I'm A Luk Kreung Who Grew Up In The Us...

[Q_Q_Dude]

and I'm going to a very reputable college here in California. Anyway, my Mother is Thai and uneducated. And it makes me feel bad. Please help me get over it.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Q_Q_Dude

[maccaroni man]

how long have you lived in the u.s. ? what is it you want to get over? i am serious about these questions so please share what you are thinking.

[jumnien]

Many people on this forum have non-Thai, educated mothers. They still feel bad. Acceptance is the key to happiness!

[papaya9]

If you're a real looker, go back to Thailand and become an actor/singer.

[dgoz]

What did your mother do in Thailand?

How did she meet your father?

[Q_Q_Dude]

how long have you lived in the u.s. ? what is it you want to get over? i am serious about these questions so please share what you are thinking.

I was born and have lived my entire life around Silicon Valley and the Bay Area, California. We have visited Thailand during my younger years and every summer, so I know my relatives/connections there well.

I want to get over the fact that while I want a future involving the states (thus will probably marry an American and get involved in my career/life here), no matter what I do, my Mom doesn't care. I could be going to an Ivy League school soon, and my Mom doesn't even care about it or barely acknowledges it. It's frustrating. My Dad is very educated and recognizes what it takes to reach this goal, but my mother isn't. This and her lack of any integration with the culture here in the US is frustrating and took much personal development for me to even begin getting over it.

[Q_Q_Dude]

What did your mother do in Thailand?

How did she meet your father?

She was from Chiang Rai and my Dad met her while in Bangkok in the 80s. I don't know much more than that and it's hard to press them for more details.

[jumnien]

QQDude,

I went to a respected California college many years ago (UCSC). My parents were divorced and my father was gay. This was a very easy way to bait politically correct liberal chicks into sleeping with me rather than those boring guys with straight capitalist fathers in traditional relationships. Boy, you could really market yourself (poor uneducated Thai mother) successfully to these "progressive" babes and have quite a party between the sheets! Go for it and report back.

[sbk]

QQDude,

I went to a respected California college many years ago (UCSC). My parents were divorced and my father was gay. This was a very easy way to bait politically correct liberal chicks into sleeping with me rather than those boring guys with straight capitalist fathers in traditional relationships. Boy, you could really market yourself (poor uneducated Thai mother) successfully to these "progressive" babes and have quite a party between the sheets! Go for it and report back.

Banana slug!

Don't think I met you back then mdeland, but you do sound like a familiar type for UCSC.

As for the OP, I wouldn't stress too much about your mother, she is who she is. Just love her for the person she is and accept that she won't change.

[Q_Q_Dude]

Hahaha mdeland

So overall, my feelings are just cultural confusion. I've fit into US culture very well and really really want to raise my future kids here. And I've realized that to do this better, getting more involved here by having a career and spouse from this nation would help my mental, social, and financial stability a lot more. Realizing this, I've made my decision.

But even then, I'm still confused. I guess it's more of the slightly angry feelings that still linger that my Mom didn't really care about me too much during my childhood in the US. I switched high schools and all she commented was "ok." She basically doesn't really care much about this nation and seems to care much, much more about Thailand. My feelings of confusion are mixed with the fact that my Mom might've married my father for financial stability and my Dad's Asiaphile nature in insisting that I marry an Asian woman, but he'd be willing to accept it if I married an educated and stable Western woman.

[Q_Q_Dude]

QQDude,

I went to a respected California college many years ago (UCSC). My parents were divorced and my father was gay. This was a very easy way to bait politically correct liberal chicks into sleeping with me rather than those boring guys with straight capitalist fathers in traditional relationships. Boy, you could really market yourself (poor uneducated Thai mother) successfully to these "progressive" babes and have quite a party between the sheets! Go for it and report back.

Banana slug!

Don't think I met you back then mdeland, but you do sound like a familiar type for UCSC.

As for the OP, I wouldn't stress too much about your mother, she is who she is. Just love her for the person she is and accept that she won't change.

Thanks for your advice. I'd really like to reach the point of accepting my mother for who she is.

[jumnien]

QQDude,

Thanks for your self revelation. I now have a young luk kreung son of my own and your comments are food for thought as I imagine the future. I'm sure many others feel the same way, though all of our specifics and perspectives are different.

