The poisonous Brother in Law

oldhippy · July 15, 2017

3 hours ago, owl sees all said:

What was I thinking; 4/5 days of normality smashed by this evening's tantrum.

Why the tantrum?? Some insurance money had arrived in the post for the daughter (not the 7 year). I asked the the wife if she would ask her daughter to return some of the money she stole from me (yes stole not borrowed).

WW3 has started.

I have a deja vu.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 15, 2017

5 hours ago, The Dark Lord said:

Hi Georgie old chum, well I am not at the airport now but I am about five hours drive away from the house of crazy and by myself. Just sorting out my bags ( a chum will store my gear for free) whilst I go back to UK.

i have started to get the texts begging me to come back, declaring deep love, and hinting at her forthcoming poverty.

I expect to be in in the U.K. For about six to eight weeks to sort out my less than honest estate agent and complete my filial duties, attend both sisters birthdays, drink reasonable quantities of half decent beer and get my head right.

The future? Sorry guys but I really cannot see into the future but I have already set some stiff preconditions to be met if I am even to consider and reconciliation but as I say that's way away right now.

Excellent my friend. I am sure the tide will now turn in your favour.

Have a pint of Timothy Taylor's Landlord for me!

Rest and time to think will help.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 15, 2017

6 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Hi Count,

Short stories?

Hmmm..I gotta a bit on my plate at the moment an 'I sure ain't no Ernest Hummingbird...err..Lemmingway...hang on..I'll get it right soon.

Good to see you out and about

When it is all sorted out, put you feet up and think about writing up what has happened, you might find it is longer than a short story.

Keep in touch if you do.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 15, 2017

3 hours ago, sandemara said:

The irony in your defence of the indefensible is hilarious. Why would any sensible person attach themselves to "classless, uneducated backward people" and expect any other result but personal disaster? Of course, it had nothing to do with an exaggerated sense pf innate superiority - possibly for the first time in your life - that enabled you to feel justified in lording it over all and sundry in your new community in the guv'nor's role you were certain you finally deserved? Oh no., you just wanted to elevate those poor noggies with the benefit of the vast complex of sophisticated western white cultural knowledge you apparently absorbed by osmosis during your own years of dullard servitude. A great opportunity to elevate yourself from white menial to white masta can be hard to resist, but dressing up that need for smug superiority is delusional. Most insular westerners need to maintain that illusion of superiority due to the financial disparities between the west and other parts of the planet. Many don't seem to understand, when they ventuire out from the cocoon of their privileged existence, how their ill-hidden arrogance has damaged human relationships across the planet. You're making the same mistakes thousands of missionaries over at least two centuries have made, and continue to do so.

So, are you saying the Asians are more intelligent, or it is the fault of western countries colonizing parts of Asia (of course Thailand was never colonized, and it was actually rescued from French colonization by the British) that has held back the development of Asian counties?

Or maybe that the Chinese have subversively colonized most of eastern Asia, but nobody wants to talk about that?

I think one protests too much...

Odysseus123 · July 15, 2017

Here is a nice story for the morning.*

*spoiler alert-it involves supposed white colonial masters.

From time to time parents in this village have approached me asking if I could teach either their sons or daughters English.My response is always the same."No, I can't teach them but they are more than welcome to come and converse in English and watch some movies...."

The last boy who turned up was a sheer delight to converse with and possesses a thinking brain that functions both in an inquiring and abstract manner.

Anyway,last week I casually mentioned to an American professor friend of mine who resides in California, that this is one boy who could really benefit from talking to his peers in either America or Australia.

With typical Yankee "Can Do" spirit he searched amongst his colleagues and now a boy from Kansas is happily chatting with a 16 year old boy from Nakhon Nowhere.

May their friendship prosper.

Edited July 15, 2017 by Odysseus123
clarity.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 15, 2017

23 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Here is a nice story for the morning.*

*spoiler alert-it involves supposed white colonial masters.

