Where to meet new friends in Chiang Mai ?

[hobz]

On 11/27/2017 at 10:30 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

I believe there is an expat club. Might be a place to start.

Otherwise there is a potential friend of either gender in any bar in C M.

Sometimes they are kind of 2 genders in 1 :)

[cyberfarang]

14 hours ago, DeaconJohn said:

Good post.

The bottom line is that you have a life in Chiang Mai.

Family maybe, or a meaningful occupation.

So many farangs don't have anything worth getting out of bed in the morning for.

Family means everything here.

Your position in the family defines who you are.

Without one you are nobody.

Farang tao-nahn eng.

There are those living in CM who are quite content with just doing their own thing, whether it be with a Thai family or solo. But this doesn`t apply to all expats. Many at times feel a need to have conversations with people in English, those they can relate to other than just on the social media. 

 

This doesn`t mean going out and trying to make new best friends or that they are bored with their family lives,  it simply means, socializing on occasions, just having a chat over a beer or a cup of coffee with people that will accept them on equal terms without feeling they are intruding or uncomfortable approaching others for a chat.

[NancyL]

18 hours ago, DeaconJohn said:

Good post.

The bottom line is that you have a life in Chiang Mai.

Family maybe, or a meaningful occupation.

So many farangs don't have anything worth getting out of bed in the morning for.

Family means everything here.

Your position in the family defines who you are.

Without one you are nobody.

Farang tao-nahn eng.

It's absurd to say you must be part of a family here to have a meaningful life.  This is nonsense meant to encourage every single guy who arrives to find a Thai woman as soon as possible, marry her and start to support her extended family.  What about single women who come here to retire?  What about all the horror stories of single men who come for retirement and soon find themselves supporting an entire village and becoming fathers at age 72, stretching their pensions and spending down their life savings in short order, only to have nothing when they develop a serious illness?

 

But, you're right, you have to have a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.  It can be to go to Thai language classes, go to the gym, play bridge, computer club, do Rotary community service projects, learn about Buddhism at a temple, go traveling with friends, etc, etc.  There is no shortage of good, healthy activities for single people that don't involve alcohol and can permit one to develop their place in the community.

[MaeJoMTB]

2 hours ago, NancyL said:

What about single women who come here to retire? 

 

There is no shortage of good, healthy activities for single people that don't involve alcohol and can permit one to develop their place in the community.

Why would a single woman come to live retire Thailand? it's dirty, dangerous, immigration are problematic and the sights can be seen in a week or so.

Booze and birds is the only reasons I can think of to be here long term, if I wanted something else, I'd be living somewhere else.

 

If I were a single woman (or a man not looking for sex), I'd retire to Florida (if American/Canadian) or southern Spain (if a European).

Edited December 8, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[sanemax]

2 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

 

Booze and birds is the only reasons I can think of to be here long term,

You must understand , not everyone just has "birds & booze" in their life .

Some people have other interests

[Ulysses G.]

3 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Why would a single woman come to live Thailand? i

 

I see your point, but I have met a few that love living here. One was management at AUA many years ago and was quite attractive, intelligent and lots of fun. She ended up marrying a Thai movie star half her age and they seemed to get along splendidly. 

[thaibeachlovers]

21 hours ago, DeaconJohn said:

Good post.

The bottom line is that you have a life in Chiang Mai.

Family maybe, or a meaningful occupation.

So many farangs don't have anything worth getting out of bed in the morning for.

Family means everything here.

Your position in the family defines who you are.

Without one you are nobody.

Farang tao-nahn eng.

Even when I was married I didn't want the "family" that came with her, but that's a different thread.

I may not have a family here ( or a "meaningful" -whatever that means- occupation, other than doing whatever I want to do ), but I have a life, even if others wouldn't agree.

[thaibeachlovers]

45 minutes ago, Ulysses G. said:

I see your point, but I have met a few that love living here. One was management at AUA many years ago and was quite attractive, intelligent and lots of fun. She ended up marrying a Thai movie star half her age and they seemed to get along splendidly. 

Bit like a farang that marries a Thai woman half their age and gets along splendidly.

I don't see many solo farang women- perhaps the reputation keeps them away, but IMO there is no reason why they shouldn't come here. Of course they should accept that they will find it hard to pick up farang men along the way, but that should not put off a self motivating person.

[thaibeachlovers]

53 minutes ago, sanemax said:

You must understand , not everyone just has "birds & booze" in their life .

Some people have other interests

LOL. Men may have "other interests", but I'm sure no normal man doesn't want a partner in life ( of whichever gender floats their boat ). Unfortunately, as we get older it gets harder to find that ideal person.

However, many of us don't need booze.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Why would a single woman come to live retire Thailand? it's dirty, dangerous, immigration are problematic and the sights can be seen in a week or so.

