Marrying A Thai

[Snark]

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[GuestHouse]

I would go one step further.

My wife is Thai and we have what I regard as an extremely strong and healthy relationship. On the surface this might seem to be because we share middleclass backgrounds and are both educated to similar levels.

But that would be to deny another major factor, we both have very strong family ties.

My wife has been accepted into my family and receives all the family support that they can give. This enables her to fit in and feel there are common bonds between our outlooks.

I agree with what the OP says but I also disagree that 'family bonds' are not relavent in western relationships, they are extremely important in some families and I think a Thai will recognise these bonds and fit well with them.

Yes I married her family, but she married mine too.

[Simbo]

It is up to the farang to convince the Thai, before marrying, that he is not responsible for all her families ills or requirements. This marry a Thai, marry the family is bullshit. It doesn't happen amongst themselves as much as they try to make out. These Thai women who say they are all for the family, some never get to see them, even the kids don't know their mothers when they do go home.

Give one good reason why one should take care of their families, other than their kids. Not just that we are faramgs and lucky to have them.

They say 80% of Thai/farang marriages fail, but not before they have bled you dry, I'll bet.

[wamberal]

I agree that any farang marrying into a Thai family needs to take a reality check. But I gather, from my own experience in Thailand, that this also applies to Thais marrying each other. I worked some years ago in a large public corporation, and got to know quite a few well educated middle class Thai girls. Most of them, of course, were actually ethnic Chinese, an additional nuance which needs to be considered. Several of them had great problems with their mothers-in-law after marriage. Several of them refused to marry, because of potential in-law problems, and because they would not accept the Thai double-standard (it's okay for the husband to have minor wives, visit massage parlours, etc). For working class families (namely ethnic Thais), the daughters are expected to bring home the monetary bacon. A working-class Thai girl who marries a farang would be doing so wholly or partly for economic reasons. But I don't have a particular problem with that, as long as both parties have a common understanding of their roles and financial responsibilities before committing to marriage. And I must caution against too much cynicism. I have married a girl who is Thai/Chinese. She is a wonderful wife and companion, and we have been together for 6 years. Yes, I have helped her family a bit, and I knew I would be before we married. Fortunately I can afford to help, and they are also really nice people. I wonder whether there are any pre-marital counselling services for farang/Thai couples? If not, there really should be!!!

[pnustedt]

You do not marry a Thai. Your marry a family.

That's certainly the situation in my case - and I'm relaxed about it. We live as a family and share whatever we have - they only have love. They are uneducated rice farmers.

I think that if I did not want anything to do with her family there would be considerable strains on the marriage (the wife says not tho).

[Snark]

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[Pink Mist]

I would add, regarding, marry a Thai, marry the family.

Think social security, retirement, and old age. Marrying the family is the cultural form of social security, handed down for Millennia. For the vast majority of people around the world and especially in S.E. Asia, your children are your social security. Denial of family obligations makes a person an outcast and pariah.

For those farangs who can relate to the extreme family ties and oibligations, they almost invariably have a much easier time adjusting to a Thai marriage and know exactly what I am referring to.

I think it's a great idea, cultural social security, my step son is a lawyer.

[Goat Roper]

You do not marry a Thai. Your marry a family.

That's certainly the situation in my case - and I'm relaxed about it. We live as a family and share whatever we have - they only have love. They are uneducated rice farmers.

I think that if I did not want anything to do with her family there would be considerable strains on the marriage (the wife says not tho).

Yes indeed for the most part one does marry a family when marrying a Thai girl, I am happy to say in my case my Thai/Chinese wife's family do not need help from me and my wife treats me like royalty, but I have seen time and time again where a Farang marries a Thai girl of Thai/Chinese and gets blindsided by her family, as we sit here now this very thing is happening to a friend of mine and of course he doesn't see what is going on(he's been in the LOS one year), yes indeed they have a walking ATM machine and I am sure they all are jumping with joy, but this is none of my business and I keep my mouth shut. Her Policeman brother(me thinks husband) is in on the bleed also, this friend of mine is a highly educated guy and I wonder why he cannot sort this out before he gets in any deeper, I guess it's that love thing. Oh well, I will continue to keep quiet and wish him happiness.

[Bluecat]

When you marry a girl, you marry her family.

Girls have usually stronger family ties than men, being in Thailand, Asia or in the western world.

The difference in Thailand is that these strong family ties often result in the farang having to participate to the welfare of the girl's family if anyway, the girl's family requires such financial help.

Considering the average income of the Thai people, this is indeed very often the case,...

