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Posted

Back and forth...back and forth. In and out...in and out. A little to the right...a little to the left.

 

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.

 

She was getting near to the end. He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved... Forwards then backwards...forward then backward... Again...and again!

 

Her heart was pounding now...Her face was flushed...She groaned... softly at first, then began to groan louder.

 

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream, "OK, you smug <deleted>, so I can't parallel park. You do it!"

  • Haha 1
Posted


The Zen of Sarcasm


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day.

11. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe
together.

12. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

13. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Never argue with an idiot. He'll just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

  • Like 2
Posted

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.

 

"I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

 

Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu; you get what you deserve.

 

A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

 

I don’t know what the best thing about Switzerland is, but I do know their flag is a huge plus.

 

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now!

 

  • Like 2
Posted
3 hours ago, Crossy said:

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She was always a cut above the rest.  Pity she got cut off in her prime! I wonder if she saw it coming?

 

  • Like 1

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