Mr Jones

if you do go, don't let them get their hands on

passport

credit card

driving licence

or any other ID

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman

may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the

shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may

choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a

floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6

You are visitor 4,363,012th to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

nobody is that thick to reply

are they?

Children and the Metabolic Nightmare

www.healthmyths.net © 2006

Every loving parent wants the best for their children. We want them to have the best education. We want them to have the best lifestyle. And we want them to have the best future. As a father of two, I know this first hand. I also know that before any child attains the best of anything they must first attain the best of health. Sadly, this is an obstacle for most due to excess sugar use.

When sugar is consumed, the body responds by releasing mass amounts of the fat-storing hormone insulin. The insulin spike sets the stage for a metabolic nightmare. The brain says eat, eat, eat and the body says store, store, store. Raging appetite (seen as a tantrum) and obesity are the outcome. But that’s not all.

Courtesy of the metabolic nightmare, the health of U.S. children is worse in virtually every category relative to children in other industrialized countries. The biggest threat: Type II diabetes. In 2003, the Journal of the American Medical Association predicted that one in three children born in the year 2000 will suffer from this “sugar-eating” illness. The prediction is becoming a harsh reality.

In the last 4 years, the number of American children and teens taking prescription drugs for type II diabetes has increased two-fold – the fastest increase in prescription drug history! This wanton drug use has done nothing to curb the epidemic. These children are now faced with the debilitating symptoms of type II diabetes. Their entire lives will be encumbered by depression, heart disease, stroke and even cancer. It doesn’t have to be like this.

Avoiding obesity and type II diabetes requires the avoidance of sugar. This is not as easy as you might think. The term sugar refers to a long list of dangerous additives that have infiltrated our food supply. They are sucrose, glucose, dextrose, evaporated cane juice, maltodextrin, galactose, corn syrup, dextrin, beet sugar, raw sugar, brown sugar, white sugar, concentrated fruit juice, syrup, sorghum, honey, maple syrup, high fructose corn syrup, monosodium glutamate, hydrolyzed proteins and milk sugars such as lactose and maltose. Artificial flavors must be avoided too. Studies are showing that they too induce over-eating and fat storage.

Parents must be vigilant about reading labels and eliminating the aforementioned sugars from our children’s diet. If done, the best things in life await. The metabolic nightmare of type II diabetes will be nothing more than a bad dream.

Note: As summer approaches, fresh squeezed lemon juice in purified water flavored with “NuNaturals Stevia Extract” is a healthy alternative to sugary juice and soda.

About the Author: Shane is an organic chemist and internationally recognized authority on therapeutic nutrition. He is author of Health Myths Exposed and Hidden Truth about Cholesterol-Lowering Drugs. Get 6-months of his FREE Life Saving Health Briefs at www.healthmyths.net!

References: Starfield, Barbara. U.S. child health: What's amiss, and what should be done about it? A strong primary care infrastructure is key to improving and reducing disparities in children's health. Health Affairs (Millwood). 2004; September-October;23(5):165-170. SOURCE: JAMA 2003;290:1884-1890. SOURCE: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_32066.html

Author: Shane Ellison, M.Sc.

Date: 04/18/06

© 2005 Health Myths Exposed, LLC

www.healthmyths.net

posted with permition

Type 11 diabetes is caused by refined SUGAR nothing else, no sugar = no diabetes

when you think about it there is 12 tea spoons of sugar in 1 can of coke.

lez

From Miss Grace Johnson

Content: From Miss Grace Johnson

Avenue45 Rue 56 Macory Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire

Email: [email protected]

Dear One,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into long time relatioship and financial transaction for our mutual benefits hence I write with due respect .I am Miss GRACE JOHNSON and I inherited an important sum of money from my late father who died in a recent crisis in Cote d'Ivoire. I wish to request for your assistance in investing this money in a lucrative venture under your directives and guidiance in your country. I want you to assist me for the transfer of this sum of Three million, Five hundred thousand United State Dollars.($3.500,000)to your account designate hence I will give you the contact of the bank where the money is so that you can contact them immediately and discuss with them since I do not know much about financial issues. I will give you some resonable percentage from the total sum for your assistance while I pray that you do not betray me at last. Please it is important you contact me immediately for more clarifications on the next step hence it is my wish to relocate to your country as soon as this transaction is concluded.

Awaiting your immediate response via this email address: [email protected]

God bless you.

Miss GRACE JOHNSON.

I think someone might be envious!!

ME

A man goes to the doctor's for his wife's test results:

Mr Smith: "I'm here for Mrs Smith's test results .

Receptionist: " Oh I'm sorry Mr Smith, there's been a problem, we have 2 sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don't know which belongs to your wife. I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows AIDS . "

Mr Smith: " That's awful! What should I do"

Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of town . If she finds her way home, don't shag her".

Go see a hypnotherapist check that he/she is qualified and has insurance

He/she will be happy to produce qualifications and insurance, if not walk away.

Anybody can set up a hypnotherapy practice only qualified therapists can get insurance.

Just a foot note Paul McKenna can’t get insurance for his hypnotherapy practice.

lez

Oh Dear Oh Dear

still

they are bot out nicking cars mate

they are out shagging your wives and daughters while you <deleted> about on here

I have been reading this thread with much interest because I am over 100kg and tallish.

I have not been in Thailand for many years but have visited India twice this year and had the same happen to me,

Sir, you are very white, Sir, you are very big, meaning fat, I usually smile and thank them.

I also made one young lady very happy and a friend for life, I was counting the £50 I had changed into rupees the girl was quite put out thinking that was counting my changed money in case she had cheated me. I explained that I would trust her with my life and I indeed was only counting the money to see what the exchange rate was.

I was quite aware that the £50 that I was changing was more than a months wages for the young lady, I wasn’t aware that offering to buy her a sari that I had seen and I thought she would like was more than just a small gift of friendship, she was/is younger than my granddaughter.

John, my hotel manager got to know about my offer of a small gift, he laughed his head off and told me that by offering to buy the girl cloths was in fact an offer of marriage, he did explain to the girl that I was just a mad Englishman and I had no idea of their culture.

All was forgiven and we are still friends.

Even you have to admit asking for someone to take a package Thailand to the Netherlands RED Flags would be flying

Good luck

love it

Ah Khun Jean

Now i see Have a good flight

My Question would Be

Why dont you just POST it special delevery?????

it is poison

The "Middle Wife", by an Anonymous 2nd. grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow

stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I m going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching! her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like

psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned! to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage Tomato with freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a 5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you." "I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Oh Screw him!!. Give him a fiver." She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea"

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Mac Enron did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horse-fly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay," he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham.

And that is how it all began.

You still use energy while sleeping, you also dehydrate,

Why didn't he just swallow the evidence?

bit hard to say

Back in the days when my hair was dark (blonde now) and I could buy cloths off the peg.

I was advised the if my nails where short and clean and my shoes where polished then the first impression was good

Don't give up the day job