Worst Joke Ever 2024

[ballpoint]

[Pilotman]

On 6/1/2021 at 11:42 PM, roo860 said:

Oh, I felt that 

[roo860]

[ravip]

Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square, Rome.

 

The first Catholic  man tells his friends,

“My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father”.

 

The second Catholic man chirps,

“My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Lordship”

 

The third Catholic gent says,
“My son is an Archbishop. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Grace”

 

The fourth Catholic gent says,

“My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says “Your Eminence”.”

 

The fifth Catholic man says very proudly,

“My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him “Your Holiness”.”

 

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the five men gave her a subtle, “Well…?”

 

She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,

Slim,

Tall,

Very very beautiful, 

38D breast,

24″ waist and

34” hips.
When she walks into a room, people say,

“ My GOD “ 

[tomazbodner]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[Pilotman]

7 hours ago, roo860 said:

a very dirty one I hope? 

[fangless]

[fangless]

What do you call the girl in the middle of the tennis court?
Annette!

[fangless]

A man gets a peanut stuck firmly in his ear and no matter how hard his wife tries, they cannot get it out. Just as they're about to give up, their daughter arrives home with her boyfriend. When they hear what has happened, the boyfriend tells them confidently that he knows how to get it out. He sticks two fingers up the man's nose and tells him to blow as hard as he can. The man does this and the peanut pops out. Some time later the parents are talking and Mum comments, "Our Vera's got a clever boyfriend there. I wonder what he'll become."

 

"Our son-in-law, by the smell of his fingers," came the reply.
 

[fangless]

As the man parks his Rolls-Royce in the village car park, one of the locals comes

up to him and says admiringly, "That's a lovely car you have there. How much did it cost?"

"About £200,000."

"Blimey, how much petrol does it take?"

"29 gallons."

"And how many miles does it do to the gallon?"

"About two miles. I work for Cunard, you know."

"Well, I work F!ng hard as well, but I still can't afford a Rolls-Royce," he retorts.
 

Edited June 3, 2021 by fangless
Bypassing the censorship Nanny

[fangless]

"I'm sorry, but you can't come in here. You have to wear a tie," said the bouncer at the nightclub.

The man goes back to his car, but can only find a set of jump leads. He slings them round his neck and walks back to the club.

"Will this do?" he asks.

"OK, but don't start anything."
 

[ravip]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

[fangless]

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

A load of balls and as clear as muddy chromosomes  to the "TRANS" and ladyboy mobs!

 

PS;  Apologies to the Ladyboys if my comment offends you! 

[fangless]

[fangless]

 said to my mate, "I like your hair, how do you get it like that?"

He replied, "My girlfriend strips and I rub my head between her breasts and my hair goes like this. Try it."

"I will."

Next day, we meet up and he says, "Did you try it?"

"Yeah," I said.

 

"And she makes a lovely cup of tea as well."
 

[fangless]

Left stranded after falling off her horse some miles from home, a young cattleman's daughter was rescued by an Indian who brought her back to the ranch on his mount. When the father heard the sound of hooves, he went out to meet them and helped his daughter down from the back of the horse.

"How did you manage to stay on?" he asked her.

"Well, it was difficult at first, but then he told me to hold on to the saddle horn."

"Saddle horn?" asks the rancher. "What bleeding saddle horn?  Indians always ride bareback!"
 

[WorriedNoodle]

[Khawphod]

How to tell a joke

 

 

[Khawphod]

[ballpoint]

If you have kleptomania should you take something for it?

[ballpoint]

I ordered a wake-up call this morning.
The phone rang and a woman’s voice said, ‘What the hell are you doing with your life?’”

[ballpoint]

There are 400 billion birds in the world,
250,000 planes, but only one Superman.
So, in answer to your question ... It's probably a bird.

[ballpoint]

The Pope was due to give a talk on contraception today,
but pulled out at the last minute.

[ballpoint]

I asked the guy in Ikea - "What is Satin Finish?"

He said - no idea but I know what Chair is in Swedish.

[ballpoint]