Wedding Costs - Is This Too Much

[nev]

hastings how can a issan farm girl get a position in a top bangkok university?and to get a job in a top hotel chain in bangkok they need a degree and speak english very well, did she tell you this,i suspect she learned her english from being a bar girl.

i am not having a go but not many issarn familys can afford or get a position in a top university.

Nev you may be interested to know that poor Issan farm girls can and do go to the top universities. They continue on to top jobs as well.

They get scholarships into Chula. I know a few who have been through this route including one who went on to a further scholarship in Australia.

Quite true in fact I'm going to Chaing Mai on the 15th of this month to watch a poor issan girl get her law degree from Chaing Mai University. She is now doing her Masters in Law at Thammasat.

Edit: Her intention is to become a judge!!

thank you for pointing that out guy's,my point is not too many acheive this, maybe his girl is genuine and i wish them good luck.

i hope he post's back on this thread after the wedding to update us.

Edited January 11, 2007 by nev

[stepenwolf1958]

This is FAR too much for a 'village born girl to be asking from her future husband, the very fact that you are here questioning it should ring a few bells for you.

If she is from a village you are just about to shell out 5 years total income for the family in one fell swoop and your chances of getting the 'show money' back into YOUR bank account after the fact is VERY remote.

It all comes down to just how much you love your future wife and how much you are willing to gamble on her love for you, if you can afford to lose the money it is purely a test to see if she really is the one for you.

What does she hold a degree in? What does she do for a living at 28yo living in the city? She speaks 'perfect' English? That is VERY unusual for a girl that has not been married to a 'Farang' before - you got the background?

Worst case scenerio? You turn up for the wedding and there is nobody there, you'r down 700,000 Baht and holding a ticket for her to the states. Who are you going to make a complaint too?

Best case? You get married to her and raise 4 kids over the next 40 years with frequent trips back to the village to see that the 10 cows/buffalo have increased over the years to a herd of 400!

FANTASTIC instruction to wake up before too late...poor guy...but thanks to people as you are-he might be safe soon...Congartulation for asking him about her background...I am fascinated how many ways they have to get what they want to and,unfortunately,we know WHAT thye want...

[stepenwolf1958]

consider myself lucky - my wedding ceremony for the closest family and friends (40 pax) at my mother in law house was some 15k baht + 9k wedding rings, no special outfits, no pictures, a symbolic 1 or 2k dowry.

that way we were able to build a house for us for the future retirement.

my wife is a peasant with aristocratic maners, perfect english (no farang partner before) and she is not a young chick. I know she loves me not for the money

LOL....seem to me you are REALY lucky guy(based on my expiriences)...you should try lottery ...anyway,it's always good to hear story with happy end and this is one of them...i feel good for you bud...cheer...

[stepenwolf1958]

She is serious, and I know she has the money to do it. ....Of course,she said that in anger,right?Did you ask her where she get that much money?Don't you think she manipulate with your feelings?Other words,as your job should be-logic is your strong weapon in life?Where is it now?Count how many people here telling you the same...Do you see bud?...Don't defend her-no reason...All of us-we are just trying to help you and i didn't saw any rude comment to you...Or?

[Padkapow Guy]

You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink it! (ring a bell)

Her requests for her dowery are outragous! and not by a little. As you said she will pay for it herself, ok let her and see if she actually does. I'm guessing she won't. If she had that kind of money laying around her parents or brothers would have already borroed it from her.

I do not mean to be disrespectful in anyway, but I predict another thread in 3 to 5 years saying

I lost my arse to an Issan girl who spoke perfect english with a university degree.

I know love is blind my friend and I sure you are going to avoid all the advise that everyone has given you and learn the hardway. That's ok , it will just make you a little wiser for wife #2

I know you think we are being mean, but some day you look back and say those old farts on TV were just trying to help and I should have listened to them.

good luck know matter which road you choose to travel.

