Do you really like living in Thailand?

[toofarnorth]

15 hours ago, grollies said:

So you've lived here since last October, got your gf up the duff and are now looking for approval to bugger off home?

 

Nice one. In answer to your question though, yeah, I love living here.

Not going through 6 pages just to agree with your last line , I love it here and best days of my life arived in 2005.  Don't live in Patts . not Fuquet nor Bankers , don't need those places.

[smotherb]

15 hours ago, holy cow cm said:

Bangkok is not the best place to live as it has an edge of being too cement-ish. But it certainly does have its qualities. Lived there years ago and visit a lot, but would not live there again.  October till now is not a long time at all either. One goes through growing pains or does an about face to get the heck out of here pains.

 

If you are going to take your kid out of here and it sounds as if it is to the USA, then you better get started with the processes now as it will take you quite a while to sort through, and then the little lady is not guaranteed to go with you as the USA is a bit difficult with Visas.

 

Yes, Thai can be superficial and huge racists, but you go to Mexico and you a re a Gringo. 

 

Basically you are looking too hard into it so need to take another step back. the USA aint all that and I would rather live no other place except here. My kids are 23, 17,15 and half and half. 

Just what is it that makes you think he is an American?

[holy cow cm]

4 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Just what is it that makes you think he is an American?

Answered back to his reply on 2nd page. 

 

 

 

[smotherb]

14 hours ago, holy cow cm said:

My apologies. Read pizza delivery and McDonalds and that threw me the USA direction. 

 

BTW. Taking a Thai girl out of here may cause you a different grief ( Done that once upon a time and never again). Thai's living abroad is certainly only for a very few of them, meaning the ones who can take it. Better have a bunch of money too so she does not whine and become bored. 

 

Good Luck 

I think you are wrong again. While it is true some girls do not travel well; others do. I know Thai women who have been very successful living in the States and in Europe. I know many more who have lived and worked all over the world with their expat husbands.

So, generalizing that Thais cannot make it elsewhere seems quite naive. I believe it is based upon the abilities of the person more so than the fact they are Thai.

[holy cow cm]

3 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I think you are wrong again. While it is true some girls do not travel well; others do. I know Thai women who have been very successful living in the States and in Europe. I know many more who have lived and worked all over the world with their expat husbands.

So, generalizing that Thais cannot make it elsewhere seems quite naive. I believe it is based upon the abilities of the person more so than the fact they are Thai.

Moral majority. I know a few too who can, but many more who can't. 

[smotherb]

Just now, holy cow cm said:

Moral majority. I know a few too who can, but many more who can't. 

Well, that is opinion-based, like my response. I have seen more expats who simply have not taken their Thai wives home than those who have taken them home and the wives could not make it. Obviously, if you do not take them out of here, you will never know if they can make it. 

[holy cow cm]

Just now, smotherb said:

Well, that is opinion-based, like my response. I have seen more expats who simply have not taken their Thai wives home than those who have taken them home and the wives could not make it. Obviously, if you do not take them out of here, you will never know if they can make it. 

True. My current wife of 19 years has been to the US and wants nothing to do with it. Still has her newest 10 yr visa and doesn't care that she needs to be a US citizen to be able to get my Social Security. Previous Thai wife wanted to stay there and found her next target of prey. Just most can make it but it just is a lack luster for most of Thai in any other country as is not the same. Food is one big issue. So in my opinion it is the bigger moral majority. some Thai also see it if they can stay say like in the USA then they will have Social Security for their old age. 

[JayBird]

It sounds like the OP may have been ill prepared to live in Thailand, perhaps making the choice to do so based on visiting (and thus finding out that living here exposes more undesirable aspects that are easily ignored during short visits)

 

It also sounds like he went into a serious relationship too quickly without time to learn how Thai values and behavior are different than European.

 

I recommend he learns to accept all the negative aspects as fact and come up with a strategy to accept, ignore, or work around. Criticism will only make him more frustrated in the long run.