Booze and birds is the only reasons I can think of to be here long term, if I wanted something else, I'd be living somewhere else.

 

If I were a single woman (or a man not looking for sex), I'd retire to Florida (if American/Canadian) or southern Spain (if a European).

I agree with most of your posts, but I can't with that. I think it's just as logical a place for a single woman to retire as for a single male that can't afford to have a constant supply of BGs.

There is far more for me to do back home, but I just prefer the temperature and standard of living I have here.

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, NancyL said:

It's absurd to say you must be part of a family here to have a meaningful life.  This is nonsense meant to encourage every single guy who arrives to find a Thai woman as soon as possible, marry her and start to support her extended family.  What about single women who come here to retire?  What about all the horror stories of single men who come for retirement and soon find themselves supporting an entire village and becoming fathers at age 72, stretching their pensions and spending down their life savings in short order, only to have nothing when they develop a serious illness?

 

But, you're right, you have to have a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.  It can be to go to Thai language classes, go to the gym, play bridge, computer club, do Rotary community service projects, learn about Buddhism at a temple, go traveling with friends, etc, etc.  There is no shortage of good, healthy activities for single people that don't involve alcohol and can permit one to develop their place in the community.

But, you're right, you have to have a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Disagree 100%. IMO staying in bed is a perfectly satisfactory way of spending a day, if it's interesting. The only alternative I have to a bed is a rather uncomfortable chair, which I use when on the computer, but in bed I can read, watch tv or DVDs, day dream or plan what I want to do when I do get out of bed.

Not everyone is physically capable of doing things outside, and must accept a much quieter life style than when younger and fitter.

The only problem would be if one is so depressed that they stay in bed just waiting to die.

[Bill97]

It's absurd to say you must be part of a family here to have a meaningful life.  This is nonsense meant to encourage every single guy who arrives to find a Thai woman as soon as possible, marry her and start to support her extended family.  What about single women who come here to retire?  What about all the horror stories of single men who come for retirement and soon find themselves supporting an entire village and becoming fathers at age 72, stretching their pensions and spending down their life savings in short order, only to have nothing when they develop a serious illness?
 .

The master of the twisted response is reaching for new highs.

I vote for the thousands of men who have found lasting relationships here, actually tens of thousands.

They are more interesting than a few fools who make headlines for stupidity and become gossip food.



Sent from my iPod touch using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Paul Catton]

I found the CEC breakfast I attended (last March) to be a rather good venue and certainly didn’t feel like a fish out of water.

The “newbie” table was well manned or to be PC, personned.

It could be a good start for many newcomers to Thailand wishing to expand their non indigenous social activity.

There was no selling of dodgy insurances, condo schemes, get-rich-quick plans, etc.

Neither was bacon & sausages stashed into zip lock bags evident.

A forum member tried to organise a bit of night out to coincide with our last visit from NZ and my elder sister from the UK.

The venue he chose wouldn’t have been on my pick list as it bordered on an “eye candy” venue off Soi Loh Khor.

Suprisingly, Nancy L, unescorted and traversing through th city, made the effort and did attend which in my opinion gives great “kudos”.

 

Edited December 8, 2017 by Paul Catton
Extra word

[bazza73]

6 hours ago, NancyL said:

It's absurd to say you must be part of a family here to have a meaningful life.  This is nonsense meant to encourage every single guy who arrives to find a Thai woman as soon as possible, marry her and start to support her extended family.  What about single women who come here to retire?  What about all the horror stories of single men who come for retirement and soon find themselves supporting an entire village and becoming fathers at age 72, stretching their pensions and spending down their life savings in short order, only to have nothing when they develop a serious illness?

 

But, you're right, you have to have a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.  It can be to go to Thai language classes, go to the gym, play bridge, computer club, do Rotary community service projects, learn about Buddhism at a temple, go traveling with friends, etc, etc.  There is no shortage of good, healthy activities for single people that don't involve alcohol and can permit one to develop their place in the community.

With all due respect, Nancy, it's equally possible for women here to have horror stories. One in my condo was hit by a scooter on the street ( driver didn't stop ) and eventually went back to the USA to die in poverty. Another committed suicide by jumping from a condo floor. With the Thai competition here, the chances of a falang woman forming a relationship with a Falang or a Thai are pretty slim.

Forming a relationship with a Thai woman here is as easy as falling off a log for a male falang. The problems come when they don't use common sense, don't set boundaries, and bring all their assets to Thailand. Falangs are a great catch - my GF had a Thai husband who drank, gambled and was abusive. After him, I'm Albert Schweitzer. She keeps imploring me to find another falang like me for her daughter.

I appreciate you do a great job in providing and publicizing a meeting place for falangs. However, not all of us like that kind of organized atmosphere, and prefer to develop our own networks in the community.

