Thai girlfriend of my age/earning power pressuring me to be financially supported

[smotherb]

20 hours ago, NanLaew said:

...and cheese. Never forget the cheese.

 

It's bloody expensive here though.

Then don't forget the steaks

[smotherb]

Every Thai woman you say? I think you're talking about a certain demographic; but certainly not all. I know several Thai women who continue to work even though married to farangs. One owns a guest house and rental properties in Ao Nang; she owned them before she met her farang. She continues to run them with his help; he only has a meager state pension. Another owned a very successful beauty shop--you have to make an appointment--when she met her farang, she continues to run it even though he is now retired, and they have been married some 15 years.

 

You may say I don't know or am confused with their relationships; okay, fair enough. Then, how about my son and his Thai wife; she worked when they met and after five years of marriage still does; she doesn't expect him to support her, she loves her career. My son does not support her family and neither does she; her parents are self-sufficient. Her father and I have become friends; he knows I love his daughter as my own, and he and my son have a great relationship.

 

I am simply amazed at the number of TV posters who have such a poor opinion of Thais and/or have never known a Thai without their hand out for the farang to support them. A difference may be that none of these ladies are poor or sold their bodies to earn a living.

**********************************************

This  post is in response to Muzarella's post #45 which said,

 

In Thailand EVERY women will expect for its husband or lovers to take care for ALL its needs.... If they are the same age or older.... If its partners are younger may be the contrary..... MONEY.....is always part of Thai people relationships in one way or another....and a priority. 

LOVE... will be just a possibility in every case...and NEVER.... like on Western cultures.

Edited October 15, 2018 by smotherb

[sead]

On 10/13/2018 at 2:29 PM, BritManToo said:

Dunno about that, most of the middle-class Thai guys I meet seem to hand their wage packet over to the misses unopened.

Then she gives him a couple of hundred baht for a night out for being a good boy.

Well yeah, that's the sad but true story in most cases

[chippendale]

Hilarious thread.

 

Time to replace the lazy parasite. Find a younger girl with a less negative attitude towards you.

[orchis]

a few interested parties suggested same to me;
vague intimations of "i want you to take care of me"
you accept that or not, but if it's unacceptable to you, then break up asap.

[rumak]

On 10/12/2018 at 8:10 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

 

 

Just talk with her about it...

OP:   I don't think I should pay for everything

GF:   This is how we do in thai culture.  Man is provider

OP:   In america the woman works and we share responsibilities

GF:   This is not america.  This is Thailand

OP:   Why should I have to pay for everything

GF:   Yes,  for my family to help too

OP:   What??

GF:   Up to you.......

OP:   Why are you upset darling

GF:   Silence.........

Edited October 15, 2018 by rumak

[rumak]

8 hours ago, smotherb said:

 

I am simply amazed at the number of TV posters who have such a poor opinion of Thais and/or have never known a Thai without their hand out for the farang to support them. A difference may be that none of these ladies are poor or sold their bodies to earn a living.

I also have a poor opinion of humanity in general ,  so no racism here !   Rich or poor,  brown or white, 

all over same same.  Your good choice (or good luck) of partner/family  is not universal.  There are always

winners and losers in life......and often one ends up with the other !  The wise men/women are those that

learn from their experiences and try try again.

[OneMoreFarang]

10 hours ago, rumak said:

The wise men/women are those that learn from their experiences and try try again.

No, wise people learn from the mistakes others made and they don't make those same mistakes.

[smotherb]

9 hours ago, rumak said:

I also have a poor opinion of humanity in general ,  so no racism here !   Rich or poor,  brown or white, 

all over same same.  Your good choice (or good luck) of partner/family  is not universal.  There are always

winners and losers in life......and often one ends up with the other !  The wise men/women are those that

learn from their experiences and try try again.

Well, I believe I have a good family and partner; for me anyway, but they are no more than what I believe is deserved by all. However, as you say, these sorts of relationships are not universal; there are far too many unhappy unions.