 

With regard to child:  If you want the child to have a good education you will have to pay a LOT for private schools or consider going back home. Not sure how it is in Italy, but most Thai public schools fail to teach important concepts such as critical thinking, deductive reasoning, and responsibility.  (As told to me by Thai people and foreign professional teachers)

[smotherb]

14 hours ago, Matptg said:

Hi Alex,

I have lived in Paris, London, Singapore, Toronto, Amsterdam...I am from Milano, in Italy. I can assure you that I am extremely adaptive and only in here I find hard to adapt myself

Perhaps it is the language as well as the cultural barrier that is at the crux of your problem with Bangkok. The cities in which you have lived, with the exception of Singapore, are all Western cities. Even Singapore is far more Westernized than Bangkok; the people speak English, signage is written in English and it has a mix of more-known cultures. Do you speak Thai, have Thai friends, understand Thai culture and history? The more you learn about a people, their culture, and their norms; the more you can understand them.

[MaeJoMTB]

1 minute ago, smotherb said:

Do you speak Thai, have Thai friends, understand Thai culture and history?

My wife doesn't have friends 'as I know friends'.

She has a series of people (lasting 6 months to 1 year), where they want something from her, or she wants something from them.

The only constant people in her life are her family.

I think many foreigners mistake the Thai culture in this matter, they have family, and rarely have friends.

In the west we have friends, and largely ignore family, I think that's a mistake and we should concentrate more on our blood relatives.

[DJ54]

It’s  all about adjusting which take some time. 12 yerars ago I moved from Southern California to China spent 10 years to here. Every place I see a little different I would not live in Los Angeles city and not fond of BKK only because it a big city and I’ve tired of big cities. 

 

Now I live out in the countryside in NE. You should feel lucky the first 1-1/2 years here was cold showers with pan to sip water out of the bigger

container. 

 

If something bothers you try’s to ignor it not worth the hassle. 

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, MaeJoMTB said:

My wife doesn't have friends 'as I know friends'.

She has a series of people (lasting 6 months to 1 year), where they want something from her, or she wants something from them.

The only constant people in her life are her family.

I think many foreigners mistake the Thai culture in this matter, they have family, and rarely have friends.

In the west we have friends, and largely ignore family, I think that's a mistake and we should concentrate more on our blood relatives.

Wasn't talking about his Thai wife having Thai friends. I was suggesting the OP expand his horizons. The closeness of family, including the extended family, is part of Thai culture as it is in all collectivistic cultures. It is the individualistic cultures which differ and as you say largely ignore family; except maybe immediate family. I also see Thais with friends; long-term friends. I have a very good Thai friend with whom I often ride--and we have ridden from Hatyai to Chiang Rai. He knows people all over Thailand; people who treat me as a friend because of my Thai friend.

[smotherb]

24 minutes ago, holy cow cm said:

True. My current wife of 19 years has been to the US and wants nothing to do with it. Still has her newest 10 yr visa and doesn't care that she needs to be a US citizen to be able to get my Social Security. Previous Thai wife wanted to stay there and found her next target of prey. Just most can make it but it just is a lack luster for most of Thai in any other country as is not the same. Food is one big issue. So in my opinion it is the bigger moral majority. some Thai also see it if they can stay say like in the USA then they will have Social Security for their old age. 

Well, I can see how your opinion was formed. However, I doubt your current wife disliked the States because she was Thai; it was more a personal choice, she was more set in her ways. Point in fact, your first wife liked it because she found a personal niche there. You find the same in all countries, some like to live elsewhere, some do not want to leave their white picket-fence existence.

[holy cow cm]

Knowing many of Thai who travel regularly, I form my real opinion around them and other Thai whom have just spoken with. fun to travel but the grass for most is not greener ont he other side of the fence. 

[MaeJoMTB]

21 minutes ago, smotherb said:

He knows people all over Thailand; people who treat me as a friend because of my Thai friend.

These are not friends, but acquaintances.

Friends are people you invite to your home, and whom invite you.

I have two maybe three friends. People who claim to have (many) more, I view with distrust.

