I want to move my wife and baby to a new area of Thailand away from her thai family

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎21‎/‎2017 at 2:55 PM, colinneil said:

Maybe you are not interested in what others think.

In my opinion not a good idea taking your wife away from her family.

At the end of the day they are family, you are the husband.

In Thailand, family comes first above and before all others, you are the farang husband.

She can get rid of you, but not her blood relations, be very careful.

and in some situations the family will destroy a marriage, as I know from personal experience.

However, I can't see any hope of the marriage surviving if she loves her family so much and making her move away where she can't see them. It will, IMO, only end up as causing her to resent him.

 

This is the sort of thing that should have been sorted before getting married and reproducing.

 

In my situation, we lived away from the family for the first couple of years and all was well, then we moved where the family had access, and it was a slow spiral of doom after that.

 

My opinion, for what it's worth, is it's too late to be moving if the OP wants to stay married.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎23‎/‎2017 at 10:52 AM, sead said:

Since you cant read between the lines.... But want to be smart..

Ill happily explain for you. It seems hes surrounded by only Thais speaking Thai etc . Dont think that isolation makes anything good. I didnt come to Thailand to enjoy being with Thais. I came her to enjoy myself. And if he wants any meaningful diskusions it sure wouldnt be with some Thais

The time to ask if she wanted to live far away from her family was BEFORE getting married. Too late now.

[Dumbastheycome]

On 6/23/2017 at 8:51 AM, HooHaa said:

 

No actually, it was a serious comment, truly my opinion.

 

As for the last sentence, i would have thought it was self-explanatory.

 

I value people who are independant. Family and freinds are important, but i value people who are fine on tneir own and choose to be with me out of desire and mutual enjoyment rather than a need to be propped up by others.

So  commitment either way  is  a  non option ?

[surangw]

be prepared to pay their moving expenses also.

[dexjnr555]

On 6/27/2017 at 5:50 PM, sead said:

Nowhere. That is your statement. Are you telling me that you have met some Thai outside the tourist towns knowing where Germany is or what countries are around Thailand. What their political status is etc etc. What overuse  of antibiotics and fertilizers is doing to peoples And its not about that they are stupid but they are uneducated and we can go on an on about those reasons in another place.

I can help you with that answer...

Its no and thats where we should stop this debate. But if you dont want to talk about the weather and what to eat then you should conversate with a foreigner.

I know the boss and hes associates from central plaza somewhere in Thailand. Hes over 50. He doesnt know anything about Europe. And there stops my interest in further talks with him.

Do i really need to continue. I can take ANY farang from age 15-99 anywhere and can discuss anything  and we would have a long talk at the coffeetable. So no. I never said Thais are stupid. They simply doesnt care or know about what happens in the world and that what i meant with that the OP was looking for

Hmmm ok then, I see your points. Easy to generalise though.

[i claudius]

I feel so sorry for guys that get married and the family turn out to be so bad .i really feel so lucky that my wifes family are lovely ,i do wonder if it has anything to do with social standing my wifed are sort of middle class by British standards and do not want anything , so i suppose they just see me as her husband and not a meal ticket. As i said its such a shame when you marry the woman you love and the rest turn out to be so bad

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[ghworker2010]

On 6/23/2017 at 11:04 AM, HooHaa said:

first of all, i wasn't speaking directly of the OPs wife, i was just weighing in with my opinion on the general situation. the loss of nested quotes on the forum often spins these discussions out of context.

 

independence doesn't mean a severance of ties to their family it means a commitment to the new family and the ability to move forward with a new partner. The ability to make decisions that look froward look and are not heavily or unduly  influenced by ma and .

 

Family loyalty is all good, but people marry to have families of their own and if one partner is always looking back, its pointless.

I'm the OP and have read most of the responses thus far. The above comment was valid to me because its the way I think as well. All I want to do is to move forward with my own new family. We can still visit her family every 2 months or whatever. Im not in the poor house like so many have assumed. Im not a deadbeat either like it was suggested 8 pages back. I simply don't want to live in an old dust bowl city just bc her family are here. Where we are intending to move to has better hospitals, food, good schools and beaches. My intuition tells me that the transition will be tricky to start with but in the long run it will work out ok. 

[jeab1980]

52 minutes ago, ghworker2010 said:

I'm the OP and have read most of the responses thus far. The above comment was valid to me because its the way I think as well. All I want to do is to move forward with my own new family. We can still visit her family every 2 months or whatever. Im not in the poor house like so many have assumed. Im not a deadbeat either like it was suggested 8 pages back. I simply don't want to live in an old dust bowl city just bc her family are here. Where we are intending to move to has better hospitals, food, good schools and beaches. My intuition tells me that the transition will be tricky to start with but in the long run it will work out ok. 

Dont want to live in an old dust bowl city! Then why live there in the first place? I notice now it where WE are intending to live. Wasn't  before. As said before me me me my opinion has not changed.

Your life screw iup as you see fit. Enjoy your swimming.

[HooHaa]

1 hour ago, jeab1980 said:

Dont want to live in an old dust bowl city! Then why live there in the first place? I notice now it where WE are intending to live. Wasn't  before. As said before me me me my opinion has not changed.

Your life screw iup as you see fit. Enjoy your swimming.

 

I cant put my finger on exactly which sentence in this remark is the most ridiculous.

 

Perhaps it time to step away from the screen.

[Thongkorn]

You can check out but you will never be able to leave.

[kevozman1]

Ultimately as the man in the relationship you should be the one making the big calls. As randoms on the internet how can we possibly help you?

[dbrenn]

On 21/06/2017 at 5:55 PM, colinneil said:

Maybe you are not interested in what others think.

In my opinion not a good idea taking your wife away from her family.

