Do You Help Support Your Thai Wifes Family?

[oxymoron]

I think it depends on your families' (parents') situation and your own, financially.

Personally, I feel blessed to have met my wife (although non-Thai) and respect my parents-in-law and that's mutual.

They've suffered an unbelievable long an dark period in their lives due to the political and economical situation in their country and uninmaginable in our Western societies.

Both my wife and myself feel comfortable and happy to be able to support them and thus a better life.

Each to their own -situation-.

LaoPo

LaoPo, I fully agree with you. I have been supporting my TW's mum and step dad for 20 years. In the beginning it was difficult as I had just met the wife and taken her and her 2 children on board.

But when you realise that generally a Thai living in a small village no matter how hard they work has a battle just surviving compared to me, from the lucky country. It becomes as tutsi said"only money" and for me obtaining money has never been any problem. So having them comfortable gives me more joy than extra digits in the investment portfolio.

[mpdkorat]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any when, she has 2 brothers and 2 other sisters all put through university education and do nothing but sit on there <deleted> all day long and play computer games. If they want supporting they can get a job saying that one of them just has at a bank. The wifes dad supports everyone in her family anyway along with all his brothers and sisters children. Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking. Maybe in the future when her mother needs help we will help her out but for now they just dont need it whilst there dad is about.

Well said

My wife's family work hard (except her younger brother) and have never asked me for a cent. I have NEVER heard of a guy paying his farang wife's family money every month no matter how poor they are, why should thai inlaws be any different.

And let me state another thing....Thai men do not pay thier inlaws money every month. Only farangs are stupid enough to do this. They are so scared their wife will leave them if they do not pay.

Yes they do

[Donz]

My wifes family actually help us out.

They dont really need the money but we dont always want to accept it.

We rather come up by ourselves.

But If I had a ton of money and my wifes family (Its your family now too) i would help the poor ones as much as I could. Like only immediate family though. Maybe if the cousing dont have running water or something I may help

[chiang mai]

I give my wife an allowance each month to cover her personal and incidental costs and she may use that how she pleases. In reality she gives her mother about 3,000 baht each month and I'm fine with that. When we see the MIL I may buy her something such as a new pair of glasses, food etc or indeed I may give her a couple of thousand baht. It all seems to work out reasonably well and I never hear of her asking for additional funds despite the fact that she is very poor.

[Donz]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any when, she has 2 brothers and 2 other sisters all put through university education and do nothing but sit on there <deleted> all day long and play computer games. If they want supporting they can get a job saying that one of them just has at a bank. The wifes dad supports everyone in her family anyway along with all his brothers and sisters children. Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking. Maybe in the future when her mother needs help we will help her out but for now they just dont need it whilst there dad is about.

Well said

My wife's family work hard (except her younger brother) and have never asked me for a cent. I have NEVER heard of a guy paying his farang wife's family money every month no matter how poor they are, why should thai inlaws be any different.

And let me state another thing....Thai men do not pay thier inlaws money every month. Only farangs are stupid enough to do this. They are so scared their wife will leave them if they do not pay.

Thats something you just made up just now isnt it.

Ofcourse they do. And some farang families do it in Australia too. its not a common thing but many Aussies give there parents money even when they are on a pension, as usually the pension is jack sh1t.

[Bruce1]

I have several Thai friends who regularly send money to their parents, so it's not all about farangs. One friend with a good job helps her mother since her father died, but doesn't help the younger brother much cause he's lazy, except maybe to help with something he can't waste such as his uni fees.

[Egon]

My wife sends about £150 a month to her mum in Thailand. She has earnt this money herself and chooses to send it to her mum rather than buy clothes for herself etc. Her mother really needs the money so if my wife did not send any money I think we would both be a pair of selfish devils.

What bothers me is the kind of friends my wife has acquired in the UK. They regularly like to "put her down" over the fact that she does not send home more money. One of them has also said that her mother was not happy with the £300 she sent her out of her wages. She also wanted £200 extra out of the Farangs wages - as he had promised when marrying her daughter. The mother called her son-in-law and asked him to keep his promise - so now she receives £500 from the UK every month. Most of this money goes towards the brother who has gambling debts and drinking problems - ie. straight down the drain. Such is life

Edited January 6, 2007 by Egon

[Donz]

My wife sends about £150 a month to her mum in Thailand. She has earnt this money herself and chooses to send it to her mum rather than buy clothes for herself etc. Her mother really needs the money so if my wife did not send any money I think we would both be a pair of selfish devils.