[stephenterry]

I've lived in BKK, Pattaya, the south and now reside in CM for the last few years. Apart from the annual month or so air pollution it suits me, as there's everything one could need (apart from an unspoiled beach) as an active pensioner. Can't say BKK is a desirable place to live full-time as it's expensive (relatively speaking), polluted and road transport jammed, and a less than friendly environment. Pattaya - well, not my scene at all. The south, much more ideal, but boring long-term, whereas CM does have places to go and visit, and meet up with friends.

 

As one poster said, it's important to be occupied rather than stay cooped up in a condo all day and night with only TV movies to watch. As to the OP, if you don't like a place, move on - see where your lady would like to try out, and as you have plenty of dosh, upping sticks is not an obstacle. 

 

[Matptg]

4 hours ago, torrzent said:

I wonder what all the people you are judging think of you when you are judging them.

 

BTW, where did you meet the girl?  There always seems to be one behind every story of angst?

I met my gf during a vacation in Japan. Then again she once flew to Europe and visited my home town for 2 days. Then after 2 years for work I went to Cambodia (so could go few days to bkk too). Then a serie of events did lead us together

[lvr181]

More of an interesting place to visit for varying lengths of stay.

[Matptg]

4 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

I guessing you never lived with a woman in your home country.

If the man isn't paying for most of everything, they tend not to stick around for long, and often take your home when they leave.

this always depends on the woman you find. If you find one not economically strong then of course she wants to be treated like a queen. I call it social redemption. the less you have the more you want. If you have a girl that is in a good situation, it's exactly the opposite.

[Matptg]

2 hours ago, Tchooptip said:

No need to apologize for your arrogance this is a daily practice on Thai visa.

On the other hand, I will give you my opinion on your op you are not arrogant but totally pedantic, what you confirm here with the comparison of your drinking Laguvalin whiskey while asking someone else if he drinks Chang or Singh beer.

On top of it boasting about owning a Ford Everest adding the phrase  "I leave to you the pleasure to check its price." price that everyone knows by the way,

yes pedantic is the right word. Unpleasantly pedantic to be more precise?

ok

[Gecko123]

Buon giorno, Giuseppe!

 

Whatsa wrong?  You no lika da pizza in da Venice of the East? You forgeta already what mamma tell you? Roma not built in justa one day, giavanotto (sonny boy). Correcto o no? Getta your behind-a outta Bangkok, this-a no place for small bambino. Havta learn the lingua like presto. English you so bella, I know my Giuseppe can learn-a this Thai linguini a-standing on his head-a. Make uppa your mind you gonna stay or no, but, mamma mia, Giuseppe, nobody like a crybaby too much, you-a not-ta make-y your mama proud. In bocca al lupo (good luck). Mamma love her Giuseppe and miss her Giuseppe every day.

 

Signed,

 

Mama de Guiseppe ?

[Shaunduhpostman]

A lot of people on here suggesting you  (the OP) ignore/tune out on what bothers you. It's not sound advice. Developing a tuned out mentality is dangerous on so many levels. Just one such problem with tuning people out because you can't stand them is that you end up creating problems for others because you have tuned them out, not caring at all about them. That may be fine until you cause a serious enough problem for them because you don't care what they think or feel and then  they decide to cause you a problem.

 

Better, I think, is to shift your perspective to specific people and situations and take them one by one. Of course, on some level, it is helpful to develop a set of expectations, conclusions or generalizations about one's surroundings. We need to be able to make good decisions and what we have concluded from our past experiences often helps us know what we should do. If you know that most people in some country will not stop their car to let you cross the street and would just as soon run you over without much remorse, you will be more conservative about crossing the street. Its not nice to think even subliminally, "Oh they are such bloody minded, compunctionless people, I better wait to cross the street or they might speed up to make me get out of the way or try and hit me so as to clear their path." But if you don't at least subliminally think that, you may make a bad decision to cross the street before you ought to and then end up getting nailed by someone in their car.   So, as much as people complain about generalizing it does have its purpose. Likewise, there is that same level of functionality which also kicks in when dealing with people and foreign cultures. But, in reality not all Thai people will react badly to you and I think that is what most of us face, experiences with people who don't like us from the get go, people who are xenophobic or people who have bad experiences with foreigners in the past. But its not all of them. Those who have bad reactions, you just cut your losses and get and stay away from them.

