Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[oxo1947]

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[oxo1947]

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[wpcoe]

(1999, Tokyo) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three-way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take karaoke bar, and the Asaka Beer Corporation. Mr. Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances, and is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his job. The bar is counter-suing for defamation and loss of customers.

 

The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, in which the carbon dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. Two side effects of the hydrogen gas have made the beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

 

First, because hydrogen molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly, so individuals whose lungs are filled with the nontoxic gas can speak with an uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.

 

Second, the flammable nature of hydrogen has also become a selling point, though it should be noted that Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing ploy.

 

The beer has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in pubs everywhere. "Mr. Otoma has no one to blame but himself. If he had not become drunk and disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security guards undergo the most careful screening and training before they are allowed to deal with customers," said Mr. Takashi Nomura, Manager of the Tike-Take bar.

 

"Mr. Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximize the size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls of fire across the room that Godzilla would be proud of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgment is made on the quality of the flames and the singing, and after fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune."

 

"He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge, singeing the front of a female judge's hair and entirely removing her eyebrows and lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers. None of these people have returned to my bar. When our security staff approached Mr. Otoma, he turned his attentions to them, making it almost impossible to approach him. Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr. Otoma's knees, knocking his legs from under him."

 

"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled Mr. Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his center of gravity and moved his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault that he had his mouth open for the next belch, his own fault that he held a lighted cigarette in front of it, and his own fault that he swallowed that cigarette."

 

"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to his esophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way out of his body. Mr. Otoma's consequential muteness and loss of employment are his own fault."

 

Mr. Otoma was unavailable for comment

DarwinAwards.com   1994 - 2001 

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Not a joke, but still funny.  And true.

 

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[MJCM]

Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
 

 

 

 

 

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[Reginald Prewster]

Worst Joke ever heard was as a pi**ed guy in Pattaya approached our table and started asking:

 

"Thirty Hamsters walking by red light over the crossing, how many eggs are now in the fridge?" 

 

All my mates were starting guessing... 60  Eggs? WTF you are talking about? Or repeat it... 

 

He was pissing himself laughing and asked again: "Thirty Hamsters walking by red light over the crossing, how many eggs are now in the fridge?" 

 

We were confused and annoyed and the guy broke into tears laughing asking this obviously stupid question another 5-10 times within 10 minutes.. 

 

As one of my mate was losing his temper and asked him to leave (F*** OFF!) 

 

He gave the answer:

"Have you ever eaten Yoghurt with bones?"

 

I looked around to my mates and only saw blank faces, beside the mate with the short fuse... (A good old Bikie 1%er class)

 *BAM BAM BAM*  that lunatic lifted off like a rocket and landed right in a water pot with Guppies...

His a** emptied the pot and all fishes were flipping around him.

The Bikie was freaking out and pulled him out of the pot, shouting to Lunartic what he had done to the fishes, and after refilling the pot, he carefully picked the fishes up and returned one by one into their pot..

 

That moment everyone was laying on the table pissing themselves laughing...

 

We still using this phrase when we have a funny moment with a beer: 

"Thirty Hamsters walking by red light over the crossing, how many eggs are now in the fridge?" 

And always is it one who answers:  "Have you ever eaten Yoghurt with bones?"

 

...BUT, can anyone answer me if we all just missed the point? This question is always following then... 

 

For the time being, this was my worst joke I ever have heard...

[VocalNeal]

15 minutes ago, dcsw53 said:

I have a real life picture like that but it is too explicit to post here. 

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[MJCM]