What bothers me is the kind of friends my wife has acquired in the UK. They regularly like to "put her down" over the fact that she does not send home more money. One of them has also said that her mother was not happy with the £300 she sent her out of her wages. She also wanted £200 extra out of the Farangs wages - as he had promised when marrying her daughter. The mother called her son-in-law and asked him to keep his promise - so not she receives £500 from the UK every month. Most of this money goes towards the brother who has gambling debts and drinking problems - ie. straight down the drain. Such is life

Well if he pays it then he deserves what he gets. But I dont know the person personally so maybe the girl has got him around the balls and he cant do anything about it.

500 pounds is abit too much IMO.

[LaoPo]

The amount I could give wouldn't affect the family, so no.

I think this all depends on the social class your wife/gf comes from.

I think it depends on the financial difference between the farang man and the Thai family.

Not all farang are richer than their outlaws.

Not all, but most are. Whether the farang is an English teacher or executive at Trane or Shell, his/her local partner is still typically an Issan villager or farmer. As another poster mentioned, it's maybe 1% who will marry a fellow teacher or executive.

edit: for myself (2 overseas/local Thai families), we support each other, but not financially. Usually it comes in the form of favors... getting discounts at restaurants, hotels, etc., hospital visits, picking up kids from school, lending employees, stuff like that.

Heng, I doubt there are many or even a few executives at companies like Shell married to a 'typically Issan villager/farmer' but even if so, what's wrong with that ?

And, as for your edit:

I think the OP was thinking about poor family-in-law, not people like your- and myself who were blessed to have been born in a well-to-do (Thai/Chinese) family.

LaoPo

[BigSnake]

Yes, we all support our Thai Wife's family(extended family(ie cousin aunt)), that is the main reason we are allow to live here. Ask yourself why must you show Bt400000(??) income from a out of country bank to take care you and the wife. Bt800000 in some cases. this one is a no brainer folks

Edited January 6, 2007 by BigSnake

[thaihome]

when I married I said to my wife that I would help her family...works out to be about 15-18k baht per month which ain't nuthin' as I make loads ob dough when working. This contribution has helped significantly...when previously they were poor and miserable now they have their heads high and think about a future for their children...it's just fcukin' money...

as a benefit for my beneficence the wife has said that I don't haveta work anymore...the family will provide.

things could be a lot worse...

That is almost exactly my position as well.

For less than a car payment in the US, we give about 14 people, all of them hard working (even brother-in-law who sometimes has a bit of a drinking problem) a sense of security they have never had. All kids still in school. Oldest nephew first one in the family to finish high school, now going to a trade school. The difference from my first visit 7 years ago to today is astounding, to say nothing of how it makes my wife feel to have her family taken care of.

I do understand the people whose in-laws are too far into the proverty trap to be saved. But instead of writing off the whole family, you do need to see if you can help the kids break out. Boarding school might be something to consider.

TH

[American Bear]

No matter what if you are able to than do as your heart leads and if not than you can not. plain and simple your families money not anyone elses do what makes your family situation happiest.

[bmanly]

There is no hard and fast rule to repatriating money to our spouses family. I have never done it but when my wifes mother got gravely ill and ended up in a coma we were sending 20K a Month to keep her alive. My wife was so upset at the time to ask me if we could do it but I said "you only have one Mother" so I was only to happy to help. Unfortunately she passed away. Now she has no Mum or Dad and all the others in the family are younger than us and they support themselves. It's totally up to you and your spouse on that one.

[billd766]

I have been sending my wifes' family 6,000 baht a month since 2001 and I know that my wife was giving before that.

Her dad is about 64 and not working, her mum never worked and she has 3 brothers. The oldest works driving a minibus in Banbgkok and has about as much financial sense as me (but my wife sorts me out) and her parents look after his 3 children. Her middle brother is married with one child and they lived with us for a while until his problems were sorted out in Bangkok and her youngest brother is about 10 satang short of a baht. Nice enough when he is on his medications but not really capable of holing down a job.

So I send them money and to be honest I really don't care what anybody else thinks about it. It is our decision alone to make. As one poster said "its only money" and the family rarely ask for anything else.