From time to time parents in this village have approached me asking if I could teach either their sons or daughters English.My response is always the same."No, I can't teach them but they are more than welcome to come and converse in English and watch some movies...."

The last boy who turned up was a sheer delight to converse with and possesses a thinking brain that functions both in an inquiring and abstract manner.

Anyway,last week I casually mentioned to an American professor friend of mine who resides in California, that this is one boy who could really benefit from talking to his peers in either America or Australia.

With typical Yankee "Can Do" spirit he searched amongst his colleagues and now a boy from Kansas is happily chatting with a 16 year old boy from Nakhon Nowhere.

May their friendship prosper.

Good news, but can he teach logic, common sense and respect for those with less money?

I really hope so..

Odysseus123 · July 15, 2017

9 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Good news, but can he teach logic, common sense and respect for those with less money?

I really hope so..

I don't know....

But what he might be able to do is introduce him to a wider world than the small,enclosed,self reinforcing one that the young Thai lad inhabits now.

The key phrase is "self reinforcing".

None of the concepts that you mention can ever change if they are continually receiving reinforcement from parents,schools,governments and Thai society as a whole.

Anyway,I do hope that the two teenagers have fun communicating and learning from each other.

Edited July 15, 2017 by Odysseus123

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 15, 2017

2 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

I don't know....

But what he might be able to do is introduce him to a wider world than the small,enclosed,self reinforcing one that the young Thai lad inhabits now.

The key phrase is "self reinforcing".

None of the concepts that you mention can ever change if they are continually receiving reinforcement from parents,schools,governments and Thai society as a whole.

Anyway,I do hope that the two teenagers have fun communicating and learning from each other.

Absolutely, and I commend him for his effort.

It can only make things better.

Odysseus123 · July 15, 2017

9 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Absolutely, and I commend him for his effort.

It can only make things better.

George,

Your series of posts are most pertinent to some of the issues that we are discussing.

The fact is that I seriously doubt that my wife ever had the best interests of her offspring at heart or in her mind.

Sure she wanted them to have money,motor scooters and cars but never put any emphasis on them becoming mature,independent young adults capable of making their own decisions.

The end result of this is two adults who cannot get out of bed before midday,don't have jobs or are attending Mickey Mouse university courses that lead nowhere......and have a mindset of complete self entitled laziness.

They can never be criticized either.

I sense that the young boys parents want something very different for their son.In a way it is quite uplifting for me to see this development happening in my final days here.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 16, 2017

13 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

George,

Your series of posts are most pertinent to some of the issues that we are discussing.

The fact is that I seriously doubt that my wife ever had the best interests of her offspring at heart or in her mind.

Sure she wanted them to have money,motor scooters and cars but never put any emphasis on them becoming mature,independent young adults capable of making their own decisions.

The end result of this is two adults who cannot get out of bed before midday,don't have jobs or are attending Mickey Mouse university courses that lead nowhere......and have a mindset of complete self entitled laziness.

They can never be criticized either.

I sense that the young boys parents want something very different for their son.In a way it is quite uplifting for me to see this development happening in my final days here.

Thanks, but you already know enough and I am just reinforcing what you say. Sometimes "tough love" is needed.

I had that one out with my half Thai son when he turned 21.

He realised that children need discipline and guidance, not just a cuddle and gifts without any responsibility. Yard work and good school results are part of the deal.

Anyway, I do wish you all the best of luck in sorting out your problems.

A couple of months away can clear the view for both parties.

Cheers, G.

PS. You guys have had me laughing and crying.

LannaGuy · July 16, 2017

12 hours ago, The Dark Lord said:

Hi Georgie old chum, well I am not at the airport now but I am about five hours drive away from the house of crazy and by myself. Just sorting out my bags ( a chum will store my gear for free) whilst I go back to UK.

i have started to get the texts begging me to come back, declaring deep love, and hinting at her forthcoming poverty.

I expect to be in in the U.K. For about six to eight weeks to sort out my less than honest estate agent and complete my filial duties, attend both sisters birthdays, drink reasonable quantities of half decent beer and get my head right.