Edited December 8, 2017 by bazza73

[Dante99]

51 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

 

I appreciate you do a great job in providing and publicizing a meeting place for falangs. However, not all of us like that kind of organized atmosphere, and prefer to develop our own networks in the community.

Not all of us care for the attitudes of some of the prominent members either.  

[stament]

1 hour ago, Paul Catton said:

I found the CEC breakfast I attended (last March) to be a rather good venue and certainly didn’t feel like a fish out of water.

The “newbie” table was well manned or to be PC, personned.

It could be a good start for many newcomers to Thailand wishing to expand their non indigenous social activity.

There was no selling of dodgy insurances, condo schemes, get-rich-quick plans, etc.

Neither was bacon & sausages stashed into zip lock bags evident.

A forum member tried to organise a bit of night out to coincide with our last visit from NZ and my elder sister from the UK.

The venue he chose wouldn’t have been on my pick list as it bordered on an “eye candy” venue off Soi Loh Khor.

Suprisingly, Nancy L, unescorted and traversing through th city, made the effort and did attend which in my opinion gives great “kudos”.

 

I beg to differ, no eye candy in No.1 bar Paul.  

 

Agree CEC breakfast is a good place to meet people but only happens twice a month.

 

 

 

Edited December 8, 2017 by stament

[stament]

OP, what sort of "friend" are you looking for. Perhaps then we can offer a few suggestions.

 

[Paul Catton]

18 minutes ago, stament said:

I beg to differ, no eye candy in No.1 bar Paul.  

 

Agree CEC breakfast is a good place to meet people but only happens twice a month.

 

 

 

I would beg to differ,, solely because I can. It was great that you tried to organise such a venture and am rewarded from the experience.

Edited December 8, 2017 by Paul Catton
Grammar hopefully

[bazza73]

53 minutes ago, Dante99 said:

Not all of us care for the attitudes of some of the prominent members either.  

Unfortunately, in any club or organization there will inevitably be the martinets who think everyone should conform to their agenda.

[stament]

16 minutes ago, Paul Catton said:

I would beg to differ,, solely because I can. It was great that you tried to organise such a venture and am rewarded from the experience.

We will go somewhere else next time, somewhere without eye candy and perhaps somewhere with some real eye candy ?

[NancyL]

Just to set the record straight, I'm no longer on the Board of CEC, nor part of the very able "Welcome Committee" that makes newbies feel at home at the twice monthly breakfasts.  I'm just one of the many now.  Actually enjoying retirement.

 

Gave all that up when it looked like we were going to retire to Malaysia.  Even found a new enthusiastic woman to pick up the reins of the Expats Ladies Lunch.  Now I can go and have a drink or two, knowing I don't have to keep my wits about me!  

 

All I focus on now is Lanna Care Net and playing (bad) bridge with the Bridge Club once a week.  They're patiently trying to get me in shape.

 

As I said, there's plenty to do here in Chiang Mai without being part of a Thai family.  And why is it that so many people who responded to my post assumed that retired women would be looking for a man?  Once you get to a certain age, you just want to have companionship, a sense of community, and it doesn't really matter if it's with men or women.  There are many more retired western women here than most of you realize.

[bazza73]

6 minutes ago, NancyL said:

 

As I said, there's plenty to do here in Chiang Mai without being part of a Thai family.  And why is it that so many people who responded to my post assumed that retired women would be looking for a man?  Once you get to a certain age, you just want to have companionship, a sense of community, and it doesn't really matter if it's with men or women.  There are many more retired western women here than most of you realize.

Oh come on Nancy. I suspect the number of women looking for a man, if only for the added sense of security they provide, outnumbers the women who feel they can do without a man in their lives.

[NancyL]

3 hours ago, bazza73 said:

Oh come on Nancy. I suspect the number of women looking for a man, if only for the added sense of security they provide, outnumbers the women who feel they can do without a man in their lives.

What do you mean by "security".  Most of the retired western women who I know here are just fine financially, if that's what you mean.  And personal safety really isn't an issue.  One thing I love about Chiang Mai is how I can go see a movie alone at night (Hubby's not a film buff) and when the film is done at midnight, I can walk home from Maya mall without a worry about my personal safety.

[cyberfarang]

34 minutes ago, NancyL said:

What do you mean by "security".  Most of the retired western women who I know here are just fine financially, if that's what you mean.  And personal safety really isn't an issue.  One thing I love about Chiang Mai is how I can go see a movie alone at night (Hubby's not a film buff) and when the film is done at midnight, I can walk home from Maya mall without a worry about my personal safety.

