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ballpoint

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Everything posted by ballpoint

  1. ballpoint
    I've finally got around to returning the invisibility cloak I got for Christmas. I just can't see myself wearing it.
  2. ballpoint
    I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No, it’s to look at.”
  3. ballpoint
    I think my wife spilled syrup all over the letter tiles while playing Scrabble at breakfast this morning. She denies it, but I’m sticking to my words!
  4. ballpoint
    The back of a guy's anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. Someone in the crowd said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this is my livelihood.'”
  5. ballpoint
    Every time I get something stuck in my throat, I dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It's known as the Heineken manoeuvre.
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    Not a joke. Quite the opposite actually, but damn!
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    That was stomach churning. I can't believe it's not better. (Only joking. Don't stop, you're on a roll).
  21. ballpoint
    Trainer: What is your fitness goal? Me: Clipping my toenails and breathing at the same time.
  22. ballpoint
    Phoned Smyths Toys and asked if they had the game "Operation.” They said they did, but there's a 3-year waiting list.
  23. ballpoint
    Because one liners are so short, accurate spelling is vital. There's very little margarine for error.
  24. ballpoint
    Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice? It doesn’t work, but it stops the squeaking.
  25. ballpoint
    Bloke sets the alarm clock for 7. Wife said, "Why have you done that, there's only the 2 of us ?"

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