Another poster mentioned that when his "Thai family helps his UK family" then he will help them.Would a UK family help out another UK family. Probably so if they could afford it. And probably the Thai family would do so if they could afford it but the amout that they could spare would be of little use to the UK family.

My personal opinion of the OP is that you are doing the right thing and I am with you 100%.

[billd766]

I have been sending my wifes' family 6,000 baht a month since 2001 and I know that my wife was giving before that.

Her dad is about 64 and not working, her mum never worked and she has 3 brothers. The oldest works driving a minibus in Banbgkok and has about as much financial sense as me (but my wife sorts me out) and her parents look after his 3 children. Her middle brother is married with one child and they lived with us for a while until his problems were sorted out in Bangkok and her youngest brother is about 10 satang short of a baht. Nice enough when he is on his medications but not really capable of holing down a job.

So I send them money and to be honest I really don't care what anybody else thinks about it. It is our decision alone to make. As one poster said "its only money" and the family rarely ask for anything else.

Another poster mentioned that when his "Thai family helps his UK family" then he will help them.Would a UK family help out another UK family. Probably so if they could afford it. And probably the Thai family would do so if they could afford it but the amout that they could spare would be of little use to the UK family.

My personal opinion of the OP is that you are doing the right thing and I am with you 100%.

[swissie]

Let's get real: No 25 year old Thai-Lady would marry a 50 year old Beer-Bellied "Ugly Farang" unless it wasen't for the "Support-Business" in one way or the other.

A wealthy Thai Man would never be allowed by the "Family" to marry a poor rice farmers daughter from the Isan. (Skin too dark, to begin with).

That's where the Frarang and his wallet enters the scene.

It is a known fact, that if a daughter manages to marry a halfway financially intact Farang, this would equal a winning lottery ticket, possibly for life!

Don't believe it? Fake financial distress (as I did), and see how fast "love" can vane. Not only by the Thai GF or wife, but also by the "Family".

But as long as the "Farang" is aware of those "mechanics" and how "the world turns" in Thailand (and not only in Thailand), the result can always be a long lasting and rewarding relationship. = Mutual benefit! Why not?

Cheers.

[mogoso]

We happily send 10k each month. It goes a long way in providing for the needs of my mother in law, her mother in law, and my step son.

While, my step son is still attending school he does work as an electricians apprentice with his uncle. He makes good money at that for a 17 year old, not to mention a valuable skill.

My mother in law has some health issues so she works spordically, but does work. Happily she has no bad habits( smoking, drinking, gambling) that seem to affect many Thai families. She does spend alot of time helping around the Wat, but I certainly bring no fault in that. She has asked for very little, and that only in times of family emergencies a couple of times.

On the money she's recieved over the years shes renovated her home adding a large sitting room and a bedroom with a western style bath for our usage. She drives my wifes old motor bike from time to time refusing to let my wife buy her a new one as she drives it only around the village and takes a bus into Chiang Mai when she goes to town.

She takes good care of my step son and soon his fiance will be a part of our little family ( oh their too young) and she will care for her. Were hoping our son will arrive here in the states within the next 6 months, so the fiance will be staying with her until we get the fiance here on a student visa to study at the local community college and then university.

In short the little money we send isn't wasted or misused. Its eased the life of a few loved ones, but not enriched them. Theres still a work ethic, and a sense of community responsibility and personal responsibility. My small Thai family's good people.

[Heng]

The amount I could give wouldn't affect the family, so no.

I think this all depends on the social class your wife/gf comes from.

I think it depends on the financial difference between the farang man and the Thai family.

Not all farang are richer than their outlaws.

Not all, but most are. Whether the farang is an English teacher or executive at Trane or Shell, his/her local partner is still typically an Issan villager or farmer. As another poster mentioned, it's maybe 1% who will marry a fellow teacher or executive.

edit: for myself (2 overseas/local Thai families), we support each other, but not financially. Usually it comes in the form of favors... getting discounts at restaurants, hotels, etc., hospital visits, picking up kids from school, lending employees, stuff like that.

Heng, I doubt there are many or even a few executives at companies like Shell married to a 'typically Issan villager/farmer' but even if so, what's wrong with that ?

And, as for your edit:

I think the OP was thinking about poor family-in-law, not people like your- and myself who were blessed to have been born in a well-to-do (Thai/Chinese) family.

