Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: 'George and the Dragon.' He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes.
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

[ballpoint]

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years.
First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?"
The second guy speaking very slowly, tells the first guy,
I.....w...a...s......a...l...m...o...s..t........m...a...r...r...i...e..d"
The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you've lost your stutter!"
The reply comes,
"Y..e..s, .I....w..e..n..t.....t..o.....a.....d..o..c..t.o..r......a..n..d. . he...... t..o..l..d..... m..e.... t..h..a..t..... i..f..... I...... s..p..e...a..k..... s..l..o..w.l..y...... I .... w..o..u..l..d..... n..o..t.... s..t..u...t..t..e..r."
The friend congratulates him and then asks about how he was almost married.
"W..e..l..l,..... m..y..... f..i..a..n..c..e..e....a..n..d........ I...... w..e... r..e..... s..i.t..t..i..n..g.... o..n.....h..e..r....... p..o..r..c..h... a..n...d.... t..h..e... d..o..g... w..a..s.. s...c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n....g...... h..i..s....b..a..c..k....s.o..... I..... t..o..l..d.... h.e..r...... t...h..a.t......w...h..e..n..... w..e.....a..r..e.... m..a..r..r..i..e.d,........ s..h..e...... c..a .n...... d..o..... t..h..a..t..... f..o..r..... m..e...... a..n..d.....
t..h..e..n.... s.h..e.... t..h..r..e..w....... t..h..e..... r..i..n..g..... i..n..... m..y..... f ..a..c..e"
Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the friend.
"W..e..l..l, .I.....s..p..e..a..k.....s..o.....s..l..o..w.l..y,.....t..h..a..t... .b. .y.....t..h ..e...... t..i...m...e..... s.h..e..... l..o..o..k..e..d .a..t . t..h..e ... .d..o..g,..... h..e . w..a..s.......l..i..c..k..i..n..g .h..i..s ..... b..a..l..l..s."

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[dcsw53]

[VocalNeal]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[CharlieH]

[Crossy]

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

 

Drop it in water…

 

If it sinks... Girl ant

 

If it floats…

[Crossy]

A blonde decides to try horse riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

 

She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

 

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

 

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

 

Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

 

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

[Crossy]

[Crossy]

[roo860]

[Crossy]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]