a2396

No doubt the dog situation is out of control in this country. They are treated as the equivalent of India's sacred cows. It is really whacko. Malaysia has the right idea - loose dogs are generally not tolerated and they have "dog shooters" who cut the population down from time to time. Unfortunately, I think you will never see that here.

The main point I'm making is the guy and the girl are the only two that matter. They are choosing to start a family. some apron strings need to be cut.

I hope you realize that 90% of Thais would fundamentally disagree with you over this issue.

Despite what others have said I have not posted to any of the responses because I wanted to read everyones response. I have been deep in thought about this and I do not want to pay it. And I disagree that 200,000 baht is trifle-put it this way-how many people in the USA or the UK would have 6,000 US dollars 0or 4,500 Euros just lying around in this day and age. Keep in mind that the bulk of us living here are living on 50-80k baht per month. Then the majority of us are not living in a 2k baht a month room so we spend alot to live here. The point is that is not a small amount of money in this country. Sure if you are older or have a company you have the money but if you are living on a fixed income (retiree for example) or are making 60K etc a month it is not a small amount of money.

My girlfriend has left me with the impression that the sinsod is paid regardless of the children. I also found it completely laughable that her mother had the nerve to even suggest, even in passing, a million baht. Just four months ago my GF mom asked her to ask me for 100,000 baht to borrow (yeah right) so she could buy her son in law a truck. She said she would pay the money back after she went to her bank in Issan and got the money out of her account. I never understood this as if the money is in the bank just transfer it. I felt like I was being lied to and did not give her the money.

I give my girl 20,000 baht a month because she stopped working (I asked her to as I said before) and she has two kids to support that live with her mother. She also said she was making that kind of money before (14,000 baht a month plus 6,000 in tips) working in a hair salon near Lumpini BTS. In fact she has told me several times that 20,000 baht a month is not alot of money and that she had money saved up before (like 100,000 baht) but since she stopped working she used it all. I have always felt 20,000 baht was good money for her but I get the feeling sometimes it is not.

Bottom line is that I am not comfortable with this situation anymore. It has made me rethink taking care of two small children (she had them one year apart. She left the father because he had a crappy job and would not find a better one and they never had money), and all the associated responsibilities and being involved with her mother as well. Her mom claims to have saved alot of money on her own even though she does not work and her husband is a taxi driver(and from what I understand they do not make alot of money). Now my GF sister wants her daughter to go to school in Bangkok and live with the mom. My GF said her mom cannot take care of three children so my GF wants her two year old son to live with us now.

Sure I may have made mistakes like paying too much etc. But I love her and she has generally been good to me and I have tried to be the same to her. But this is becoming too much. And to make matters worse I would not know how to end it because she lives with me. I cannot just throw her out on the street and the thought of her struggling again as I saw her and being corrupted by the people she was hanging out with when I met her pains me. But I know feel I have to figure out how to end this.

What a wuss you appear, just walk away from it there are many more women out there who wont ask for any money. If she really loves you she will walk away from them but from what you tell us I doubt it.

Attacha ball and chain to your leg now if it helps.

Could you send me a list of the "MANY women out there who won't ask for money"? In my 5 years here, I have met (1) one.

"I agree her having kids is a reason why there should be no sin sod but he said she was unmarried so it is not open and shut."

That's right: illegitimate children and her previous lifestyle have no bearing...

As for ending the relationship, try this: do not give her any more money. Voila!

So, she can have illegitimate children and not legally married and is still an "eligible girl" for sin sod? Of so, that keeps the door open for most of them, since not many young & poor Thais get legally married. I hope I understood your comment correctly. I am reminded of the reply I often get when I ask the darlings if they have a BF. The answer: "I am single", which (to me) only means they are not married. They still can have multiple BF's, GIKS or whatever. A meaningless answer.

Child support? I know the OP is a foreigner. But for comparison, how many Thai men pay child support?

What would a graduate engineer (hydrolic) make, who is a Department Chief in a Thai governmet agency? With 20 years experience.

Funny that.... My thai gf was over in the UK for 5 months recently and she was shocked at the lack of staff in shops and the poor customer service offered here. She worked as an accountant for a large organisation that owned and run shopping malls in Thailand.

The other thing she noted was "old people" working in Tesco's B&Q etc she said all these kinds of jobs in Thai are all done by young people. Must admit I never took much notice tof this the times I have been to Thailand.

Seems alot of falangs in Thailand have too much time on their hands so have time to moan on here, seems like a school yard here sometimes. Though your case damage could have been handled better but these things happen.

Same in USA. Plenty of old folks working out of necessity, but that's irrelevant to customer service. Some of them are very good. I have found some customer service better than in USA and some not. It is quite a variable thing.

The worse part is that the OP has taken an independent woman, destroyed her family unit, and has made her dependent.

Yes. See how many women you get here, by refusing to give them any money, now or in the future. This money game is a matter of reasonableness. In the OP's case resonableness went out the window, when he started giving her 20,000 bht. Off the map already, but a fair number of guys give more than that aparently.

