Five Levels Of Hangovers

[Rdrokit]

Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relativelywell.

However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way.

For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss.

You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.

The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is

still tossing around the giant burrito from the 3:00 AM Mexican taco place adventure.

There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.

Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the

flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.

Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing.

You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already

lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore

nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.

For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.

Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.

Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day

brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who

sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in

an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to

generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the

hel_l the stranger was passed out on your bed this morning.

Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid

with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash

the toilet water all over your ass.

Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;

Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2.) Nope, no more booze for me.

3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

[Jai Dee]

More things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...

a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

Nope, no more booze for me.

c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

d) No kebab for me, thank you.

e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

f) I'm not interested in fighting you.

g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.

i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

k) Look, it would be great to have a shag but I hardly know you and we will only feel really embarrassed and awkward in the morning.

l) That guy is looking at my girlfriend but I am sure its just because he knows her or something.

m) That chair looks wobbly and dangerous and I certainly wouldn't try balancing on it with this short skirt on in case I fell off.

n) I must get to my bed as I could never have a really good sleep in that hedge.

o) I really believe in prohibition.

p) I honestly don't think the rest of the city centre wants to see my bare ass.

q) No..you are not my bestest mate in the whole world. I've only known you for a few hours.

r) I'm sure those young women are extremely intelligent and have wonderful personalities.

s) Im sure my feet would be damaged for life if I take my shoes off and walk all the way home.

t) A creamy cocktail followed by 4 shots of tequila...?.surely that would be no good for my insides.

u) Me? go for a pee in the mens room because the ladies queue is too long?

I don't think so.

v) I`ll just have a big glass of water before I go to bed so I don't have a hangover in the morning.

[In the Rai!]

Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relativelywell.

However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way.

For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss.

You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.

The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is

still tossing around the giant burrito from the 3:00 AM Mexican taco place adventure.

There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.

Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the

flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.

Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing.

You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already

lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore

nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.

For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.

Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.

Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day

brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who

sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in

an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to

generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the

hel_l the stranger was passed out on your bed this morning.

Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid

with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash

the toilet water all over your ass.

Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder;

Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :

1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2.) Nope, no more booze for me.

3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.

5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.

Very good

[GracelessFawn]

What's a hang-over like?

I've finished a bottle of whiskey with a broken-hearted before.......... and I've drank all night long before.................... but,,,,,,,,,,,,, never get those!

What's a hang-over really like?

[Pink Mist]

then you can move on to the Yorkie level of hangover prevention, stay perpetually drunk

[farangsay]

What's a hang-over like?

I've finished a bottle of whiskey with a broken-hearted before.......... and I've drank all night long before.................... but,,,,,,,,,,,,, never get those!

What's a hang-over really like?

Could say you haven't lived.

But more accurate would be to say you haven't died.

An experience , believe me.

[GracelessFawn]

I guess, I gotta up the dosage! Este....... ahmmmmm....... Up - my alcohol consumption!