Side Effects of Marrying a Much Older Man

[eldragon]

On 10/10/2016 at 11:57 AM, jerojero said:

Up to the two people involved. Your opinion is that, but pontificating and looking down at those in such relationships is bad form my friend. Other words, stick to minding your own business a little more.

 

The thread was not meant to be judgmental. It was intended to examine the way these relationships affect the women involved. So far, most of the feedback specifically related to that has been from the men who married younger women, and they all seem to feel their partner is happy.

[Patsycat]

On 10/10/2016 at 6:19 AM, Tony125 said:

Really? If you and your friends who "Liked" your remark check this link you will see that "Dame" Joan Collins is 83 years young and still alive and kicking   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Collins  Kinda tics me off when so many TV posters submit inncorect information on visas or other subjects because they are know it all's who are too lazy to verify their facts.

 

It was her sister, Jackie who died a couple of years ago.   She was an author and died of cancer.

 

Oops, i see others already answered that.  My bad!!

[Wazza1]

On 09/10/2016 at 9:51 PM, khunpa said:

Imagine you marrying a 30 year older woman and having to live with her every day for years, just to be able to survive and send some money back to your parents. 

 

I think any normal person would go insane at some point. But of course the older men here, who are married to women that could be their daughters, would disagree. But I am sure they would never themselves want to live or have sex with a 30 year older person. 

 

"True love" in these (Grand) Daddy / Daughter relationships are extremely rare, in my opinion. Which also often shows, when the money runs out. And of course it impacts the women involved. Imagine you bringing home and showing your friends a Grand Mother-Girlfriend. They all know why you are with her, which would make anyone normal person sick, when thinking closer about it. I doubt the girls feel great about it... In ALL ways.

 

I know this will be hard to swallow for the Grand Dads here. But I do not care. If you are running around with a 30-40 year younger Thai-girl and you believe she really loves being with you, then you are simply stupid, naive as hell and living in Fantasy Land.

 

If you do not agree on that, then go have sex with a 30-40 year older woman and lets hear how much you enjoyed that. At least I can understand the men who find a much younger partner and inside knows/accepts, what it is really all about. But the guys who believe a 20-30 year old girl, really loves being with a 50-70 year old man are simply lost mentally.

 

 

 

Yes, and no younger woman has ever married a young guy for money, and when you wake up and remove your hand off it you may realise it's always about the money, your wife may be near your age but unless she just fell out the ugly tree she is with you because you have money, ask yourself if you were living in rags under a bridge would she still have married you!

[callaway]

15 hours ago, khunpa said:

 

Not being bitter and really do not understand why you seem to be feeling this is a personal thing? As mentioned earlier, I am talking GENERALLY. And generally, I will keep claiming that most women who marry much older men are basically after the money. That does not mean that e.g. you have not found a great wife or someone else with a much younger wife can be perfectly happy and an exception.

 

But if you look at things GENERALLY, then most people tend to be attracted to someone fairly close to their own age. Or would you say, that it is normal for a 20-year old girl to be truly attracted to a 70 year old guy? Just saying that it is generally not normal, unless money is a big part of it.

 

True, you do not have to justify anything to anyone, since it is your life and marriage. So why are you getting frustrated and upset about it???

Firstly I am not upset. Yes you make very valid point but is generalizing. I take your point about 20 year old and 70 year old. I do not see this often where I live but I guess it would be more prevalent around bar areas. Bar girls selling their souls not only their bodies for the baht. But this is not he real Thailand. This is just the low end slimy bar scene of the likes of Pattaya. Sorry Pattayites for using that example but is first one that comes to mind. There is so much more to Thailand and these loso people are not the real Thais. Get away from these type of areas and there are some real lovely people to be found. I find 20 years difference totally ok but I do agree with you when it becomes the grandfather type deal.

[eldragon]

3 hours ago, Wazza1 said:

 

Yes, and no younger woman has ever married a young guy for money, and when you wake up and remove your hand off it you may realise it's always about the money, your wife may be near your age but unless she just fell out the ugly tree she is with you because you have money, ask yourself if you were living in rags under a bridge would she still have married you!

 

Maybe it's always about money, but it's usually not only about money unless the guy is old enough to be her grandfather.

[Ace of Pop]

The Quicker the old bugger die ,the faster she gets the money , seems to be the norm here .


