ballpoint

I was feeling lonely so I started a small business. It's nice to have a little company.

I fell asleep the other night at a friend's party and woke up to find that my friends had stuck a tea bag in my mouth. I was livid. Nobody makes a mug out of me!

Lady goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot in a cage. “What a beautiful bird,” she exclaims, “How much is it?” “ Twenty quid” replies the shopkeeper, “ but I have to warn you, he’s got a bit of previous, hence the price. Grew up in a brothel so he’s seen a few things and his language can be a little fruity sometime.” Ignoring the warning, the lady pays £20 and takes the bird home. Once there she puts the bird in the living room, takes the cover off, and the bird has a good look around. “New place,” says the parrot. “Nice wallpaper, new furniture. Very nice”. Later that afternoon the lady’s daughters come home. The bird looks them up and down, “New place, new girls. Nice. Very nice”. That evening the lady’ s husband returns from work. “Hello Keith” says the bird.

Egyptians claim to have invented the guitar. I think they are lyres.