Do you love your wife ?

[crankshaft]

to the OP.....NEXT....

[georgemandm]

No matter how much a Thai wife tells you she loves you, you'll always be last in the 'pecking order' when choosing between you and her family. Been there, done it and got the T shirt. I sympathise with the OP.

I agree with you 1 mill%

[JHolmesJr]

"If you love me, you take care my family"

"LOL….if you lub me, you not ask me to take care your useless family"

[crazydrummerpauly]

White Christmas 13...I feel for you! My former Thai wife and I were married for nearly 19 years after I brought her to the US. I worked hard during that time and amassed a handsome amount of retirement resources to last us the rest of our lives, and it was our plan to return to Thailand to live out our dream. Then, lo and behold I got the "I want to be free again" lecture. She left divorce papers on the kitchen counter while I was at work and 6 months later we met in court and she got half of our marital assets, and within one year was married again to a fairly wealthy younger man. I later discovered she has been having an affair with him for some time while we were still married.

The long and short of it is that things aren't always as they seem. After I moved to Thailand on my own and remarried, I came across the following paragraph on a forum in Udon Thani, and this one excerpt did wonders for me so far as understanding what happened to my marriage. Perhaps it will help you and others as well, so here it it:

"I know of oh so many wives who genuinely love their man, but feel neglected as a person and lack mutual trust in their relationship. The guys are either unaware or simply do not care. Often with the attitude that "I'm providing, so everything is fine". Nah, brah. It's not. Thai women have an amazing ability to "o-tone" (endure) without displaying the slightest hint that is what they are doing. Even if asked directly, they will deny it rather than open up about how they really feel or talk about what bothers them. There is a term in psychology for the behavior, and it is referred to as "passive-aggressive. It is the behavior where feelings are suppressed, but the person is maintaining a checklist of things they do not like. Anyway, It is my opinion that most Thai women exhibit that behavior. At some point, they may snap and all hell breaks loose because of all those accumulated checkmarks. Recall those sensational stories about what Thai wives do....anything from taking everything and leaving him to hiring a hitman".

Hope i'm not tempting fate here, but in my opinion many if not most farang males are not really up to the challenging 'job' of being an effective partner to a Thai female. It is a tough role with many aspects, and above all if there is not a good-level shared language, most such relationships are doomed from the start. The 100% central requirement of any relationship anywhere is COMMUNICATION. The relationships that do succeed are usually between extrovert, even noisy types, who are always expressing feelings and worries and throwing ideas back and forth - any sulky silences on either side are a bad sign for the future. 'Passive-aggressive' behaviour is of this type of introverted and dangerous lack of sharing problems openly and working them through.

Real sympathy for the OP - hope you hold up through it all - i'm sure many of us on here are thinking : There but for the grace of [insert favourite deity] go i.

[Straight8]

Sounds like a stubborn and selfish woman....tough break.

Why cant she go over to be with parents but still stay married....then you pop over for conjugal visits.

Excuses, Excuses.... The Op should (and most men for that matter) know that its not the parents or maybe his fault or anything else not relating to her. It's the mere fact she does not love him and simply wants to be free (from him) to do whatever she please. Did she achieve her goal and now job well done?? We'll never know, but that's how most are, use and grab as much as they can and move on.

Of course we will never know exactly from a few line from the OP, but let's be honest about this. How many Thai women that marry farang men or are in a "serious" relationship, actually do it out of true love ??? Meaning take money out of the equations. My guess is less than 10%, emphasis on "less".

OP, sorry to hear about your marriage, seems even after you've been shafted, you still love her and want to keep the marriage alive but the harder you try the further she will move.

[crazydrummerpauly]

These events never come out of the blue.

The OP did not mention children. This has been the primary reason why my one and only marriage and subsequent relationships came to an end. I did not want kids and all the women did. And it doesn't help when their siblings and friends of the same age have little babies.

I would guess that after 14 years marriage she is 40 to 45 and the desire to give her life some purpose by bringing up kids is becoming overwhelming. Just a guess.

