Marriage concerns to my extended family regarding young people's marriage

[spetersen]

Hello everyone

My Sister in law (Thai) became to be a grandmother here the other day, her son (17) and the girlfriend (19)To young in my opinion give birth for there first child . I guess that both of the parents was very happy not to let anyone to know of what was going on, the little boy was given to birth at seven months of pregnancy and no one in the family had an ide of what was going on , no one could detect the pregnancy on the mom to be , everyone was chocked of the occasion. Now my question is: The parents of the girl want’s 100.000 THB from the boys parents and they demand a marriage ASAP , on top on this the grand mother of the baby boy will take care of him due to little ones parents is still in school. Is that the way It supposed to be here in Thailand , for me it looks like 1916 instead of 2016… Any input is appreciated

Regards

[MJCM]

Yeah in short that's the way the cookie crumbles.

The 100k is absolutely negotiable.

Please note, it's not a marriage in the way we (as foreigners) see marriage, it's just a village wedding and nothing official with signatures etc etc it's just a "show off" to show these 2 people are together.

Edited June 15, 2016 by MJCM

[Goldieinkathu]

A difficult situation, but not restricted to Thailand.

I think that the boy and his family should help financially although I don't think they should have to get married - what do the couple want?

[jeab1980]

Lucky that the girls parent only want 100,000. Same happen to girl here in village parents demanded 250,000 and land. Head man got involved final settlement 175,000 and 4 rai of building land. As for marriage as stated thai village wedding. I would expect in a few years when they grow up they will split in which case the husband walks away end of no look after child unless you are very lucky that's why dowries are paid. As for demanding marriage of course they have to be married remember this is a village and thailand it would be seen very badly on girls parents if they not married quickly

Edited June 15, 2016 by jeab1980

[spetersen]

I appreciate your thoughts and I agree with all of you but I think this is way out of order when the boys family don't have anything , mom is selling coffee and other drinks on the village market an dad working as a security guard for less than 500 THB a day, in my opinion this is not right. Thanks anyway for your responses an all the best regards to all of you

[jeab1980]

You are forgetting one thing you the girl family will know you are brother in law. I'm sure you know this. Wife's family will be asking her to ask you for money so they don't lose face.

[MJCM]

Spetersen. This is not Farang land in all due respect.

The parents of the boy and the parents of the girl need to get together and talk about it. it's not as simple as you say "the parents of the boy don't have any money". Unfortunately that is the way it works here. Old fashioned? Fully agree. Not to Lose face is way to important here

Good luck

Edited June 15, 2016 by MJCM

[spetersen]

What the couple want I'm not aware of but they have been together for a couple of years , but I think they are to young to decide at this point and of cource the boys parents have to contribute to the raise of the little child and they will for sure as a matter of fact the are happy but still in a chockl , but girls parens still 100000 THB for what?

[spetersen]

Yes I,m European (Swedish) , but I won,t fall in to this trap just because I,m a faring... no way , I'm helping my mother in law a little bit she is 83 and thats ok but the rest of them has to manage by there own , my wife knows that and no what so ever support to the extended family... In this case a wedding present and our appearance , which is more than plenty

Thanks for your concerns /S

[jeab1980]

What the couple want I'm not aware of but they have been together for a couple of years , but I think they are to young to decide at this point and of cource the boys parents have to contribute to the raise of the little child and they will for sure as a matter of fact the are happy but still in a chockl , but girls parens still 100000 THB for what?

dowry is for girls parents for payment for bringing there daughter up. However a lot of dowries are given straight back after ceremony but as it's a village I expect in this case it will be kept by girls parents. Money given in ceremony goes to both sets of parents if they have a separate string ceremonies. (Tieing string round wrists for happy/lucky). For girls family this usualy pays for the food and presents ect.

[kannot]

huh all "face" no one gives a hoot except face an money, welcome to 15th century living.

It takes two to Tango how about both parents get together and try and help the situation not just try and cream money!

Edited June 15, 2016 by kannot

[BEVUP]

Yep all about face & money

Story of young girl seeing boy (maybe 17 yr old) girls mother demands 20 000 after 2 mths (WoW i need to have daughter - say if young girl / or boy dumps each other) which was happening as the boy told her to get on her bike. So girls mother came round went of the dial & smashed the guitar

My wedding Got the money not much 100 000 in thousand bht notes, But they couldnt help themselves & swaped it all to 100 bht notes to make it look more

Wife said we will get back & i said i now i will i built a house prior had no intentions of MIL keeping it

[apetley]

Living in a Thai village soon lets you know this sort of thing has been going on for years, continues to go on and will carry on doing so.

In our village the kids seem to start popping them out at 13 or 14 years. No longer shocks me but just sad to see them both <deleted> up their lives.

[MJCM]

Living in a Thai village soon lets you know this sort of thing has been going on for years, continues to go on and will carry on doing so.

In our village the kids seem to start popping them out at 13 or 14 years. No longer shocks me but just sad to see them both <deleted> up their lives.

+1

Example. Ex Gf younger Sister, very very smart girl always top of her class, wanted to get a good education after M.6.

