Do you pay her a salary? (I do.)

[PT4]

...I just am paying her a salary [referring to his wife]

​That comment by "uthaithanirules" (on another topic) started me thinking. So many expats report problems with wives & girlfriends about money. Thinking in terms of a salary is a practical solution.

​

​Who else pays a fixed salary or allowance? How much do you pay and what does it cover?

​Personally, I am partial to this approach because:

​

​1. The woman can depend on fixed salary/allowance every week or every month.

​

​2. She doesn't have to beg or cajole every time she wants money for something.

​

3. You don't have to put up with repeated begging and cajoling for money.

​

​4. It puts you in a position of "boss". Thai women understand that.

​

There is one other benefit -- the most important, to my way of thinking -- which I'll mention below.

In the past when I had a steady Thai girlfriend I gave her a weekly allowance. We did not live together -- she had her own room. She worked in an ordinary, neighborhood massage shop (not sexy massage). From that job she paid her own living expenses and sent money to support mother and daughter in Korat. ​Just barely support, but they didn't starve.

​

​Before starting to pay her a salary I thought a lot about how much. Here is what I came up with. If you can improve on my thinking, please do.

​

​My goal was to improve her life significantly, so she would be eager to "take care" of me. But not so much that she would slack off her day job, or quit working and try to move in with me. So my plan was to pay 2/3 of the amount of her day job. At the margin, that would improve her life greatly.

​

​So I gently started inquiring about her total monthly "take home" -- commissions + tips. And, to verify, I asked other women working in other, similar shops. (This was 10 years ago, so amounts will seem low today.) Monthly average was around 10,000, verified by others. That put me in for 6-7,000/month. Fine.

​

​Most Thais get paid monthly. Tips, if any, arrive daily. I decided to fill in the gap and pay weekly. In this case, 1,500 baht every week.

​

She was delighted, of course. And I'm sure she bragged to her co-workers, because soon they were looking at me with much more interest than before.

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​What did it cover? Entirely up to her. I never asked.

And whenever we were together I still paid for everything: meals, entertainment, travel, etc. When we went to the beach, I bought her a T-shirt with a beach scene, plus "kannom" snacks to take back to her friends at work. One day, she called to say she would be late to meet for lunch, because her fan had "died" and she must take the Skytrain to Lotus and get a new fan. I said, we'll go to Lotus together, I'll pay for the fan, we'll have lunch there, and then we'll return in a taxi to bring the new fan to your room.

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That approach worked beautifully over several years. Never an argument about money.

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​Now the rest of the story:

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​5. Parting ways is easy for you -- just stop paying the salary.

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​When time came to split up, she understood my weekly payments would stop. Sad, yes, but nothing more from her: no threats, no arguments, no shouting, nothing damaged in my room.

Of course, with a wife and children, different story: #5 may not apply.

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​Would I do it again? Yes. Is it a fair way to treat a Thai woman from a poor background? It is a way they understand clearly. Getting Thai women from poor backgrounds to understand managing money is often a challenge.

​

Now, I'm starting to shop for a new lady friend (preferably another country girl) and planning to use the same approach. How might it be improved? ​Your thoughtful comments and critique, please.

​

[SoiBiker]

A refreshingly honest approach. It seems that many relationships here have a transactional basis. Quite sensible to be open and realistic about this.

[Dmaxdan]

I don't pay my wife anything. I was introduced to her by another Thai lady who is a friend of mine (not a girlfriend) in the UK. Her advice to me was do not give her money, for example like a salary. She told me that if a problem arises then by all means help her out. But to pay her money just for the sake of it is wrong, and just sends out the wrong messages. 10 years on, we are still going strong.

[NickJ]

My Gf works and has her own money. I prefer it that way. The salary thing would make me feel like Im paying her to be with me. Thai guys dont pay salaries .

[inzman]

Thankfully, my wife is with me because she loves me. I didn't hire a hooker.

[colinneil]

Give the wife money!!!! no way her salary is bigger than my pension.