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[amykat]

On 10/10/2016 at 0:05 PM, Farangdanny said:

You talk rubbish, every situation is different. I am 70 yrs. young and my wife of four years is now 23 yrs,.,  well grown up and just passed her "Barrister' exams, so she is intelligent. We are never separated. We often visit her parents and stay in small village, where we feel very welcome and comfortable. Her family often visit and stay with us. Neither of us think about age. I don't give money to any of the family etc, and support my wife in the normal marital way. She never asks for anything else. We are devoted to each other, and could not be happier. Before you ask, the sex life is normal.

 

So you seem to be arguing that your wife didn't marry you for any financial advantage? You must have met her when she was 18 and you were 65, she from a small Thai village (meaning poor), you a Farang, with so much in common, and a 47 year age gap?  Yet you say she is smart and has gone to law school now as added proof that she didn't marry you for financial advantage.  Would this not be proof that she is doing well and motivated to take advantage of this opportunity? (I don't mean this in a judgemental negative way ...I'm happy you support her in these pursuits.)

 

What I mean is that we have 20 year old men in the world who waste years chasing girls, racing motorcycles, getting drunk, fighting, working stupid jobs, and then we have 20 year old men who go to college, get good grades, work a part time job, chase some girls but manage to keep their life together at the same time.    Couldn't your wife be an example of a poor girl who has found a way from limited opportunities, to be a studious serious person, while keeping any sexual urges she may have, in check, that would lead her life astray, which is what many women learn to do?

 

I wouldn't doubt that everyone is happy, if EVERYONE is getting their needs met.  If you can continue to do this as the years progress she may well continue to be a happy and loyal wife.  A person needs to have a full, complete and rewarding life.  It seems there might be some situations where a girl like this goes straight from childhood, skips life, ends up in retirement ...then when she is 40 she is suddenly alone to start life again as adult.  But too late for children or career in Thailand.  Hmm.

 

[amykat]

Here are some quotes from a recent article in Harvard Business Review which is relevant to my comments about why some men seem to feel personally attacked at the mention of sexism:

 

When we hold a point of view on an issue, it is rarely just an academic thing devoid of emotion or meaning. Usually it helps define who we are, what we believe, and which group we belong to. When someone confronts you or challenges that belief, at a below-conscious level you feel they are challenging your identity and your brain readies you for an assault on your self-esteem.

 

When Drew Westen and his team of scientists looked into what is happening in the brain when you are challenged by evidence you may be incorrect, they discovered heightened activity in brain centers related to emotion, conflict, moral judgments, and reward and pleasure, but little activity in the area of the brain most closely associated with rational thought.

 

So our identity and beliefs are threatened, and our brain signals that the new, conflicting evidence may be painful. Meanwhile the brain sends a reward when we suppress this threatening evidence. These are powerful inhibitors to changing our minds.

 

 

[khunPer]

20 hours ago, eldragon said:

 

Interesting post. And what I'm taking away from it is maybe some of these emotionally distraught women I'm thinking of are that way b/c the relationship wasn't as financially rewarding as they thought it would be.

 

Btw, some of the women you described here sound like awful, vulturous humans (sometimes literally picking at corpses), and I'm not sure why any man would want to be with them.

Thanks.

 

And a comment to "awful, vulturous humans"...

From my observations, Thai ladies seem very strong; especially in the "black Thai" families – meaning non-Chinese, mainly Isaans – the lady mostly seem to be the one in charge of family and house. I think that it may origin from childhood education, where girls are considered less valuable than boys, and need to be strong to survive. I've been told that, roughly translated from Thai, there's an Issan-saying, that »A newborn boy is like a gift from Heaven send by Buddha, whilst a girl is like someone has placed the loo in front of the house«. I think we all know that it's mainly the grown up girls duty to "take care" – also financially – of the family, including brothers; and I think that burden on the girls often make them though.

 

Thais live in the "now" – like their language has no "past", neither "future" – and I hear many say, that it seem like Thais learned little only from past mistakes, and don't care much about the fure; I've heard Thais say, that »I don't know if I'm alive next year or tomorrow, so better use [money or whatever] now«. There can be lot of passion the the "now", but soon it's past and "gone". I remember a Singapore Sunday-newspaper wrote after the 2004-tsunami, that the Europeans suffered more than the Thais, because the Christian Europeans got stuck in the moment, paralyzed and doing nothing, whilst the Buddhist Thais quickly moved on with their life.

