Worst Joke Ever 2024

[fangless]

"Excuse me, sir, may I have tomorrow afternoon off? The wife wants me to go shopping with her."

"Certainly not."

"Thank you, sir, I knew you'd understand."
 

[fangless]

Police have announced that they would like to interview a man wearing high heels and black lace knickers, but the chief constable has stated they must wear their uniforms as usual.
 

[fangless]

A policeman, his dog and a policewoman were on night duty. It was very cold and the policewoman shivered.

"Are you alright?" asked the policeman.

"Yes," she replied. "I just forgot to put on my black woollen knickers before

coming out."

"Don't worry," said the policeman. "My dog's well trained. Let him sniff between your legs and we'll send him back to the station to get them."

Some time passed before the dog reappeared with the desk sergeant's hand between his teeth.
 

[ravip]

[roo860]

[Maybole]

An African and his son are walking through the bush when they spot two lions. One lion is licking the other's anus.

Daddy, Daddy, cries the wee boy, what are these lions doing ?

His father replied, " Well, Son, the lion at the back has just eaten a white man and he is trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

[overherebc]

????

[roo860]

[roo860]

[faraday]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

FACT OF THE DAY:
Broken glass tastes just like blood.

[ballpoint]

Much as I admire the United States,
why is their flag modelled on Wonder Woman's outfit?

[ballpoint]

As I lay on the couch, talking about my childhood and sobbing, I asked, "Do you think I'm crazy?"
"Yes," replied the Ikea sales assistant.

[ballpoint]

I have a mate called Peter who's really short and works as a baker.

The other day, he was telling me all about baking flatbreads.

It was fascinating.

I love the Pitta patter of tiny Pete.

[ballpoint]

If a single cow can make 400 hamburgers,
then why don't McDonalds hire them as cooks?

[ballpoint]

If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone on here.
Not the money, I'm just going to tell all of you that I won

[ravip]

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

[ravip]

Attorney:     How far can you see at night?

Witness:       I can see the moon, how far is that?

[billd766]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone on here.
Not the money, I'm just going to tell all of you that I won

I wouldn't tell anybody, apart from SWMBO and our son.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[Hamus Yaigh]

[roo860]

[fangless]

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

If a single cow can make 400 hamburgers,
then why don't McDonalds hire them as cooks?

I thought the already were hiring them going by the state of their offerings!

[overherebc]

????

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Edited April 30, 2021 by overherebc

[ravip]

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…

She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

 

Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”