The future? Sorry guys but I really cannot see into the future but I have already set some stiff preconditions to be met if I am even to consider and reconciliation but as I say that's way away right now.

It both disturbs me and shocks me that you even consider 'stiff preconditions' as that smells of you going back! why can't you just break free? I'm afraid it shows that you have not made a decision and I thought you had.

We should be hearing "she's already started the emotional blackmail but there is NO WAY as that part of my life is finished" If you do go back, I'm sorry to say, but this poster's empathy will disappear. No excuses, no 'it will change' because it "may" change short term than it will be all over again.

Be strong not stupid please. Good luck.

Edited July 16, 2017 by LannaGuy

LannaGuy · July 16, 2017

7 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Point taken, and you make good sense of course. Trouble is women from all over the world are hard wired to having a "provider" as it is in their DNA and not just restricted to Thais.

Many guys like a woman about the house, as untidy and annoying as they can be. My current missus is both and has a worse memory than a Tandy computer, but she has a great sense of humour and constantly makes me laugh.

I do know exactly what you mean about being "superior" but in general Thais lack common sense and logic so will not win in any sort of argument and either sulk or get violent. I just get out of the way quick, and it all calms down in an hour or so usually.

I have met lots of Thais educated in Australia or the west that are indeed clever, but only very few I would consider highly intelligent or wise.

Good comment though, and I hope our friend takes note.

Did I use the word "superior" George? well they definitely think they are "special" and are raised on nationalism and the special "Thainess" that we will never understand (of course).

Everyone's needs are different but I have no 'need' to be in an emotional, romantic type of relationship with anyone let alone a Thai. I have a few close friends whom I love as family and enjoy a great sex life both here and in the Philippines. Apart from my lack of 'need' I also consider having such a relationship as very dangerous here. Why? because we have no rights, cannot own land, have to report every 90 days and are treated as second class citizens who's worth is addressed in $ terms.

I am under no illusion about those gorgeous 'younger than me by 20+ years' preferring me rather than someone nearer their own age. I wonder why??? lol Well some guys do succumb to the illusion and maybe some do find the 'exchange' worth it and even some measure of 'love' but for me I'll enjoy the pleasures without the 'comeback' which so many experience for that illusion. I wish everyone well.

oldhippy · July 16, 2017

There is more to it then only the age difference.

I am 66, my wife is 62, married 10 years.

Same problems....

rhodie · July 16, 2017

39 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

It both disturbs me and shocks me that you even consider 'stiff preconditions' as that smells of you going back! why can't you just break free? I'm afraid it shows that you have not made a decision and I thought you had.

We should be hearing "she's already started the emotional blackmail but there is NO WAY as that part of my life is finished" If you do go back, I'm sorry to say, but this poster's empathy will disappear. No excuses, no 'it will change' because it "may" change short term than it will be all over again.

Be strong not stupid please. Good luck.

I think you have to understand reality. And as I have said before, we keep hoping that they will change. "Maybe this time will be it, they will finally accept that they are on a good wicket." Maybe they never will, but we are human and live in hope. We don't really know if @The Dark Lord will be better off without her. We think we do, but only he knows. He has some very good input from a few great guys including you and I just hope whichever path he chooses works for him. It is an emotional rollercoaster and not always easy to just switch off.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 16, 2017

6 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

It both disturbs me and shocks me that you even consider 'stiff preconditions' as that smells of you going back! why can't you just break free? I'm afraid it shows that you have not made a decision and I thought you had.

We should be hearing "she's already started the emotional blackmail but there is NO WAY that part of my life is finished" If you do go back, I'm sorry to say, but this poster's empathy will disappear. No excuses, no 'it will change' because it "may" change short term than it will be all over again.

Be strong not stupid please. Good luck.

You are right, but not very sympathetic.

A break up like this is traumatic at whatever age.

Time apart to find out what the real feelings are is essential.

Time to think and breathing space, and a beer without anyone looking over the shoulder is just a start.

Going back, well, he knows things will change, but NOT much and not for long.

