Body Language

[tgeezer]

I know that children learn body language at school in language lessons, from a book I have, I see that there is an exercise asking the group to act out situations, such as greeting, showing sympathy, showing respect, deep in thought, and one other, taking notes at a meeting! Maybe farang could teach farang this, but this should be confined to 'what I do' rather than what is correct, although one does not negate the other, but I am more interested in the results of consultation with Thai partners,pals,teachers, etc. I have seen posts where these aquaintances are quoted and it is illuminating and if sufficient input is obtained could be an interesting and valuable resource. To get started let me postulate that in greeting, Inferior greets Superior, service providers are always Inferior except in the case of them being officials. If no greeting is given, the Superior should not recognise the Inferior and should ignore them. At the golf club for instance I am standing at the boot of my car and the caddy is approaching I know the caddy but I say nothing, he stops close, fiddles with his trolly and when ready stands up wais and says Sawasdi Crap, I respond. I find it difficult not to speak sooner but if I do it robs him of the chance to be properly polite and he is discomfited. I think and want this to be right. Although farangs do things their own way and Thais have to make allowances the fact of reading this means that we don't want to be indulged doesn't it? Are there any occasions where Thais can be unintentionally impolite? For instance what if he didn't say anything and did not know the caddy and he just hefted the bag on to the trolly, could he have forgotten? Should I greet him in this case? How is it dealt with. Some of the problems we who speak a little have is to unintentionally offend, this can upset people and get us a bad name. Is anyone interested in this side of the language?

[sutnyod]

Very interesting. I had a discussion about "who wais whom first" last week with some Thai friends. They said it ALWAYS makes a good impression if the superior wais first. (They cited the Prince from Bhutan in this respect.) This is seen very very friendly and "narak".

I wouldn't worry about unintenionally offending people. Asians, Thais included, are very good mind-readers and I have seen it many many times that foreigners who do (or omit) things out of ignorance are not only tolerated and forgiven, but also liked tremendously by their Asian friends and colleagues. Of course only if they are genuine (and here again, Asians are good at finding you out!). A person who tries to imitate Thais, to be polite, but who secretly abhors the country he is in was never liked. Even though he had never officially offended anyone. Just be natural and if you have committed an offending act (e.g. passing by a sitting elder person without bowing), blush and apologize.

[loong]

When I was in the village, all younger adults who came to the house would wai immediately they saw me. Most people older than me would as well. Adolescent girls would always wai. It was noticeable how many adolescent boys "forgot" to Wai. When I went to the market, local shop or regular eating place, the staff would only wai if they had not seen me for a long time.

Now in Pattaya, I have a regular eating place and am treated more like a member of the family. Very rarely do I get a wai or even a "Ka" when I pay my bill.

I do not understand the etiquette and just hope that some people are not actually trying to be rude!

[tgeezer]

I have just lost my reply to คูฌ Sutnyod from finger trouble which is a disaster when I tell you it took about two minutes to find อู on the keyboard. Now I find two replies so thank you both. unfortunately I don't share the Prince of Bhutan's celebrity or pin-up appeal but your friends response tells us what they think of you, it is nice to know that one group of Thais have that view of us. I suppose it all flattens out as คูฌ lung says but one of the attractions of Thailand for me is the codes and conventions which provide a means of promoting harmony across the whole society. I want to learn how to help people feel comfortable and admire my home country and the race from which I spring, we can never be anything which we are not and certainly not Thai. Some people want to keep their wives and perhaps the chap that asked how to say sorry to his misses when he'd upset her wanted that. The replies he got up to the time when I showed it to my mate were in the 'ขอทอษ' vein, my friend said 'เสียใจ' which resonated with me, I may be wrong. Later in conversation he described this website as "farang teaches farang" I wonder if this is true and if there may be a "nuts & bolts" approach. This is why I wrote. Together we should be able to relate situations which have happened to us, results of consultations with Thais, a whole raft of stuff which could improve our knowledge of both the written and the unwritten Thai. OK lets start: Lady in mid- forties working in the bank helping doing things for you refers to herself as "หนู" as she discusses what she is doing. Customer is over sixty, can I call and refer to her now as "หนู. รห พำสฟะ (sorry forgot to change fonts; left in to attract expert linguists) I don't think I can say to another employee of the same bank I want to see หนู or could I? Well we just don't know, can we find out?

[tgeezer]

When I was in the village, all younger adults who came to the house would wai immediately they saw me. Most people older than me would as well. Adolescent girls would always wai. It was noticeable how many adolescent boys "forgot" to Wai. When I went to the market, local shop or regular eating place, the staff would only wai if they had not seen me for a long time.

Now in Pattaya, I have a regular eating place and am treated more like a member of the family. Very rarely do I get a wai or even a "Ka" when I pay my bill.

I do not understand the etiquette and just hope that some people are not actually trying to be rude!

I have had the same experience with a nephew of my friend when I visited mother his grandmother. It meant he didn't care, probably a teenage thing, I didn't care because he was a wastrel and it relieved me of the obligation of being nice to him and giving him a tip, his loss. In the unlikely event we ever meet again it could be different. I think if you are treated like a member of the family it depends on you. When the National Anthem is played at the golf course and you hear " please, prepare to show respect to national flag" we start at 0750 so we are on the first green, I sometimes find myself leading the way; if it is not loud it can be ignored, but they have to join in if I stop and remove my hat, Thais do not remove hats but the other day I saw one adopt my attitude. They are mostly retired army and the same group every week. After the game it is a mess of hats-off, hand shakes, wais, (some do both) some would say it is rude to wai with a putter in one hand and a cap in the other but it has panned- out that way and I haven't been "black balled". That is a golf situation. How about in the police station, You've lost your passport, what woud get the best treatment. Ask around. I am fed up with using Thai, too slow, so assume that I am speaking Thai. When I think it will be noticed I would:wai and say "you crap, please disturb little, have problem", by which time I would hope that there would be a response and we could go slow time. What I am trying to do is assure them that I will make it as easy, often when a farang is sighted they want to "head for the hills" because of language. Is this correct? I know it will probaly do. When I say "please disturb little" is he going to think "stupid farang, it my duty to be here" I liken myself to a Polish ex-soldier who remained in UK after the war having married and aunt, his accent was heavy and in spite of every other word being "bloody" was well liked and ran his own business. If I can speak and get by in Thailand as well as he in England I will be happy.

Edited February 4, 2007 by tgeezer