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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. ballpoint
    Not a particularly early memory, but I was fascinated by our neighbours new TV - I think it was a Pye. Not only was it a rare colour one, but it also had the first remote control I'd ever seen. It used an ultrasonic wave, and their dog would howl every time the channel or volume were changed.
  2. ballpoint
    I just saw a man being arrested by an albino policeman. I thought, "That's a fair cop."
  3. ballpoint
    I'm off to Greenwich in a bit. Need to figure out what to do in the mean time!
  4. ballpoint
    The next person that asks me for rum, pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same glass is going to get a punch!
  5. ballpoint
    I just started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are through the roof!
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    Anyone else getting this? It's Deja vu all over again, or the worst joke version of Groundhog Day. Either way, we're stuck in the funny zone. Edit: After I posted this it all reset itself.
  10. ballpoint
    I went to a fancy dress party as an alarm clock but I had to leave early. People kept winding me up.
  11. ballpoint
    Burglars broke into my bathroom last night. Luckily they only took my broken scales. They won't get a weigh with it.
  12. ballpoint
    People are often shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
  13. ballpoint
    Weeks ago my mate got arrested by airport police for getting abusive about the luggage delays. He's still waiting for his case to come up.
  14. ballpoint
    My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
  15. ballpoint
    Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
  16. ballpoint
    I just lost my Job at the Elvis Presley snow globe factory. I'm all shook up.
  17. ballpoint
    A woman in labour suddenly shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry", said the doctor, "those are just contractions.”
  18. ballpoint
    When I was a boy the other kids would grab me, cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head . Life was tough growing up in the gateau.
  19. ballpoint
    I asked the stewardess "What height are we flying at?". She replied: "36,000 ft or maybe 33,000 ft, what does it matter, you idiot?" She definitely had an altitude problem.
  20. ballpoint
    I just got my exam results back. I passed paintballing with flying colours. For honey making, I got a B. And in oceanography I got a C. I'm proudest of my result in finding erotic spots though, where I got a G.
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  25. ballpoint
    I put my hand out to stop a bus today, but it just kept going. As I went under the wheels, I realised it only works for Superman.

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