What happened before the end of the final year ? Went with the School on a Summer camp, met a boy (no good guy just a womanizer) got pregnant. Now she is at home helping her Mom and Dad with the rice harvest. Last I have heard she now has 3 kids (from 2 different Men).

[jeab1980]

Yes happens all over the world unfortunately young girls and boys loosing out on education because sex is more important to them a real shame. But once it's done it's done. I'm glad we have our family system here in Thailand , otherwise lots more children would be on serious troubles

[kannot]

Even more incredible is the easily and cheaply available contraception throughout Thailand.

A multitude of "other" options are available but religion sticks its ugly oar in once again

Edited June 16, 2016 by kannot

[MJCM]

Even more incredible is the easily and cheaply available contraception throughout Thailand.

A multitude of "other" options are available but religion sticks its ugly oar in once again

True, but when you tell them to use Condoms and even give them Money to buy them.

And after they got a Girl pregnant, you ask "Why not use Condoms? ", the answer you get is most likely going to be

"What are Condoms ? "

Ps: I Forgot to add, True Story !

Edited June 16, 2016 by MJCM

[cornishcarlos]

Yep all about face & money

Story of young girl seeing boy (maybe 17 yr old) girls mother demands 20 000 after 2 mths (WoW i need to have daughter - say if young girl / or boy dumps each other) which was happening as the boy told her to get on her bike. So girls mother came round went of the dial & smashed the guitar

My wedding Got the money not much 100 000 in thousand bht notes, But they couldnt help themselves & swaped it all to 100 bht notes to make it look more

Wife said we will get back & i said i now i will i built a house prior had no intentions of MIL keeping it

Have another drink

[BEVUP]

Yep all about face & money

Story of young girl seeing boy (maybe 17 yr old) girls mother demands 20 000 after 2 mths (WoW i need to have daughter - say if young girl / or boy dumps each other) which was happening as the boy told her to get on her bike. So girls mother came round went of the dial & smashed the guitar

My wedding Got the money not much 100 000 in thousand bht notes, But they couldnt help themselves & swaped it all to 100 bht notes to make it look more

Wife said we will get back & i said i now i will i built a house prior had no intentions of MIL keeping it

Have another drink

If i did i would have missed the whole show , had to listen to the girl bawling her eyes out across the road THATS when i had another one

& half the home land family seen the wedding

Maybe you should try living here

[HenryB]

You are forgetting one thing you the girl family will know you are brother in law. I'm sure you know this. Wife's family will be asking her to ask you for money so they don't lose face.

None of your business do not get involved this will cost you and only you.

Remember you are not the Father of any of these

[jeab1980]

You are forgetting one thing you the girl family will know you are brother in law. I'm sure you know this. Wife's family will be asking her to ask you for money so they don't lose face.

None of your business do not get involved this will cost you and only you.

Remember you are not the Father of any of these [/quote

I was merely pointing out it might hsppen and I realize its the op's buisness. Remember Family in Thailand help all family. I am sorry if my post offended you in some way

[spetersen]

You are so right, they did ask for monetary help this morning through my wife and I said to no way it will never happened atleast not in my life time

. This is an issue that supposed to be handled between the kids and there parents, thats the way I see the situation. THE THAI WAY IS A NO WAY If they are loosing there pride and faces who cares... This make me so angry and maybe to retire here was wrong.

Thank for your thoughts / Stefan

[spetersen]

To Jeab 1980

Forgot to mention this to your posting , I'm not at all offended, you put some more wood on the camp fire...

Thanks so much

[MJCM]

You are so right, they did ask for monetary help this morning through my wife and I said to no way it will never happened atleast not in my life time

. This is an issue that supposed to be handled between the kids and there parents, thats the way I see the situation. THE THAI WAY IS A NO WAY If they are loosing there pride and faces who cares... This make me so angry and maybe to retire here was wrong.

Thank for your thoughts / Stefan

Just FYI

just to let you know they will get the money anyway they can, even if it's going to the local loan sharks at about 3%++ interest a MONTH.

Edited June 16, 2016 by MJCM

[spetersen]

Yes I know and it has already been discussed. if the do it's there business , atleast I'm not involved, I hate when people in my wife family think I'm a walking ATM , I have helped this people over 4 years , but this has come to an end.

Thx

[jeab1980]

As long as you and your wife are in union on the no more paying out that's great. We help my mama but that's it. To start the first few years there was a lot of well it is only xyz bht from family members but we stood firm and said no. Now we are never asked. We have lent money to my sister's who have always paid back on the date they say which is great. We only have one relative now who constantly asks for hands out. Telling him NO doesn't seem to stop him so now we just ignore him when he comes to ask. Think the white whiskey has got to him!!!.

[FritsSikkink]

I appreciate your thoughts and I agree with all of you but I think this is way out of order when the boys family don't have anything , mom is selling coffee and other drinks on the village market an dad working as a security guard for less than 500 THB a day, in my opinion this is not right. Thanks anyway for your responses an all the best regards to all of you

If your old enough to get a girl pregnant, pay for the child's costs