PKG

[WilliamCave]

Hello, I am very sick of hearing men on here ask if theses inflated prices to marry a women is realistic. How desperate are these men to marry and be accepted. Some sort of emotional problems. I think mental problem, My wifes family payed for everything and the dowery was given back to me with the money collectd at the wedding.

A GOOD THAI FAMILY IS NOT GREATY THEY ARE USUALLY VERY GIVING.

And my wife has 2 University degrees never married before and comes from a very good family and has never asked me for anything, when I go to visit them I am the man around and when things happen when my family is involved I am always consulted first for my response because in Thailand the father is the higher archey.

So u as the man set the costs and the presdents and if u are not then there is a problem.

When I asked my wife to marry me they asked me what kind of wedding I wanted, were how many people etc, never asked me for money. Just that her mother had one question for me...Do u love my daughter and will u always stand beside her ,,,and that is it

My wife also tells me about true Thai culture not the inflated bullshit.

Good luck

[WilliamCave]

Hello all again, I have shown my Thai wife some of the questions and things on here men are asked for when marrying a Thai women she said either the men are sick to pay, stupid what ever ,,but should un as fast as they can in the opposite direction

Chuck Dee

[pedro01]

First of all - I think that amount is a little too high.

Second - understand that she's probably 'shooting in the dark' here - does she know what you earn, your savings, your expenses in the US ? Is she in a good position to determine what is affordable to you ? If not - it's possible she's making assumptions about your wealth & basing her demands on what she thinks is affordable to you. If that's a months salary to you - then it's probably not OTT, if it's 6 months salary - then it is too much for you. If you were Bill Gates, no-one on this forum would be telling you it was too much.

This is the only first stage in the negotiations. Do you have an amount in mind & some solid reasons for that amount being adequate ? What is your comfort level financially ?

I would normally not recommend any books on Thai women - but Thailand Fever has a chapter on this - in both Thai and English. I'd advise that both of you read it & then sit down together and figure out how to come to an agreement.

This is a good test of a relationship. Talking about money isn't easy for many people but as a couple, it's something you will need to do often. The fact that you have already argued about this means you are going about it the wrong way.

Good luck

Pedro

[macb]

As I told Hastings yesterday at the request of a friend from Another Forum you are being ripped off big style.

I will not bother to repest myself here.

THink and look at the wider picture my friend before its to late

Hi macb, did you happen to see my other post within this thread? Not getting ripped at all, it is just a matter of "wants" vs "needs". She knows the difference, now. ;- )

Hi there:

Then maybe the needs are as great as the wants mate: Seems an awful lot to pay if your having a traditional western wedding !!!! It isnt about the memory over here its about status and the wallet sorry to be so blunt.

My wife wont have a big wedding she says waste of money bless her

[helicoptor]

What did you say the name of the bar was where you met your wife-to-be?

Jus' wanna make a mental note thats all................

[Cuban]

Do not feed the trolls.

[typhoon]

I am marrying a 28 y.o. TG from Issan in a couple of months. She speaks perfect English, has a university degree but comes from an Issan farming family. We have also applied for a fiancée visa and will have a small ceremony followed by a bigger reception in the United States. The traditional Thai wedding in Issan is for her family and friends, and will not be registered for months (so as not to screw up our visa application). Suffice it to say I am concerned that the cost of the two ceremonies and travel expenses are already going to be very expensive without the little extras I am told are required in a Thai traditional marriage. I am wondering if the costs that my fiancée proposes for the Thai wedding are reasonable. While my in-laws do not want a dowry (they are apparently happy that their daughter and I are in love), my fiancée indicates that a present from me to them s appropriate. She proposes that I give her parents a gift of 8-10 cows or buffalo for the farm (approximately B150k or US 4,500). Additionally she proposes that I give her 10 baht of gold (approximately B120K or US 3,400); pay for wedding outfits and photos (B50k or US 1500); and pay for the ceremony and reception at a hotel for 150 - 200 guests (approximately B75K or US 2,100). Grand total is approximately B495K or US 12,400 for the Thai wedding alone. Additionally, she wants me to put up B200K for show money which will be returned after the ceremony and reception.

