Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

Not a joke, but still amusing.

 

[ballpoint]

[Beachcomber]

My mum didn't like my spaghetti car

It pasta too fast
---------------------------------

I bought some expensive laxatives from my pharmacy...

They gave me a good run for my money
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I love my new job!! everyone is called by their first name, and ... My new colleagues even write names on the food in the office fridge.

I’m currently eating a yoghurt called Susan..... How cute!
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My wife has just said: "If I ever gets Alzheimer's I'd rather commit suicide than burden you with looking after me."

I said: "That's the fifth time you told me that today."
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I can’t take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him.

I should have known this would happen..... He’s pure bread.
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I like girls the same way I like my guns..

with silencer
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My partners cat peed on my leather jacket the once, and I had to throw it away.....

The jacket came back fine from the drycleaners.
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I got a text saying that I've won either £100 cash or tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute act.

They said to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show...
------------------------------------

I recently received a text from my partner saying
that they were breaking up with me.... I was devastated!

Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later they texted “sorry wrong number”.
--------------------------------------

I Went to the zoo yesterday, and saw a baguette in a cage....

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

????

[Beachcomber]

Jesus and the Devil were talking arguing one day ... (Computer Wisdom)
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of
hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to
set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the
better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused.
They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent
e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the
electricity went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered
back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all
gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus
quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated, How did he do
it?"

God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

 

????

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[ravip]

On 4/3/2023 at 8:21 AM, dcsw53 said:

It's ironic that a President who paid for services received is indicted,  but a Prez who received a free BJ is let off...

[isaanistical]

2 hours ago, ravip said:

It's ironic that a President who paid for services received is indicted,  but a Prez who received a free BJ is let off...

if you mean kennedy, he paid for it eventually!

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

[ravip]

25 minutes ago, isaanistical said:

if you mean kennedy, he paid for it eventually!

Bill Clinton? ????

 

[still kicking]

[dcsw53]

[dcsw53]

[KannikaP]

I found it very funny when, on yesterday's Countdown, Susie Dent said 'I love my inbox to be filled regularly' and smiled. Dirty Cow!

[ballpoint]

Tell me I'm not the only one who sees a bunch of dinosaurs.

 

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

^^^

 

And the same question for this duck.

 

[ballpoint]

Cough syrup from 100 years ago. 

Good to see it's got less than 1% alcohol in it.  Wouldn't want it to be too strong.

 

 

[ballpoint]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[ravip]

     CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

• Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
• Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
• Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
• Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
• Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
• Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
• Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
• War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
• It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
• Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
• Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
• Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
• Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
• "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"