Man in a Restaurant: 'Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!'

Waiter: 'Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.'

'Waiter, waiter, there's a fly in my soup!'

'Don't worry, sir, the spider in the salad will get it.'

WAITER: 'How did you find your steak, sir?'

DINER:'Quite by accident. I moved a few peas and there it was.'

'Waiter, what soup is this?'

'It's bean soup sir.'

'I don't care what it was, I want to know what it is now.'

'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.'

'Who said that?'

'Doctor, doctor, I've just swallowed a sheep.'

'How do you feel?'

'Very ba-a-a-ad.'

MAN:'Ouch! A crab just bit my toe.'

DR.:'Which one?'

MAN:' I don't know, all crabs look alike to me.'

DOCTOR:'Did you drink your orange juice after your bath?'

PATIENT:'After drinking the bath I didn't have too much room for the orange juice.'

Doctor, doctor, I lost my memory.'

'When did this happen?'

'When did what happen?'

COLIN:'You remind me of the sea.'

ANN:'Because I'm so wild, reckless and romantic?'

COLIN:'No, you make me sick.'

'I've lost my dog.'

'Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?'

'Don't be silly - he can't read.'

TEACHER:'If I had forty apples in one hand and fifty in the other, what would I have?'

PUPIL:'Big hands.'

TEACHER:'How can you prove the world is round?'

PUPIL:'I never said it was, miss.'

TEACHER:'You should have been here at nine o'clock.'

PUPIL:'Why, what happened?'

'Would you like to buy a pocket calculator, sir?'

'No, thanks, I know how many pockets I've got.'

CUSTOMER:'I would like to try on that suit in the window, please'

ASSISTANT:'I'm sorry, sir, you have to try it on in the changing-rooms, like everybody else.'

'The police are looking for a man with one eye called Murphy.'

'What is the other eye called?'

MAN:'A return ticket please.'

RAILWAY CLERK:'Where to?'

MAN:'Why back here of course.'

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

WAITER: 'How did you find your steak, sir?'

DINER:'Quite by accident. I moved a few peas and there it was.'

I like that one, very much indeed.

Merry Christmas!

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

Edited December 26, 200619 yr by Grover

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

That's a good and valid point, well spotted!

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

That's a good and valid point, well spotted!

Perhaps it's a limbo dancing competition Libya's starting up. If so.....

"Doctor, doctor. I feel like everyone just ignores me."

"Next!"

"Doctor, doctor. I think I'm a dog."

"Just lie on the couch."

"I'm not allowed on the couch."

There's more, but I expect you know them too...

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

That's a good and valid point, well spotted!

My jokes are superb be man-enough to admit it!

My overflowing PM's are testament to my jocular popularity. I am just working on some real rib-ticklers for the New Year!

The quality of posts in this forum is improving!

libya having shamelessly set the bar so low, the only way left is up.

That's a good and valid point, well spotted!

My jokes are superb be man-enough to admit it!

My overflowing PM's are testament to my jocular popularity. I am just working on some real rib-ticklers for the New Year!

might need a bag fulla feathers libby

True one this..............................On Xmas day one of our customers said " There is a spider in the toilet"

I replied. " Yes, we keep him there so he doesn't walk around the restaurant."

True one this..............................On Xmas day one of our customers said " There is a spider in the toilet"

I replied. " Yes, we keep him there so he doesn't walk around the restaurant."

Was it the Norwegian hahaha