I think that 2 to 4 Buffalos or cows are generous and reasonable, as is 3 to 6 baht of gold. I do not know whether the costs for the photos or ceremony are unreasonable although I suspect they are ok (although the photos and outfits are already a done deal since I already told her that it was ok). Overall, I think that what she proposes might be too much? Any thoughts, comments or advice would be appreciated.

BTW the US ceremony and reception will be approximately US 5,000 to 7, 000 (not including the travel expenses).

Hastings, Please think carefully about what you are doing! this is far to much,I think she is no fool, and will take you to the cleaners in the long run. Are you in love? or in lust? Sorry for being blunt.

[pumpuiman]

If your an attorney and fairly well off.....pay for everything she wants. If you dont, you'll feel ashamed and cheap.

Whats that a weeks pay?.......buck up and make everyone happy.

[OneeyedJohn]

I'm just a huge sucker for these trash novels

[Neeranam]

Hello, I am very sick of hearing men on here ask if theses inflated prices to marry a women is realistic. How desperate are these men to marry and be accepted. Some sort of emotional problems. I think mental problem, My wifes family payed for everything and the dowery was given back to me with the money collectd at the wedding.

A GOOD THAI FAMILY IS NOT GREATY THEY ARE USUALLY VERY GIVING.

Are you saying that poor Thai families are not good?

The guys I know whose girlfriends families paid for everything married ugly women.

Maybe your just sick of seeing other guys with beautiful women.

[BlackArtemis]

Hey I am planning my Wedding as I speak, though it is in CM I was just reading other wedding threads.

For our clothes I have spent 18,000 baht to have a custom suit and dress cut for us.

A wedding of 200+ people with dress, limo, florist/wedding planner and the works is going to cost us 100,000-110,000B

Throw in another 40k I spent on the rings (My mother and grandmother passed down a diamond, so I got off easy there)

She is 28 and I am 25. She also has a Masters in TEFL and with her tutoring classes she makes more $ than I do O.o

I also get off easy with no sin sod. The American wedding will cost 15-20k USD though. But hey, atleast I have the dress already

No matter the cost, person, or place I wish you all luck in planning the weddings, it isn't the most stress-free time.

[thaibites0]

@ Hastings.

When all is said and done it really does come down to you. Most people here think you are being ripped off but it really is down to you - if you love her and she loves you, I guess you follow your heart but if you are following your dick you are in for a whooping.

You do not seem to read the thread you posted but it might be router probs again so I apologise for the insinuations - if she's real, she is taking you to the cleaners even before the marriage.

The family are getting buffalo or cattle - that is pure Issan and 10 of them makes them VERY wealthy, no problems with that if the other residents look upon you as a friend but if you are deemed a fool it will give you problems forever!

Again I stress that her records are still at the embassy and her chances of getting a visa are very remote - you think it will be easy but I assure you there will be difficulties in getting her over to the states!

[Kaoboi Bebobp]

So Hastings, or should I say Hasty, what did you do?

Sorry, lad, but you should listen to the guys who are saying that what's she's demanding is OUTRAGEOUS. One poster referenced Stickman. If you've never heard of him, he's been married to a Thai lady, allegedly a good one, and has lived in LOS for eight years now, I believe. Here's a link to one of his regular readers' submissions. Stick backs him up 100 %.

Case Against Sin Sod

It's long, and it's raw and painful and it's accurate, if a little over the top. Also search his site for other posts on marrying Thai women. Some of them are a little harsh, too, but the gist is: Be Careful Out There.

[pumpuiman]

So Hastings, or should I say Hasty, what did you do?

Sorry, lad, but you should listen to the guys who are saying that what's she's demanding is OUTRAGEOUS. One poster referenced Stickman. If you've never heard of him, he's been married to a Thai lady, allegedly a good one, and has lived in LOS for eight years now, I believe. Here's a link to one of his regular readers' submissions. Stick backs him up 100 %.

Case Against Sin Sod

It's long, and it's raw and painful and it's accurate, if a little over the top. Also search his site for other posts on marrying Thai women. Some of them are a little harsh, too, but the gist is: Be Careful Out There.

