Not sure how to handle this situation.

[Jonathang]

Hello everybody. First poster here.

 

I am currently 6 months toghether now. And for some visa reason, she needed to show 50 000b on her account.(she got an extra 5000 from the deposit we did for our first appartement)

Which ofcourse she did not have, i borrowed it to her. And i told her, when the visa gets accepted, you buy plane tickets with that money.

Anyhow i heard from somebody that visa's can take a long time. So i went back to my country (to finish some papers) and i came back after 11 days.

In these 11 days she would stay with her family. And go to bangkok for 2 days (for the embassy).

 

The minute before i jump into the plane to Bangkok, she calls me and she tells me this: '' Baby please dont be angry with me ok''

She tells me she only has 32000b left, i ask her on what she spend that money?!

Which she replies to with '' I dont know''.

 

Im furious when i was on the plane (12hour flight)!

 

Once i arrived, it was clear she did not had 32000b but 29000b.

I do now that she spend  2 days in a hotel for the visa stuff. She spend in totall 6000b for the visa & the hotel.

 

That means she spent 28000 Baht in 11 days.

Which she tells me 'she dont know where she spend that money'

 

I have no clue what to do here. 

I feel like a complete idiot.

 

She has all the papers needed to get a visa. If the visa is misused i am responsible. And i will be fined up to all the damages she has done.(this can run up to 25000+€)

Edited June 3, 2017 by Jonathang

[giddyup]

Run.

[Rob13]

Cut bait

[maprao]

Cut the line.
Inform you embassy and remove link / support tha makes you responsible

[kotsak]

[jpinx]

6 months in and you're buying apartments, lending (not borrowing) her money, and setting yourself up for the biggest train wreck since whenever......   What's to say?  Go home to Kansas and learn about life before you wander beyond the length of mothers apron strings   ..... meant in the nicest possible way :)

[Jonathang]

Just rent appartment

[Chou Anou]

Do not have any more contact with her.  She will just continue to spend your money, and every time she will say "don't be angry at me, but...."  

 

And who told you that "you will be responsible for misuse of the visa?"  That sounds ridiculous to me.  If that's really a thing in the country you're from, then contact the consular section of the embassy and withdraw whatever letter of support, etc., you wrote for her.  Problem solved.

[Watchful]

I recommend that all should follow the advice of the Bard...

 

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

 

Now, the exception I make to this is immediate family. I believe we simply must help members in our families as after all, these are the people most important in our lives.

 

You loaned to a girl friend, whom it seems you like a lot. I find no fault with that.

 

Now, one thing you must understand is these poor girls have no idea whatsoever how to manage money. They've never had any, so managing and planning is totally foreign to them. Rather than get all upset, why don't you teach her how to create a budget and record expenses against it? Contrary to common belief, these girls are intelligent and learn fast. What they need is motivation (no more money until you record everything) and a teacher.

 

 

Edited June 3, 2017 by Watchful

[Kwasaki]

Don't be angry send her some money.

[KarenBravo]

Was arm-twisted by her mother and father to hand some of it over.

[Jonathang]

Ok thank u guys, we made the agreement she will pay back the full amount.

[Rc2702]

Be extremely thankful she told you part of the truth. She was forthcoming with the issue. Seems like a good sign. Very likely her family put her under some pressure to splash or part with some cash.

[eldragon]

Was arm-twisted by her mother and father to hand some of it over.

Here's your answer right here, OP. 50K is nothing for a single Thai girl, let alone her immediate family. The fact that she didn't spend all of it should redeem her a bit. But if she's not bilking you, this will probably still be a common occurrence.

Now you know why so many lower class Thai girls are keen to date foreigners. You think a Thai guy would hand over 50K like that? The ones that do wouldn't bat an eye at it bc they understand it's pay-for-play and wouldn't expect much from a girl in that situation.


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[transam]

17 hours ago, Jonathang said:

Ok thank u guys, we made the agreement she will pay back the full amount.

You'll be lucky.......

Sounds like she plays cards....

[Kwasaki]

17 hours ago, Jonathang said:

Ok thank u guys, we made the agreement she will pay back the full amount.

Please do a follow up if she does. 

[Rc2702]

15% is the maximum interest rate you can charge.

[tomwct]

You got a winner there! Not really! Take the balance and put her on a bus back to her hometown. Go to the closest Bar and get

another one. This time leave her here and visit her on a holiday every year. You'll be happy and she will be happy! Thainess at it's best.

[Gracas]

She knows what she spent the money on, but does not want to tell you. Most likely the family.

Would have been cheaper to have left her in a hotel in Bangkok for the full 11 days with no family around.

[bbi1]

On 2017-6-5 at 1:17 PM, transam said:

You'll be lucky.......

Sounds like she plays cards....

Yep, girls know how to play a fool. Why is the OP even paying anything for her? Does she not have a job or her own money?

 

On 2017-6-4 at 2:55 AM, Jonathang said:

I have no clue what to do here. 

I feel like a complete idiot.

Totally agree, you sure are my friend.

[marko kok prong]

Look at it this way op,she met you and you have a bit of money,to her this is like winning the lotto,does not matter if she is a bar girl or not,most Thai women as another poster said have no idea how to manage money,it is a long hard process to teach them and generally never works,Thai's live for today,worry about tomorrow when it comes,this is just a cultural difference,just make sure you stick to one rule  NEVER LOOSE MORE THAN YOU CAN WALK AWAY FROM. That is the main thing,sure i lost a lot of money to my first Thai wife,but i could afford that and walk away and still be okay financially,remember that and you will be okay.

[bill59]

It took me a while to teach my wife how to budget and be responsible with money. They just don't learn this skill and it's hard to blame them when they spend recklessly. I started out with giving her control of smaller amounts and when she did well I gave her more responsibility. She's gotten much better and her patterns are changing but she still has her moments 9 years into our relationship. It's up to you to control the situation and understand that this will be a tough nut to crack.


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