[dgoz]

QQDude,

I went to a respected California college many years ago (UCSC). My parents were divorced and my father was gay. This was a very easy way to bait politically correct liberal chicks into sleeping with me rather than those boring guys with straight capitalist fathers in traditional relationships. Boy, you could really market yourself (poor uneducated Thai mother) successfully to these "progressive" babes and have quite a party between the sheets! Go for it and report back.

funny and very true.

Exact opposite here in Asia. Being from a capatilist father in a traditional relationship is highly sort after.

Makes you wonder what it is about these qualities a farang girl dislikes.

If I was you qqdude I would get over to Thailand and grab a good looking LK like yourself. There are some hot babes over here. Go out with a few American girls first tho, so you can compare later on. Then you'll see why your father opted for an Asian wife.

Edited January 25, 2007 by dgoz

[sbk]

As for the OP, I wouldn't stress too much about your mother, she is who she is. Just love her for the person she is and accept that she won't change.

Thanks for your advice. I'd really like to reach the point of accepting my mother for who she is.

Takes about 30-40 years

Just so you know, my (Thai) husbands parents were the same about his education as well. He excelled in school and got no real praise.

I suspect his parents are proud of him but come from a way of thinking that doesn't praise or support as it is thought it might go to the person's head.

[phibunmike]

Hahaha mdeland

So overall, my feelings are just cultural confusion. I've fit into US culture very well and really really want to raise my future kids here. And I've realized that to do this better, getting more involved here by having a career and spouse from this nation would help my mental, social, and financial stability a lot more. Realizing this, I've made my decision.

But even then, I'm still confused. I guess it's more of the slightly angry feelings that still linger that my Mom didn't really care about me too much during my childhood in the US. I switched high schools and all she commented was "ok." She basically doesn't really care much about this nation and seems to care much, much more about Thailand. My feelings of confusion are mixed with the fact that my Mom might've married my father for financial stability and my Dad's Asiaphile nature in insisting that I marry an Asian woman, but he'd be willing to accept it if I married an educated and stable Western woman.

Your mum would not understand the significance of the changes in your life - how could she ? - and probably feels out of control / out of touch with your life. Perhaps it is more a case of her being frustrated at not understanding and not being able to advise you, rather than not caring. How can she advise you or even comment when she can't understand ?

If your mum did marry your dad for financial stability, then it was partially or mostly to help you (and your siblings, if any, as well as her parents of course) and has helped you to achieve what you have now - instead of you having to leave school early to get a job. She has already shown how much she cares for you.

Good luck,

Mike

[Q_Q_Dude]

Hahaha mdeland

So overall, my feelings are just cultural confusion. I've fit into US culture very well and really really want to raise my future kids here. And I've realized that to do this better, getting more involved here by having a career and spouse from this nation would help my mental, social, and financial stability a lot more. Realizing this, I've made my decision.

But even then, I'm still confused. I guess it's more of the slightly angry feelings that still linger that my Mom didn't really care about me too much during my childhood in the US. I switched high schools and all she commented was "ok." She basically doesn't really care much about this nation and seems to care much, much more about Thailand. My feelings of confusion are mixed with the fact that my Mom might've married my father for financial stability and my Dad's Asiaphile nature in insisting that I marry an Asian woman, but he'd be willing to accept it if I married an educated and stable Western woman.

Your mum would not understand the significance of the changes in your life - how could she ? - and probably feels out of control / out of touch with your life. Perhaps it is more a case of her being frustrated at not understanding and not being able to advise you, rather than not caring. How can she advise you or even comment when she can't understand ?

If your mum did marry your dad for financial stability, then it was partially or mostly to help you (and your siblings, if any, as well as her parents of course) and has helped you to achieve what you have now - instead of you having to leave school early to get a job. She has already shown how much she cares for you.

Good luck,

Mike

Thanks for your post. I'll attempt to look at the situation from this way from now and and be proud that her marriage to my father allowed me to live a rather good lifestyle, even by Western standards.

[lannarebirth]

QQDude,

I went to a respected California college many years ago (UCSC). My parents were divorced and my father was gay. This was a very easy way to bait politically correct liberal chicks into sleeping with me rather than those boring guys with straight capitalist fathers in traditional relationships. Boy, you could really market yourself (poor uneducated Thai mother) successfully to these "progressive" babes and have quite a party between the sheets! Go for it and report back.

