Worst Joke Ever 2024

[DezLez]

I just spoke to Bill Withers. I told him “ain’t no sunshine” is bad grammar

He said “I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know”

[DezLez]

After returning from a trip from the Sunshine State, a man tells his friend all the things he’d seen.

“Did you know in Florida they use alligators to make handbags?”
His friend says in amazement,

“Wow, it’s crazy what they can make animals do these days.”

[DezLez]

I'm chronically depressed, but my spirits feel uplifted when I'm outside in the beautiful sunshine.

I guess I must be Soular powered?

????

[owl sees all]

4 hours ago, Zyxel said:

 

On the upside. "He's got a great left foot."

 

[DezLez]

18 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

 

On the upside. "He's got a great left foot."

 

Will they shoe him in for another operation or just leg it?

[DezLez]

29 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

 

On the upside. "He's got a great left foot."

 

Yea but not a leg to stand on!

[owl sees all]

15 minutes ago, DezLez said:

Yea but not a leg to stand on!

 

Terribly one footed. United don't want him.

 

[ballpoint]

4 hours ago, DezLez said:

She can keep my wick active and light up me and my house anytime!

 

 

 

 

You're just jealous that my keeper and I get to screw in a big bulb every night, while yours can't handle your balls outside her box, and even then she wears gloves to do it.  But it's not all bad.  Dribbling before you shoot can now be cured with the right therapy. 

[overherebc]

[overherebc]

[roo860]

[chickenslegs]

A man walks into a dentist and says “I think I’m a moth”.

The dentist says “You need a psychiatrist not a dentist”.

The man replies “I know but your light was on”

[chickenslegs]

I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing “Danger Zone” seven times in a row.

 

I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.

[chickenslegs]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[chickenslegs]

When I was a kid if I was naughty my dad use to hit me with polaroid camera.

To this day I can still have instant flashbacks.

[chickenslegs]

I was just on a diabetes information website...

It asked if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?

[chickenslegs]

My mother in law suffers from acute diabetes and hay fever....

I always try to cheer her up with chocolate and flowers.

[chickenslegs]

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.

[chickenslegs]

Why did the mexican start taking anti anxiety meds?

He was taking them for hispanic attacks.

[chickenslegs]

A priest, a lawyer, and a golfer are discussing the costs and benefits of having an affair.

 

The priest says no one should ever have an affair. It is against God's law and ruins families.

The lawyer says it's not a good idea to have an affair as it could lead to divorce and that is not good for your financial situation.

The golfer says it's an excellent idea to have an affair and it is very important to be honest about it with your wife AND your mistress. Your wife will think you're spending time with your mistress, your mistress will think you're with your wife, and you can finally get some time in on the golf course.

[chickenslegs]

12 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I have a fish that can breakdance!

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

I have the superpower of stopping a speeding bullet!

But just once.

[chickenslegs]

Just now, chickenslegs said:

I have the superpower of stopping a speeding bullet!

But just once.

Talking of superpowers:

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took about half an hour longer than I thought it would though.

[chickenslegs]

My grandkids have nicknamed me "Spiderman".

I don't have any superpowers, I just can't climb out of the bath.

[wpcoe]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[DezLez]

16 hours ago, owl sees all said:

 

Terribly one footed. United don't want him.

 

Why not?  I think he would fit in well with all the single foot numpties they have at present!