 

Is it luck; or do you have to make those decisions with great thought? Certainly, there was little thought behind my choice of mother, so it must have been luck. However, with my choice of wife and I believe with my son's choice of wife; we paid attention to the mistakes others had made and had good role models with which to compare.

 

Your last sentence is indeed meaningful; learn from your mistakes and do better.

[smotherb]

On 10/13/2018 at 7:29 PM, BritManToo said:

Dunno about that, most of the middle-class Thai guys I meet seem to hand their wage packet over to the misses unopened.

Then she gives him a couple of hundred baht for a night out for being a good boy.

I've seen that happen in the West, but usually the woman has the money smarts in the family; whether she works or not. The man may be the type to blow his paycheck on whiskey and gambling and leave his family without.

[BritManToo]

39 minutes ago, smotherb said:

However, with my choice of wife and I believe with my son's choice of wife; we paid attention to the mistakes others had made and had good role models with which to compare.

I always picked the ones with perky tits and my son already seems to think the same way.

Edited October 16, 2018 by BritManToo

[smotherb]

Just now, BritManToo said:

I always picked the ones with nice tits and my son already seems to think the same way.

Yeah, that seems to be the choice of a lot of men. If tits is your thing; they can be bought. Try buying a brain, a sense of responsibility, or love.

[BritManToo]

11 hours ago, rumak said:

There are always winners and losers in life.

 

The difficulty is in a definition of 'winner' and 'loser' that we can all agree with.

My definition of 'winner' is a person that has many children.

If you don't have more than 3 children, I won't class you as a 'winner'.

Edited October 16, 2018 by BritManToo

[YogaVeg]

Y'all need to wrap your brain around the core Thai concept of naam-jai.

 

[varun]

Quote

it's about a girlfriend who could become a wife in a few years

Hopefully, she'll be long gone by then.

[mjc1318]

On 10/12/2018 at 11:30 PM, BritManToo said:

 

Once they've moved into your condo the sex usually gets less frequent as well.

thats the same no matter what nationality !!

[RasiMike]

 
The plan is to have kids, but not yet. Maybe in 5-6 years from now.
 
I see where you are coming from with your idea of modern families not having time for the kids, but in our case we are both business owners with plenty of flexibility.
 
I own a location-independent business and can stay at home with the kids as long as necessary, although I need to travel, for business, for 1-2 weeks, 3-4 times a year. Shouldn't be a big problem I believe. She owns a store and has a handful of employees working for her, so she only needs to be there 3-4 days a week, and only around 5 hours each day. She also has plenty of flexibility, the ability to take days off when necessary, switching shifts with her employees, etc.
 
So, in other words, there would be no problems dedicating time to the kids, as long as the current situation doesn't change. 
 
I get the feeling that somehow she has the idea that men should provide, ingrained in her head. There really is no logical explanation for it. Her only argument is that I'm the man, she is the woman, and no matter how much she earns I still have to provide for her. She is strongly convinced that she won't spend a penny on housing costs, cars, or children's education. 
 
Is it maybe because of the concept of "milking the foreigner", like someone else said? Would love to know of Thai women who help with housing costs/cars/education. Unfortunately all of my girlfriend's friends have married foreigners and are being provided for, so it's hard to get some perspective here.

I've been married to a Thai woman for 15 years now (together a few more) and she has shared the workload the entire time. Our accounts are joint, credit is joint and properties are shared. She and I both work, (her annual income is more than mine this past 5 years) and the only time she wasn't working was when our kids were toddlers and we saw the benefits of her being a mother full time and studying part time. Now she earns more she is happy to be, as she sees it, "catching up financially". Once the kids started school she went back to work. Never she wanted to sit on her arse and do nothing or be looked after. As far as we see it's a partnership in parenting, housekeeping and income making. Neither of us would be happy any other way.
Every one has different ideas of marriage but the old days of breadwinner and housekeeper as separate roles has it's limitations IMO.