Banana slug!

Don't think I met you back then mdeland, but you do sound like a familiar type for UCSC.

As for the OP, I wouldn't stress too much about your mother, she is who she is. Just love her for the person she is and accept that she won't change.

Thanks for your advice. I'd really like to reach the point of accepting my mother for who she is.

Yes, that should be your goal. Don't be too hard on your mom, she just sees the world differently than you do. Personal development was not part of her culture., but family enrichment was. I'm sure in her mind, being born into a "rich" familty as you were, makes the rest of your plans superfluous. As you get older you'll see her view of the world is closer to the mark than those who think too much about things that may or may not ever happen. Don't think too much.

[Scott]

Your situation sounds pretty normal in a lot of ways. Change bits and bobs here and there and it's a common story. You identify more strongly with your father (and his country of origin). He's been a driving force and your identification with him has gotten you to where you are.

Your mother also saw these positives and that's part of why she married him. Since she has little education, she can't really communicate with you about education. What it means to you, how you've had to struggle etc. She, however, took her time to raise you and care for you.

My mother was pretty much the same way. It took me a long time to realize her many merits.

Don't push yourself too hard. Life is about learning and you will need to learn about yourself through your mother. She is a part of you.

[Head Snake]

I think QQ's post has some good application to all you parents and uncles and aunts out there.

Basically, kids want feedback, preferably positive, safe feedback. They want to feel their decisions are highly regarded and respected.

Sometimes we let children make decisions and by not commenting because we accept their choice, we may come off as noncaring or out of touch.

[kmart]

Isn't here a Barbara Walters section where Mr Whiny can address his Mother fixation somewhere else?

Boohoo. I'm half Cuban and half Icelandic; an "Ice-Cube" if you like. My father was a lesbian and ran away to hunt Minkey Whales in the Antarctic floes. Mum ignored me, and just continues to roll cigars on her thighs. I feel sooooooo unaccepted and like, need to be like,....

More cheese with that whine, sir?

[TAWP]

Isn't here a Barbara Walters section where Mr Whiny can address his Mother fixation somewhere else?

Boohoo. I'm half Cuban and half Icelandic; an "Ice-Cube" if you like. My father was a lesbian and ran away to hunt Minkey Whales in the Antarctic floes. Mum ignored me, and just continues to roll cigars on her thighs. I feel sooooooo unaccepted and like, need to be like,....

More cheese with that whine, sir?

Yes, very mature of you...

[lannarebirth]

Isn't here a Barbara Walters section where Mr Whiny can address his Mother fixation somewhere else?

Boohoo. I'm half Cuban and half Icelandic; an "Ice-Cube" if you like. My father was a lesbian and ran away to hunt Minkey Whales in the Antarctic floes. Mum ignored me, and just continues to roll cigars on her thighs. I feel sooooooo unaccepted and like, need to be like,....

More cheese with that whine, sir?

I don't think that's a particularly helpful response.

I think the OP needs to understand a little bit more about where his mother comes from to put his relationship with her in the proper context. She would have been born in the 1960's I'm guessing, in one of the most culturally interesting places on earth. Chiang Rai was the center of opium traffic, human trafficing, the emerging AIDS epidemic, refugees, animism, migration. The OP's life IMO will be greatly enriched if he learns more about where his mother comes from, so that he can find the proper context for her relationship with himself.

[bendix]

To be honest, I've got a lot of sympathy for kmart's postion.

Jeez, if the OPs only problem in life is that they are patronisingly embarassed by his/her half-educated mother, then he or she deserves the scorn.

Get a grip.

[Heng]

You might want to figure out what you're going to say about how your parents met (whether the truth... or as many falang-Thai couples do: they'll just make something up off the cuff if they don't want their children to have to say "well my dad barfined my mom at...") or many folks will simply assume she's a former prostitute and unfortunately will likely treat you worse for it. I've seen both luk krung friends and pure Thai friends who were the first or second child of a Thai mother who later went on to marry a foreigner have to face some rude comments and discrimination.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Heng

[PREM-R]

Interesting fellow is Q_Q_Dude

Q_Q_Dude Posted on: 2006-08-18

Hello I am Q_Q_Dude from Hawaii

I'm half-Thai luk kreung

I'm a Thai-American guy, with a Thai mother and a Farang dad. Aside from some differences, I look Thai (people here in the US guess Chinese or something) for the most part.