But starting again is a big problem.

I really hope he has the determination to make whatever his decision is work. I'd cut my losses and wave bye bye, but that is just me. I've done that before. I always do three times and out,,,

My current missus drives me mad, but I got all the family stuff sorted out early. She knows she is on the last chance now, two strikes down and one to go!

Women: the devil in a dress!

The Dark Lord · July 16, 2017

48 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

It both disturbs me and shocks me that you even consider 'stiff preconditions' as that smells of you going back! why can't you just break free? I'm afraid it shows that you have not made a decision and I thought you had.

We should be hearing "she's already started the emotional blackmail but there is NO WAY as that part of my life is finished" If you do go back, I'm sorry to say, but this poster's empathy will disappear. No excuses, no 'it will change' because it "may" change short term than it will be all over again.

Be strong not stupid please. Good luck.

You are 100% correct old chum, give me some latitude though as I am in the very early stages right now. Difficult to shed 17 years of marriage in one go and whilst I can see myself that I have left the starting blocks on the road to recovery, i have a long way to go yet.

There is still that huge guilt guilt that we carry from our upbringing in the west which remains a tad challenging but I am getting there.

Trust me, once I am back in the UKI am pretty sure I will see things clearer and with the iron will of my sis ( with whom I will be staying for a while) whose advice to me has been precisely five words in two mails ( get out & get out now) I believe the result will be the right one.

I didnt look for sympathy on TVF as I recognise that to be a rather foolish action, I posted to relieve the pressure. Was bowled over to receive the support, that I might have been subconsciously seeking, as well as the shared experiences of those who shared often in a highly amusing manner.

Oerhaps in reflection the use of the word precondition was wrong, I meant to say that I had made very strong suggestions to her that she needed to do certain things ( one being to see a doctor and go back on her HRT treatment which worked perfectly before) to return to being a person that would be acceptable.

The Dark Lord · July 16, 2017

10 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Aahhhh!

Sorry, Wise Old Owl......

Me too. Thinking about opening up a rescue centre for the battered farang husbands. "The Dark Lords Centre for the Emotionally Abused Farangs"

probably need to buy a condo complex to be of any use though......

i am the last one to offer advice but but I do hope you can ride through this with no damage .

The Dark Lord · July 16, 2017

6 hours ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

When it is all sorted out, put you feet up and think about writing up what has happened, you might find it is longer than a short story.

Keep in touch if you do.

Hi George old chum, my writing skills are no match for a bunch of the guys on this thread but I do appreciate a good and well written read. As I re read the posts here I see wry humour coming out of soul crushing situations, raw humour out of adversity and many of these posts have given me a chuckle in my darkest (is that bad?) times.

I seriously doubt i have the writing skills to emulate thise guys.

This darkness is fading like the rising of the sun ( at high latitudes) which may mean I have started to lose my claim to be the dark lord. Is nothing sacred?

LannaGuy · July 16, 2017

21 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

You are right, but not very sympathetic.

A break up like this is traumatic at whatever age.

Time apart to find out what the real feelings are is essential.

Time to think and breathing space, and a beer without anyone looking over the shoulder is just a start.

Going back, well, he knows things will change, but NOT much and not for long.

But starting again is a big problem.

I really hope he has the determination to make whatever his decision is work. I'd cut my losses and wave bye bye, but that is just me. I've done that before. I always do three times and out,,,

My current missus drives me mad, but I got all the family stuff sorted out early. She knows she is on the last chance now, two strikes down and one to go!

Women: the devil in a dress!

Didn't mean to sound unsympathetic just clear. I wish only happiness for all of us - life's too short. Stay safe and happy.