 

I agree with others who say, you don't really need Bangkok society. To me they have little to offer anyway and you will just be spinning your wheels trying to get anywhere with them anyway. You have to make your own way and life here, you have to get involved in your interests, stay in contact with friends back home and appreciate marriage partners family who will treat you with respect. I think many Bangkok middle class and rich would be more open to us, but they fear having problems with their peers and family for having anything to do with us. Even some of my family since moving from Isaan to BAngkok have become completely snobby and say and do many things that suggest to me they want me to keep away from them. They are all trying to make it in the society, so for my mug to appear on say their facebook page may cost them a lot. So, maybe think of it that way, some of these people are just trying to protect themselves from problems with other Thais by doing and saying alienating things. I don't notice that many Thais, especially in Bangkok have very warm or developed friendships anyway. I get the impression I am not missing much by not having any Thai friends. I am someone who values and likes friendships very much, I have always been well liked by many back home yet I don't have any freinds after 20 years here. I know that it isn't all to do with me.

 

Thailand has a lot of problems, so does the world. Thais don't want foreigners to help they don't like or trust most of us very much at all. They don't seem to like or trust each other either. You just have to accept that yet realize that the generalization doesn't always apply. Most of what you are talking about is culture and culture is mostly pretty nasty. I don't like the way Americans behave mostly either and I am American. I can't say that I like any cultures at all, they are all a set of narrow and prejudiced confines that people work within in order to avoid doing something wrong within their respective societies. Its just a survival level thing. But Ultimately being too culture bound means being cowardly, prejudiced, narrow minded, etc no matter what country. So we have to take each person each situation on its own terms, have to work with opening our own minds and being brave enough to respond to people as individuals, respond to situations as they really are, not just as some stereotyped categorized generalized shadows or you'll never be anything but unhappy in Thailand because most of your interactions will follow a pattern that you have suggested of being lied to, being blown off with a grin or a chuckle etc. If you examine closely, not all Thais, though maybe most, especially in BAngkok or Pattaya will give you some not insignificant amount of negativity. You just develop a thick skin for them once you have given them a chance and they show they follow the pattern of b.s.ing you or trying to get something from you without being considerate etc.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Shaunduhpostman

[HooHaa]

sounds to me like an issue of entitlement with out wherewithal.

 

which simply comes down to jealously.

that consumerism you loathe is par for the course on all social media the world over.

you are just bitter. time to move on.

if you can afford it.

[Mario666]

I have traveled around many countries and cities around the word and found good and bad in each.

 

As regards manners of Thais and their behaviour to "Farangs" I have also found good and bad.

 

I sometimes  have Thais push in front of me at 7/11s, but I push them back, give them a few words in Thai and give them the "Stare" and they

 

usually either look annoyed or embarrassed, but always back down.

 

In the main I find Thais in BKK to be very courteous, even though I am a Farang...Obviously I stay in some nice hotels so that is expected, but I

 

also find people on the streets, e.g., street vendors, market stall holders, etc., to be great as soon as I speak a little Thai to them.

 

I think the OP is mixing with the wrong people in the wrong places and has not had time to learn the "Rules" of social engagement in Thailand

 

yet (particularly if you are a Farang)!

 

Also sounds like he has picked up a dodgy girlie, but hey we have all done that before?

 

My advice would be go home (wherever that may be) and forget about Thailand unless you are prepared to change, accept that you are a

 

"Farang" whether you like it or not and learn some Thai.

 

None of us like to be "racialised" and if you are American you have probably seen plenty of that in your own country.

 

Good luck with the "Girlie", but sounds like you drew the "Short Straw" with that one!

 

Best of luck!??

 

 

[Matptg]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

 

Just to answer to some, I am not spending my whole days in my condo doing nothing. I do many activities here to fill my days. Bangkok has many sites worth to visit. 