Anyway, my wife is Farang. My Mom recently got over that, Posted on: 2006-11-16

Posted on: Today, 2007-01-25

I was born and have lived my entire life around Silicon Valley and the Bay Area, California.

I want to get over the fact that while I want a future involving the states (thus will probably marry an American and get involved in my career/life here),

If you are going to tell "Porkies" you better have a good memory

[kmart]

Interesting fellow is Q_Q_Dude

Q_Q_Dude Posted on: 2006-08-18

Hello I am Q_Q_Dude from Hawaii

I'm half-Thai luk kreung

I'm a Thai-American guy, with a Thai mother and a Farang dad. Aside from some differences, I look Thai (people here in the US guess Chinese or something) for the most part.

Anyway, my wife is Farang. My Mom recently got over that, Posted on: 2006-11-16

Posted on: Today, 2007-01-25

I was born and have lived my entire life around Silicon Valley and the Bay Area, California.

I want to get over the fact that while I want a future involving the states (thus will probably marry an American and get involved in my career/life here),

If you are going to tell "Porkies" you better have a good memory

Exactly. A lot of people above^^ tripping over themselves to feed the trolls.

Would you like to buy a bridge?

[girlx]

argh... you troll cryers are far more annoying than the trolls. is there any problem with putting forth a hypothetical situation for analysis? perhaps the OP has a friend in this situation. perhaps he just thought it would be an interesting topic on which to generate some well thought out responses? which it has thus far... peoples' identities really are irrelevant on a message board.

[keenok]

Isn't here a Barbara Walters section where Mr Whiny can address his Mother fixation somewhere else?

Boohoo. I'm half Cuban and half Icelandic; an "Ice-Cube" if you like. My father was a lesbian and ran away to hunt Minkey Whales in the Antarctic floes. Mum ignored me, and just continues to roll cigars on her thighs. I feel sooooooo unaccepted and like, need to be like,....

More cheese with that whine, sir?

laughing my are off lol

[bina]

ice cube?!! )

OP dont u know ethnic is very IN these days. everyone and his mother is trying to come frm some indigenous people or tribe that no longer exists, or were SOOOOOOOOO poor but managed to make ends meet, or whatever. you are in style man. go for it.

maybe u run in the wrong social groups if it matters what your mother or father does for a living or cares what college u go to. in 20 yrs it wont matter what college u went to; your mother cant know how difficult it is to go to college, or what it even means having never been raised in a culture that made it matter. my kibbutz father in law considered that my working in an office wasnt really work, but my (then) husband working in the cotton fields on a tractor, well, that is REAL work. something to be proud of. the fact that i ahd a degree from a semi ivy league school well, the diploma was toilet paper cause i didnt know how to prune an tree. so how do like them apples?!

give me a break and get a grip.grow up. stop looking for approval from other people. see if your mother smiles and feels proud when u cook up a good thai meal. or treat her parents with proper thai respect. or or or.... the list can go on. find out what is important to her and see what will make her proud of u. or it could be that she just isnt a repsonsive mother regardless of the fact that she is thai or u are mixed race/ethnic. some mothers and fathers are just not good at the career of being a parent.

my ex is not proud of my daughter getting in to some pre army program. he thinks its a waste of time and money. she was chosen out of a huge group of kids. she will never make him happy with anything she does so now she does what makes her happy. they just dont really like each other as people. but they do love eachother as parent/daughter. and when she was ill, he drove down to the desert to bring her some homecooked meals and visit.

so think stuff thru. and if u are a troll maybe someone else reading this will get something out of my wasting my typing. or maybe not.

bina

israel.

[Q_Q_Dude]

Don't worry, I'm not a troll. Each thread that I make simply proposes a hypothetical, yet interesting situation that generates food for thought for all of us, including me. While I'm really a Luk Kreung who was born and raised in the US, much of the situations/details in each of my post are fabricated. While the situations aren't real, we don't have identities here anyway, so much of our posting is for "food-for-thought"/increasing wisdom purposes.

While the mental situations that I propose in each of my threads are real, the specific facts (that don't really matter anyway) aren't. Either way, the food-for-thought (haha this term is now over-used) is great for all of us and helps me form better ways of thinking.

Thanks to anyone who posted in this thread.

Edited January 25, 2007 by Q_Q_Dude