Getting ex-Girlfriend to leave the apartment

[DrDweeb]

Firstly, I have no clue where this is best posted, so moderator can move it as required.

 

I have lived with my gf for several years in my apartment (I own it). For the past couple of years her son has been there too, going to school. I pay for everything.

 

Without getting into too many details, she has had an on-going affair with a mutual friend of which I am now aware.  I have bullet-proof evidence, and I wish her and her son out of my apartment immediately. I cannot condone her behaviour (it is much worse than I have written here).

 

I am away from Thailand at the moment, but when I return next week, I really need her out. The friend is not in Thailand either at this point.

 

It will be an ugly scene. What are my rights? What is the easiest way to put her out without ending in a punch-up?

 

cheers

M

 

ps: This girl has never set foot in a bar, neither smokes nor drinks, comes from a good (if relatively poor) family etc. etc. We are not talking about a street slut, just a faithless bitch who thought she could get away with it.

[MikeyIdea]

Who owns the condo and who has the right to reside in it are 2 different things actually. Who is allowed to reside in the condo depends on "Tabien Raat" = the house register. The extension of it is basically the blue and the yellow book

 

If you put your girl friend as chao baan (master of the housel hold) in the blue book, then she has the right to decide who lives in the condo but you as owner of the condo can force a change to that

 

I think we should talk practical matters instead. Of course you will win at the end of the day (= quite some time) but if you throw her and her child out without anywhere to go, especially since there is a child involved, then you are too low and I don't want to advise any further. I don't care about her, if she's a bitch, then legally do what she deserves and don't hold back but don't punish the child for it

 

What are your intentions toward the child?

 

Mikey 

[Peterw42]

Does Tabien Baan provide a legal right to reside somewhere ? I thought it was registration of who lives there, not a legal right.

[MikeyIdea]

If you are registered there, then you are allowed to reside there. An owner can of course force a change to this

 

These are just words, it's more difficult to force flesh and blood out

[samsensam]

 

the most important thing is to stay calm, stay strong and logical.

 

before any show down i would ensure valuable documents and cash, credit cards etc and any other things you dont want damaged/stolen are removed from the apartment to a safe place

 

let her know that you know what she has been up to, show her the evidence

 

tell her the relationship is over

 

tell her that the financial support has finished. immediately.

 

dont get into discussions or arguments or any drama, keep reiterating; the relationship is over due to her actions, financial support has finished due to her actions and she has to leave due to her actions

 

if she needs money she knows where she can go

 

if she needs somewhere to live she knows where to go

 

have a fall back position; as there is a child involved offer to pay for a room for a week to enable her to contact family, friends, her lover who will take over responsibility for her and the child

 

again; stay calm, strong and logical.

 

good luck.

 

 

[Peterw42]

5 minutes ago, samsensam said:

 

the most important thing is to stay calm, stay strong and logical.

 

before any show down i would ensure valuable documents and cash, credit cards etc and any other things you dont want damaged/stolen are removed from the apartment to a safe place

 

let her know that you know what she has been up to, show her the evidence

 

tell her the relationship is over

 

tell her that the financial support has finished. immediately.

 

dont get into discussions or arguments or any drama, keep reiterating; the relationship is over due to her actions, financial support has finished due to her actions and she has to leave due to her actions

 

if she needs money she knows where she can go

 

if she needs somewhere to live she knows where to go

 

have a fall back position; as there is a child involved offer to pay for a room for a week to enable her to contact family, friends, her lover who will take over responsibility for her and the child

 

again; stay calm, strong and logical.

 

good luck.

 

 

Also change passwords, pin numbers etc

[DrDweeb]

2 hours ago, samsensam said:

 

the most important thing is to stay calm, stay strong and logical.

 

before any show down i would ensure valuable documents and cash, credit cards etc and any other things you dont want damaged/stolen are removed from the apartment to a safe place

 

let her know that you know what she has been up to, show her the evidence

 

tell her the relationship is over

 

tell her that the financial support has finished. immediately.

 

dont get into discussions or arguments or any drama, keep reiterating; the relationship is over due to her actions, financial support has finished due to her actions and she has to leave due to her actions

 

if she needs money she knows where she can go

 

if she needs somewhere to live she knows where to go

 

have a fall back position; as there is a child involved offer to pay for a room for a week to enable her to contact family, friends, her lover who will take over responsibility for her and the child

 

again; stay calm, strong and logical.

 

good luck.