I'm not very sure that, in an equivalent situation in Europe, i.e. no social security and the family of you wife is "poor", you would not be required also to help her family, if you could afford it,...

And I do not fully understand what is wrong with that,...

[Goat Roper]

When you marry a girl, you marry her family.

Girls have usually stronger family ties than men, being in Thailand, Asia or in the western world.

The difference in Thailand is that these strong family ties often result in the farang having to participate to the welfare of the girl's family if anyway, the girl's family requires such financial help.

Considering the average income of the Thai people, this is indeed very often the case,...

I'm not very sure that, in an equivalent situation in Europe, i.e. no social security and the family of you wife is "poor", you would not be required also to help her family, if you could afford it,...

And I do not fully understand what is wrong with that,...

Somehow I agree with you Blue, in my country I think if some of these same economic circumstances existed the one that has the deepest pockets would be called stingy if he didn't anti up some, like you I don't fully understand why I understand.

[tuky]

My Aussie parents have bought houses, cars and continue to make improvements on these for their in-laws.

My mothers parents are Jehovas Witnesses and have made it clear they will will the house and land over to the church or whatever they call it. My folks bought these places out of love for their parents, and parents-in-law. I have spoken with my dad about this subject and he tells me if something makes you happy, do not listen to what the rest of the world has to say about your actions, you are not being bled dry if it is your choice to help the family.

On the other hand, I think I am a lot more generous with my wifes family than she is, there have been time when I have given 3k 5k baht to immediate family members only to have my wife immediately ask for it back off them, she lets me give it to she them I have a good heart.

In truth, i am working overseas and our monthly phone bill is in excess of 30k baht every month, but as my wife says, if it is about the phone bill or food, she doesn't mind paying, but everything she else she wants to save money

[Pink Mist]

ahhh, women you cant live with em, you cant live without em.

[D80]

I also think you marry the family as well once you marry a Thai.

But, really, I don't think that is as bad as some may suggest. Yeah, it would be crap if you have to be the ATM all the time. But if they genuinely accept you as part of their family, they will help YOU as well as you them. That's the whole point of the system in the first place.

My family had provide so much support for us through hard time. We also help them emotinally. They never need financial help anyway. It just depends on the family. I don't think you can just say once you marry a TG, you have to give money to her family all the time.

[Bluecat]

I don't think you can just say once you marry a TG, you have to give money to her family all the time.

Just to her,...

[erco]

YES YES YES

A discussion with worth while answers, thankyou "snark" for leading this subject, spot on, and not the usual bitter and twisted dickheads that have gone the whole 9 yds and married a prostitute which would make there plight ten times worse. Not only are the postings direct answers to the original question but there is no name calling or question avoidance.

Even Bluecat gave an answer, although very pedictive (she always defends the Thai Women BG or not BG).

Now look at the subject The benefits of Marrying a Prostitute and see the saddo's who cannot answer as they are in denial and just insult (sticks and stones).

Perhaps there are normal people in Thailand after all.

[Bluecat]

Even Bluecat gave an answer, although very predictive (she always defends the Thai Women BG or not BG).

I sure love them all. Thank you to point that out, Erco,...

[snoophound]

Family is number one

Just about all the thai girls in my girlfriends group in sydney are sending money home.

Some dread going back home for holidays becuase of the lineup of people wanting money....in fact although most go back 2-3 times a year some go back once wiithout telling the family.

My girlfriend and I have just come back from songkraan.

Meeting the family at MBK you could just see they were only there to collect and go shopping...they all had hangovers from the two bottles of johnny w she had bought for them duty free which they gorged on the night before.

My gf says what can I do...if i dont give money my mama will die.

Her mama has 7 kids papa no work one lazy bitch young sister (22)doesnt work and the rest are in the usual thai struggle for survival

On top of family in bkk my gf has two kids she is putting thru tafe ,one 18 one 19.

She just found out her son didnt go class for 4mths last year....hanging round with bunch of no goods in chinatown...she sad and want kill herslef becasuse she work so hard to make sure everyone have good life.

Thais think anyone who lives outside of thailand is rich.

This is not the case at all most are in debt, and giving their money to casino.

Some do ok with restaurants but the ones i know are pretty much at the lowend of the wage scale here.

[Boon Mee]

Even Bluecat gave an answer, although very predictive (she always defends the Thai Women BG or not BG).

I sure love them all. Thank you to point that out, Erco,...

Bluecat~

You're Pooying? All this time thought I was replying to a guy!

[Bluecat]

Bluecat~

You're Pooying? All this time thought I was replying to a guy!