I don't understand all this stuff about Thai men not being interested in Thai women who have already been married and have kids, I see lots of Thai women with kids who have relationships with new Thai men.

I do agree that no sinsod should be the order of the day in this case but a returnable stack of baht on display for some face all round.

With the girlfriend not sticking up for the OP it does suggest there might be a Thai man in the background expecting to have his share of the goodies, either the father of the kids or a new Thai boyfriend. In fact, I don't understand why the girlfriend wasn't looking after him when he initially visited the mother - I mean did he actually look in the house to check if there was a Thai boyfriend inside. Stranger things have happened.

Yes, they have "relationships" with the Thai man, but he is very unlikely to marry the woman wiht children, certainly not legally and certainly not pay sin sod. Impossible. This is only for sucker Farangs.

Before she had to work many hours for 13,000 bht. Now, she gets 20,000 bht and does not have to work at all. ...and still not happy? I would ask the usual questions of how old are you and how old is she? Next, I would offer my comment that 1 million is a common "asking price" whenever a Farang is in sight. Finally, I would ask why you need to marry this woman? Unless you are taking her back to your country (with her 2 kids & support them), I see no necessity for marriage, certainly not a legal one. Many Thais are not legally married, even those of fairly high financial status. I would say she's got it good via you already. Hopefully, she is smart enough to realize this.

They also missed Italy and Iran.

Iran?? How do you get a look under all that tent clothing.

Maybe if you are judging by the number of movie stars,fashion models & porn stars. Getting back to the real world, take a look at how many "hotties" in the general population. For starters, in USA 30% of the population is considered overweight. Most American women don't bother much with make-up or stylish clothes, unless they are out to party. Not so with Thai women, at least the young ones. For physical beauty (of the women), I would take Thailand over any of the countries listed. But, I prefer Asian women anyway.

I thought you meant one of the village elders.

Did you expect she would move to the USA, get married and get nothing?

Showered with gifts?

Slippers?

A car?

Or is this basic necessities that most Americans take for granted and already have?

Just because she is Thai, you make it sound like everyone is doing her a favor?

Would you buy her the same things if she was Caucasion and then come on an American forum and ask them the same question?

Any person that would even mention buying something as insignificant as slippers has a problem.

I dam_n sure would not get to excited or emotional if someone spent $5 on a pair of slippers for me

Your son married a woman and whether she is Thai or Buddhist has nothing to do with this.

You seem to be fishing and pointing towards she should be more grateful to have these basic necessities?

Any wife in America, regardless of Nationality would have these things and even more.

And PS?

If you want to learn about the culture?

Get on an airplane and come to Thailand and learn.

You won't learn anything here on the internet forum about culture.

You should be thankful your son gained a wife and not concerned about giving gifts.

Slippers yes. Cars? Some yes, some no. Not every wife in America has her own car, purchased by the husband. Some couples have to make do with one car, unless you have not seen how people live on the other side of the tracks. Living in America is not one continuous "Gravy Train". He should be satisfied he got a thank you.

Just a couple of things...

in this thread I have seen multiple pieces of advice saying along the lines of "tell your wife you married her, not her family"

- every bit of sensible advice i have every read states clearly "if you marry a thai woman you marry into her family" now dont get me wrong I know there are plenty of scams around.

d

but I dont think you are being reasonable to marry a girl from a foreign country - regardless of where - and expect everything to be done to your customs.

however, that said, if the sin sod / village wedding is going to be an issue, have a western style wedding somewhere else in thailand, maybe a nice island or something. invite her friends / family. have a big party for it,

but pull it totally out of the zone, so that you dont look like you are trying to avoid sinsod. and whatever you do, pay for the party!!

just my 2c really, but sometimes you need to approach these situations outside the box, and personally I avoid getting into direct confrontation with any Inlaws, so instead of going the "No sin Sod" route, Id be more inclined to try the diversion route...

It might be worth a try, but most women are quite subservient to their families and will "dance to their music". As I have said many times, unless you have to get married to take the lady back to your country, why get married at all. It is usually going to be a downhill slide after that, if you do.

Another silly question. Are there any fat men married to skinny women. Are there any fat women married to skinny men.

Untold riches and love fests and happiness.

What difference does it make to anyone?

I think it means they are good at sucking lollipops, ha, ha, ha. That would be my first guess. Ask them.

Links to dating sites are a no no....

Is Thai Visa soon starting there own Dating Site then, please please make it mandatory that the Girls put in the amount of sin sod they do hope for, maybe also if they would be happy to get the sin sot by the year, month, day or hour. So we can decide if we can afford her or not.

By the hour is best. Pay for performance, ha, ha.

Good post from Loz..those sentiments would just about sum it up as far as im concerned.

Abrak: great idea..but in my case my so-called mates are not to keen on drumming me up a better deal than thev'ye got!!

I first came to LOS with the same thinking as the OP, but the more you learn about life here the higher the barriers appear to be.

As the OP and others have said..if you hang out at tourist places then you will certainly not expect to find the type of girl you'd want to have a long term relationship with...trouble is these are sometimes the only places a guy can have direct contact with English speaking Thai women.

