Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Zyxel]

[ravip]

 

 

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[roo860]

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[oxo1947]

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[still kicking]

[still kicking]

Arrest at Walmart 

 

[tomazbodner]

Frank walks into the office and sees John at work...

John, my man, what are you doing here? I thought it is your mother-in-law's funeral today?!

Yeah, it is... but you know... work first, party later!

[tomazbodner]

Employee: Boss, my salary is so lousy I can't even afford to get married!

Boss: You'll thank me later...

[tomazbodner]

Woman is standing in front of mirror.... Geez, I'm so fat! And look at all these wrinkles! I look so old! Dear, please say something nice to console me...

Husband: You have excellent eye sight, darling...

[tomazbodner]

Johnny is bored in heaven, so he goes to complain to God: How is it possible that I am so bored in heaven? I thought it was going to be fun!

God: Maybe that's because I have no sense of time. For me, 1000 years is like 1 minute.

Johnny: What about 1000$?

God: That's nothing. Like 10 cents, I have no sense of worth either.

Johnny: Cool! Then can I borrow 1000$?

God: Sure, no problem. Just wait a minute...

[tomazbodner]

Cop walks up to theater ticket seller and says "I'd like 2 tickets for tonight's show."

"Romeo and Juliet?"

"No. For me and my wife!"

[tomazbodner]

2 girlfriends talking and one asks the other: I've heard you married a boxer. What's he like?

Ummm.... difficult to describe. He looks different after each match...

[tomazbodner]

A man is making rounds giving Easter greetings to his neighbour when he gets to the last one... When the door opens, he puts on a grin and says: I wish you all the same as you wish for me!

Angrily, neighbour blurts: How dare you!

[tomazbodner]

Husband is lying in sofa chair watching TV... Wife asks him to fix the pipe in the kitchen as it's leaking, to which he answers: I'm not a plumber!

A few days later, light bulb dies in bedroom and when wife asks the hubby to replace it, he brushes back: I'm not a darn electrician!

 

Some days later, when returning home from work he notices bulb is replaced, pipe is fixed and immediately asks wife: Did you call plumber and electrician?

Wife: No, neighbour fixed them both.

Husband: And how much did he charge you for it?

Wife: Nothing. He said either bake him a cake or have sex with him.

Husband: And? Did you bake him a cake?

Wife: I'm not a damn baker!

[tomazbodner]

Policeman stops a car that was obviously speeding...

Good evening, Sir, says the policeman. I was waiting for you all day!

I know! answers the driver. I came as quickly as I could!

[tomazbodner]

John is telling his colleague that his wife ran away with his best friend Frank.

Colleague: as far as I know, Frank was never even your friend, let alone best friend...

John: Maybe not then, but he is now!

[tomazbodner]

Wife calls husband and starts yelling: Where the **** are you?!!

Husband: Dear, do you remember that gold shop where you just loved that diamond necklace and for which I told you that one day it will be yours?

Wife melts down: I'm so sorry, dear... Of course I remember...

Husband: Well, I'm at the pub across the road!

[ballpoint]

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