The Funny Things The Girls Say!

[LucMee]

We were waiting for a car to pick up some weekend guests. My GF was out front when it came and when she came into the lobby she said "You have a good car for the trip, it's a Won Wo."

My friend and I just stared at each other, then went outside to see the Volvo that had arrived.

Since I know the Thai alphabet I was able to understand why she said it that way but it was still hilarious at the time.

The first time my new wife came to the States was in '87... My mother had just gotten a new Volvo which my wife pronounced "WoWo"... Everybody... Aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers were tickled to pieces... Ultimately...My whole family took to calling all Volvos by that term.

My 19 y.o. is the latest proud owner of the WoWo and has been calling it that since he could talk... The wife meantime has evolved and now pronounces the name of the make... "Wolwo".

[BIG SPUDS]

ridiculus (spelling might be wrong) is another funny one to get them to say!

[Hawkup2000]

My G/F and I were in Bali on holiday, the missus said she wanted to eat steak (yup they sometimes don't want to eat thai food !). Given a choice of 5 steaks I ordered an oriental steak for her - when it came it was choped beef with spices etc shaped like a steak.....she hit the roof as it wasn't a real steak....then the killer line...."This isn't a steak this is a MISTAKE", I pissed myself laughing and had the silent treatment for an hour !

Sorry for bumping an old thread but this is a classic. I want to have stake now just so I can deliver this awsome line.

[AlexLah]

One of the office girls joined me on my trip to the NE.

She is not that good in English so during the trip she learned a lot of new words and correct pronouncation.

All general chit chat.

Suddenly she asked me, What it name when lady fukc men?

Urrrrrrrrr.... Sex I answered.

No she said, another one.

Sexual intercourse?

No another one, you know when lady have money and then go.

Ok ok ok it is called a service girl.

Nooooooo! different is not same, she replied.

A ho?

What is it she asked.

After explaining I came to the conclusion she was looking for the word Prostitute.

Yes Pos tut she said.

Then the next question came.

She: What is it when someone gives something to someone.

I answered: HIV?

No no, another one

We never figured out that one.

[sayitaintso]

great thread. i just had crushed potato tomato oy! potato for lunch with some fried chicken beef. Arroy mai? she axe me, pretty F'in good, i say.

my girlfriend has lived with me for two years now and has picked up on all of the various uses of the F word, pretty useful if you want to make your way around the states. i came home yesterday to hear her yelling about the F'in doc. i tell her i thought she stayed home all day? yes, i stay home aaaaaaaaalllllllllllll day she said. if you stay home aaaaaaaaallllll day then when did you go out? I not go out, you not stan me? i understand you, but if you didnt go anywhere,then why are you cussing about the doc?

F'in doc eat my bikEEnEE!

ooooh , that F'in dog. and i liked that F'in bikini.

[mrbojangles]

F'in doc eat my bikEEnEE!

ooooh , that F'in dog. and i liked that F'in bikini.

[moo9]

"When u have tame u call me bud naw me dringking littelbid"

Mau nid noi....usually I am the Drin(k) King

"Me sent email to love you" Huh?

"Phone me no have money"

you add please....

Another classic:

"Phone you have sing a song?"

What?

"You phone have sing a song, chai mai?"

It took me 10 minutes or so to find out that she wanted to know whether my mobile phone can play MP3 files!!!!

Edited February 11, 2008 by moo9

[amazedat]

A female Thai friend asked me if I was going to the temple tomorrow. "What for?" says I. "They are burning bread", she replies. "You mean they are are making toast, or they are baking bread?" I ask innocently. No, Bredd, he die. "Oh you mean Brett" a guy I knew slightly who was being cremated. Hope this does not offend anyone for lack of sensitivity but I know the guy himself would have laughed if he had been around to hear it. I still chuckle 2 years later.

[Zpete]

E-mail from my LilThaigal, last year.

HI !PETER

I WANT YOU COME TO THAILAND NUMBER 20 FEBBURERY

BECAUSE I HAVE TO WACK YOU CAN WIED ME.

I WANT SEE YOU TO BUT NOT NUMBER 13 FEBBURERY.

I THINK YOU NOT VERRY ME.... YOU OK.

I SPEK ENGLIS VERRY GUD NOW.

BYE BYE BYE .......

SEE YOU SOON.

MY DARING.....

She wants to wack me......Hehehe

I figgad it all out.

She is really good NOW.

