Popular Post ballpoint Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 My mate is so engrossed with technology that he had a mobile phone implanted into his throat yesterday His wife will ring his neck when she finds out. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 Top Tip of the Day: Never ask a starfish for directions. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 Traffic News:- Highway 2 near Saraburi, A coach containing session musicians has overturned. Drivers may expect lengthy jams. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 After attending several Alcoholics Anonymous meetings now, I'd like to share my experience in the hope that it will benefit others. Take your own cans, 'cos they only have tea and soft drinks on offer. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Skallywag Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Skallywag Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ravip Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 3 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvs Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 1 hour ago, ballpoint said: What do gardeners do when they retire? They go fishing! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Rising Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 14 minutes ago, ravip said: It required a Google search but I got it in the end???? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 When a famous admiral died, the navy wanted to lay on a grand ceremony in his honour. After two hours of speeches and hymns, it was suggested that the event should end with a cannon salute. That was when the organisation of the ceremony threatened to run into trouble for nobody on the four-man planning committee could seem to agree on the number of shots that should be fired in the salute. ‘I think one shot would be perfect,’ said the first captain. ‘It would be moving and deeply symbolic.’ ‘I think there should be two,’ suggested the second captain, ‘in honour of the two great battles he won.’ ‘Well, I think we should have three shots,’ said the third captain, ‘as a mark of respect to the number of ships he commanded.’ The fourth captain puffed quietly on his pipe until asked for his opinion. ‘There’s no argument,’ he said. ‘We must fire four shots at the end of the ceremony to commemorate the late admiral’s four decorations for gallantry. In fact, I have already discussed the matter with the Queen, and it has all been approved.’ With that, the other three captains stormed out of the room. One turned at the door and said: ‘We wouldn’t have bothered coming if we had known it was a four-gun conclusion!’ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 A farmer needed to buy a bull to service his cows but, in order to afford it, he had to borrow money from the bank. The banker who lent him the money stopped by a week later to see how his investment was shaping up. The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at the cows, so the banker suggested calling in a vet to take a look at the animal. The following week the banker returned to see if the vet had been of any use. The farmer looked very pleased. ‘The bull serviced all my cows twice,’ he said, ‘then broke through the fence and serviced all my neighbour’s cows three times.’ ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the banker. ‘What did the vet do to that bull?’ ‘Just gave me some pills to give him,’ replied the farmer. ‘What kind of pills?’ ‘I don’t know,’ said the farmer, ‘but they sort of taste like dark chocolate.’ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, would you expect a longer sentence? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 What do you get when you cross:- A chicken with a cement mixer? - A crappy brick layer! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 A mother asked her young son: ‘Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?’ ‘Well you said it was my lunch money.’ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 Chat-up Line:- • Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow. Shall I call you or nudge you? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanuk711 Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowtail Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 1 hour ago, fangless said: Chat-up Line:- • Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow. Shall I call you or nudge you? I actually used to use "Buy you breakfast?" with some success back in the day... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 1 hour ago, Yellowtail said: I actually used to use "Buy you breakfast?" with some success back in the day... You'd be toast with a chat-up line like that unless you really egged her on and buttered her up before scrambling for some more snap crackle and pop! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 1 hour ago, sanuk711 said: It would be a bit of a bare bones ceremony and Instead of being "laid to rest" they would be being "laid bare" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post roo860 Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 4 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowtail Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 41 minutes ago, fangless said: You'd be toast with a chat-up line like that unless you really egged her on and buttered her up before scrambling for some more snap crackle and pop! Dude, nine times out of ten the response is "Breakfast?" with a quizzical look, to which you respond with well, not 'till morning, but you're not hungry now are you? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tomazbodner Posted September 6, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 6, 2021 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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