That article was a bunch of crap. Sounds like a bitter farang who had his heart broken. Spouting his opinions in CAPITAL LETTERS let me repeat CAPITAL LETTERS does not make it fact.

He fails to realize that the sin sod is accepted as tradition by a huge section of the population, not just "money grubbing whores" as he writes.

Even if his historic view was correct at a time in the past....you have to realize, things change.

[Briggsy]

My friend married a decent girl from Hat Yai. Accountant, virtually no English. She asked for sin sot of 150,000. My friend just a poor English teacher flatly refused. Negotiations continued for 2 years. In the end, they settled on him paying for a lovely reception for 80 guests at a Nonthaburi hotel. This cost him 45,000. Other bits and bobs, cake, transport, etc took the total to 60,000.

The parents then divvied up the money in the envelopes from the guests. Over 100,000. They promptly gave him back his 60,000 much to his surprise. All parties happy.

[pedro01]

My friend married a decent girl from Hat Yai. Accountant, virtually no English. She asked for sin sot of 150,000. My friend just a poor English teacher flatly refused. Negotiations continued for 2 years. In the end, they settled on him paying for a lovely reception for 80 guests at a Nonthaburi hotel. This cost him 45,000. Other bits and bobs, cake, transport, etc took the total to 60,000.

The parents then divvied up the money in the envelopes from the guests. Over 100,000. They promptly gave him back his 60,000 much to his surprise. All parties happy.

Huh ? Isn't the money in the envelopes supposed to be for the bride & groom ? lol !!! They got their sinsod then - not a bad deal for him though.

[Briggsy]

My friend married a decent girl from Hat Yai. Accountant, virtually no English. She asked for sin sot of 150,000. My friend just a poor English teacher flatly refused. Negotiations continued for 2 years. In the end, they settled on him paying for a lovely reception for 80 guests at a Nonthaburi hotel. This cost him 45,000. Other bits and bobs, cake, transport, etc took the total to 60,000.

The parents then divvied up the money in the envelopes from the guests. Over 100,000. They promptly gave him back his 60,000 much to his surprise. All parties happy.

Huh ? Isn't the money in the envelopes supposed to be for the bride & groom ? lol !!! They got their sinsod then - not a bad deal for him though.

Yes, you're right. It's funny how people leave the "envelope money" out of the discussion. Often it's substantial. Suppose it depends who your friends are.

[Jasmin rice]

I guess you may be confused with these suggestion, don't you? Now, I want to tell you my opinion.

As an Issan woman, I am not comfortable to hear you guys complain about the Issan women, but I have to accept what the guys here said are true.

I'm not able to determine if you girl friend asked for too much or not. But I can tell you one thing that you gf really wants to have a luxury wedding celebration. The wedding actually can be held at a school in her village in stead of the hotel. This would save a lot of money.

Now, I'd like to tell you my experience. My sister who has a bachelor degree got married with a Thai man two years ago. The guy gave 200.000 baht to my parents and gave a set of diamond to her. My parent paid 70,000 baht for the wedding celebration A year later, my parents gave 100,000 baht to their first baby.

I myself, who have a Master degree and two Bachelor degrees, got married with American three years ago. . I niether had a wedding celebration nor Sinsod. I explained the Sinsod to my husband but he didn't understand so I gave up. My parents did not ask anything from him. Instead, My parents asked him to love and take care of me.

I made the point of education here because I don't want you to think that you should pay her because she had a degree.

The last thing I wanna tell you. Ninety night percents of the villegers always think that Farang is rich. This might cause you troubles after you have got married. I mean the troubles from your gf's family. You should talk with you gf about this before getting married.

[Jasmin rice]

Sorry, ninety nine percents not ninety night percents

[Momo8]

Lol after reading all this I can only give this advice:ELOPE.You are marrying the girl not the whole family!All this money just to save face for the sake of love and tradition can leave anyone stone cold broke.

