NanLaew Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 So an Englishman walks into a bar. The Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman are still self-isolating at home. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 In a sign that things are slowly getting back to normal, it's been announced that later this year the international flicking a ruler against the edge of a desk championships will be held in Dordogne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, NanLaew said: So an Englishman walks into a bar. The Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman are still self-isolating at home. So just like the world cup then. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skallywag Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skallywag Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Boris Johnson stated that from Wednesday 13th May, you can go drive somewhere and meet one person. Is this not the same as dogging? Asking for a friend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 I saw a woman had broken down at the side of the road. I didn't stop to help her. I'm not a psychiatrist. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 The Mediterranean migrant season is now gathering pace. Refugees are asked to maintain a distance of one fathom. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 My psychiatrist suggested I joined a bridge club to take my mind off suicidal thoughts. We all agreed that The Golden Gates would be the best to jump off. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2020 I asked the old assistant in the auto parts shop if he had any jubilee clips. "No," he replied, "but I kept some footage of the coronation." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 I asked my wife to get me a green jumper for my Birthday. Just unwrapped a Frog. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 "Are you a glass half full or half empty type of person?" "Half full." "Very good. So you're an optimist, always looking on the bright side of life?" "No. I'm an alcoholic." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 A policeman knocked on my door, showed me a picture of the wife and said, ''I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus.'' ''I know,'' I replied, ''but she's good with the kids.'' 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 My wife told me she's loving me because I don't listen to her properly. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Does anyone know if your allowed to have a shower yet, or do we just keep washing our hands? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2020 My wife recently told me that now I am a parent I need to make sacrifices. But then she hit the roof when she came home and saw the giant pentagram on the kitchen table and what I had done to the cat. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Just spent four hours waxing the car. I dunno know how it gets so hairy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2020 There was no milk in the supermarket so I bought some evaporated milk instead. When I got it home it was just an empty tin. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 12, 2020 Apparently, most taxi drivers only listen to the first word said to them by a client. Which would explain the large amount of Chinese people in Harrow. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 "Do you have any change for a cup of tea?" "Yeah, try coffee." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluesofa Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 I gave a homeless guy a tin of beans outside Sainsbury's today, "What am I supposed to do with these?" He asked. "Egg and chips." I replied. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Andrew Dwyer Posted May 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2020 Perhaps a rethink is in order ? 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Dwyer Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Tell me what you think of this ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted May 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2020 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WorriedNoodle Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 55 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said: Tell me what you think of this ? The video won't play????? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VocalNeal Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 8 hours ago, bluesofa said: The Mediterranean migrant season is now gathering pace. Refugees are asked to maintain a distance of one fathom. I still cannot fathom this social distancing thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VocalNeal Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 When a poll was taken of an expat group in Bangkok of what will be the first thing they do after business and behavioural restriction are lifted. The most popular response was: Go to Siam Paragon, have a huge dump and not wash my hands. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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