Worst Joke Ever 2024

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

Off his line.......

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[ravip]

[jvs]

Quiet night?All ok?Relationship is fine also?

You all know the joke about putting the wife and the dog in the trunk of

your car and go off roading for an hour.

Then let them both out of the trunk and keep the one that is happy to see you.

No need to go to extremes like that!

Just wait until the other half is sleeping,when you go to bed just push her aside and get into her side of the bed and tell her this side is yours now.

Not a joke but just try it and let me know if it was funny!

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[sanuk711]

[fangless]

I was going to tell a joke about a dead parrot, but it was way too Macawbre.

 

How do trees feel in the Spring? 

Relieved.

 
Did you hear about the difficult sale on paddles? 
It was quite the oar-deal.
 

[fangless]

Did you hear about the woman who loved making archery supplies? 
Every day she went to work, she quivered with joy!

 

The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar. 
It was tense.

 
Why did the hipster burn his mouth on pizza? 
Because he ate it before it was cool.
 

[fangless]

A farmer was getting fewer and fewer eggs from his hens and decided he would have to replace the old rooster who obviously wasn't carrying out his job properly. So he bought a new rooster. Later in the henhouse the old rooster turned to the new rooster and said, "Look, let's make a deal. Let me just have three of the hens and I'll leave the rest to you."

"No way," came the reply. "This is all mine now."

"OK," said the crestfallen rooster, "but let me have some pride. Let's have a race across the farmyard and back, just give me a 5 yard start, winner takes all."

"Alright," said the new rooster, thinking there was no way he was going to lose to this tired old bird.

They set off, but just as the new cock was about to overtake, the farmer burst out of his house and shot him dead.

"Christ, that's the third queer rooster I've bought this month."
 

[fangless]

A little boy went shopping with his mother and when she began trying some clothes on in the fitting room, he remarked,
"You've got big balloons, Mum."

"That's not the right word for them," she replied, "why do you call them that?"

"Because yesterday I saw Daddy blowing up the au pair's."
 

[fangless]

A kindly man came across a young boy whose cart had shed its load of manure.

"Come back with me," he said, "we'll get you cleaned up, have a spot of lunch then I'll bring back my two sons to help you clear the road."

The boy hesitated. "I'm not sure," he faltered, "my dad might not like that."

"I think your dad will be pleased you're doing something about it," said the man and eventually the boy was persuaded.

A couple of hours later, they returned with his two sons to begin clearing the load.

"By the way, where is your dad?" asked the man.

 

"Under the manure," came the reply.

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[ballpoint]

A man has be arrested for selling stolen twine
Police say he has been charged with a string of offences.

[ballpoint]

The only thing I have planned for today is to get my spectacles fixed.
Then I’ll see what happens.

[ballpoint]

My wife just asked me, "When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?"
I said, "Behave, it would take ages to get there on a camel."

[ballpoint]

I’ve put my Rottweiler on a vegan diet. So far he’s eating one a week. Do you think I’m over feeding him?

[ballpoint]

I completely misunderstood pride month.
Does anyone want to buy 15 lions?

[ballpoint]

A man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the magistrate, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?" he snapped at the magistrate.
The magistrate, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty pound contempt of court. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the magistrate relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

[ballpoint]

[sanuk711]