 

 

All of these things done, except the Blue Book and the apartment Chanot are still in the apartment. They are not actually registered in the Blue Book as I recall, no idea why it was never done. No other documents or valuables in the apartment, I simply do not need to keep that stuff in Thailand. We share our time between Thailand and Europe, so pretty much all important stuff is in Europe. Her European travel visas have expired this week as well, so I am not exposed there.

I am not in Thailand again until next week. I have advised her by phone and accompanying emails of what is happening, she knows it's over and that I know what she has done - very clearly, and her part-time lover as well. I have unimpeachable evidence.

As for the child, I do not see a good solution. I can (and will) keep paying his school fees and so on, but there is no way she can support him alone, as she does not work. Her lover, the lying weasel snake, has already said he cannot pay school fees, though he sent her some pocket money, since I stopped bank transfers and killed the VISA card.

 

The chance of him paying for a room for them to live and living expenses is probably zero. I told her to get a cheap room and move, if she hasn't done it before I get back next week, I will get one for her and pay until school term is over and physically move her there. After that it is up to her how she finances her life - the most probable outcome is obvious, but since that is not her background, it would be a disastrous outcome for her and her son. The weasel might step up to the plate, but I doubt he has the courage or finances to do so. I am not inclined to keep paying the full bill for her life in order to rescue her child.

 

It's always the children who suffer, and he will suffer terribly

 

I will doubtless get the blame for destroying their lives. even though I am the one who gave them both an opportunity they would otherwise never have. Her choices, her screw up.

Edited November 21, 2016 by DrDweeb
spelling.

[MoonUnit]

6 minutes ago, DrDweeb said:

After that it is up to her how she finances her life ...

 

She can work like the rest of the world does, so, like you say, not your concern really.

 

I assume rat-boy is a falang?

[DrDweeb]

Yes, Italian. I am also from Europe. We all know each other well (another story), they were able to keep their bedroom activities very sporadic and secret for a long time. I always assumed he was gay, or at least uninterested in females - that is what his demeanor and lifestyle indicated.

Being in love with a beautiful woman can blind one to what in hindsight were obvious signals. I missed a few

Edited November 21, 2016 by DrDweeb
grammar

[Peterw42]

Maybe look into paying school fees directly to the school. Most likely outcome is the child will be shipped off to live with her parents, sister etc.

[MikeyIdea]

Dweeb, it sounds like you really love her very much  by the way

 

Edited November 21, 2016 by MikeyIdea

[DrDweeb]

1 minute ago, Peterw42 said:

Maybe look into paying school fees directly to the school. Most likely outcome is the child will be shipped off to live with her parents, sister etc.

The fees have always been paid directly to the school. I handle the money for everything important, she had a weekly budget for food and incidentals and I had a recurring bank transfer to her for that. She also had a VISA card for emergency use, like medical etc.

I shut it all down.

[DrDweeb]

2 minutes ago, MikeyIdea said:

Dweeb, it sounds like you really love her very much  by the way

 

I am heartbroken.

 

We have been together for 8+ years and it seems the last three she has been living a duplicitous life (sporadically), while I was planning and working on paying for our lives. Her son only knows me as his dad - it is going to be horrible - I care for him a great deal.

 

She has thrown the dice, not me.

[Peterw42]

8 minutes ago, DrDweeb said:

The fees have always been paid directly to the school. I handle the money for everything important, she had a weekly budget for food and incidentals and I had a recurring bank transfer to her for that. She also had a VISA card for emergency use, like medical etc.

I shut it all down.

 

Sounds like you have it under control. Its very honorable of you to still want to care for the child. I would hate to see those good intention supporting her or the grass cutter.

 

You have my condolences  

[samsensam]

1 hour ago, DrDweeb said:

All of these things done, except the Blue Book and the apartment Chanot are still in the apartment. They are not actually registered in the Blue Book as I recall, no idea why it was never done. No other documents or valuables in the apartment, I simply do not need to keep that stuff in Thailand. We share our time between Thailand and Europe, so pretty much all important stuff is in Europe. Her European travel visas have expired this week as well, so I am not exposed there.

I am not in Thailand again until next week. I have advised her by phone and accompanying emails of what is happening, she knows it's over and that I know what she has done - very clearly, and her part-time lover as well. I have unimpeachable evidence.

As for the child, I do not see a good solution. I can (and will) keep paying his school fees and so on, but there is no way she can support him alone, as she does not work. Her lover, the lying weasel snake, has already said he cannot pay school fees, though he sent her some pocket money, since I stopped bank transfers and killed the VISA card.