LaoPo

I didn't say there was anything "wrong" with it; I was merely mentioning it as a matter of fact in agreeing with a previous poster. Nor was I referring to many executives, but merely two that I know personally (which is why I mentioned those two specific companies... not by any means generalizing about other employees there that I do not know). For those that I am less familiar with as aquaintences, across the entire spectrum in all different lines of work, I'd still say the trend rings true. And as for my own personal circumstances, I am simply offering another point of view from the Thai side of things.

Edited January 6, 2007 by Heng

[Johpa]

My wife comes from a rural farm family who are fairly self-sufficient as they own productive padi land, but who are rather cash poor. Upon marriage we bought an elephant, my father-inlaw having long been involved with elephants since his youth, for $5,000, and the beast worked at various tourist camps and produced about $100 per month over nearly 20 years before we sold it. I never saw a dime of that money, but then again, it was a great investment as I rarely had to send money over to help out the inlaws and I never hesitated to send funds the few times when called upon to help with transportation, health, or educational needs.

That being said, having observed Thai-Farang marriages for a few decades now, I have never yet met a Thai woman from a rural background who is not sending money back to support her parents, either with her spouse's knowledge or, just as commonly, without her spouse's knoweledge.

[Livinginexile]

Nope I dont see why I should give them any when, she has 2 brothers and 2 other sisters all put through university education and do nothing but sit on there <deleted> all day long and play computer games. If they want supporting they can get a job saying that one of them just has at a bank. The wifes dad supports everyone in her family anyway along with all his brothers and sisters children. Im trying to get him to stop giving my wife money, for some reason he still thinks he needs to. He knows I dont like it but he still sneaks money into her pocket when im not looking. Maybe in the future when her mother needs help we will help her out but for now they just dont need it whilst there dad is about.

Well said

My wife's family work hard (except her younger brother) and have never asked me for a cent. I have NEVER heard of a guy paying his farang wife's family money every month no matter how poor they are, why should thai inlaws be any different.

And let me state another thing....Thai men do not pay thier inlaws money every month. Only farangs are stupid enough to do this. They are so scared their wife will leave them if they do not pay.

Thats something you just made up just now isnt it.

Ofcourse they do. And some farang families do it in Australia too. its not a common thing but many Aussies give there parents money even when they are on a pension, as usually the pension is jack sh1t.

If you read my post properly...I said "I have NEVER heard of a guy paying his farang wife's family money every month"

INLAWS....so you know some farangs that pay their INLAWS money every month?

I think you just made that up because it just does not happen.

Another thing...Thai men do not pay money every month to their inlaws either.

[Livinginexile]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

What would happen if you sudenly stoped paying?

What would happen if as from today you never sent another cent?

[keenok]

My wife comes from a rural farm family who are fairly self-sufficient as they own productive padi land, but who are rather cash poor. Upon marriage we bought an elephant, my father-inlaw having long been involved with elephants since his youth, for $5,000, and the beast worked at various tourist camps and produced about $100 per month over nearly 20 years before we sold it. I never saw a dime of that money, but then again, it was a great investment as I rarely had to send money over to help out the inlaws and I never hesitated to send funds the few times when called upon to help with transportation, health, or educational needs.

That being said, having observed Thai-Farang marriages for a few decades now, I have never yet met a Thai woman from a rural background who is not sending money back to support her parents, either with her spouse's knowledge or, just as commonly, without her spouse's knoweledge.

i have. shes asleep in the same room as me right now lol. she used to send a small amount regularly ,but stopped when she woke up to the fact it was being totally wasted. we look after each other ,not some useless deadbeats upcountry.every body is in a different situation.

[srifah]

"That being said, having observed Thai-Farang marriages for a few decades now, I have never yet met a Thai woman from a rural background who is not sending money back to support her parents, either with her spouse's knowledge or, just as commonly, without her spouse's knoweledge."

Johpo

You're right! Many reasons as to why they send money to support the parents; first, she came from a poor family and all her parents' income only have enough for food and clothes which can't spare for anything else. Second, there is no social program (in term of money) in Thailand to help out old-age people; and if you never work for the government, then you're not going to see a pension. Third, she has been hearing since she was a baby that when mother/father get old, she expected to care for them. After she married farang and lives a lot better life than growing up, she will feel guilty for not supporting them. Besides if you give to the parents in needs and not detriment your family, I think it's the right thing to do! Giving (if no one force you to) is made you feel so good.