She forgot to ask for 'muny'...... LOL

Edited February 22, 2008 by Zpete

[tijnebijn]

Is it still working Pete ?

[littletypea]

Once when we lived in the US, we were watching a show where a salesman was selling used cars on tv from a local dealership. He was jabbering away about the great deal offered on a certain car and said to " hurry on down because this car wont last long". My wife asked me, " why would anyone want to buy that car if it wont last long?"

and some people think that Thai girls are slow

We (Thai girls) not that bad compare with Filipino : )

[Momo8]

Chinese are funnier.A Swiss friend of a friend who is a company director has the unfortunate moniker of Patrick Dick.He insisted everyone in the office in Bangkok call him 'Mr Dick' (no kidding)

He went to HK on a business trip and met some girls in a Wanchai bar and introduced himself.They all laughed and called their friends over.

'Ohhhh this guy is soooo rude,he said he has Plastic Dick'

Really no kidding.The guy is proud of this story.

[moo9]

:D

[DirkGently]

More of a hearing problem this one. I asked for battered shrimps in a restaurant and when they came I was a bit surprised.

Beofre me was a bowl of melted BUTTER. She said "here your battered shrimps".

I said thanks.

[enyaw]

Knock knock!

Who HEESSIT!!

No no you have to say whose's there?

Oh yeah yeah!

Ok, Knock knock!

Whooo there??

Pete.

Who is it Pete??

A barrel of laughs!

[Nysan]

I thought a friend said:

"I surprise you. I have diarrhea express."

I suggested that she would go to the drugstore and buy some medicine. Then she got frustrated and hung up on me.

In the end she had taken a free magazine called "Daily xpress" for me.

[Gimbo]

This afternon I came trough the door with my arms full of groceries, my wife trailing behind...exclaiming:

"you choose!, you choose!"

"Choose what?"

"Chooose!" (pointing at her religously clean floors)

Yup, I had not kicked off my shoes...

Fish has a tendency to turn into to fizz, and I wont even get started on left and right when we are driving... luckilly she is khmer, so the "R" sound is no "propulum"

[warfie]

just found this thread this afternoon, needless to say, I got nothing done this afternoon

when my wife has a headache she takes "Palanoin" (but to me it sounds like 'paranoid')

we have no problems, we have "pawplim"

father-in-law randomly uses 'kitchen' or 'chicken' either way...

once I was buying a small bottle of water for which the vendor asked "ten baht" I stood there for a while trying to think what the word "ten" means in Thai... DOH!

I smoke L&M red and I drink my coffee black... and the number of times I've asked for "booree, L M dahm" or "cafe daaeng" and received the well deserved blank, look is embarrassing.

I love when my beloved "make cook" for me

I took my Aussie friend shopping and taught him the fun of haggling as we walked away the vendor yells after us "YOU STICKY MAN!" (after the sale) maybe I bargain too hard, hehehe.

I also took him nightclubbing in Chiang Mai, on the walk from one bar to another he noticed a ladyboy and was trying to decide if s/he was male or female, I guess he was staring, the person in question yelled out "WHAT YOU LOOK!?!?" it was funny to hear such an aggressive and obviously male voice coming from a petite pretty feminine(looking) person... we still laugh about it...

god I love the cheap/sheep thing...

and I love it when she tells me that she's not "shitting me" (cheating, as in money)

Thais and Chinese get a huge amount of amusement at my expense... in the beginning (when learning Mandarin) I was too sensitive and always assumed that when they laughed I had made a mistake, turned-out that it was just as amusing for them when I got it right

I'm glad T&R lightened-up and stayed with us on this thread... I would LOVE to hear more of the mistakes farang make when attempting to speak Thai. I also enjoy hearing from Bambina and other Thais on the same topic. Maybe this thread should get a new name?

I'm trying to learn Mandarin and Thai and sometimes I get the two mixed, and I make a terrible mess of Thai/English/Chinese

We jokingly use terms like 'Chinglish' and 'Thinglish' but the first time I was in Manila, at an ATM inside a 7/11, I saw the language selection offered "English" or "Taglish" I killed myself... imagine the scene... a lone Caucasian in a 7/11, at night, staring at an ATM pi$$ing himself laughing...

[RueFang]

My Thai husband's English is pretty good but he always gets stuck on "diet tibet". ?? Diabetic

[Gonsalviz]

somanabeech

chit

shicken

But then. I have asked for things fried in 'nam hoy' rather than 'nam mun hoy'.

