Mr Jones

grown up my arse

we never grow up

we are men

except it

Flip I have forgottend my name

I would call you a sad <deleted> for asking stupid questions

lez

don't beat around the bush Lezzer, say what's on your mind mate

what would you say?

the "man" is asking the world what to do about his wifes mistake sorry SPOUSE.

what sort of thick (person) okay his SPOUSE made an error I stand by what I said.

######ing troll now is that better

I would call you a sad <deleted> for asking stupid questions

lez

A sailor marries his long time girlfriend every thing is okay for the first five years then she starts.

Why not try it the other way.

What other way? he asks.

You know

No I don’t says he.

Stick it in the other hole.

What the bloody hel_l do you want to do that for?

Well I was talking to my sister and she told me they, her and husband do it all the time.

Yes and look at them.

A bloody house full of kids.

thank you Gracefull Fawn

lez

my lad drinks whiskey as well

no problems with the lad tho

and my girls

make your own mind up

From www,bbc.co.uk/news/health

no mention of numbers, polution. just money

Coughs 'take big toll on economy'

More research is needed into the cause of coughs

Acute coughs cost the UK economy almost £1 bn every year, experts warn.

The British Thoracic Society said there was little evidence over-the-counter medicines had any specific pharmacological effect on acute coughs.

It also warned research was needed into the causes of chronic cough - also a significant problem.

The society has published guidelines in the journal Thorax to help doctors distinguish between the two forms of the condition.

ACUTE COUGH

Lasts less than three weeks

Usually associated with viral upper respiratory tract infection

Normally self-limiting and benign

Can occasionally sometimes be the first indication of a more serious condition in the absence of other significant symptoms

According to the society, acute coughs cost the UK economy £875 million a year in lost productivity, on top of £104 million healthcare costs.

Patients often report that they derive some benefit from taking cough medicines.

But the BTS experts said while there was evidence to suggest that medicines can suppress a cough, there was little to show that they effectively treat it.

No obvious cause

Chronic cough is often caused by asthma, drugs, environmental triggers or heartburn - but in a quarter of cases it cannot be attributed to a specific cause.

Professor Ian Pavord, who oversaw the formulation of the new guidelines, said: "Chronic cough is a common condition which is currently under-researched.

CHRONIC COUGH

Lasts more than eight weeks

Often caused by asthma, drugs, environmental triggers or heartburn

Most common in middle-aged women and obese people

Reported by 10-20% of adults

"While an attempt is being made to understand the condition and create better diagnostic protocols and treatments, there are still a significant number of patients who we can't help with specific treatment.

"It is important for healthcare professionals to use objective measures of cough severity when evaluating the effects of drugs and other treatments for chronic cough.

"New diagnostic tools are being produced all the time, but there is still some way to go."

He said one method of recording a cough over at least 24 hours - "ambulatory cough recording" - seemed to be the best method of measuring its severity.

Professor Peter Barnes, an expert in thoracic medicine at London's Imperial College, agreed that cough was major problem.

"It is the commonest symptom for which people go to see their doctor," he said.

"There is a need to find out more about why people get chronic cough, but there has been very little research as it has not been considered to be an important area by the pharmaceutical companies."

Professor Barnes said there was evidence to suggest that many cases of chronic cough were caused by increased sensitivity of the nerve endings in the airways.

Love at first sight, it don’t happen, lust at first sight does.

Like it or not we are animals and the first thought that enters a males mind when he sees a female is sex, women encourage this process by dressing in a way that they think they are sexy, displaying the goods.

Don’t believe me? Take a look around, she isn’t wearing a wonder bra for comfort, and those high heals look really comfortable, the cloths she wears is to attract attention. We have all heard it,

“does my bum look fat in this” what dose it matter if she cant see it..

Still don’t believe me? Then next time your partner has a new dress on or a new hair style even a new pair of shoes, (ignore them at your own peril.)