Personally, I reckon a sit down chat with your significant other would be a good start. Chok dee OP


Sent from my Moto G (4) using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Ikosthecats]

As an Asian girl, I can tell you that women dont want to depend on their men unless those women come from a financial supporting relationship style. 

I Myself retired few months (coming from Tech startup in the early stage - having saving and some properties from my hard time paying the downpayment for the bank) before I met my man. He owns the consultancy company in Singapore.

We are financially independent and I am happy to contribute to our rental when we move in. 

Recently he decided to rent a crazy big penthouse and asked me to move in next month. I asked him to share coz I dont want people to say that I am another asian chic who chases rich caucasian for a <deleted> penthouse and some handbags :)). He simply said that I dont have to. My leisure time - cooking and photography is his priority so 2 of us needs 5 bed rooms to use for my activities. If we travel' I pay my own tickets and he loves booking hotel according to his criteria.... He also never asks me anything abt my property but I am willing to get further and in any bad case' I am willing to use the asset to save his business or urgent medical treatment. Anyway, if you get a properly educated woman' she will never be your pressure. Its important to see somone's contribution thru intangible things too' not just money. Simply if she smiles and make you happy, that can motivate you to work more effectively and earn much more. 

Generally, if a man earns well then the amount of money for rental is nothing to be worried abt.

And maybe someone has definitely bluffed a bit too much to the girls that she thinks you can pay everything without caring the number. Coz her reaction is simply when she realized that you are not the rich man she had spread the news to her networks so far hehe. 

Go home' kiss her and keep living in 2 places if you are not ready. Take a broader view toward the picture.

 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Ikosthecats said:

I Myself retired few months

Most of us are looking for something a bit younger and considerably more fertile.

I would expect someone your age to pay for everything while I'd be having a few 20-year-old giks on the side.

Edited November 14, 2018 by BritManToo

[bwpage3]

8 hours ago, Ikosthecats said:

As an Asian girl, I can tell you that women dont want to depend on their men unless those women come from a financial supporting relationship style. 

I Myself retired few months (coming from Tech startup in the early stage - having saving and some properties from my hard time paying the downpayment for the bank) before I met my man. He owns the consultancy company in Singapore.

We are financially independent and I am happy to contribute to our rental when we move in. 

Recently he decided to rent a crazy big penthouse and asked me to move in next month. I asked him to share coz I dont want people to say that I am another asian chic who chases rich caucasian for a <deleted> penthouse and some handbags :)). He simply said that I dont have to. My leisure time - cooking and photography is his priority so 2 of us needs 5 bed rooms to use for my activities. If we travel' I pay my own tickets and he loves booking hotel according to his criteria.... He also never asks me anything abt my property but I am willing to get further and in any bad case' I am willing to use the asset to save his business or urgent medical treatment. Anyway, if you get a properly educated woman' she will never be your pressure. Its important to see somone's contribution thru intangible things too' not just money. Simply if she smiles and make you happy, that can motivate you to work more effectively and earn much more. 

Generally, if a man earns well then the amount of money for rental is nothing to be worried abt.

And maybe someone has definitely bluffed a bit too much to the girls that she thinks you can pay everything without caring the number. Coz her reaction is simply when she realized that you are not the rich man she had spread the news to her networks so far hehe. 

Go home' kiss her and keep living in 2 places if you are not ready. Take a broader view toward the picture.

 

Define properly educated?

 

Your use of the English language suggests otherwise.

 

When you RENT a penthouse, you own nothing. So what is the big deal?

 

When she realized that you are not the rich man??????????????????????????

 

You sound like you think you are a big deal, then lots of contradiction.

 

Going to sell your property and save the rich man's business?

 

Take a look in the mirror.

 

 

[YogaVeg]

On 11/13/2018 at 10:42 PM, BritManToo said:

Most of us are looking for something a bit younger and considerably more fertile.

I would expect someone your age to pay for everything while I'd be having a few 20-year-old giks on the side.

Ouch. Not very nice. 

Her profile says born in 1990.