Worst Joke Ever 2024

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[jvs]

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

They look a bit under inflated to me,maybe need to check if no air can escape.

It can be done by putting a little spit on the nipple and look for tiny air

bubbles.

Some people twist a cap on it but that seems a bit cruel.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[overherebc]

[Martin71]

[roo860]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

 

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up Your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? hay and corn. And what are these? vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need Grain? Eat Chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If You have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable Oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

[ballpoint]

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

As he approached the reception desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO ENQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION. BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."

 

Don't mess with old folks.

[ballpoint]

Saw my mate Jim yesterday, he's only got one arm.

"Where you off then, Jim?"

"I'm going to change a light bulb," he said.

"That's going to be awkward, isn't it?" I asked.

"No..... I've still got the receipt."

[ballpoint]

For those wondering how the UK has an oil shortage, the answer is simple.

No one ever checked the level of it.  It's all a matter of logistics;

The oil is in the North Sea

The dipsticks are in Westminster.

[ballpoint]

Ever wondered, how important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

[ballpoint]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though' mum confides.

'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.

'And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21'.

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily. 'He had such curly hair when he was born'.

'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.

'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18', she whispers.

'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'.

'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says..

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

 

 

 

Edited December 23, 2022 by ballpoint

[ballpoint]

Things aren't looking too good financially in Japan.  In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.  Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.  Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

[ravip]

[VocalNeal]

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Things aren't looking too good financially in Japan.  In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.  Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.  Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

No news of the Bukkake Bank then????

[overherebc]

51 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

No news of the Bukkake Bank then????

It will most likely come to a sticky end.

[ballpoint]

2 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

No news of the Bukkake Bank then????

Wait a minute. I'm coming to them.

[jvs]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Wait a minute. I'm coming to them.

Let me guess,deposit?In your own account or just spreading it around?

lol,ok get me back!

 

[ravip]

[chickenslegs]

I applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn’t have the right experience.

 

Never mined.

[still kicking]

[oxo1947]

.

[oxo1947]

.

[ballpoint]

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2020
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )

6. Teaching Maths in 2030

伐木工以 100 英鎊的價格出售一卡車木材。 他的生產成本是售價的4/5。 他的利潤是多少？