Worst Joke Ever 2024

[Andrew Dwyer]

[fasteddie]

[fasteddie]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[ballpoint]

[Andrew Dwyer]

I know I would [emoji51]

[Andrew Dwyer]

Ain’t that the truth !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Some babies were just meant to stay at home !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

[bluesofa]

Breaking news, midget holds seance for charity and runs off with the takings.

Small medium at large.

[silver sea]

 

 

 

Edited April 17, 2019 by silver sea

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

On some air bases, the military uses one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side, with the tower in the middle serving both. One day, at one of these fields, a call from an aircraft called in asking, "Hey, Tower, what time is it?"

The tower answered, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft answered, "What difference does it make?"

The tower responded with, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a civilian aircraft, it's three o'clock; if you're an Army aircraft, it's 1500 hours; if you're a Navy aircraft, it's 3 bells; if you're an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on 3; and if you're a Marine aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes 'til Happy Hour."
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Team Player
-------------------------

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old
hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is?  What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head."

Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach.

 

"Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

[Andrew Dwyer]

[Andrew Dwyer]

[fasteddie]

8 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

 

[fasteddie]

B Bumble and the Stingers!

[owl sees all]

Well done the reds last night. A couple to get you in the mood.

 

++++

 

A dozen Liverpool lads were at the pearly gates, ready to enter heaven. St Peter sauntered over.

 

"I'm afraid we are nearly full. Can only take one of you."

 

The guys were not best pleased about this. St Peter could sense their anguish and tried to calm things.

 

"I'll tell you what guys; it's getting late. I'll report to god and get back to you in the morning. By then you will have things worked out."

 

The next morning St Peter went to the entrance. What he saw shocked him. He ran to god.

 

"God.... they are gone!"

 

"What! All twelve of them?"

 

"No god; the pearly gates."

 

++++++++

 

A bus was taking a group of Liverpool lads on a safari. On the way round the bus broke down. The driver radioed for help and was told not to let anyone off the bus. The lads had other ideas and opened the emergency door at the rear. A few of them were having a fag on the grass when the warden, and his armed safari team turned up.

 

"You shouldn't be out here lads! The animals,,,,,, the lions!"

 

"No worries. We wouldn't hurt your precious, <deleted> lions."

Edited April 18, 2019 by owl sees all

[scottiejohn]

15 hours ago, fasteddie said:

B Bumble and the Stingers!

Bee-hemian rhapsody!

[CharlieH]

8 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Bee-hemian rhapsody!

Bee-Gees (obviously) ????

[scottiejohn]

37 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Bee-Gees (obviously) ????

Gees guys! Give us a break and take the sting and venom out of your noted comments and stop stringing me along.

[CharlieH]

Guy travelling on a bus, sees a really attractive nun, tries chatting her up but gets nowhere. The nun just smiles and gets off the next stop.

The guy asks the bus driver "is there anyway I can have sex with that Nun, she was beautiful. Bus driver replies, well yes I think so, every night at 8pm she goes to the local graveyard, if you appear before her as God I think she will say yes.

So, next evening the guy gets his costume and goes into the dark graveyard and waits.

The Nun arrives and is shocked to see God, she asks softly "have you come to take me with you" the figure replies " yes, but first, to show your devotion to me we must have sex "the Nun replies "Ok lord, but please take me from behind" they engage in hot sex and when finished the guy whips off his costume and says "ha ha I'm the guy on the bus"....the Nun turns around and says ...." ha ha...I'm the bus driver" ! ????

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, CharlieH said:

I'm the bus driver"

Could you say he was driven round the bend?

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

How I lost my teeth
I was in the Western Bar and Grill last night sitting at the bar waiting for a beer when a butt- ugly, big old heifer (a female human I think) came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number so we can hook up and have some great SEX!!."
I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen." She said, "I sure do honey."
I said, "Well, you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing."

My dental shurgery shtartsh thish Friday.

 

Edited April 18, 2019 by scottiejohn

[scottiejohn]

I am not trying to RAM anything home but;

 

[scottiejohn]

JAPANESE SEX
A Japanese couple are arguing about how to perform highly erotic sex.
Husband: "Sukitaki. Mojitaka!"
Wife replies: "Kowanini! Mowi janakpa!"
Husband says angrily: "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"
Wife, on her knees, literally begging:
"Mimi Nakoundinda tinkouji!"
Husband shouts angrily: "Na miaou kina Tim kouji!

 

I can't believe you have just sat there trying to read this!
You don't know any Japanese!
You'll read anything as long as it's about sex.... Sometimes I worry about TV posters. 

[scottiejohn]