And you also have your hubby to go home to, you have the best of both worlds, so I don`t think you qualify to speak on behalf of the single expat women living in Chiang Mai, especially those over 50. I would guess it is far easier for over 50 middle aged and elderly foreign women to fall into isolation then it is for the men in similar situations. I know there are many events happening monthly in CM, but at the end of the day these women are still very much alone here. If that`s the type of lifestyles some of them choose, then fine, but even as a man living as a loner in a foreign country would for me be a form of living hell.

 

 

[MaeJoMTB]

14 hours ago, bazza73 said:

Oh come on Nancy. I suspect the number of women looking for a man, if only for the added sense of security they provide, outnumbers the women who feel they can do without a man in their lives.

Gotta agree with Nancy on this one ......... most white women over forty seem to want a couple of cats in preference to a man.

[cyberfarang]

22 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Gotta agree with Nancy on this one ......... most white women over forty seem to want a couple of cats in preference to a man.

It`s strange actually. I have known a few middle aged and elderly western women that have left their own countries, leaving behind friends, their children, grandchildren, families and even selling up decent homes, giving it all up to come and live in Chiang Mai as virtual recluses. Never understood why?

[NancyL]

The single white women over age fifty that I know seem quite happy to do activities with other women or in mixed groups with couples, single women and (gasp!) even some single guys or guys with Thai partners who have no interest in the activity, like the Bridge club. The CEC Breakfast Club is another example of this type of social mixing. 

 

I love going to movies at Maya mall, something I often do alone before or after dinner with Hubby because he doesn't much care for movies in a cinema and often see single older women there with other women, making an evening of it, going out to dinner and a movie.  

 

Because of my history of organizing the Expat Ladies Lunches I do know quite a few single older retired women and I can assure you that they aren't bitter, sitting alone in their rooms, wishing they could find a man and spoon feeding their cats like they are children.  Not when there is so much to do here, great nail and hair salons, good dressmakers, restaurants, legitimate massage places, etc.  They can get out, have fun and be pampered.

[MaeJoMTB]

23 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

It`s strange actually. I have known a few middle aged and elderly western women that have left their own countries, leaving behind friends, their children, grandchildren, families and even selling up decent homes, giving it all up to come and live in Chiang Mai as virtual recluses. Never understood why?

Off topic,

I've concluded that it's some sort of effect of menopause, as my former wife turned into one of these over a very short period of time (about 6 months). Lots of sitting alone in her room for hours, then hour long walks with the dog, when previously she was very social and never wanted to be alone. I'm probably wrong, but it's a theory that matches the age it appears to happen.

 

As men this doesn't seem to be a factor in our lives, we can keep on reproducing until we die. Must be hard to suddenly lose your biological reason to be alive, through no choice of your own.

Edited December 9, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[NancyL]

8 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Off topic,

I've concluded that it's some sort of effect of menopause, as my former wife turned into one of these over a very short period of time (about 6 months). Lots of sitting alone in her room for hours, then hour long walks with the dog, when previously she was very social and never wanted to be alone. I'm probably wrong, but it's a theory that matches the age it appears to happen.

 

As men this doesn't seem to be a factor in our lives, we can keep on reproducing until we die. Must be hard to suddenly lose your biological reason to be alive, through no choice of your own.

"Must be hard to suddenly lose your biological reason to be alive" ......what a load of cr@p.  As if this is the main reason that people have a reason to live.  If it's your main reason to live, then you are indeed a sorry, shallow, irresponsible person.

 

The symptoms you describe with your former wife would seem to be clinical depression, perhaps exacerbated by the hormonal change of menopause.  She should have sought professional help.  Medication and counselling can help.  Maybe she did, which is why she is now your former wife.

 

I know many elderly men who live isolated lifestyles here in Chiang Mai, with signs of clinical depression -- few friends, stay in their rooms most of the day, have disrupted sleep cycles, go to the same two or three restaurants every day, not talking with anyone.  They have been helped with SSRIs.  In fact, SSRIs have greater efficacy in the elderly than with younger people.

[cyberfarang]

18 minutes ago, NancyL said:

"Must be hard to suddenly lose your biological reason to be alive" ......what a load of cr@p.  As if this is the main reason that people have a reason to live.  If it's your main reason to live, then you are indeed a sorry, shallow, irresponsible person.

 

The symptoms you describe with your former wife would seem to be clinical depression, perhaps exacerbated by the hormonal change of menopause.  She should have sought professional help.  Medication and counselling can help.  Maybe she did, which is why she is now your former wife.

 

I know many elderly men who live isolated lifestyles here in Chiang Mai, with signs of clinical depression -- few friends, stay in their rooms most of the day, have disrupted sleep cycles, go to the same two or three restaurants every day, not talking with anyone.  They have been helped with SSRIs.  In fact, SSRIs have greater efficacy in the elderly than with younger people.

This is exactly what MaejoMTB said.