barfine. I know it's a little cheaper if you get some "regulars" but I'm also a long-time type of guy.

[GF47]

Try using a photo with a smile.....You look pissed off in that one....Thai folk love a smile....

I understand I have "smile issues" and it's a big deal here, but the issue is not lack of matches... I get 5 matches a day even with that photo. I'm just finding it tough to keep them interested from there.

Part of it may be confidence issues INITIALLY - I'm shy about approaching someone at Big C and have never done that kind of thing, but I'm a great conversationalist once I get them out for dinner, which is why I'm using the dating apps. Maybe Thailand is just not the best place for a serious artist who loves deep conversation about film, literature, and global affairs?

The Khmer girls were much more receptive to my interest in their lives and issues. And even in Hong Kong I had beautiful office ladies openly flirting with me on the subway. So what I'm getting from all this is that my chemistry is not mixing with Thai women for whatever reason.

So let me ask this: If you were a urban photographer who planned to stay abroad for a few years and hopefully find love or at least interesting experiences, where would you go next?

Chaing Mai? Pattaya (short-term)? Shanghai? Eastern Europe?

Coming to Bangkok was my first time abroad, BTW.

[JHolmesJr]

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

What is your thinking behind that one JhJ?

There's more to it, obviously.

I do understand the chaperone theory might sometimes be legitimate…but I think many many thai women abuse it.

You might agree on a date and they will ask to bring a friend or sometimes up to three friends. It's some sort of tactic that they use to gain face among friends (hey, look I got a farang etc etc). These uninvited guests then pile on to the food or the bottle you open….and will pretty much ignore you after the initial Wai. It's worse in a disco…they will be drinking your booze and using your table as a base to hunt for customers….I don't mind buying then occasional drink for a girls friend who's passing by but will not tolerate large scale piss taking.

Ive had all sorts of guys speak about this phenomenon….and the most effective way to curb this behaviour is to tell the girl point blank that you're interested in her and not her friend/s.

[GF47]

Even the horniest thai woman will NOT make the first move…it really is up to the man…they have told me this.

They like men with the guts to come up and say hello…yes, hello…that is all you need in terms of game.

Then invite them out…and go slow….unless she's a ho…which I gather you don't like.

If they bring a friend on a date, bail immediately.

Don't take any shit…and nip any gold digging behaviour in the bud by removing yourself from the situation pronto.

I would say good luck but you don't need any luck with these gals….just focus on the one you like and get in there.

Theres an old saying…any idiot can get a girl to fall in love with him…but it takes a a smart man to get a woman out of his life.

Cheers.

Spot on.

I remember 20+ years ago, on my first tour... I was young lad and everything changed when I learned a few simple things.

1. You have to make the move with Thai women. Being a little aggressive is OK. I dont mean physically. And in the beginning polite and well-dressed and well groomed is EXTREMELY important. Then keep asking girls out. You will have a list of names in no time.

If you want to take it to the next level, after some food and maybe a few dates ... it is not difficult. They will follow you. Be discreet and take care of them. You can have more action than you can imagine. But it all starts with making the first move and being in charge.

2. Follow on to point 1 is that Thai women are one way in public but very often they are completely different once the door is closed and you are alone. I mean sex of course. This can go both ways. I have known so many wild ones, tons of fun and surprises, and more than a few disappointments and a couple that left me scratching my head wondering...

3. To clarify... coming from a western background I was always looking for consensual clarity. Once I started with the assumption that if I got their number they wanted me to call. And if we met then they wanted to see me. If we were alone then they wanted to be alone. Keep going with that. If you ask for permission it is confusing for them. If they want you to stop they will tell you so. It will be more than "No" which does not mean stop. It usually means "don't stop"!

4. I used to play games ... like taking the skytrain home ... I would play the pick up game. Just a little challenge I liked to undertake to pass the time. More than once I met a girl who left the train with me and was in bed in hours.

5. There are a few classifications of girls who I found to be a waste of time or massive headaches and not worth it. The first are girls who work in the beauty sections selling cosmetics in department stores. (Not katoeys). Overall the young ones who are good looking tend to be a lot like another group - prettys or girls who do some kind of modeling or selling or promoting of products. These are high maintenance and often a pain in the ass.

The key all starts when you realize you have to take what you want, not ask for it.

Ok I'll consider giving Bangkok another go, for a few weeks, and try to have a different mindset. I guess I am looking for consensual clarity and instead I'm getting what seems like coldness/lack of interest.

[JHolmesJr]

I get 5 matches a day even with that photo. I'm just finding it tough to keep them interested from there.

For some insight into their intellect, you have to see a picture of their room…..it will mostly be a combination of colours from a dollhouse….pink, blue, yellow….japanese toys, teddy bears, stuffed toys, hello kittys…..and then you realise that this a 28 year old woman's room!!!

Bottom line…..these are kids in adult bodies….so have your fun…..but don't expect any strong connections beyond sex and her expecting you will take care of her every need including her useless family.

Of course, there are exceptions and you will see that for yourself when they surface.

The problems are not getting thai women but keeping them away.

Another tactic: Instead of being soft, romantic and sensitive like western girls want their men to be, focus on being a good friend to thai girls…..be playfully risqué (Thai girls have a word for it: Thalung), attentive yet a tad aloof, fun, make them laugh all the time, learn the art of cunnilingus and g-spot manipulation to make them squirt….then you will be on here complaining that they never leave you alone.

Cheers.

Edited March 8, 2016 by JHolmesJr

[GF47]

I get 5 matches a day even with that photo. I'm just finding it tough to keep them interested from there.

For some insight into their intellect, you have to see a picture of their room…..it will mostly be a combination of colours from a dollhouse….pink, blue, yellow….japanese toys, teddy bears, stuffed toys, hello kittys…..and then you realise that this a 28 year old woman's room!!!

Bottom line…..these are kids in adult bodies….so have your fun…..but don't expect any strong connections beyond sex and her expecting you will take care of her every need including her useless family.

Of course, there are exceptions and you will see that for yourself when they surface.

The problems are not getting thai women but keeping them away.

Another tactic: Instead of being soft, romantic and sensitive like western girls want their men to be, focus on being a good friend to thai girls…..be playfully risqué (Thai girls have a word for it: Thalung), attentive yet a tad aloof, fun, make them laugh all the time, learn the art of cunnilingus and g-spot manipulation to make them squirt….then you will be on here complaining that they never leave you alone.

Cheers.

Haha yeah, you know your stuff. I speak 2 languages - English and cutesy Asian girl LINE speak.

As I was thinking out loud earlier, perhaps Shanghai, Buenos Aires, or even Budapest would be more my speed, since I am ultimately looking for more than just fun.