 

Can it be, that the emotionally distraught women, you talk about, are caught in passionate moments..?

 

I've been told about a girl/lady with a farang spouse, that she sometime cannot come back to village, if she loose her farang spouse – the family will loose face – and therefore she stay away, so nobody know. However, when finding a new farang, she comes back; it's not a question if it's the "same farang", just there is a farang in the family. However, I only personally know about one case, where a girl, so far did not come back to village – she was around 19 and did not even "have a farang", but did a terrible mistake by letting a farang friend only, who had a desire for experiencing an Isaan village, come to see hers. Her mother was told about the visit in advance, and she believed her daughter had "caught a farang" and quickly borrowed some 30,000 baht, and invited half-the-village to "celebration party" when her daughter arrived with "the prince on the white horse"; of course expecting that the prince carried a bag of gold coins, so "mother-in-law" could pay back the loan. I presume mum lost face, as her daughter's prince was not a prince on white horse, but a poor peasant on a donkey, and he didn't carry a bag of gold. To my knowledge the princess never returned; it's about 8 year ago now.

 

On the other side I see so many though Thai girls and ladies, and their main concern is child or children, if there is one or some; mum and dad, and grandparents; and sometimes a brother also. Their farang husband – often some, to a number of years older – indeed is mentioned way down the list, just like in the more funny horror-story. Some of the girls have even told me, that they don't like farangs – prefer Thais, I'm told – and some even say they don't like sex. It's a kind of business, as pretty well described in Phil Nicks' book "Love Entrepreneurs" – but also, as I said in my previous post, a question of being able to "live together". When, for whatever reason, the farang and "the steady income" disappears, the ladies are "emotionally distraught".

 

To the tough ladies – the "awful, vulturous humans" – story, one may also need to know about the farang. Do we know how he behaved..? Do we know if he originally had promised another 3 million baht..? Maybe he is a "very difficult person to stay with", and that, that's the reason why he is not having a wife or girlfriend from home, but need to "buy" one here..? I've heard many bad stories – even experienced people I know, where my, and also my farang-friends' sympathy is on the Thai lady's side – and sometime, when knowing both parts, the two stories I'm told are so different, that it sound's impossible that the two people are telling about the same incident...

 

But of course, there are also genuge "Gold Diggers" around.

 

Making a Thai-relationship work, it can however be a true "win-win"... 

Edited October 12, 2016 by khunPer

[eldragon]

1 hour ago, khunPer said:

Thanks.

 

And a comment to "awful, vulturous humans"...

From my observations, Thai ladies seem very strong; especially in the "black Thai" families – meaning non-Chinese, mainly Isaans – the lady mostly seem to be the one in charge of family and house. I think that it may origin from childhood education, where girls are considered less valuable than boys, and need to be strong to survive. I've been told that, roughly translated from Thai, there's an Issan-saying, that »A newborn boy is like a gift from Heaven send by Buddha, whilst a girl is like someone has placed the loo in front of the house«. I think we all know that it's mainly the grown up girls duty to "take care" – also financially – of the family, including brothers; and I think that burden on the girls often make them though.

 

Thais live in the "now" – like their language has no "past", neither "future" – and I hear many say, that it seem like Thais learned little only from past mistakes, and don't care much about the fure; I've heard Thais say, that »I don't know if I'm alive next year or tomorrow, so better use [money or whatever] now«. There can be lot of passion the the "now", but soon it's past and "gone". I remember a Singapore Sunday-newspaper wrote after the 2004-tsunami, that the Europeans suffered more than the Thais, because the Christian Europeans got stuck in the moment, paralyzed and doing nothing, whilst the Buddhist Thais quickly moved on with their life.

 

Can it be, that the emotionally distraught women, you talk about, are caught in passionate moments..?

 

I've been told about a girl/lady with a farang spouse, that she sometime cannot come back to village, if she loose her farang spouse – the family will loose face – and therefore she stay away, so nobody know. However, when finding a new farang, she comes back; it's not a question if it's the "same farang", just there is a farang in the family. However, I only personally know about one case, where a girl, so far did not come back to village – she was around 19 and did not even "have a farang", but did a terrible mistake by letting a farang friend only, who had a desire for experiencing an Isaan village, come to see hers. Her mother was told about the visit in advance, and she believed her daughter had "caught a farang" and quickly borrowed some 30,000 baht, and invited half-the-village to "celebration party" when her daughter arrived with "the prince on the white horse"; of course expecting that the prince carried a bag of gold coins, so "mother-in-law" could pay back the loan. I presume mum lost face, as her daughter's prince was not a prince on white horse, but a poor peasant on a donkey, and he didn't carry a bag of gold. To my knowledge the princess never returned; it's about 8 year ago now.