Women being the weaker sex need someone to take care of them and look for strength in a mate, not just physical strength financial strength as well.

north east south or western it still applies

always tip the maid

Insects are good for protein, but crickets are a bit crunchy I prefer (I forget the name) large grubs deep fried, the little frogs also taste ok but I can live without them.

I was thinking more of eating out in restaurants, when I was in India the Indians thought I was quite mad because I gave the rice to the beggars and ordered more expensive meat.

Lez

my advise is just let her be, its probally all the hormones and stuff, im surprised she didnt take your head off, my friend wife (who hates me) through a glass bottle at me when she was pregnant coz i said she looks fat (as just a joke) she totally went overboard.

Everything should go back to normal after the baby is born

donz Just how old are you?

Never ever tell a women she is FAT that is unless she's FROM Tonga, or you have a death wish.

Lez

A question on meats.

I eat mostly meat, fish and dairy produce with some green vegetables, in fact a very low Carbohydrate diet, no bread, no rice, no potatoes, nothing from a factory. Will I be able to easily continue this way of eating in Thailand?

Lez

It seems that Asians go grey a lot fast then Europeans but a lot of European men bald earlier.

and we still look sexy, beer gut and all

That Brother is called the DTs and it is time you quit the booze,

thats two books i have read today

the second one was a bit long but a better story

this will mess you eyes up

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?" Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough.

She took Eddy to the principal's office.

While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

The teacher agreed.

Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Eddy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Eddy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Eddy both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Eddy replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Eddy: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Eddy: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Eddy was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Eddy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Eddy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Eddy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Eddy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Eddy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Eddy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Eddy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Eddy: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

I know how it is done.

But if I told you.

I would have to kill you

A small amount of people, who go offshore for longer than a few days; and know that they have at least 30 days at sea become insane.

I saw this a few times, when working offshore.

Good luck to the original poster; the only way I would want to do it, is if a few dozen Thai girls came along for the trip as well.

30 days at sea I have been longer on a wave.

You land lubbers make me laugh, come to think of it I maght be insane

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

you would need to spend the 50,000 quid on your own bleeding mental health after driving a frigging tuk tuk all the way to old blighty would'nt you ?

cheers

just so Grashopper

Tuk-tuk two begin final stretch

The pair will have passed through 12 countries by the end of their trip

Two women are nearing the end of a 12,000 mile journey from Thailand to the UK in a pink motorised three-wheeled vehicle.

Antonia Bolingbroke-Kent, from Norfolk, and Jo Huxster, from Brighton, both 27, set off from the British Embassy in Bangkok in their tuk-tuk in May.

They have since travelled through eight countries at 150 miles (241km) a day.

Speaking from Poland, Ms Bolingbroke-Kent said the vehicle has had a number of mechanical problems.

"Surprisingly most of our mechanical problems have happened in Europe where we thought we'd have it easier," she added.

Policemen have given us lunches and people at road tolls have given us money, perhaps because they think we are crazy

Antonia Bolingbroke-Kent

"We've had two snapped accelerator cables, our suspension went in the first week and took 10 mechanics seven hours to fix, and we have got a funny hissing noise coming from underneath. But overall it has been fine.

"We have seen wonderful sights such as the remains of the Great Wall of China and the Gobi desert."

She said they had been touched by how friendly people had been towards them.

"I think being two girls helps. Policemen have given us lunches and people at road tolls have given us money, perhaps because they think we are crazy.

Final stretch

"We found the Russians to be the most hospitable and friendly people we have met. They were like the Irish and were treating us like sisters, warning us to be careful."

Ms Bolingbroke-Kent said the trip so far had been an amazing experience but it was dawning on them that it was nearing the end.

"The closer we get to the UK, the greater it dawns on us that we are not far from home as we start entering countries where they have McDonald's and Tesco's."

The pair hope to reach Prague by Saturday evening, and then set off later for Germany, Belgium and France.

They expect to reach Brighton on 3 September having travelled through a total of 12 countries.

The women are hoping to raise £50,000 for mental health charity, Mind.

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