Edited April 27, 2008 by Gonsalviz

[AlexLah]

Friend of me was sick, got fever and such.

Me: Dear, please go to your bed and have a rest, sleep a bit and drink lot's of water, you are sick.

She: No me no sick!

Me: Yes you are dear please lay down and relax.

She: Me no sick!!!!!

She: Me twenty five you know!

[richard_smith237]

A couple of years ago after dinner …

After having dinner, the Valet returned my girlfriends car and she went back to my apt to wake up for an early morning flight. I saw her off in the car and continued on out to catch up with some friends

A few moments later, I received a call from her asking me what she should do about the semen on her car and that the valet had spoken to her and recommended that she wash it off when she gets home as it can damage the paint work.

I told her not to worry, it won’t do any harm, I’ll wash it off when I get back, “But how the hel_l did semen get on your?” car I asked, she told me that they Valet had told her that they park the car near a condo construction site..

I asked still, “how the hel_l did semen get on your car from a condo building”…

She was getting rather irritated with me at this point… Particularly when I asked “what are the workers doing at the condo construction? Knocking one off, off of the 20th floor and it hits your car?”…

The discussion was getting a little stressed so we both agreed that I’d just clean it off when I got home.

I got home drunk, went to the underground parking garage and saw something sprayed up the side of her car… a tentative closer inspection revealed cement….

[richard_smith237]

Many years ago on my way the temple on a Sunday morning with my girl friend and her father

It was a half hearted attempt at showing that I am respectful gentleman, hence a Sunday morning visit to the Temple.

We stopped off on the way to get some Dim Sum (as both my girlfriend and I were hungry), as my girlfriend was driving, I hoped out and asked for the dim sum, my girl friend telling me what to say in Thai… My copy cat Thai worked and we got the Dim Sum. The street vendor asked if I would like sauce on it… And.. I repeated the question to my girlfriend in my best Thai…(over the lap of her father who was in the front passenger seat)… 'Naam Jim, Au Mai?'…

After his initial shock, my girlfriends father who had up until this point maintained an air of respectful and serious distance (while I was 'proving' myself)… cracked up …

Edited April 29, 2008 by richard_smith237

[Theyreallrubbish]

I've obviously been here too long as my brain automatically translates Thinglish and I don't even hear it any more.

One thing that two of my ex GFs used to do that was only funny after several years distance was when we were travelling in the car and she was the only one who knew where were going was that both of them would wait until we'd passed the turning then point backwards over their shoulder, "You turn there"

I'd be chewing the steering wheel with frustration while they'd have a totally confused look on their face as to why I get so frustrated when they do it EVERY SINGLE TIME, no matter how many times I patiently explain that they need to tell me to turn when I can still turn the car not when its behind us.

This was in Bangkok so it usually meant another 30 minutes to find a u-turn and come back.

I've also had the GF dreams being my fault. I had one GF that used to have a dream once a week of her coming home and finding me in bed with another girl. She'd wake up in a bad mood and tell me what I'd done. I'd tell I didn't do it, it was just a dream, only to get a suspicious look as if I was trying to trick her.

[njpski]

My gfs favouite show on UBC series is "everbody loves lemon".

She works at the English information desk at the airpot, God help us all!

Sounds like a good show, probably better than the american sitcom about the Barrone (barren?) family.

[njpski]

especially the time I wanted to sit down on a Korean.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm still trying to figure this out!

The explanation was already there - gao-ii gao-li one is chair, one is Korea kon

[sylviex]

*Bump* for a very funny thread .

[Insight]

Me: Knock knock.

Her: Arai, "knock knock" ?

Me: It's a joke. You say "Who's there?"

Her: Arai? Tham mai?

Me: Say "Who's there?" !!

Her: Mai!!

Me: Furrgettit...

[phaethon]

Walking back from Big C opposite what was then the World Trade Centre, TGF suddenly grabbed my hand and started to drag me along announcing "We go psychiatris' " I ask several times why we need a psychiatrist and get the same answer "We go psychiatris' "

Okay, thinks I, I've made some cultural faux pas and require therapy. It's been a while since I've had the opportunity to drive a medical professional to the edge of suicide, so I go along for the crack...

Turns out her feet were sore and she wanted to take the Sky Train home

[prestburypark]

I was moaning about being bored up country, she agreed (lying she loves it up there),

"yes, nothing happen, many times"