 

On the other side I see so many though Thai girls and ladies, and their main concern is child or children, if there is one or some; mum and dad, and grandparents; and sometimes a brother also. Their farang husband – often some, to a number of years older – indeed is mentioned way down the list, just like in the more funny horror-story. Some of the girls have even told me, that they don't like farangs – prefer Thais, I'm told – and some even say they don't like sex. It's a kind of business, as pretty well described in Phil Nicks' book "Love Entrepreneurs" – but also, as I said in my previous post, a question of being able to "live together". When, for whatever reason, the farang and "the steady income" disappears, the ladies are "emotionally distraught".

 

To the tough ladies – the "awful, vulturous humans" – story, one may also need to know about the farang. Do we know how he behaved..? Do we know if he originally had promised another 3 million baht..? Maybe he is a "very difficult person to stay with", and that, that's the reason why he is not having a wife or girlfriend from home, but need to "buy" one here..? I've heard many bad stories – even experienced people I know, where my, and also my farang-friends' sympathy is on the Thai lady's side – and sometime, when knowing both parts, the two stories I'm told are so different, that it sound's impossible that the two people are telling about the same incident...

 

But of course, there are also genuge "Gold Diggers" around.

 

Making a Thai-relationship work, it can however be a true "win-win"... 

 

I'm guessing the expression you mentioned was popularized before the locals realized they could pimp their daughters out to foreigners.

[khunPer]

3 hours ago, eldragon said:

 

I'm guessing the expression you mentioned was popularized before the locals realized they could pimp their daughters out to foreigners.

So am I...

[JDGRUEN]

And if you are not an older Farang man or a younger Thai Woman what the hell business is it of yours?    You seem to be a 'do gooder' who has no idea about the real world except to meddle in other people's business... Get a life ... 

[JDGRUEN]

11 hours ago, amykat said:

 

So you seem to be arguing that your wife didn't marry you for any financial advantage? You must have met her when she was 18 and you were 65, she from a small Thai village (meaning poor), you a Farang, with so much in common, and a 47 year age gap?  Yet you say she is smart and has gone to law school now as added proof that she didn't marry you for financial advantage.  Would this not be proof that she is doing well and motivated to take advantage of this opportunity? (I don't mean this in a judgemental negative way ...I'm happy you support her in these pursuits.)

 

What I mean is that we have 20 year old men in the world who waste years chasing girls, racing motorcycles, getting drunk, fighting, working stupid jobs, and then we have 20 year old men who go to college, get good grades, work a part time job, chase some girls but manage to keep their life together at the same time.    Couldn't your wife be an example of a poor girl who has found a way from limited opportunities, to be a studious serious person, while keeping any sexual urges she may have, in check, that would lead her life astray, which is what many women learn to do?

 

I wouldn't doubt that everyone is happy, if EVERYONE is getting their needs met.  If you can continue to do this as the years progress she may well continue to be a happy and loyal wife.  A person needs to have a full, complete and rewarding life.  It seems there might be some situations where a girl like this goes straight from childhood, skips life, ends up in retirement ...then when she is 40 she is suddenly alone to start life again as adult.  But too late for children or career in Thailand.  Hmm.

 

 

"So you seem to be arguing that your wife didn't marry you for any financial advantage?"  And so what if she did?  Wow!  More do gooder moralist who have no clue how the real world works... Western women have married for money and advantage for a 1000 years ... do you know anything about world social history ?

[JDGRUEN]

This topic thread should be re-titled "Silly moralist wrings hands about what some guys get in the world and the women who marry with them like it" .... And as the author I am upset ... they should not like it - whine whine whine ... Oh my God these poor abused women who get university educations, their parents taken care of, their children from out of wedlock are taken care of BY THAT OLD MAN .... OH THE HUGE MANATEE ....

[Mekong Thunder]

5 hours ago, khunPer said:

Thais live in the "now" – like their language has no "past", neither "future"

Absolute nonsense I'm afraid 'leow' is to denote the past and 'jak' denotes the future in the Thai language!