In reality you would have to be lottery-lucky to meet an educated woman who speaks good English (for legitimate causes), whos single, has a good job, and who wants to be with you. In some cases these girls are from families who hold onto the old-gaurd thinking that only "bad" girls hang out with foriegners.

Things may be different if you are both super young, work as University lecturer, and/or hold some form of power and money, but when you think about it isnt it all relative to people who want to marry for the wrong reason?...

Human nature is the same way in every country..some crave power and wealth...and this is reciprocal for guys who search for a slim attractive woman who they percieve to be fitting and of their own class.

As others have said, the types of Thai girls you prefer would probably prefer to build a life with one of their own, instead of having all the hassles of marrying a farang and going against the grain of family. You also have to consider that these girls families can often have financial means way beyond that of the average farang anyway.

So it stands to reason that the girls who DO want to be with you are that way inclined for ONE reason..SECURITY and a better life. And who could blame them?

If you want to pursue that route then all good and dandy for you, but just dont think/expect love (as we know it) to come into it straight away. Choose wisely and the average (poorish) Thai girl will take the commitment of marriage very seriously and train herself to love you in her own time, and in her own way.

I dont think you need question their dedication and loyalty in most cases. Maybe this is the best anyone can hope for...??

As for me, i am happy to mix and mingle with those who i might meet on my travels. I feel lucky to do this and am happy with my own company and glad to have the carefree freedom of being alone...and its not as if you need to be starved of female contact

Things will happen as they will, but i certainly have no illusions of falling in love in a "mutual" western way.

Its not like these things are racially motivated or acknowledging them is being bitter and negative towards Thai females, its just the way things are.

I reckon be happy with your singleness, visit places like Nana and do some people watching...you might then appreciate being single.

Certainly after reading some stories on these pages you could consider yourself blessed to be single

Congrats. Excellent post. You pretty much describe my experiences as well. I don't know what kind of B.S. these guys are spreading when they brag about how easy it is to meet girls on the BTS and department stores. Unless you look like Brad Pitt, a fantasy. I would not give up though, after 5 years here I have met a couple, who meet my compatibilities for a relationship, that does NOT include any quick marriages, if ever at all.

I think it is a stressful environment working in a fast food restaurant & may have an impact on the staff. However, I have found the service at KFC consistently below standards, where I live. MacDonald's is the opposite, always quick & friendly service. KFC staff will sometimes stand around ignoring waiting customers. I never see such at MacDonald's.

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

Yes, i see most of these posts are intended to be humorous. I don't see much humor in it actually. Most guys I see here are married to or involved with women, who have got little interest in communication, as long as they are getting their monthly dose of money. As for me, I really would have no interest in a long term relationship with no sex. I don't know who would.

Get a grip a2396...its a just a humourous thread which goes both ways..if you can be bothered to read all the posts instead of venting some hidden anguish about us married guys..

I posted one early in the thread about a farang guy who orders "<removed>" at the Thai restaurant in my condo...the waitresses never tell him..but they told me and my Thai mrs... the language funnies go either way but this just happens to be an English language forum so more English speakers will post here..

Now, if your long life here is so perfect with your English thinking Thai giks or whatever.. why don't you make your own thread about your intelligent conversations with your giks and stop trying to hi-jack this one....

I am just making a legitimate reply. Not trying to hijack anything. I said nothing about perfect. I doesn't exist in life. I am sure readers would not want to be bored with my conversations, with Giks or anyone else, being posted. They would not so interesting. I don't care anything about who is married to who, here or anywhere else. Unfortunately, many people living in "Fantasy-Land" here can't face reality. Actually, this whole topic is better suited to Farang Pub or the language forum.

I could not reply with an answer to this question, because it would be deleted by the censors. School uniforms very good. Sniff kissing? Useless.

Kiss me when I wake up in the morning.

I mean to wake me up.

A "sniff kiss" actually

I agree. The sniff kiss is the best

You are certainly easy to please.

A bit of a sorry state, with so many guys involved in relationships with women they can hardly communicate with. Unfortunately, not a lot of options here. The majority of univ grads in LOS have little or no English skills. Even some of them I have known, who are graduate English majors, still are thinking and speaking "Thai style". Fortunately, I have a couple ladies who speak excellent English, have quick minds and pay attention to what is being said and are able reply with answers related to the topic being discussed.

well, aren't you the lucky one.

don't you see that about all the posts here are in fun? my wife's english will always be 1000% better than my thai. i've only been married once (to my thai wife), just turned 50. i've been in a few long term relationships with western gals, and without trying to slag them, i've never ever been able to communicate so openly as i have with my thai wife.

i'd say it's "a bit of a sorry state" to see one take this thread so seriously.

Yes, i see most of these posts are intended to be humorous. I don't see much humor in it actually. Most guys I see here are married to or involved with women, who have got little interest in communication, as long as they are getting their monthly dose of money. As for me, I really would have no interest in a long term relationship with no sex. I don't know who would.