Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

 

Restaurants bringing back the taste of childhood

 

 

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

 

The Indian Space Program

 

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

My wife left me for my best friend.

Well ... actually he was a complete stranger at the time.

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Pakistan Floods - Free Calls from UK to Pakistan From EE

Now it's actually free to phone them and laugh.

Follow me for more money saving tips

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The word hyphenated doesn't have a hyphen, yet non-hyphenated does have a hyphen. 

This has to be the maddest thing in the English language. A word that contradicts its own rule

………………….

I was told to live every day like it was my last.

That's why I'm lying on a trolley in a hospital corridor.

…………………………….

Floods in Pakistan have killed over 1000 people.

Both families say they  are devastated

………………..

All this talk about putting the first black man on the moon is all very well and good but for safety should they not stick a police station up their first

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I'm not surprised Germany lost the war.

In every picture you can clearly see that Hitler used paper whilst Churchill chose scissors.

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I'll never forget the last words my dear old Dad said to me before they found him brutally murdered.

"You ungrateful Git! First thing tomorrow morning I'm cutting you out of my will!"

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I bet little Mohammed isn't having to walk 3 miles fetch water now! I think I'll ask for my $1 a month donation back.

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What do you call a Pakistani flood survivor......................Mustafa dinghy.

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[Martin71]

[chickenslegs]

11 hours ago, ballpoint said:

My dog ate all the tiles from my Scrabble game, so I took him to the vet.

No word yet though.

You're still waiting for his first vowel movement?

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[ballpoint]

11 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

You're still waiting for his first vowel movement?

Yes, no vowels passed yet, only copious liquids. He's still in consonant.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2022 by ballpoint

[ballpoint]

When my girlfriend left me I turned to the bottle.

And now it's stuck in there.

[ballpoint]

At band practice last night, a guy came up and asked if I could give him a roll on the drums?

I said wouldn't you prefer a plate?

[ballpoint]

On our way home my wife said let’s stop and visit our son Nicholas, 

so we took the see Nick route.

[ballpoint]

Was at the barbers and noticed a young lad before me having both sides of his head shaved and leaving a neat tuft of hair down the middle, from the front to the back of his head. On my turn, I asked the barber if I could have same haircut. He said no, it was the Last of the Mohicans.

[ballpoint]

My mate was the fittest person I knew.

He went to the gym 7 days a week.

Entered Ironman contests, he even did back to back marathons once.

Then one day he went for a jog in the park and BANG!

He met a girl, got married... ...and now he's a fat **** just like the rest of us!

[ballpoint]

The cost of living crisis has now become so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford the batteries!

[ballpoint]

I walked into the living room and there was a strange guy in a canal boat by the telly.

I said "You can't come barging in here!"

[DezLez]

9 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I walked into the living room and there was a strange guy in a canal boat by the telly.

I said "You can't come barging in here!"

I would have told him to punt off or go take a punt!

[DezLez]

24 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

At band practice last night, a guy came up and asked if I could give him a roll on the drums?

I said wouldn't you prefer a plate?

As a symbolic gesture you could have offered to beat beat him instead?

Edited September 3, 2022 by DezLez

[DezLez]

29 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

When my girlfriend left me I turned to the bottle.

And now it's stuck in there.

Was it a screw-top or a cock-screw?

[DezLez]

39 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Yes, no vowels passed yet, only copious liquids. He's still in consonant.

 

 

 

 

I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "by word of mouth"!

Edited September 3, 2022 by DezLez

[overherebc]

16 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

My wife left me for my best friend.

Well ... actually he was a complete stranger at the time.

……………

Pakistan Floods - Free Calls from UK to Pakistan From EE

Now it's actually free to phone them and laugh.

Follow me for more money saving tips

………..

The word hyphenated doesn't have a hyphen, yet non-hyphenated does have a hyphen. 

This has to be the maddest thing in the English language. A word that contradicts its own rule

………………….

I was told to live every day like it was my last.

That's why I'm lying on a trolley in a hospital corridor.

…………………………….

Floods in Pakistan have killed over 1000 people.

Both families say they  are devastated

………………..

All this talk about putting the first black man on the moon is all very well and good but for safety should they not stick a police station up their first

……………….

I'm not surprised Germany lost the war.

In every picture you can clearly see that Hitler used paper whilst Churchill chose scissors.

…………………………..

I'll never forget the last words my dear old Dad said to me before they found him brutally murdered.

"You ungrateful Git! First thing tomorrow morning I'm cutting you out of my will!"

…………………….

I bet little Mohammed isn't having to walk 3 miles fetch water now! I think I'll ask for my $1 a month donation back.

……………….

What do you call a Pakistani flood survivor......................Mustafa dinghy.

……………………..

If he can swim and smoke at the same time?

Mustapha Phag.

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]