Edited July 16, 2017 by LannaGuy

The Dark Lord · July 16, 2017

1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

I sense that the young boys parents want something very different for their son.In a way it is quite uplifting for me to see this development happening in my final days here.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.

indeed Ody old chum you are a man of many talents. An unplumbed depth of kindness even to those who have mistreated you (generalasion), an ability to turn even the most challenging of adversities into "a lesson in life's journey" , the ability to turn a story of suffering into "an amusing anecdote" .

you are a diamond in the rough old chum ( shall I get the room or will you?)

by helping that one guy broaden his horizons even by just just a small amount, you have made a difference.

just imagine if this exploded and the local boy spoke to his mates ( I make the assumption here that he is wise enough to chose his chums carefully) who also picked up the same concept and started doing the same. They in turn told their mates.......

in a small but potentially significant way, you may have started the march to enlightenment that many here are so desperately in need of.

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 16, 2017

50 minutes ago, LannaGuy said:

Did I use the word "superior" George? well they definitely think they are "special" and are raised on nationalism and the special "Thainess" that we will never understand (of course).

Everyone's needs are different but I have no 'need' to be in an emotional, romantic type of relationship with anyone let alone a Thai. I have a few close friends whom I love as family and enjoy a great sex life both here and in the Philippines. Apart from my lack of 'need' I also consider having such a relationship as very dangerous here. Why? because we have no rights, cannot own land, have to report every 90 days and are treated as second class citizens who's worth is addressed in $ terms.

I am under no illusion about those gorgeous 'younger than me by 20+ years' preferring me rather than someone nearer their own age. I wonder why??? lol Well some guys do succumb to the illusion and maybe some do find the 'exchange' worth it and even some measure of 'love' but for me I'll enjoy the pleasures without the 'comeback' which so many experience for that illusion. I wish everyone well.

I have been a serial monogamist for the last 40 years so I have an idea of what you are talking about. It's up his/her (or LBGTi etc) to decide what they want. Money, security, great sex, kids, look after the parents and family etc etc...

Love rarely comes into the equation, but lust starts it.

Time I went to sleep,

Cheers.

Best of luck to the boys.

G.

The Dark Lord · July 16, 2017

18 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

I have been a serial monogamist for the last 40 years so I have an idea of what you are talking about. It's up his/her (or LBGTi etc) to decide what they want. Money, security, great sex, kids, look after the parents and family etc etc...

Love rarely comes into the equation, but lust starts it.

Time I went to sleep,

Cheers.

Best of luck to the boys.

G.

Hi George old chum, I may be somewhat of a dinosaur as I am not a member of the trendy LBGT etc community. ( I don't have any issues with people's beliefs and orientation just as long as it is not shoved in my face demanding entitlement at every turn) bit of a conformist I suppose.

The wife and and I are separated by a mere 7 months in age so the "fat boy young girl" syndrome is not a factor

on my first divorce I lost something very very precious to me, my daughters. They stayed with their mother in the UK on a very generous stipend, whilst I continued in my career overseas. Over time the mothers influence reduced them to not even sending an xmas card to their old man. Big loss.

Water under the bridge for me me as I hardened my heart and moved on. No such potential loss here and if I don't over think things, I find myself even at this early stage, thinking more and more about my future.

As one of the wiser posters pointed out, a fresh start is tough in so many ways and frankly why would I even restart here in LoS after all I went through and all the stories and anecdotes from my new "cyber friends" ?

I have to ask though considering the Phils, VNN or even Camb as alternative venues for my remaining years, is the grass greener in the other side of the fence or is it an illusion? An illusion to be shattered a few more years down the line.

Am I better with what I know and to a larger extent, like by staying here or bite the bullet and start over in a new but largely unknown environment having to make a few of the "newbie" mistakes before getting in the groove

This time it is not me who suffers the loss ( too much) but my wife of 17 years.

Theoretically and cynically I should shrug my shoulders and adopt the attitude of not my problem but that dreadful ingrained feeling of doing someone who is and will continue to be, worse off than myself a perceived injustice just will not go away.

Argh!

Edited July 16, 2017 by The Dark Lord

rhodie · July 16, 2017

1 hour ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

You are right, but not very sympathetic.

A break up like this is ......

Women: the devil in a dress!

I hope no 'libbers see this and work out who you are George.