Relate to this 100%. Kids are a massive issue anywhere in the world, and in Asian cultures generally maybe even more so. And it is not always cultural - i have seen women friends back home in floods of tears as their 30s move towards their 40s and they are childless - a lot of that is universally felt across cultures, whether it can be called biological or hormonal or whatever...Truthfully, if my partner wanted to leave me to have a chance to have kids, i would support her, it is that important for women at a certain stage. [Which is not saying i would be fine with it!.]

Edited April 30, 2016 by crazydrummerpauly

[Straight8]

No matter how much a Thai wife tells you she loves you, you'll always be last in the 'pecking order' when choosing between you and her family. Been there, done it and got the T shirt. I sympathise with the OP.

I agree with you 1 mill%

Again, only if you allow it to happen.

[augustwest]

Good reason for a Mia Noi. Easy to forget one when in the arms of another

[slipperylobster]

love mine.

but lets face it....things could go awry.

make sure you have resources left....do everything in your power to retain what you earned.

You might feel like rewarding her for her "many" years with you....as I did to my first wife. It took me 20 years to recover, and I will probably never enjoy the life style I used to have.

Divorced men with alimony seldom find another wife (who is wealthy enough to make up for the loss)...but the divorced wives always end up on facebook with new homes and cars.

protection mode now....make it your priority...take the slap in the face....and look forward.

[laolover88]

Yes I love my wife; and I think she does love me. I can't see any presently obvious signs of imminent disaster. I am however old enough not to take appearances for granted. I do feel great sympathy for the OP. The thing that very much interests me is this "freedom" fantasy. I have been round this a few times. The rational articulation, I believe, is; Yes, of course you are free BUT when you have children and you choose to marry someone that "freedom" becomes constrained by some responsibilities. I do get the feeling that Thais treat those responsibilities like paper underwear. You shove your children off to live with granny. Granny, of course, has already shoved you off to earn money to support the children. Husbands and boyfriends seem equally disposable. What is also odd is that the desire to be "free" is also accompanied by a desire to control everyone and everything else. I have had the peculiar conversation which goes: Me: Well I want to be free too. She: You not free because you have to look after me and the children! Me: Well don't you have those responsibilities too? She:Yes. But I not feel free!....If that conversation went on it would in times past end with She: Farang talk too much. Shut Up.

[BritManToo]

You love her, she loves your wallet.

A match made in heaven.

[mihalis]

reading between the lines it sound like she done with you, the parents thing is just an excuse ..............that's life. most of these girls here in Thailand tolerate there husbands for a better life. they always come out of a marriage with more than they went in with its a win win for them.

Most of these girls here in Thailand.. Ahahaha what a reply.... So divorce never happens elsewhere, gold diggers are only Thai ! Ahahaha most blokes Iv met over the years are divorced from farang partners takin them to the cleaners.. Ahahaha your so funny !!

[allanos]

Reading between the lines, OP, it is my belief that your wife is trying to let you down gently and hurt you

as little as possible. Looking after her aged parents, as praiseworthy as it is, does not sound like the

real reason for her wanting to leave. Will she be able to take care of them without your money, in future?

I suspect there are deeper reasons; chercher l'homme, peut-etre? The pua noi?

If your 14 years together were happy and content, then think fondly of them and try to be philosophical

in your outlook.

No question but that you have to grit your teeth and move on with your life, now.

[Jing Joe]

Will she be able to take care of them without your money, in future?

I suspect there are deeper reasons; [i[/i] The pua noi?

Exactly Allanos. Money, cursed money money. Mine wanted to see the recent Aus TV documentary about Rose Porteous http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/celebrity/ls-celebrity-news/rose-porteous-confirms-she-didnt-kill-lang-hancock-in-colourful-final-interview-20160418-go9dwt.html

Rose basically a Filipino, became extremely wealthy after a three week courtship by marrying Australia's then- richest mining magnate. My wife after agreeing she seemed not a nice person, asked me how come she was so lucky to get all that money? I felt a warning kick in the guts about that question.