Normal in a blog that someone goes out of the topic and takes advantage to be offensive, maybe to bright up their days.

Thank you for the ones instead who answered politely. I appreciated all of your opinions.

Again my apologies for being arrogant in answering to a gentleman that had been arrogant previously.

 

[Matptg]

5 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Buon giorno, Giuseppe!

 

Whatsa wrong?  You no lika da pizza in da Venice of the East? You forgeta already what mamma tell you? Roma not built in justa one day, giavanotto (sonny boy). Correcto o no? Getta your behind-a outta Bangkok, this-a no place for small bambino. Havta learn the lingua like presto. English you so bella, I know my Giuseppe can learn-a this Thai linguini a-standing on his head-a. Make uppa your mind you gonna stay or no, but, mamma mia, Giuseppe, nobody like a crybaby too much, you-a not-ta make-y your mama proud. In bocca al lupo (good luck). Mamma love her Giuseppe and miss her Giuseppe every day.

 

Signed,

 

Mama de Guiseppe ?

please go find an hobby

[Matptg]

5 minutes ago, Mario666 said:

I have traveled around many countries and cities around the word and found good and bad in each.

 

As regards manners of Thais and their behaviour to "Farangs" I have also found good and bad.

 

I sometimes  have Thais push in front of me at 7/11s, but I push them back, give them a few words in Thai and give them the "Stare" and they

 

usually either look annoyed or embarrassed, but always back down.

 

In the main I find Thais in BKK to be very courteous, even though I am a Farang...Obviously I stay in some nice hotels so that is expected, but I

 

also find people on the streets, e.g., street vendors, market stall holders, etc., to be great as soon as I speak a little Thai to them.

 

I think the OP is mixing with the wrong people in the wrong places and has not had time to learn the "Rules" of social engagement in Thailand

 

yet (particularly if you are a Farang)!

 

Also sounds like he has picked up a dodgy girlie, but hey we have all done that before?

 

My advice would be go home (wherever that may be) and forget about Thailand unless you are prepared to change, accept that you are a

 

"Farang" whether you like it or not and learn some Thai.

 

None of us like to be "racialised" and if you are American you have probably seen plenty of that in your own country.

 

Good luck with the "Girlie", but sounds like you drew the "Short Straw" with that one!

 

Best of luck!??

 

 

thank you for your opinion. My girl is actually a good person, showing humbling when it needs and like said before, not looking for advantages. About thai attitude, dunno, maybe takes just longer to adapt

[Gecko123]

1 minute ago, Matptg said:

please go find an hobby

I forgot to mention that having a sense of humor is very important in Thailand. Sorry if you don't appreciate mine. No worries.

[Mario666]

2 minutes ago, Matptg said:

thank you for your opinion. My girl is actually a good person, showing humbling when it needs and like said before, not looking for advantages. About thai attitude, dunno, maybe takes just longer to adapt

"My gf told me that nor her or other friends never worked a single day in their life ( before graduating) because for the families it's like showing they are poor."

 

"At S. Valentine day my gf showed me of her female friends posting on facebook the pics of the money they got from their husbands...I was like, seriously? how poor is to post a pics of notes on facebook to show everyone your wealthy?? When I saw my gf profile I was like...disappointed. She posted pictures of some super expensive hotels she went to with her friends and mentioned the price. And the way they follow superstars here, they even know when they go to toilet and damn, when I watched a tv serie I saw the worst acting skills ever, even I can do better. "

 

Your words not mine....And now she is Pregnant...well done!

 

I get the opinion that you don't like it here, you have got this weak minded "Material Girl" up the Stick  and you don't know what to do

 

next...otherwise you wouldn't have posted the this story on here.

 

Please believe me I am not having a go at you.....I think you know you have "Dropped a Massive <deleted>" as we say in the UK and you are

 

searching for answers. I wish you all the best!

[Justfine]

"Thai culture in this matter, they have family, and rarely have friends"

 

False. Thai people have friends for decades.

 

Having friends for 12 months only is unusual.