[ttthailand]

There should be a topic about why Thai girls spend time with young ugly fat guys. You can look at an ugly fat guy and know that he is fat and also know that he is ugly (well maybe most people can) Why always this old man and young girl thing ? Many older guys look very young and many young guys look old. Also many older Thai girls look very young. It is sometimes difficult to tell the real age.

Really why does anyone really care when it does not affect them ? Unless you can not find someone lovely because you are a looser and are jealous of anyone older that has found someone. What's the reason ?

[khunPer]

5 minutes ago, Mekong Thunder said:

Absolute nonsense I'm afraid 'leow' is to denote the past and 'jak' denotes the future in the Thai language!

»I will admit the article title is misleading, in that Thai doesn’t have a future tense. It also doesn’t have a past tense. To refer to the future or past, one must use additional words like ‘will’, ‘already’, ‘did’, etc.«

[Mekong Thunder]

3 minutes ago, khunPer said:

»I will admit the article title is misleading, in that Thai doesn’t have a future tense. It also doesn’t have a past tense. To refer to the future or past, one must use additional words like ‘will’, ‘already’, ‘did’, etc.«

You realise it's exactly the same in English?As in :

I will go

You will go

We will go

As English has no verb forms for example like in Spanish?
I will go - (Yo) iré

You will go (Tu) irás
We will go - (Nos) iremos

[ttthailand]

A friend of mine in his early fifties has been back on the dating scene. The guy is decent looking, smart, financially secure and in shape. He has been going out with all different types of Thai women, young, old, sexy, smart, rich and poor. He has decided that he wants an older woman with enough money to support herself. This guy can have just about anything he wants and has enough money to be happy for the rest of his life. Why why why .... ? It's what makes him happy and to feel secure in the relationship and its what he wants ?
It's not my business to judge him or anyone else on who they feel like staying with. We all have our reasons for everything and as long as we are ok with them then why should people judge.
And as far as side effects, staying with someone you want to stay with will make you happy. What can be wrong with being happy :)

[JDGRUEN]

12 minutes ago, ttthailand said:

A friend of mine in his early fifties has been back on the dating scene. The guy is decent looking, smart, financially secure and in shape. He has been going out with all different types of Thai women, young, old, sexy, smart, rich and poor. He has decided that he wants an older woman with enough money to support herself. This guy can have just about anything he wants and has enough money to be happy for the rest of his life. Why why why .... ? It's what makes him happy and to feel secure in the relationship and its what he wants ?
It's not my business to judge him or anyone else on who they feel like staying with. We all have our reasons for everything and as long as we are ok with them then why should people judge.

 

He may find that many Thai women towards age 50 do not like sex... a cultural thing that is accentuated by menopause and its related to the physical symptoms of menopause -- vaginal drying, low libido, etc. This is not uncommon around the world but in Thailand the medical system has done little to allow age 50 or so women to deal with this natural occurrence.   Also many Thai ladies around age 50 or so - give or take 5 years - that if they do not have children of their own become very concerned about their well being should the husband leave her or die... Being a post age 50 Thai woman without close ties to younger girls and boys who adopt her as a surrogate mother or 'auntie' and show that they will take care of her in her later 'alone' years causes much consternation - worry and fear among such 50ish aged Thai women...  Learned FIRST HAND over many situations... 

Edited October 12, 2016 by JDGRUEN

[eldragon]

45 minutes ago, JDGRUEN said:

This topic thread should be re-titled "Silly moralist wrings hands about what some guys get in the world and the women who marry with them like it" .... And as the author I am upset ... they should not like it - whine whine whine ... Oh my God these poor abused women who get university educations, their parents taken care of, their children from out of wedlock are taken care of BY THAT OLD MAN .... OH THE HUGE MANATEE ....

 

So it's a job for the women. God knows we all love those.

[JDGRUEN]

17 minutes ago, eldragon said:

 

So it's a job for the women. God knows we all love those.

 

18 minutes ago, eldragon said:

 

So it's a job for the women. God knows we all love those.

 

So - your glib words are supposed to mean something ? 

