Saving your life, your marriage or just your sanity in the Land of Smiles

[Inspire]

Saving your life, your marriage or just your sanity in the Land of Smiles

 

 

All those books you see on Thai culture on the shelves – they always seem to spout the same old drivel that has little relevance to real life so here are some top for the Land of Smiles that might just help save your life, your marriage or your sanity.

 

Shopping:

 

Never ever keep receipts. There are invariably bad news when found in your clothing by those nearest and dearest to you doing the washing. Destroy them as soon as they are given to you. Don’t worry if you need them for the return of faulty merchandise – the sales staff always remember the daft farang so it is irrelevant.

 

Relationships:

 

Never admit to anything except your poor knowledge of Thais and Thai culture. If you have an exceptional knowledge of Thais and Thai culture hide it at all costs and play dumb. Never be caught finding out anything about Thai culture as it might make people suspicious about your motives.

 

Intersections:

 

Never proceed at a green light without exercising the utmost caution. Go through red lights at will with perhaps a casual glance around just to make sure and always flash your lights to remind other motorists that you are coming through fast and furious.

 

Language:

 

When attempting to speak Thai to strangers always start a conversation with something you know will be understood even though it might be completely inappropriate. For example greet a sales girl with “sawatdee khrap”. This will ensure that they understand you might be trying to speak Thai. If you can’t make people understand you want “Coke” order “Pepseee”, it is much easy to say and they taste the same anyway.

 

Buffets and restaurants:

 

Always get a Thai to ring up and book for you and eat with that person. Remind them when the bill comes that they need to pick up the payment because they did the booking and, ergo, invited you to dinner. If they complain mention it is an important aspect of Thai culture that you would not like to dispute. If they never talk to you again move on to another friend.

 

Greetings:

 

It is never necessary to greet relatives in the morning. Just ask people if they have eaten yet. When they say yes, look forlorn and hungry and wait to be fed.

 

Hospitals:

 

Never ever speak English with doctors – your health is far too important for that. If you do not speak Thai avoid getting ill at all costs.

 

Gifts:

 

Avoid giving gifts on birthdays and at New Year as they tend to come round every twelve months and it sets a very unwelcome precedent. However, at year’s end do buy the security man a bottle of foreign whisky that can be tipped out and replaced with Saeng Som. Ditto for policeman at end of the soi but do not tip out whisky in that case.

 

Full story: http://www.inspirepattaya.com/lifestyle/saving-life-marriage-just-sanity-land-smiles/

[villagefarang]

Not a very successful attempt at sarcasm today and your editor must be away on vacation.  So basically you are telling people to do the exact opposite of what they should be doing?

[pgrahmm]

OK - attempted humor in disguise......

Edited August 21, 2016 by pgrahmm

[gandalf12]

Who ever wrote this load of rubbish should be sacked.

[SOTIRIOS]

...like you said yourself....'same old drivel'......

 

...lucky to have a job.....

[hansnl]

16 minutes ago, gandalf12 said:

Who ever wrote this load of rubbish should be sacked.

No.

Humour should be rewarded.

Those not seeing the humour should be banned from here.

Looking at it again, I might see it as good advice, the Thai way, or something like that.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

A completely wasted post,unless you are preaching to the  newly arrived or the thoroughly naive.Most of the text is  unwanted advice for those of us who have been here for years.Why on earth would kept receipts be a problem.?

It sounds more like a list of commandments,or orders.Most of us have learned in our own way about saving our lives,our finances and our sanity.And i think it is presumptuous of you to intimate about saving our marriages.

You would do best,if you keep your advice to your self.Go your own way and mind your own business.I certainly do not need you to tell me about green lights,or reserving restaurant tables.Nor do you need to advise me about the Thai language or the culture.In my 16 years of being here,i have managed quite well enough,thank you.have had 2 businesses successful businesses here .

Do you preach this drivel to your friends? if you do then i suspect you dont have many.

stop being so pious and get down off your high horse.

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think other people would want to hear this.

We are not back in school.

[elgordo38]

Always use the KISS method no matter where you are. Give the guy a break you guys he tried to make a humorous story. Maybe life has made us aging relics antagonistic. Go with the flow give it a laugh and move on. 

[Scotwight]

6 minutes ago, elgordo38 said:

Always use the KISS method no matter where you are. Give the guy a break you guys he tried to make a humorous story. Maybe life has made us aging relics antagonistic. Go with the flow give it a laugh and move on. 

Does he get paid do you think?  Now that would be funny.

[balo]

Terrible "try to be funny" attempt. Sack the editor! 

 

 

 

[ScotBkk]

1 hour ago, gandalf12 said:

Who ever wrote this load of rubbish should be sacked.

Futile

My attention span is pretty minimal too. To try an attempt at amusing our somewhat grumpy TV members is a fate worse than death. Full of angst, spitting, biting, leering like a King Cobra don't expect praise whilst trying to humour avid readers.

 

Sorry your Post is a No 

 

 

 

 

[Deepinthailand]

1 hour ago, Khon Kaen Dave said:

A completely wasted post,unless you are preaching to the  newly arrived or the thoroughly naive.Most of the text is  unwanted advice for those of us who have been here for years.Why on earth would kept receipts be a problem.?