 

The chance of him paying for a room for them to live and living expenses is probably zero. I told her to get a cheap room and move, if she hasn't done it before I get back next week, I will get one for her and pay until school term is over and physically move her there. After that it is up to her how she finances her life - the most probable outcome is obvious, but since that is not her background, it would be a disastrous outcome for her and her son. The weasel might step up to the plate, but I doubt he has the courage or finances to do so. I am not inclined to keep paying the full bill for her life in order to rescue her child.

 

It's always the children who suffer, and he will suffer terribly

 

I will doubtless get the blame for destroying their lives. even though I am the one who gave them both an opportunity they would otherwise never have. Her choices, her screw up.

 

sounds like you have most things under control.

 

is there any reason why she cant get a job as any other normal person would do? as long as there is no incentive for her to work i.e. you paying her not to work, she will not work.

 

might be worth speaking to the school to maintain the school fees. definitely keep her out of any financial dealings

 

be strong.

 

[MikeyIdea]

1 hour ago, DrDweeb said:

I am heartbroken.

 

We have been together for 8+ years and it seems the last three she has been living a duplicitous life (sporadically), while I was planning and working on paying for our lives. Her son only knows me as his dad - it is going to be horrible - I care for him a great deal.

 

She has thrown the dice, not me.

 

I have felt it. My then wife and the love of my life had an affair. 1998. Doesn't matter of course but she went to university when I met her so not a bar girl. I went to the guy's apartment, knocked first and I started to kick the door in when I got no answer. My wife finally opened, it was apparent.

 

I forgave her because I loved her and I was surprised to find that what had happened actually didn't matter at the end of the day.  The marriage failed one day anyway but it wasn't because she had been unfaithful. It was because of what made her accept to be unfaithful in the first place. I cried every evening for 6 months. I finally got over it, we both have kids with new partners now, we still talk sometimes

 

Some things changed but others didn't. She is still the love of my life 18 years later, always will be

 

Perhaps you can look a bit at what made her accept to be unfaithful in the first place and see if it helps

 

Edited November 21, 2016 by MikeyIdea

[mcfish]

Can't you wait till she goes out and Chang the locks? Leave a note on the door with a pre paid hotel room and then cancel her lift card

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[DrDweeb]

1 hour ago, MikeyIdea said:

 

I have felt it. My then wife and the love of my life had an affair. 1998. Doesn't matter of course but she went to university when I met her so not a bar girl. I went to the guy's apartment, knocked first and I started to kick the door in when I got no answer. My wife finally opened, it was apparent.

 

I forgave her because I loved her and I was surprised to find that what had happened actually didn't matter at the end of the day.  The marriage failed one day anyway but it wasn't because she had been unfaithful. It was because of what made her accept to be unfaithful in the first place. I cried every evening for 6 months. I finally got over it, we both have kids with new partners now, we still talk sometimes

 

Some things changed but others didn't. She is still the love of my life 18 years later, always will be

 

Perhaps you can look a bit at what made her accept to be unfaithful in the first place and see if it helps

 

Oh, it's not the sex, as much as the lying and deceit. People make mistakes and recognise them as such. Good people correct themselves and good relationships can often survive a single error of this kind. She has irrevocably broken the trust.  My conscience is clear.

 

Lost and damaged souls are always searching, no one and nothing can fill the gaping hole in the emotional makeup. I have tried, in every possible way available to me, and failed. She is seeking what does not exist, she does not recognise this now, and never will.

 

I left out the gory details, including how I happened to find out all the details. Suffice to say that I have become aware that he gave her herpes, something that just happened in their most recent encounter. This pretty much removes sex with her as a future option, so it's best to cut now.  Without being vindictive, let every outbreak be a painful and regular reminder of her bad decisions and the heartache she has caused me.

 

[cyberfarang]

5 hours ago, DrDweeb said:

I am heartbroken.

 

We have been together for 8+ years and it seems the last three she has been living a duplicitous life (sporadically), while I was planning and working on paying for our lives. Her son only knows me as his dad - it is going to be horrible - I care for him a great deal.

 

She has thrown the dice, not me.

I am so very very sad this has happened to you. 30 years ago in England my wife of 9 years done the same to me and we had our own house and 2 beautiful children together, I loved her very much. Discovered she was having an affair with a guy from my social club while I was at work.

 

I think this is one of the most painful emotional experiences that could ever happen to a man. The man feels cheated, betrayed and <deleted> on, it can tear your heart out. After this happened to me I could never have gone back with my wife as every time we`d be together, especially in bed,  I would be thinking of her making out with that guy, plus could never trust her again, it also proves that the woman does respect or love her man.