[Gutenberg]

(not sexy massage)

Yeah, right.

[p_brownstone]

A refreshingly honest approach. It seems that many relationships here have a transactional basis. Quite sensible to be open and realistic about this.

Surely the term "refreshingly honest" implies a new and innovative approach to a situation?

The OP's Post offers neither; it's simply a rather clumsy attempt to disguise the long used Thai system of "Mia Noi", or more specifically in this case "Mia Chao", a much lower category of sexual servitude (without the usually significant aspect of respect for the individual conferred by the "status" of "Mia Noi").

Patrick

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[thai3]

My Gf works and has her own money. I prefer it that way. The salary thing would make me feel like Im paying her to be with me. Thai guys dont pay salaries .

No, many hand over all their wages, don't you know any. I give the mrs 20 baht a day, but intend to put this up to 10k a month next year and she can pay for all her stuff out of that. She does work p/t but barely earns a minimum wage these days. Any bad behavior will result in deductions.

[Gutenberg]

Thankfully, my wife is with me because she loves me. I didn't hire a hooker.

Well, in conservative German families it is kind of normal to give the woman allowance money to keep up with the needs and the budget of the household. Seems to be normal way of doing things and best way of budgeting.

Of course this concept sounds alien to some people for different reasons.

[rgs2001uk]

My Gf works and has her own money. I prefer it that way. The salary thing would make me feel like Im paying her to be with me. Thai guys dont pay salaries .

No, many hand over all their wages, don't you know any. I give the mrs 20 baht a day, but intend to put this up to 10k a month next year and she can pay for all her stuff out of that. She does work p/t but barely earns a minimum wage these days. Any bad behavior will result in deductions.

I know of relationships where the Thai girl supports the Thai man.

Its not unheard of for the girl to shower the man with, gold, motorcyles, watches or in some cases cars.

[Kaalle]

We split the bills.

Im the kind of person who would pay money to be left alone. Will never grasp the concept of paying for company, unless its a prostitute for a couple of hours.

[thai3]

My Gf works and has her own money. I prefer it that way. The salary thing would make me feel like Im paying her to be with me. Thai guys dont pay salaries .

No, many hand over all their wages, don't you know any. I give the mrs 20 baht a day, but intend to put this up to 10k a month next year and she can pay for all her stuff out of that. She does work p/t but barely earns a minimum wage these days. Any bad behavior will result in deductions.

I know of relationships where the Thai girl supports the Thai man.

Its not unheard of for the girl to shower the man with, gold, motorcyles, watches or in some cases cars.

I know some singers like that, never seems to last long though

[Agent Sumo]

A woman taking a regular weekly/monthly salary in return for her company is a prostitute on retainer and, as such, not worthy of the description, "girlfriend"

[BritManToo]

I pay them 1,000bht a night.

[BritManToo]

My Gf works and has her own money. I prefer it that way. The salary thing would make me feel like Im paying her to be with me. Thai guys dont pay salaries .

Quite a lot do, in fact a guy I used to hang out with (IT support for international hotel chain) would hand his entire salary over every pay day.

She would give him 300bht back for a night out with the boys. Then we would all head out to the local naughty Thai bar for an evening of beer, food, and naughtiness.

My next door neighbor (retired teacher) hands his wife 10k of his pension (most of it) every month.

Edited April 18, 2016 by BritManToo

[luk AJ]

16 years happily together, I pay monthly allowance with pleasure. Financially it doesn't hurt me a bit. Call it what you want, but in our case it clearly works.

[sipi]

The concept of a "housekeeping allowance" goes back centuries. Google it.

Anyway, I am the sole income earner and pay for everything. The Mrs doesn't get paid an allowance, however I give her cash (or she helps herself), and she has her own bank accounts.

Let's get one thing straight here, our partners deserve to have their own money.

[pgrahmm]

I guess that depends on how you look at it.....

