SCOTTISH COMPASSION

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. 

Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. 

The English woman said "Have you ever  had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. 

The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. 

The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been f%%%d, laddie?"
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No". She said, "Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."

 

To complete the tale:

A Farang sitting on his bar stool, visibly in a depressed mood. 15 Bar Ladies ask him "why you so sad"? His reply: I blew all my money, I am broke.

The 15 Bar Ladies (as a chorus) exclaim "<deleted>-off" while the cover-band in the background plays softly "Hotel California".
Cheers.