It sounds more like a list of commandments,or orders.Most of us have learned in our own way about saving our lives,our finances and our sanity.And i think it is presumptuous of you to intimate about saving our marriages.

You would do best,if you keep your advice to your self.Go your own way and mind your own business.I certainly do not need you to tell me about green lights,or reserving restaurant tables.Nor do you need to advise me about the Thai language or the culture.In my 16 years of being here,i have managed quite well enough,thank you.have had 2 businesses successful businesses here .

Do you preach this drivel to your friends? if you do then i suspect you dont have many.

stop being so pious and get down off your high horse.

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think other people would want to hear this.

We are not back in school.

There in lies the biggest problem with TV and it's posters.  Talk about HiSo Thais. Maybe there needs to be a new name for tv posters who belive they are above the so called newbies. Maybe it's jealousy on there part or just sheer arrogance thinking any one newly arrived in Thailand can't possibly be as good as yourself. Where as the truth is most likely somewhat diffrent. The old saying may be true the old and bold are terrified of change. So therefore try to make new faces and new minds follow there old decaying ways.

[manfredtillmann]

i thoroughly enjoyed the wit and wisdom of this post. it is funny, perceptive and humorous.

thank you, 'Inspire'

[slippery snake]

1 hour ago, Khon Kaen Dave said:

A completely wasted post,unless you are preaching to the  newly arrived or the thoroughly naive.Most of the text is  unwanted advice for those of us who have been here for years.Why on earth would kept receipts be a problem.?

It sounds more like a list of commandments,or orders.Most of us have learned in our own way about saving our lives,our finances and our sanity.And i think it is presumptuous of you to intimate about saving our marriages.

You would do best,if you keep your advice to your self.Go your own way and mind your own business.I certainly do not need you to tell me about green lights,or reserving restaurant tables.Nor do you need to advise me about the Thai language or the culture.In my 16 years of being here,i have managed quite well enough,thank you.have had 2 businesses successful businesses here .

Do you preach this drivel to your friends? if you do then i suspect you dont have many.

stop being so pious and get down off your high horse.

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think other people would want to hear this.

We are not back in school.

your post is longer than the story !!!!    It's a bit tongue in cheek....   go get a life and learn to laugh !!! 

[williamgeorgeallen]

if you did not get a laugh or 2 out of this you are a sour puss without any sense of humor.

[laislica]

 

Edited August 21, 2016 by laislica
This is true, I've got the same coffee table at home too!

[lemonjelly]

Welcome to TVF, the expat Victor Meldrew Appreciation Society of Asia. 

[gandalf12]

4 hours ago, hansnl said:

No.

Humour should be rewarded.

Those not seeing the humour should be banned from here.

Looking at it again, I might see it as good advice, the Thai way, or something like that.

Humour maybe if you are American otherwise rubbush

[douglasspade]

Utter unrealistic crap? An attempt to humor who exactly?

 

Please fling your body out of a Pattaya high rise so we have something to talk about. 

 

Farang kee nok!

Edited August 21, 2016 by douglasspade

[davo2003]

Wow, some thin skinned retirees/blokes on here who know everything and resent someone "pretending to know anything".

[NativeSon360]

Thanks

[whaleboneman]

10 hours ago, gandalf12 said:

Who ever wrote this load of rubbish should be sacked.

 

They can't sack him. They can only move him to  inactive duty. Editor perhaps?

[callaway]

10 hours ago, Khon Kaen Dave said:

A completely wasted post,unless you are preaching to the  newly arrived or the thoroughly naive.Most of the text is  unwanted advice for those of us who have been here for years.Why on earth would kept receipts be a problem.?

It sounds more like a list of commandments,or orders.Most of us have learned in our own way about saving our lives,our finances and our sanity.And i think it is presumptuous of you to intimate about saving our marriages.

You would do best,if you keep your advice to your self.Go your own way and mind your own business.I certainly do not need you to tell me about green lights,or reserving restaurant tables.Nor do you need to advise me about the Thai language or the culture.In my 16 years of being here,i have managed quite well enough,thank you.have had 2 businesses successful businesses here .

Do you preach this drivel to your friends? if you do then i suspect you dont have many.

stop being so pious and get down off your high horse.

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think other people would want to hear this.

We are not back in school.

"stop being so pious and get down off your high horse." I was just wondering how the OP made you read the article? If it annoyed me to read then I would have stopped reading rather than going into a rant. It is an attempt at humour not the gospel of Thailand

[Khon Kaen Dave]

Ha! Said what i wanted to say.I stick by it.But i will remember to show my home work to all the other holier than thou posters before submitting it.

Go enjoy your lives,let me enjoy mine.

[Songlaw]

On 8/21/2016 at 9:04 AM, villagefarang said:

Not a very successful attempt at sarcasm today and your editor must be away on vacation.  So basically you are telling people to do the exact opposite of what they should be doing?

Satire, not sarcasm, mate. And save for a few over-reaches, pretty good, at that.

[khundon]

On 21/08/2016 at 6:08 AM, gandalf12 said:

Who ever wrote this load of rubbish should be sacked.

 

Hmmm 

[anotheruser]

Inspire's posts are great. You don't open his threads to read his content you open them to read the hilarious reactions to them.