ballpoint

Did you know that the word "gullible" isn't actually in the dictionary? It's true: look it up.

Next time you're feeling down, remember life is all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison.

As I was passing a pet shop, I noticed a sign in the window next to a cat. It said Genuine Netherlands cat for sale. I had my doubts, so I asked " How Dutch is that moggie in the window?"

She was just stringing them on, they should have learned the ropes by now. I wonder if she was a tie woman?

Erdoğan blocks Nato accession talks with Sweden and Finland | Financial Times (ft.com) Or, if that ones blocked by a paywall: https://finance.yahoo.com/news/ukraine-latest-finland-sweden-hand-105700818.html "Finland and Sweden handed in their formal applications to join NATO, but the process could drag out as Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan blocked the alliance from starting the accession process, making clear he is frustrated with the approach of several alliance members to Kurdish groups".

Dyadya Vanya (Uncle Vanya)

Asking that question on here is rather like asking a flock of birds how they conceal their ears.

And, Amber Heard and Jonny Depp arguing is not news.

It's important not to confuse news with analysis. I remember when news was purely that - someone told us what had happened that day, usually with pictorial or video assistance, but they didn't then try to propaganda-ise it by taking one side or another, and 'explaining' why it had happened. Now news is politicised, and often under the control of a single corporation, if not person, with an agenda. Taking multiple sources, apportioning more belief to those with scientific reasoning and evidence (hence the push to demonise science by the pedlars of false news) and a proven track record over time, and making your own conclusions based on all available channels, will more likely lead to correct self analysis than simply believing in what your favourite one tells you to conclude. You should also seriously consider the likelihood of a single guy on Twitter knowing the deepest secrets and "facts" about some topic that is totally outside his experience and knowledge, and treat what he is saying accordingly.

Questions have been asked about the usefulness of Sweden's troop numbers, but that isn't what will be disconcerting to Russia. The greater worry for them will be Swedish naval and airforce superiority, and their use in controlling Russian access to the Baltic, along with coverage of the three Baltic states, particularly given the location of Swedish owned Gotland Island, should Russia cast its eyes on them next:

A story told by a former RAF flight engineer, which he swears is true (and I hope it is), and is believable: He was on a Royal Charter Tristar, being flown by a couple of management pilots who left their office desks and commandeered the flight, rather than allow some common (but in current practice) line pilots to have the honour. On landing, these guys well and truly planted the aircraft. As the passengers were disembarking, Prince Philip stuck his head into the flight deck and said, "If you chaps are looking for your undercarriage, it's right up my wife's ****".

My wife asked me this morning if I'd seen the dog bowl. I said " To be honest, I didn't even know he played cricket".

I bought a self assembly bird table from Ikea last week. I left it in the garden and the lazy buggers haven't even opened the box yet.

I'm well shattered, no sleep since Sunday, due to some horrid metal clanking noises outside my bedroom window. That's 2 knights running now.

"Love?" I shouted, "do you know how to turn Alexa off?" "Try walking through the lounge naked," she shouted back.

Arguing with a woman is like a software agreement. In the end you ignore everything and select "I agree".

Who's in charge of old McDonald's farm? The CIEIO.

In Construction news, a new innovative and pioneering pneumatic drill has just been invented. Already it is being hailed as ground breaking.

I was in a bad car accident last week and police have been examining the skid-marks to investigate what happened. So far they have worked out that the other driver was a hell of a lot more scared than me

When I visited my doctor earlier the nurse immediately said "I see you have an iron deficiency." I said "how can you tell" She said "Your shirt's really creased"

Why are all gender equality officers female? Because it's cheaper.