 

Unless your girlfriend has some sort of tenancy agreement where you are living together, then you are entitled to kick her out as there is no such thing as a common law wife in Thailand.

 

When you 2 meet again best to have a friend with you in case you lose your cool and do something you could go to prison for. Good luck to you.

[1FinickyOne]

Dweeb... Sorry for you and all involved.... other than the Italian snake who had nothing to lose... in time, the pain passes. 

[mcfish]

Dweeb... Sorry for you and all involved.... other than the Italian snake who had nothing to lose... in time, the pain passes. 

Agreed we have all been there either here or back home. The trick is not to rush, it can take a year or two and of course the odd rental can help the recovery process [emoji1]

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[A1Str8]

Call her tell her that you have evidence that she cheated on you. Show it to her. Then tell her that she has to leave until this and that date. Warn her that if she doesn't you will have her removed by the police. Remind her that as the owner you have all the rights to do so. Then do it if necessary. 

it won't be ugly unless you make it so. I have done it several times already. Just don't engage in any argument etc with her. 

You have your mind made up. you have evidence. The rest is insignificant. 

[AlexRich]

14 hours ago, MikeyIdea said:

Who owns the condo and who has the right to reside in it are 2 different things actually. Who is allowed to reside in the condo depends on "Tabien Raat" = the house register. The extension of it is basically the blue and the yellow book

 

If you put your girl friend as chao baan (master of the housel hold) in the blue book, then she has the right to decide who lives in the condo but you as owner of the condo can force a change to that

 

I think we should talk practical matters instead. Of course you will win at the end of the day (= quite some time) but if you throw her and her child out without anywhere to go, especially since there is a child involved, then you are too low and I don't want to advise any further. I don't care about her, if she's a bitch, then legally do what she deserves and don't hold back but don't punish the child for it

 

What are your intentions toward the child?

 

Mikey 

 

The mother is responsible for the child, not the guy above. As they live in his apartment rent free and he pays for everything he's demonstrated that he is a decent person ... if the gf and child end up homeless it is due to the gf, not the guy above. They are no longer his responsibility.

 

[DrDweeb]

Thanks for the support folks.

 

I think I will need someone else with me when I remove her, I can see her getting everything from tears and pleading to knifing me in the throat - the reputation of angry of Thai women is, after all, well deserved.

 

It'll be around the end of the month when I get back to Thailand, I'll post how it all went later.

[MikeyIdea]

8 hours ago, A1Str8 said:

Warn her that if she doesn't you will have her removed by the police. Remind her that as the owner you have all the rights to do so. Then do it if necessary.

 

Hmmmm, the police has no jurisdiction to act of course, this is civil and not criminal law.

 

As owner he has the right to petition a court to remove her

 

This wont go that far. The girl friend will do the honourable thing and sadly accept her mistake and take her son and leave

 

[MikeyIdea]

7 hours ago, AlexRich said:

 

The mother is responsible for the child, not the guy above. As they live in his apartment rent free and he pays for everything he's demonstrated that he is a decent person ... if the gf and child end up homeless it is due to the gf, not the guy above. They are no longer his responsibility.

 

 

Of course, I was just talking normal decency as we were taught by our parents

 

[lemonjelly]

I don't know the lass, but I wouldn't be surprised if she'll try and beg forgiveness, sounds like she has few other options. Were you away from her often? Was she being neglected? These things happen..... and could you guarantee it wouldn't happen with the next lass? Tough call.....


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[chrissables]

On 11/21/2016 at 10:27 AM, MikeyIdea said:

Who owns the condo and who has the right to reside in it are 2 different things actually. Who is allowed to reside in the condo depends on "Tabien Raat" = the house register. The extension of it is basically the blue and the yellow book

 

If you put your girl friend as chao baan (master of the housel hold) in the blue book, then she has the right to decide who lives in the condo but you as owner of the condo can force a change to that

 

I think we should talk practical matters instead. Of course you will win at the end of the day (= quite some time) but if you throw her and her child out without anywhere to go, especially since there is a child involved, then you are too low and I don't want to advise any further. I don't care about her, if she's a bitch, then legally do what she deserves and don't hold back but don't punish the child for it

 

What are your intentions toward the child?

 

Mikey 

SHE should worry about the effects of HER actions and how it effects her son, not the boyfriend.

[akirasan]

Buy a pet snake to keep in the apartment

Edited November 22, 2016 by akirasan

[MikeyIdea]

8 minutes ago, chrissables said:

SHE should worry about the effects of HER actions and how it effects her son, not the boyfriend.

 

Human nature doesn't work that way. The OP has taken care of the child for several years and there are therefore feelings involved