Odysseus123 · July 16, 2017

44 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.

indeed Ody old chum you are a man of many talents. An unplumbed depth of kindness even to those who have mistreated you (generalasion), an ability to turn even the most challenging of adversities into "a lesson in life's journey" , the ability to turn a story of suffering into "an amusing anecdote" .

you are a diamond in the rough old chum ( shall I get the room or will you?)

by helping that one guy broaden his horizons even by just just a small amount, you have made a difference.

just imagine if this exploded and the local boy spoke to his mates ( I make the assumption here that he is wise enough to chose his chums carefully) who also picked up the same concept and started doing the same. They in turn told their mates.......

in a small but potentially significant way, you may have started the march to enlightenment that many here are so desperately in need of.

Count D'Arco

re..the local boy speaking to his mates.

I sincerely hope that he doesn't do this but develops the friendship by himself and sees where it takes him.

I am too realistic about the nature of this country and the vested interests by which families,schools,religion and Gov't keep youngsters at his level-at any level really- unthinking drones.

Actually I was conversing with one of these unthinking,self entitled drones (17 years old) two years ago.He was just about to depart for the US on a 6 months student exchange arranged by his parents and he had absolutely no interest in the matter whatsoever.

My last words to him were "You are going to get the shock of your life when you get to Ohio"-and indeed he did.

Momofarang · July 16, 2017

On 05/07/2017 at 10:46 AM, The Dark Lord said:

Was my post not clear or are you just you just trying to piss me off?

He does, but like so many here his true motivations are to be found in that he shares, knowingly or not, all the shit we have to deal with here...

Odysseus123 · July 16, 2017

On 7/15/2017 at 8:34 AM, rhodie said:

We hang in there because we hope they will change. They are on such a good ticket it's hard to understand why they can't see the light. But they never do change. And eventually we see the light.

Rhodie,

Short,sharp and,as usual,to the point.

Always hoping for change-three good days and you think it's pure bliss.Madness.

I will get my head back together in my own country instead of being on the "qui vive?" all the time.

rhodie · July 16, 2017

2 hours ago, Odysseus123 said:

Rhodie,

Short,sharp and,as usual,to the point.

Always hoping for change-three good days and you think it's pure bliss.Madness.

I will get my head back together in my own country instead of being on the "qui vive?" all the time.

Hang in there Ody. Hopefully not too long now and you will be sampling a nice full bodied Margret River red that will send beautiful bouquets of life to lift your sharp brain to a new level. And while there will always be great memories of Thailand to savour, there are a few benefits of going back home.

Odysseus123 · July 16, 2017

43 minutes ago, rhodie said:

Hang in there Ody. Hopefully not too long now and you will be sampling a nice full bodied Margret River red that will send beautiful bouquets of life to lift your sharp brain to a new level. And while there will always be great memories of Thailand to savour, there are a few benefits of going back home.

Thank you, Rhodie,

I note that you are from Sydney.I grew up around Eastwood but bought my first home unit in Abbotsford,then a house in Five Dock.I then spent the last 8 years of my working life on the Central Coast with Lake Munmorah at my doorstep and a wonderful reserve at the back-lots of cockatoos,maggies,lorikeets..kookaburras..

How I miss the deep blue skies of home.

Ah yes..Margaret River or Maclaren Vale,Barossa..Hunter..or perhaps I'll go with a T'gallant Flying Jib Pinot Noir from Tassie.

Lots of new choices and old friends.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Odysseus123

Odysseus123 · July 16, 2017

Goodnight gentlemen,I am really tired today so I am going to turn in early to keep the weight off what's left of my legs.

"And the bush hath friends to meet him,and their kindly voices greet him

In the murmer of the breezes and the river on its bars..

And he sees the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended

And at night the won'drous glory of the everlasting stars."

George FmplesdaCosteedback · July 16, 2017

13 hours ago, rhodie said:

I hope no 'libbers see this and work out who you are George.

Ha ha, I can deal with the fems. I stick my fingers in my ears and hum land of hope and glory.

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