Thai girlfriend asks to borrow money (in US)

[bamukloy]

<yawn>

a bunch of geezers on here who probably spent their careers screwing everyone they could out of every last dime possible..

but when in Thailand, see a bit of 45kg candy and throw free money at them!

Come on! This ones doing a runner and will probably never be back to USA, so why not try it on with some mugs easy money.

I bet shes dreaming of prancing about the village in gold, being lady muck, passing out 500bahts to all and sundry on HIS dime!

[Gecko123]

WOW. You can always count on Thai Visa for a bunch of old farts to give cranky and jaded responses. It really is sad how many of you view others especially Thais considering it was YOUR choice to come here. SMH...

Posts like this are equally predictable.

The fact is that if you went on any generic forum asking the same question you would get much the same feedback that lending money is ill-advised, and caution should be exercised. Western culture has a fairly strong bias against lending money, e.g.:

'Neither a borrower nor a lender be'

- William Shakespeare

I love and respect Thai people, but the truth is that for whatever reasons, whether cultural or socio-economic, some Thais have a spotty track record for repaying borrowed money, and to pretend otherwise would be foolhardy.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Gecko123

[Aussieroaming]

Depends on the person and how much you really trust them. I asked my wife to hold onto $5 000 in cash before we were married because i didn't want to carry it to work, as i was flying into another country and I didn't want to carry that much cash around with me. It was all waiting for me when i got back. Then again she had never once ever asked me for any money for anything.

If you know her and really trust her you wouldn't be asking for advise.

Good luck.

[rogeroc]

You cannot 'really trust' anyone.

[Aussie69]

"Private Dancer"

[dlm5star]

I'd agree with a couple of things here...mainly it really does depend on the person.

You "know" her, we Don't. End of.

Trust your gut instinct.

I will say one thing, don't ever believe any tears they shed, No matter how dramatic. ...in the past 5 years, I've had so many girls turn the old water works on for various trivial stuff...most of which I know for a fact they were complete b.s.

definately something they can Quite literally do on demand.

IMO

[Exstendo]

As long as its not

Buffalo sick or my mum sickor i dont want to go with man give me 20000 baht.

[Bender]

all the dozens of thousands people who were scammed on internet, got the same story than you....

Edited May 23, 2016 by Bender

[rogeroc]

Just remember when we need to be we are all brilliant liars, and women are even better trained in this art than men.

[rogeroc]

The best way you can make the right decision in this case is to ignore all the emotions involved (on both sides) and literally just base your decision on the facts that you have. As others have said you must be specific in her telling you what the money is for and you must then check that out. Make the decision on the facts you have and not the emotions !

The Posts that tell you do not spend more than you can afford to lose are in my opinion ridiculous ! Don't spend a penny unless all the facts (not emotions !!!) and circumstances tell you it is the right thing to do. Even if you can afford to lose the money surely you would not want to see her laughing at you and spending all the money on her friends.

[rogeroc]

Just to add to the above, if she wants the money it should be her that provides you with all the evidence you need. From what you say i am sure she has yet to do that.

[wooloomooloo]

pgrahmm and SoiBiker wrapped it up nicely.

We all take chances and some pay off.

[cyberfarang]

Thank you for all the input. Just as an update with info that I should have included in the original post.

She is on a 2 year work visa with her current company that is expiring at the end of the year. With the way it is set up, she would have to return to Thailand for a certain length of time before she would qualify for a renewal. Which is confirmed on the US visa program. The only way she could stay without doing so would be for her host family to sponsor her as her employer.

I am certain that I am the only one she is seeing, we have some mutual friends and I know her host family, who would let me know if anything was up.

As for money, I do not support her in any way, and as for paying for dates, we always have been 50/50. I pay for one and she pays for the next one.

When she asked to borrow the money, I just said no, I did not give her any reason. This was a few days ago. Since that, nothing in our relationship has changed, she is still the same as she has always been.

I guess I am just still confused.

I`m confused. If she is working in America as an au pair then she should be getting free accommodation, food and a wage and cannot see why there would be any problems getting an extended visa if the hosts that are actually her employers wish for her to remain with them. So somethings don`t add up. I know in England and probably the same in America if a lump sum amount of money suddenly appears in a foreigners bank account they will become suspicious and question where it came from. If they think the money is just for show purposes your girlfriend will be refused her visa extension.

It seems she wants to stay on in America and if she is youngish and reasonable looking she`ll probably find an American guy to marry to get a permanent visa or an American passport. I`ve seen this happen loads of times, they all do it.

[rogeroc]

If the girl really needs money she will have evidence to back it up. Taking a chance is probably unnecessary and in my opinion foolish. The statement 'Don't spend any more than you can afford' has both sense and stupidity in it. Don't spend anything unless it is really necessary or desirable for you to do so is more appropriate.

[Colabamumbai]

The people she works for as an 'au pair" should get her the visa extension. It should have nothing to do with her having money in the bank.

She got along fine enough before she met you.

[thailand49]

Let me get this right. She is currently living in the U.S.? sponsor by a family? Where are you?

Something doesn't smell right? You need to do some research about U.S. Immigration by going online or making a call to a office..