[Mekong Thunder]

22 minutes ago, JDGRUEN said:

 

He may find that many Thai women towards age 50 do not like sex... a cultural thing that is accentuated by menopause and its related to the physical symptoms of menopause -- vaginal drying, low libido, etc. This is not uncommon around the world but in Thailand the medical system has done little to allow age 50 or so women to deal with this natural occurrence.   Also many Thai ladies around age 50 or so - give or take 5 years - that if they do not have children of their own become very concerned about their well being should the husband leave her or die... Being a post age 50 Thai woman without close ties to younger girls and boys who adopt her as a surrogate mother or 'auntie' and show that they will take care of her in her later 'alone' years causes much consternation - worry and fear among such 50ish aged Thai women...  Learned FIRST HAND over many situations... 

So the moral of the story is...find a younger model that bangs like a shutter in a storm,job done!

[atyclb]

On 10/11/2016 at 10:17 AM, sanemax said:

 

    From my observations after being in Thailand for six years and seeing many (other Felang/Thai peoples) relationships come and go ( admittedly, predominately prostitute/customer long term relationships) , what I have observed is prostitutes/ex prostitutes do miss that life style .

   They miss the drinking, sex partners, the excitement , the gossiping about who did what the night before and who with , the whole lifestyle .

   Some have boyfriends/ husbands who have to go back home to work  and they send money to support them .

  But as soon as they are gone, the girls are back in the bars .

I have also seen numerous girls being given the opportunity to get out of prostitution, given bars, hotels , restaurants etc and many of them would rather spend their time as prostitutes, rather than spend time and effort running a business

 

ya really think they miss all the sex partners??  normally the sex partners would not be sex partners since they are not attracted to most would it not be for the money.  maybe they miss the money from all the sex partners as they may connect the money to their own self worth-esteem (pretty sad)

[amykat]

15 hours ago, JDGRUEN said:

 

"So you seem to be arguing that your wife didn't marry you for any financial advantage?"  And so what if she did?  Wow!  More do gooder moralist who have no clue how the real world works... Western women have married for money and advantage for a 1000 years ... do you know anything about world social history ?

 

So you are another poster here attacking me, without taking the full context of what I wrote, or what I argued throughout this thread ...which is in total agreement with what you state above. 

 

I have made no moral judgements against the men in this thread.  I don't care what they do and I don't necessarily think these relationships are bad on the face of it.  You should stop seeing my gender and then assuming a bunch of traits you think I have that probably don't exist.  It seems some of you can't even read what it on this screen if a woman writes it ...which is why many women on this forum write under names that make them appear to be men.

[JDGRUEN]

7 hours ago, amykat said:

 

So you are another poster here attacking me, without taking the full context of what I wrote, or what I argued throughout this thread ...which is in total agreement with what you state above. 

 

I have made no moral judgements against the men in this thread.  I don't care what they do and I don't necessarily think these relationships are bad on the face of it.  You should stop seeing my gender and then assuming a bunch of traits you think I have that probably don't exist.  It seems some of you can't even read what it on this screen if a woman writes it ...which is why many women on this forum write under names that make them appear to be men.

 

I did not pay attention to your gender when I posted and quite frankly do not care... I didn't even look at your name.  Your introductory premise was Stupid ... Go write stupid articles all you want ... if they are posted here then you get what you get... 

[Anon999]

On 09/10/2016 at 8:51 PM, khunpa said:

Imagine you marrying a 30 year older woman and having to live with her every day for years, just to be able to survive and send some money back to your parents. 

 

I think any normal person would go insane at some point. But of course the older men here, who are married to women that could be their daughters, would disagree. But I am sure they would never themselves want to live or have sex with a 30 year older person. 

 

"True love" in these (Grand) Daddy / Daughter relationships are extremely rare, in my opinion. Which also often shows, when the money runs out. And of course it impacts the women involved. Imagine you bringing home and showing your friends a Grand Mother-Girlfriend. They all know why you are with her, which would make anyone normal person sick, when thinking closer about it. I doubt the girls feel great about it... In ALL ways.

 

I know this will be hard to swallow for the Grand Dads here. But I do not care. If you are running around with a 30-40 year younger Thai-girl and you believe she really loves being with you, then you are simply stupid, naive as hell and living in Fantasy Land.

 

If you do not agree on that, then go have sex with a 30-40 year older woman and lets hear how much you enjoyed that. At least I can understand the men who find a much younger partner and inside knows/accepts, what it is really all about. But the guys who believe a 20-30 year old girl, really loves being with a 50-70 year old man are simply lost mentally.

 

 

It is definitely easy to tell what your level of experience is from your post so I !will not spell it out!