When single I had a household budget of xxxxx .......Once married my wife took over the household budget an it is the exact same amount I held myself to.....Undoubtedly she shops smarter than I did & I ate out more when on my own which costs more....

She's never asked for a baht more & keeps a detailed log book of where every baht goes which she reconciles every month end.....I never requested that she keep track - it's just something she's always done.....

If I have a question about something we bought 2 years ago she can find and have the receipt quickly.....

If your wife is your partner - keep her that way....Don't hold the purse strings so she has to ask for every little thing - builds unhealthy resentments - both ways.....

So - in a manner of speaking yes I do.....But as a normal part of a healthy partnership/relationship....

Might not work for some - but I'm happy with it....

Edited April 18, 2016 by pgrahmm

[BookMan]

If she is working and you are paying all bills and living expenses, why pay more on top of that?

[augustwest]

My wife pays all the bills except True TV and wi-fi. Buys most of the food inc. beer and ciggies. I bought house and gave her a car and all is great

[thaiduncankk]

Thankfully, my wife is with me because she loves me. I didn't hire a hooker.

Well, in conservative German families it is kind of normal to give the woman allowance money to keep up with the needs and the budget of the household. Seems to be normal way of doing things and best way of budgeting.

Of course this concept sounds alien to some people for different reasons.

In the UK that is called 'housekeeping money', and it is usually just enough to cover the running costs of the house.

A 'salary' is completely different, and in most cases, if it is not provided every month, the female will move on.

They say 'you can't beat true love'.

[Don Mega]

my missus does not work.

On the first of every month I transfer to her account 80k. From this she pays all the household bills (rent/electric/water/internet/cable tv etc etc) and makes sure there is always fresh bread, milk, beer in the fridge and ciggies in my office and covers any other miscellaneous expenditure (this month we had all the AC's serviced).

What ever is not spent is hers.

Edited April 18, 2016 by Don Mega

[AZBill]

Don't need to. My wife has a job and earns her own money. and contributes to the household income. I will say that I did give my western first wife a very healthy allowance as she did not work, but it was never enough for her and I finally had it with her and her selfishness. I never understood this whole money issue being a Thai thing. If you marry a poor girl from anywhere you better know her family may need help and why would you have a problem with that if you're a real man? My mother came from a poor working class family and my father who became successful helped my mother's family for years as they struggled. Why wouldn't you? If you can't afford it or don't care enough to do so then don't get involved. It's your choice to make so don't bitch if you choose a poor farm girl as your wife. You're not buying a pet for Christ sake!

Edited April 18, 2016 by AZBill

[i claudius]

No I do not pay my wife to be with me, you pay a hooker or someone who works for you, anyway she has a good job and earns white a good salery

[villagefarang]

The prudes really come out of the woodwork with this kind of topic. There is more than one kind of relationship and the OP is only talking about a temporary girlfriend experience which is also easy to extricate yourself from. It is clearly not a marriage and not as clinical as a short-time.

Just work out something which satisfies both parties but leave room for a few extras for motivation. Getting what you have been promised is not motivational but getting something extra is.

[Fabricus]

A woman taking a regular weekly/monthly salary in return for her company is a prostitute on retainer and, as such, not worthy of the description, "girlfriend"

A wife sitting at home doing nothing when she's capable of maintaining an honest job is pretty much the same.

[Nowisee]

This is an interesting topic.

Could you substitute the 'salary' for 'rent'?

So many thought provoking comments, ideas and questions.

Edited April 18, 2016 by Nowisee

[SoiBiker]

I guess you can call it a salary, a stipend, an allowance, housekeeping, rent, pocket money, or anything else you like. But if her having sex with you is dependent on the money changing hands, it all amounts to the same thing.

[BritManToo]

I guess you can call it a salary, a stipend, an allowance, housekeeping, rent, pocket money, or anything else you like. But if her having sex with you is dependent on the money changing hands, it all amounts to the same thing.

It's a dead certainty, if they stop giving the women money, the women will stop having sex with them.