Back to your thought Allanos; If its not going to be his money that takes care of her parents, there is someone already lined up. No astute Thai lady burns her financial bridges behind her.

Edited April 30, 2016 by Jing Joe

[bazza40]

OP - move on, and protect your assets.

Relationships with a Thai are not love, irrespective of what they say. They are a trade of Thai pragmaticism for Western romanticism and money.

A Thai woman may be very faithful as long as the financial support continues. However, if the money runs out or she finds a better supply, all bets are off.

[Jeddah Jo]

Once the love, trust and commitment end often times it can become every man for himself.

You need to do everything in your power to protect yourself, your heart, your emotional well being and sadly in this day and age your finances.

Stay strong and try and move on with your life as quickly as possible.

[mesterm]

"If you love me, you take care my family"

"LOL….if you lub me, you not ask me to take care your useless family"

"Why you say my family useless!? You useless because you cannot give me money for help my father mother! You go die! Pai loei!"

[White Christmas13]

Thank you for all your comments and excuse me not to answer every comment separately

I just like to point out a few things

Yes I am older then she is but I am sure she has nobody else ( she does not like sex at all )

Yes I can read her e-mails (she does not know)

Yes she is on Facebook and Line but I know her password too

There is nothing to suggest she is talking to some one else and yes she is the only one

in the family who cares about her parents nobody else does, it has got nothing to do with money

I guess, she says she will still support me even if we are not together anymore, that means

financial support

Now I had to fill in a form for Centerlink to prove that we are separated ( still living under the same roof)

So she defiantly want's a divorce you can only get if you separated for 2 years in WA

The problem I am having now is .....

Having lost my business over here, no more superannuation, no house anymore, just renting now

I can survive but my life is going to be hell a few more years I might be going in to a nursing home

( well I can forget about that one since you have to have a deposit of about $20.000 )

hard to save up on a pension and yes my nephew lives with us but obviously he sticks with

his auntie even so he gets abused verbally by her as well

But that is all I guess I just have to talk some times

[Top man]

I'm not even going to read the other posts, I have come straight to ! Reply ! To me you sound like you have just come in from a bar, for which I have no problem with problem with, but to put a post on here saying she tells all her friends etc etc. But you are now on tv.saying you don't know what to do, I'll tell you this my friend, man up and look to see what really happened in you're relationship for her to go back to her home. This is my opinion, if she really loved you, like many thai wife's her do love their farlang husband's, she would not even think about it. Sorry but true.

[sipi]

Thank you for all your comments and excuse me not to answer every comment separately

I just like to point out a few things

Yes I am older then she is but I am sure she has nobody else ( she does not like sex at all )

Yes I can read her e-mails (she does not know)

Yes she is on Facebook and Line but I know her password too

There is nothing to suggest she is talking to some one else and yes she is the only one

in the family who cares about her parents nobody else does, it has got nothing to do with money

I guess, she says she will still support me even if we are not together anymore, that means

financial support

Now I had to fill in a form for Centerlink to prove that we are separated ( still living under the same roof)

So she defiantly want's a divorce you can only get if you separated for 2 years in WA

The problem I am having now is .....

Having lost my business over here, no more superannuation, no house anymore, just renting now

I can survive but my life is going to be hell a few more years I might be going in to a nursing home

( well I can forget about that one since you have to have a deposit of about $20.000 )

hard to save up on a pension and yes my nephew lives with us but obviously he sticks with

his auntie even so he gets abused verbally by her as well

But that is all I guess I just have to talk some times

OP who the hell has she been talking to and associating with?

My experience in Australia is that a Thai wife doesn't just decide to leave her husband of 14 years unless some old Thai farm hen has been chirping in her ear.