Boon Mee, what does it mean? You reply differently to a guy than to a girl?

[Boon Mee]

Bluecat~

You're Pooying?  All this time thought I was replying to a guy!

Boon Mee, what does it mean? You reply differently to a guy than to a girl?

Absolutely! I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy and I (sincerely) wouldn't want to offend some feminine sensitivities. Ching, Ching, Mai Go Hok!

[Bluecat]

Bluecat~

You're Pooying?  All this time thought I was replying to a guy!

Boon Mee, what does it mean? You reply differently to a guy than to a girl?

Absolutely! I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy and I (sincerely) wouldn't want to offend some feminine sensitivities. Ching, Ching, Mai Go Hok!

I have to say I don't consider myself old-fashioned but well, I would tend to agree with you.

So, don't worry you did not offend me,... (yet)

[lambada]

So is the moral to marry an orphan? Shame I don't want to marry and even if I did I wouldn't be able to make up my mind! Incidentally does anyone have more than one wife? Just wondering....

[Boon Mee]

So is the moral to marry an orphan? Shame I don't want to marry and even if I did I wouldn't be able to make up my mind! Incidentally does anyone have more than one wife? Just wondering....

My father-in-law has three. Or, I should say he did until he checked himself into a Buddhist Monastery about 15 years ago. Says he's a lot happier in the Wat than with all those women! True story...

[sonthaya]

Erco, if you don't have anything nice to say, why don't you just shut up

[anamore]

Blue Cat is not a woman.

I'm sure he is a man.

I see that om the way he writes and expresses himself about all kind of issues.

I like his way very much and I am never wrong when reading between the lines.

besides that he likes women and has a male sense of humor

[Boon Mee]

Blue Cat is not a woman.

I'm sure he is a man.

I see that om the way he writes and expresses himself about all kind of issues.

I like his way very much and I am never wrong when reading between the lines.

besides that he likes women and has a male sense of humor

Think you're right, anamore. Really can't figure ole Bluecat out...

[anamore]

Erco,

I don't react to other threads because I see that you are only up to stirring people.

You just want to make the fellows mad at you, but what's the point?

You should give your female side some chance of developing, I mean get a little sensitive, show some intuition.

Let go and relax: you'll became a nicer persoon to deal with and also easier for yourself.

Just socialize without al kinds of prejudices. Enjoy others and let them enjoy you .

[BlissfullyIgnorant]

Who in their right mind would come to a foreign country & marry a native without understanding an accepting the partners culture and beliefs?

If you you fall for Thai, you'd better be able to deal with Thai ways, likewise your partner has to undertsand your ways and beleifs - it's all mutual.

If marrying a Thai girl is paramount to marrying the family, well then get to know the family as well - after the ceremony it will be your family too, and you will be expected to take a role in it. If the family are rice farmers and you're not, you'd better consider what your potential role will be. If the family are lawyers and bankers and you're not, a likewise situation.

Most farungs I've met (and read) who are disgruntled by the whole marry/support the family routine simply didn't take their time - they got whipped up into a whirlwind and simply went with the flow, without a second thought for what they were doing or getting themselves into - that to me is just downright stupidity.

I have now lived with my fiance permenantly for over 2 years in the LOS, and I feel that my decision not to get married yet has been a very good one. The amount I have learnt, discovered, understood and accepted in that time has much better armed me to make a decision on a commitment, but I'm still learning.

When I think back to the first 6 months of our relationship, by comparison I knew absolutely nothing about the intracacies of the culture and the way the Thai family unit works (and sometimes doesn't work).

Take your time gents - you don't need to get married to have a great, fulfilling relationship. Cross that bridge if and when you come to it, and certainly not before you truly understand what you're getting yourself into - which can be anything from insanity to bliss.

[tuky]

I am so happy that I married my native, it was the best thing I ever did. Now we have a 4 1/2 month old mongrel that is the light of my life.

"let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

somewhere in the bible, but I good rule all the same.

erco take note.

[taxexile]

If marrying a Thai girl is paramount to marrying the family, well then get to know the family as well - after the ceremony it will be your family too, and you will be expected to take a role in it. If the family are rice farmers and you're not, you'd better consider what your potential role will be. If the family are lawyers and bankers and you're not, a likewise situation.

Most farungs I've met (and read) who are disgruntled by the whole marry/support the family routine simply didn't take their time - they got whipped up into a whirlwind and simply went with the flow, without a second thought for what they were doing or getting themselves into - that to me is just downright stupidity.

spot on.

the best way to get to know your partner is to get to know her folks.