They say Love is Blind.. so the quick and easy thing to do is give her the money to put in the Bank so she can continue to do what she is doing in the U.S., without going back to your original post to check. Once she gets the Visa is the money going to be return? In the end, regardless whether she is your girlfriend or not " nothing comes free " so if the money isn't return many of your doubts will be answer and then consider this a cheap learning experience.

[Tatsujin]

Only you (OP) know the girl in any real sense, and not ALL Thai girls are out to rip people off.

If she's there trying to improve her position in life, and all has gone well with you both so far, and "if" you can afford to lose the cash if anything does go awry, I don't see the problem in helping her out.

There has to be some real level of trust in a relationship, and if at this point in the relationship you still don't feel you can trust her, I don't see that changing anytime soon unless you take a chance and give her a chance to prove the naysayers wrong.

Simple rule in life ... never "loan" more than you can afford to lose.

[Katipo]

Can't you act as her sponsor?

[mihalis]

Any visa issues would be sorted by host family.. Wouldn't they..

[al007]

All depends

Bad stories make good reading

Can you afford to loose it, without it hurting

If yes maybe lend her the money, if she runs off or away with it at least you know to no longer trust her, and maybe far cheaper in the long run

I am married eight years old man young woman! ! and so far no problems on money or trust

[puukao]

will giving her money make her happy? YES.

will it make you feel good to make her happy? YES

maybe karma will increase to a great level...

of course, there is the negative side. BUT maybe start small, really small, and see how it works. will she really keep bothering you for more? if not enough, will she get mad? when you ask for repayment, will she actually give you any money? maybe pyramid scheme with other farangs...

my gut says 100% or 0%.....no money until you really, really, really want to marry her....then share money for all eternity.

i do have to laugh when i type that.....this is Thailand!!!! and this is TV!!!!

[mesquite]

Sorry if this has been mentioned already...her employer should handle ALL of her visa issues.

Save your money.

[little mary sunshine]

Run Forest Run!!!

[dotpoom]

" I love this girl, but I am not sure if she is trying to scam me, if it is just a cultural difference, or if she is legitimately in need of help. What do you guys think?"

I'm trying to get the connection between her asking you for money and her "culture"? People from every culture, from all over the world, ask other people for loans of money.

​ Nobody can tell you if she is legitimately in need of it, except herself. The question is "do you trust her" and only you can answer that

For me,... You say you love her....my understanding of love for another person means I would "lend (or give) her the money with no strings attached....doesn't matter whether she is scamming me or not. Maybe you should ask yourself if you really love her or what your own understanding of "love" is.

Would you deserved to be loved in return by her if she knew you were making this post about her and the fact that she asked you for money?

[Jonathon]

Probably has gambling debts. If she has Thai friends over there then "probably" becomes "certainly".

[ChrisKC]

Check everything about this situation. You can offer to take care of her on a monthly basis but handing out capital sums is not something I would be keen to do with a six-month old relationship.

In Thailand on a retirement extension requires a guarantee of around $25,000 by Immigration. This not a "few" thousand. In a Western Country that amount would need to be more, I think.

In this forum, we can make you aware of the dangers but we don't know you or your g/f or your exact circumstances and ultimately you will have to live by the decisions you make, whether from your gut or assessing the situation very carefully.

[chicowoodduck]

Scam, scam, scam....she is from Lieland after all.....?

Your best response? Tell her if you do not give her the money she will be mad, if you give her the money and she does not give it back to you, you will be mad......better to have her mad than you! End of story....???

[thaiduncankk]

Thank you for all the input. Just as an update with info that I should have included in the original post.

She is on a 2 year work visa with her current company that is expiring at the end of the year. With the way it is set up, she would have to return to Thailand for a certain length of time before she would qualify for a renewal. Which is confirmed on the US visa program. The only way she could stay without doing so would be for her host family to sponsor her as her employer.

I am certain that I am the only one she is seeing, we have some mutual friends and I know her host family, who would let me know if anything was up.

As for money, I do not support her in any way, and as for paying for dates, we always have been 50/50. I pay for one and she pays for the next one.

When she asked to borrow the money, I just said no, I did not give her any reason. This was a few days ago. Since that, nothing in our relationship has changed, she is still the same as she has always been.

I guess I am just still confused.

'You know the host family, who would let you know if anything was up.'

Do they check all her social media accounts ?

[kkup]

Could be legit. Ring immigration, do some homework on the figures required, check her Visa paperwork and make sure she puts in the amount you lend her. Also ask for access to her account, make it a joint account where you both have to sign and cancel the card access.

Not all Thai chicks are after your money. Unless your 20+ years her senior.

[F4UCorsair]

This would be my solution.

Put DOUBLE the amount she wants in a joint account with 'both to operate', meaning both signatures are required, no ATM card/s. Double because she can then legitimately claim that half is hers if the authorities need/want to know.

It would be easy enough for her to withdraw money in her own name whilst you're at work and be on a flight west before you knew what was happening, or she could be helping out other Thais, either in the US or back in Thailand.

At the very least, I'd be researching with your Immigration Dept what the requirements are. If lodging an amount inconsistent with what she's asking is a requirement, you know what you have to do........no loan and heave ho!

It would be too risky for me to entertain.

Edited May 24, 2016 by F4UCorsair