Worst Joke Ever 2024

KannikaP · January 11, 2023

6 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

From the website

I wonder what nicknames he had at school.

Steve Winwood's brother in the Spencer Davis Group was known as Muff Winwood. What a t..t he was!

KannikaP · January 11, 2023

10 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

.

Got the full version already online.

Shall I read all 471 pages? No way!

Spare - Prince Harry The Duke of Sussex.pdf

Beachcomber · January 11, 2023

So far, Humpty Dumpty is having a terrible winter.

Which sucks because he had a great fall.
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Took the dog for a walk on Christmas eve, the wife came along too, suddenly it started pouring down, TORRENTial, the wife said 'oh dear, look at poor Daisy (our dog), she's soaking wet now, I replied 'that will be the rain dear'
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I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives.

I will start a religious movement anytime now.
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If walking is good for your health, the Postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, only drinks water and is fat.

A rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day long and only lives 5 years.

A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing energetic, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise! I don't think so.
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My friend just texted and asked “what does IDK stand for?”

I replied: “I don’t know.”

they replied back: “Damnnnn! Nobody knows!”
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There was excitement when a group of archaeologists thought that they had unearthed the mass graves of a thousand Snowmen only to discover it was a field full of carrots.
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My wife has very bad laryngitis, I told her if she gave it to me I would never speak to her again
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My biggest fear is being trapped in a small room with Santa.

I have Claustrophobia
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My friend was showing me his tool shed, and pointed to a ladder.

"That's my stepladder," he said.

"I never knew my real ladder
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It's only a 5 minute walk from home to my local pub. It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering!
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What’s the absolute best Christmas present?

A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
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My wife asked me if i had seen the dog bowl.
I replied i didn't know that the dog could.
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The pope wanted his Bishops to be on their toes so he raised all the urinals in the Vatican
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I was mugged on the way home, late last night
The robber pointed a knife at my throat and growled ' Your money or your life'
I am afraid I crumbled in fear, shouting 'I am married, I have no money, I have no life'
The robber hugged me and we cried together
I was a beautiful moment !!
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jack john and harry have been on a desert island for a few years when suddenly jack finds a magic lamp on the beach, a genie appears and says I will give you all a wish each seen as you have released me from the lamp, john said I wish I was back home with my wife and kids, zap hes gone, next harry says the same thing and he is gone, next it was jacks turn and the genie said what is your wish jack, jack said its so lonely without those two I wish they were back here
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My friend called me for help, claiming he had turned into a harp.

I raced over there only to find he was a lyre.
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I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

She's a singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
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Did you hear about the new Origami Children's channel?

It was paper view only, but I have heard that it has just folded!
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I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I buy one ply toilet paper
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What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back Eve i don't know how big this thing is going to get
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That's All Folks !!

Edited January 11, 2023 by Beachcomber

tomazbodner · January 11, 2023

11 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

.

And then there's priviledge just above it..

Privilege is the correct spelling of the word that means a special advantage. Priviledge is an incorrect spelling of the word. Privilege is a word that is commonly misspelled because it sounds like there could possibly be a “d” before the “g” when people are speaking.

https://oneminuteenglish.org/en/privilege-or-priviledge/

owl sees all · January 11, 2023

40 minutes ago, tomazbodner said:

And then there's priviledge just above it..

Privilege is the correct spelling of the word that means a special advantage. Priviledge is an incorrect spelling of the word. Privilege is a word that is commonly misspelled because it sounds like there could possibly be a “d” before the “g” when people are speaking.

https://oneminuteenglish.org/en/privilege-or-priviledge/