Edited January 7, 2007 by srifah

[DrFisher]

Quite the opposite, my Thai mother-in-law tends to give us quite large cash gifts for holidays. I'm not sure why she does this and I feel bad when she does but my wife says it makes her happy to do it (she does have the money and plenty of it). So, I guess it depends on the situation.

[warwick7735]

Hi all

It's funny reading the posts, surely if you are married whats your is hers so if she wants to send half of your hard earned to support her mum and dad so be it. If you dont like it you shouldn't of got mixed up with a culture that that is the norm.

I think you are all after the benefits of younger wives yet are reluctant to face the consequences that it involves ie looking after your partners family. Thai ppl dont want anymore than you can afford, if it means you cant buy that new car for 12 months so that you can help your partners family buy the everyday things that we take advantage of, its a poor show.

Sending just 3-4000 baht is chicken feed for us but means the world to them, stop being so tight fisted and dig into your pockets a little deeper, I'd be happy knowing that I made some old people live a better life.

I bet most of you ignore the beggers on the street too, they aren't there for pleasure, they are there because they have no other means.

Rant over

Warwick

[KireB]

Sending money creates a lot of disturbance and negative sentiment!

If you send your hard-earned money and you see the father buying expensive whiskey, how would you feel!

Better take your family to Tesco or Big C and buy them food when needed. Better get and pay for a good medical insurance, pension build-up, etc... Better buy the motorbike or buffalo.

Thais are not the word-champions in financial management and might learn something from us! Help them, by not sending money! It makes them dependent and as a result not able to take care of them selves anymore!

So to all Farang sponsors: HELP THEM, BUT STOP SENDING MONEY!

[davidjtayler]

Sending money creates a lot of disturbance and negative sentiment!

If you send your hard-earned money and you see the father buying expensive whiskey, how would you feel!

Better take your family to Tesco or Big C and buy them food when needed. Better get and pay for a good medical insurance, pension build-up, etc... Better buy the motorbike or buffalo.

Thais are not the word-champions in financial management and might learn something from us! Help them, by not sending money! It makes them dependent and as a result not able to take care of them selves anymore!

So to all Farang sponsors: HELP THEM, BUT STOP SENDING MONEY!

Easy tiger ... shopping with inlaws ...? ... 'bloory ell' ... that's sent goosebumps down my spine ... 'the horror' 'the horror' .... I'd rather put my wanger in a vice and let Germaine Greer control the handle ... shopping with inlaws ...? .. take my money .. take it all ... take everything ....

[mpdkorat]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

What would happen if you sudenly stoped paying?

What would happen if as from today you never sent another cent?

I think the stepdaughter would end up at our door. The mother in law is prevented from working as it is a full time job looking after a three year old. I prefer the 5000 baht option.

[jtp]

I give give the wifes mother 5000 baht every month and a little more when I visit her. The reason I do this is she has looked after the wifes daughter since her birth and I feel this is fair. I would like to give a little more but as I'm on a pension it is all I can really afford. How do other board members feel about this?

I think that if you can afford to do so,it is a good thing,not a lot of money,by western terms.My girl cannot ever hope to earn enough money in her job to own a car,yet i have 5 in Australia?And her mother will never own a house,car,or anything of real value,so any amount i send to them is valued,even though i have never been asked to do so.If the mother has no respect for you,it maybe different(Hard to give to people who don't like you)haha.I think it is hard for an ordinary thai lady to make money,especially if they work in government,and need to support a child,whose father left long ago.There are many,many thai's living well below what we would consider "Flat broke".So,good on you,mate,in my books,you are a decent bloke!

[jtp]

"That being said, having observed Thai-Farang marriages for a few decades now, I have never yet met a Thai woman from a rural background who is not sending money back to support her parents, either with her spouse's knowledge or, just as commonly, without her spouse's knoweledge."

Johpo

You're right! Many reasons as to why they send money to support the parents; first, she came from a poor family and all her parents' income only have enough for food and clothes which can't spare for anything else. Second, there is no social program (in term of money) in Thailand to help out old-age people; and if you never work for the government, then you're not going to see a pension. Third, she has been hearing since she was a baby that when mother/father get old, she expected to care for them. After she married farang and lives a lot better life than growing up, she will feel guilty for not supporting them. Besides if you give to the parents in needs and not detriment your family, I think it's the right thing to do! Giving (if no one force you to) is made you feel so good.

Well said!!!