[Mid]

thanxs for the honest post .

best wishes

mid

now where's that 'Joe" guy ........................................................

for those that don't know , a Tv poster ,

[Neeranam]

I myself, who have a Master degree and two Bachelor degrees

I’m also a thai women (uni grad)

Do you really think sin sot is depends on how many degrees you have?

[Neeranam]

I have double degrees from one of the top 20 universities in the US. I know my English writing is not up to the par ‘cause I don’t write as much as before hence am currently working in the fields of architecture and economic forecasting(data and graphs reading

If you have a face like the back of a buffalo and 3 PhDs, would you expect a high 'sin sod'.

I've met a lot of Thai women who think they deserve a large sin sot as they've got a degree. IMO, beauty is more important - what a man is interested in.

Edited January 19, 2007 by Neeranam

[teacup]

If you have a face like the back of a buffalo and 3 PhDs, would you expect a high 'sin sod'.

I've met a lot of Thai women who think they deserve a large sin sot as they've got a degree. IMO, beauty is more important - what a man is interested in.

“with 3 PhDs!”….Hmm now if I’m that smart, what do I need a man for?

[thaipulse]

I'm getting to the point where I'll be planning this stuff for myself and I've given it a bit of thought.

My g/f is 24, graduated from a good uni in the northeast. She spoke English OK, way better than a rajabhat girl. The quality of teachers and the effort she put into it aided her. FAR from perfect english - but her vocabulary is brilliant, especially after 2 years with me - we only speak English -which I regret at times.

Her family is from Isaan. A small city. But, her family were mostly teachers at government schools. Retired most of them. They have a house, an old BMW... they spent money wisely. Not many alcoholics to look after - they farm still.

They used loans to send her to school for 4 years and would have used loans to send her to masters program if she wanted. They gave her 3000 baht per month to live... and she did for 4 years.

We've dated almost 2 yrs. She's asked me for exactly NOTHING in these two years. I have NOT been overly generous at any point in our relationship - believing that - if she lived on 3000/mth for 4 years - she can live on 4000 mth with me - cooking, cleaning, errands, washing clothes, etc... She gets free stay and free food. What more do I have to give her? She sends 3000 of that 4000 back to her mom every month! Sometimes 4000. She doesn't "need" money. She doesn't wear gold. I'd never buy her gold. I've bought her 2 phones. One was 1500 b. The latest was 4500 2nd hand and we traded in the old phone for 1000 b. She felt BADLY about me buying her the new one - because someone stole the old one out of her backpack at the BANK of all places... We've traveled a LITTLE bit - mostly on motorbike - we drive everywhere. Oh - I got her a motorbike - I did forget that small detail. She is forever indebted to me in her mind for this... She was riding a 20 year old Yamaha that had bad brakes and the chain popped off once and jammed in the axle and she almost crashed... I got her one of the automatic MIOs because it fits her much better - is small for her petite frame and stops much better and maybe offers a little protection from rain and stuff... I also got it knowing full well that I NEEDED to have at least one dependable motorbike to ride since mine is a 2 stroke honda from about 1993 that I paid 11000 baht for... so - yes, I've given her some things over the 2 years. Nothing extravagant.

But, really - that is it man. She hasn't asked. She doesn't expect anything.

I think that guys really need to find girls like this. They exist in the universities of Isaan. Not so much Rajabhat for some reason - the girls I've met there - a hundred? Seemed to have money on the brain. That's just my experience. Other college girls I met in Isaan that go to good schools - they are girls that haven't seen the inside of a bar. They don't have close friends that have and influence them about money and how much a farang should be giving them. They are basic people - the best.

Reconsider your girls request for such a huge amount of money. Not that it's huge for you - it's a downpayment on a car in the states -but here, wow, it's serious cash. Reconsider not because it will hurt your pocket. Just reconsider because a really great girl wouldn't be asking for so much - or even much at all... I'm expecting to get married and pay for the wedding, a gift to her parents of maybe 50,000 baht as a token - and that's about it. No gold unless she insists - which she won't...

Good luck man...