[facthailand]

It has been my observation of Thais overseas that not a single one would not prefer to be living in Thailand. Every one of my Thailand students tells me "can't wait to get out of Thailand" (esp in our present circumstances). But they'll find life here is more forgiving.

In fact, I think most TVers prefer to live here. Not to be misogynist but living 'over there' changes Thais, and not for the better.

[BritManToo]

The problem I am having now is .....

Having lost my business over here, no more superannuation, no house anymore, just renting now

That's why she wants a divorce.

She was with you for the money, and now it's gone, so is she.

[White Christmas13]

Well I make an exception to reply just to you, it sounds like you just came back

from a bar I have not been in a bar since I got married and that was 13 years ago

it sounds like you still on your bar stool now, don't answer any of my topics

or I will take you of my list now

[sipi]

The problem I am having now is .....

Having lost my business over here, no more superannuation, no house anymore, just renting now

That's why she wants a divorce.

She was with you for the money, and now it's gone, so is she.

Wrong. The carers pension is quite generous for younger Thais caring for their older husbands. Far more than she will make in a Thai village. I believe around $500 (15000bt) a week, plus allowances.

[White Christmas13]

Can't I make myself understand

My wife is not after any money she is going to pay me to survive OMG

I just waste my time with all the ,,,,holes

[BritManToo]

Well I make an exception to reply just to you, it sounds like you just came back

from a bar I have not been in a bar since I got married and that was 13 years ago

it sounds like you still on your bar stool now, don't answer any of my topics

or I will take you of my list now

Got back from the bar last night at 12:30, was sitting with a 28 year old hooker from Buriram who weighed 42Kg, less than 1/2 my age and weight.

I had a great time, thanks. Was sitting on the sofa in my living room when I posted today.

Thailand isn't a place to look for a wife, it's a place to hang out in bars with hookers.

Edited April 30, 2016 by BritManToo

[White Christmas13]

Well maybe your 42 kg was a great time good on you but we are talking

serious matters troll where ever you want but not here

[BritManToo]

Well maybe your 42 kg was a great time good on you but we are talking

serious matters troll where ever you want but not here

You don't post serious matters in 'Farang Pub' section of TV, it's for 'fun and entertainment' posts (it says at the top).

Maybe you should ask a mod to move your topic to the 'Family' section if you don't want frivolous posts.

I did give 2 serious and exacting replies which appear to everyone to be completely accurate.

You ran out of money and she's made an excuse to leave you. Completely predictable.

She isn't leaving to look after mum and dad, she's leaving because you're broke.

You didn't say how much older that you she is, I'm thinking you're the same age as mum and dad?

Edited April 30, 2016 by BritManToo

[Fabricus]

OP - move on, and protect your assets.

Relationships with a Thai are not love, irrespective of what they say. They are a trade of Thai pragmaticism for Western romanticism and money.

A Thai woman may be very faithful as long as the financial support continues. However, if the money runs out or she finds a better supply, all bets are off.

Not always.

A lot of Thai women love their Thai husbands, especially if it's their first marriage and the age difference isn't too big.

You can occasionally find something approaching love between younger Thai girls and their farang husbands of a similar age.

In terms of marriages between westerners and divorced Thai women or Thai girls ten or more years younger than the man, you can safely forget about love. They're only after your cash.

====

@OP: Sorry to hear about your troubles. Most of us have been through divorce. It's kinda tough, but hopefully you'll find most of your friends are very supportive. Good luck.

[White Christmas13]

I'm not even going to read the other posts, I have come straight to ! Reply ! To me you sound like you have just come in from a bar, for which I have no problem with problem with, but to put a post on here saying she tells all her friends etc etc. But you are now on tv.saying you don't know what to do, I'll tell you this my friend, man up and look to see what really happened in you're relationship for her to go back to her home. This is my opinion, if she really loved you, like many thai wife's her do love their farlang husband's, she would not even think about it. Sorry but true.

Sorry just deleted you

You can't even spell farang go back under the rock if you have one

Edited April 30, 2016 by White Christmas13