Mr Jones

sing along with Mr Simpson

AFL iss that the one where Big men FLY?

it will take more than a rod an staff to keep them beauties off the moggie

no I don't play computer games. 4 shots one hit

Should say I can't play computer games

faster than a speeding bullet

the 23 psalm

good one Bro

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year,....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....

He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument.

I bet he felt like an idiot.

The right place to post these.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. (Think about it)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

ho hum

Simple question, why if they are ALL a scam why would intelligent people from all walks of life (not just the doddering oldtimers Mr Jones thinks are targetted)buy additional weeks at the same resort on different occasion having already experienced used their existing one?

I said

Time share target the elderly and with the other scum that target the elderly, robbing their savings, without missing a seconds sleep want flogging.

DON'T CALL HOME FOR MONEY!

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to

yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that

for fifteen dollars?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. Don't know her name-they

just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted

to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who

knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's

going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived

and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced

himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for

fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I

thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run

off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back.

He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send

him the money. So I did."

(Are women good or what?)

Ummm....

The fact that polar bears are artic, while penguins are from anartica?

Did I win?

yes you win a free visit to see our time share rep

this one

Whats wrong with this

Comparing time share thieves with car salesmen

Yes thieves, a car salesperson doesn’t follow you down the street with a scratch card and get you to the office for three hours promising you the world.

A car salesperson lets you look at what you’re buying, test the seating, test drive the car.

Car sales have their expertise and methods of selling and sell their product as all salespeople do, to anyone.

Time share target the elderly and with the other scum that target the elderly, robbing their savings, without missing a seconds sleep want flogging.

I do know that there are reputable T/S companies but I have never seen one.

Nam

Watch out, it makes you rusty.

And , according to WC Fields , fish <deleted> in it !

He said no such awful thing. He said they pooh in it.

And little boys pee in it

NEVER CRITICISE YOUR WIFE OR your GF OF HER SHORTCOMINGS OR WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING WRONG. ALWAYS BEAR IN MIND THAT BECAUSE OF HER SHORTCOMINGS AND WEAKNESESS, SHE COULD NOT FIND A BETTER HUSBAND OR BF THEN YOU!!!

Children Writing About The Sea:

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly

age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have

sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily

Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an ###### on the top of its head.

(Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with

crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross

the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would

whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better

off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny

tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my

big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.

(Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can

give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I

think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age

7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes

my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers

can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky

age 8)

13) On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was

going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot

up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

bread, rice and potatoes are so unhealthy.

I wouldn't call them unhealthy foods, just very high in carbs and not good for "large people".

les

Donna Douglas:

Chez

No Idea just wanna congratulate you on becoming a granddad (spelling excepted)

Lez

bit slow arnt we Donz.

not likr u

what a bitch Donz

Just walk out

SHE has had er chance

just because she cant read or write or speak english is no excuse

just my opinion u understand

I'm keeping my GOB shut

$ now

4 now