 

My wife is 24 years younger than me and we have been together for ten years, furthermore money isn't an issue as she is self sufficient and happy with our situation, both of us being fit as going to the gym 5 days a week helps. She has just bought a new car, with her own money, that wasn't far short of a million baht and we have a modern house that I had built to my design 6/7 years ago and we want for nothing. Of course there are people that fit with your stereotypes but before postingt it would be a good idea to look closer at your own 'fantasy land' not to mention considering exactly how naive you are! 

[blackcab]

On 10/10/2016 at 1:33 PM, sandemara said:

Anyone who has to rely on imaginary beings to instil fear or claim special authority to exploit the uneducated is an unprincipled monster in my view.

 

My unprincipled monster parents used to tell me that if I was bad Father Christmas would not leave me any presents.

 

Dreadful.

[amykat]

12 hours ago, JDGRUEN said:

 

I did not pay attention to your gender when I posted and quite frankly do not care... I didn't even look at your name.  Your introductory premise was Stupid ... Go write stupid articles all you want ... if they are posted here then you get what you get... 

 

Well then, if that is true, than why don't you "man up" and admit that you must not have read my post or understood what you were reading?  And not continue to insult me by calling my premise stupid?  If my premise is stupid then so is yours, because it is the same as yours.  You stated that women are marrying due to their need for money and men controlling these things for 1000 year or some such thing..  This man that I was replying to was attempting to argue that his relationship was surely not based on money even though his wife was 18/19, comes from a poor rural Thai village, and he was a 65/66 year old farang.  His evidence is simply that because her parents are "quite happy" and "they are never separated since 4 years together" and their "sex life is normal" for a 70 year old, and "she is very intelligent" that she must have married him purely based on love and nothing more.

 

I also, in case you are worried, do not demonize men who do this, who DO provide a nice life for these women.  In cases where they do upgrade their families, kids, educate people, leave them better off, have a positive effect, the man is good guy, etc. I am sure some cases are not like this ...the man is an abusive, narcissistic, control freak, seeking an even weaker victim than whoever his last one in society was and he gets the idea to go to a SE Asian village.

 

You know, it is a sign of maturity to be able to admit when you are wrong. I would hope since I have pointed out to you, now TWICE that we are in AGREEMENT, and if you were not basing that on my gender than what could be your excuse, I don't know??  We will see what you come up with now.

Edited October 14, 2016 by amykat

[Icha]

Fascinating topic. I hope it does not degenerate into personal attacks. We should recognize that there are two types of love. One based on adoration and lust, one which we dreamed in our teenage years and went through in our young years. The other is the one characterized by a caring companionship, closer to a family love, similar to the love you give to your parents or children. Many of us, certainly Thai girls, go through both. They seek good-looking young men when they are young, some lucky ones have successfully turned the young love into a long-lasting companionship. Some others are not as lucky, often get divorced, and hope for the next relationship with which they can develop family love. In the West, we often confuse the love based on adoration and lust with long-lasting love and care, and the high divorce rate is the testimony to it. An academic study has estimated the love based on adoration and lust to last about six years. In many traditional societies, this difference is more recognized. In the human history, most of the marriages were indeed born out of arranged marriages. Also, there is a difference between men and women. Women care much more about ‘being loved and cared’ than men. Women care more about developing a long-lasting companionship than men, who tend to be more often motivated by lust and adoration. I believe those who pay closer attention to develop it as the caring companionship, and not pretending it is the extension of teenage love, have a higher chance of successful and long-lasting relationships even with age and cultural differences.

In traditional societies, this caring companionship includes men providing financial support to the women and family. If your partner is from the traditional society (e.g. upcountry poor family), this is ingrained in her head as a common sense, and it is a potential time bomb since many of you do not mind caring for her and children, but not for the extended family. She cares for the family since it is the only guarantee for survival that she has when things go wrong. This is not a social welfare state. Because you approach her with the Western concept of marriage, that it is an agreement between two independent persons based on love, that marriage contract could hence be broken when the love is lost, she cannot put her whole life on it. The key therefore is for you to make her realize your love and care is lasting, and not based on short-lived lust and desire. This takes time and effort, and patience. The success comes when she refers you (and your children) as the family, to protect and be nurtured for long time, whose financial well-being to be watched out, and not those who live upcountry waiting for you to send money.    

My two cents.