At the end of the day they are family, you are the husband.

In Thailand, family comes first above and before all others, you are the farang husband.

She can get rid of you, but not her blood relations, be very careful.

True. The OP is kidding himself if he believes that his wife will put him before any of her blood relatives - even the deadbeat brother will take priority. 

[colinneil]

Just now, dbrenn said:

True. The OP is kidding himself if he believes that his wife will put him before any of her blood relatives - even the deadbeat brother will take priority. 

Spot on mate, op is deluding himself thinking he is number one in his wifes life.

[jeab1980]

8 hours ago, HooHaa said:

 

I cant put my finger on exactly which sentence in this remark is the most ridiculous.

 

Perhaps it time to step away from the screen.

Perhaps you need to step away and read it correctly.

[newatthis]

11 hours ago, ghworker2010 said:

I'm the OP and have read most of the responses thus far. The above comment was valid to me because its the way I think as well. All I want to do is to move forward with my own new family. We can still visit her family every 2 months or whatever. Im not in the poor house like so many have assumed. Im not a deadbeat either like it was suggested 8 pages back. I simply don't want to live in an old dust bowl city just bc her family are here. Where we are intending to move to has better hospitals, food, good schools and beaches. My intuition tells me that the transition will be tricky to start with but in the long run it will work out ok. 

 

6 hours ago, kevozman1 said:

Ultimately as the man in the relationship you should be the one making the big calls. As randoms on the internet how can we possibly help you?

OP, you really have to make sure your wife is on board with you in this decision. And, in your heart, is it truly for the better hospitals, food good schools etc or is it because you want to be near the beach?

All moves are big decisions no matter which country you live in.

Marriage is an equal partnership between two people and, as such, no one person can make the big calls.

[BEVUP]

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

Spot on mate, op is deluding himself thinking he is number one in his wifes life.

Yes exactly & that's how many of these marriages end, with the wife making the big descissions financially by hoking evrything to the family with hubby having no say

[HooHaa]

Ultimately, with the decision made he will find out if they are compatible for the long run. 

 

Where is tbe downside?

[JLCrab]

I believe in reverse sin sod which is the reasonable amounts of money I give to the family so I don't have to marry their daughter.

[i claudius]

Spot on mate, op is deluding himself thinking he is number one in his wifes life.

That is not always the case my wife loves her family but me and our son come first,and she has proved it in over 20 years of marriage ,not all Thai women are the same as are not all women

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[colinneil]

13 minutes ago, i claudius said:

 

That is not always the case my wife loves her family but me and our son come first,and she has proved it in over 20 years of marriage ,not all Thai women are the same as are not all women

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Sorry i totally disagree with you.

You believe your wife loves you before her family ?

Dream on, my wife and i have a fantastic relationship, no man could wish for better, but no way will i ever be number one in her life before her family, no way.

For your sake i hope you never find yourself in a position where your wife has to choose between you and blood relatives, because you are guaranteed to lose.

[i claudius]

Sorry i totally disagree with you.
You believe your wife loves you before her family ?
Dream on, my wife and i have a fantastic relationship, no man could wish for better, but no way will i ever be number one in her life before her family, no way.
For your sake i hope you never find yourself in a position where your wife has to choose between you and blood relatives, because you are guaranteed to lose.

I have been there and she chose me .thats how i know ,sorry to burst the myth

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[colinneil]

Just now, i claudius said:

I have been there and she chose me .thats how i know ,sorry to burst the myth

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There is none so blind as them that cannot see.

[i claudius]

There is none so blind as them that cannot see.

You said it , anyway i dont need to discuss it think what you like i couldnt care less, sorry you have had such bad experiences here.

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[Paul Catton]

1 hour ago, i claudius said:

 

 

That is not always the case my wife loves her family but me and our son come first,and she has proved it in over 20 years of marriage ,not all Thai women are the same as are not all women

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Fall in the same category, except a decade together and ours a 3 year age disparity.

[Will27]

27 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Sorry i totally disagree with you.

You believe your wife loves you before her family ?

Dream on, my wife and i have a fantastic relationship, no man could wish for better, but no way will i ever be number one in her life before her family, no way.

For your sake i hope you never find yourself in a position where your wife has to choose between you and blood relatives, because you are guaranteed to lose.

I'm pretty sure a Thai women can give her partner/husband equal standing as her family.

 

Those who think they (farang) must come behind the parents, kids and other relatives because "it's the Thai way"

are either delusional or in the wrong relationship I think.

 

If I was placed down the totem pole in order of family, I would be out of there.

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

There is none so blind as them that cannot see.

And there are none so bitter as those whose experience was different.

[colinneil]

11 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

And there are none so bitter as those whose experience was different.

Bit of a crazy comment, i would not have come back and married again if i had been bitter.

[NanLaew]

Just now, colinneil said:

Bit of a crazy comment, i would not have come back and married again if i had been bitter.

There's hope for you yet then.

 

But why would you accuse certain members of not being truthful about their family status in Thailand? Just because your experience and that of many others dictates otherwise?

[HooHaa]

48 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Bit of a crazy comment, i would not have come back and married again if i had been bitter.

perhaps iclaudius brings a little more to the table than you.

[HooHaa]

2 hours ago, Will27 said:

I'm pretty sure a Thai women can give her partner/husband equal standing as her family.

 

Those who think they (farang) must come behind the parents, kids and other relatives because "it's the Thai way"

are either delusional or in the wrong relationship I think.

 

If I was placed down the totem pole in order of family, I would be out of there.

an old man who marries  for a caregiver can hardly have the same expectations as a younger man who has married an equal.

 

i reckon advice from some sad sack on his second or third marriage doesnt apply to many genuine relationships.