Worst Joke Ever 2024

[WorriedNoodle]

 

[WorriedNoodle]

[tifino]

    current State of the nation... 

 aussies will get it ????  

 

[roo860]

[Zyxel]

[roo860]

[roo860]

6 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

 

No way a Northerner!

[fasteddie]

[fangless]

Edited September 3, 2021 by fangless

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

[fangless]

A teenage boy went off to university, but about a third of the way through the semester, he had foolishly squandered the money his parents had given him. Desperate to get more money out of his father, he came up with a cunning plan. 
 Phoning home that weekend, he said: ‘Dad, you won’t believe the educational opportunities that are available at this university! Why, they’ve even got a course here that will teach Fido how to talk!’ 
 ‘That’s incredible!’ said the gullible father. ‘How do I enrol him on the course?’ 
 ‘Just send him down here with $1,000, and I’ll make sure he gets on the course.’ 
 So the father sent the dog and $1,000, but about two-thirds of the way through the semester, that money had also run out. The boy called his father again. 
 ‘How’s Fido doing?’ asked the father. 
 ‘Awesome, Dad, he’s talking brilliantly. But you just won’t believe this, they’ve had such great results with the talking dogs course that they’re starting up a new one to teach the animals how to read!’ 
 ‘Read?’ echoed his father. ‘No kidding! What do I have to do to get him on that course?’ 
 ‘Just send $2,500. I’ll get him on the course.’ 
 His father duly sent the money, but at the end of the semester, the boy was faced with a problem: how to conceal from his father the fact that the dog could neither talk nor read. So the boy decided to take drastic action and shot the dog. When he arrived home, his father was waiting expectantly. 
 ‘Where’s Fido?’ asked the father. ‘I just can’t wait to hear him talk or listen to him reading something.’ 
 ‘Dad,’ said the boy solemnly, ‘I’ve got some bad news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then suddenly he turned to me and asked: ‘So, is your Dad still messing around with that little blonde at number 44?’ 
 The father’s face turned red with rage and he shouted: ‘I hope you shot that lying dog!’ 
 ‘I sure did, Dad.’ 
 ‘That’s my boy!’ 

[fangless]

An American, an Englishman and an Irishman were due to face a firing squad. The American was first to be lined up against the wall. As the soldiers raised their rifles and took aim, he suddenly shouted ‘Avalanche!’ The soldiers instinctively turned round to look and by the time they realised it was a hoax, the American had escaped. 
 The Englishman then prepared to meet his doom. Just as the soldiers raised their rifles and took aim, he shouted ‘Flood!’ Again they turned round to see what the problem was, and by the time it dawned on them that they had been duped, the Englishman had escaped. 
 Finally it was the turn of the Irishman who had been greatly impressed by his colleagues’ cunning ruses and was determined to come up with a similar diversion. So just as the soldiers raised their rifles and took aim, he shouted

 

‘Fire!’ 
 

[fangless]

A girl brought home her fiancé, a theology student, to meet her parents for the first time. Her father was keen to learn what prospects the boy had. 
 ‘How do you plan to make a living?’ asked the father. 
 ‘I don’t know,’ said the student, ‘but God will provide.’ 
 The father raised his eyebrows. ‘Do you own a car?’ 
 ‘No,’ said the student, ‘but God will provide.’ 
 ‘I see. And where are you thinking of living once you’re married?’ ‘No idea, but I’m sure God will provide.’ 
 Later the mother asked the father what he thought of their prospective son-in-law. 
 ‘Not a lot, really,’ sighed the father. ‘He’s got no money and seems to have given precious little thought to the future."

 

"But on the other hand, he thinks I’m God!’ 
 

[fangless]

I wrote a song for a tortilla.

Well, its more of a tasty wrap really
 

[fangless]

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively for lawyers? -

It’s called Sosumi. 
 

[fangless]

What do you get when you cross:- A parrot with a centipede?

A walkie-talkie. 
 

[fangless]

Chat-up Line:-

 • I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and I think it’s time to see if I’m right. 
 

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

Kamala Harris on her way to a meeting

at the White House to support Sleepy Joe

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[fangless]

20 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

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I bet their faces lit up at the sight of the Pizza and chicken and it would be better value for money for you!

[fangless]

2 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

They've certainly dashed my sexual appetite for the day!