Worst Joke Ever 2024

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The perfect computer game for one or two members here...

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Larson predicts the future:

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[fangless]

9 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Is that a selfie or is your Son just your "spitting image".

[Will B Good]

What's the difference between the the "Crazy Frog" (ring, ding, ding) and Boris Johnson.

 

One is a noisy, intensely annoying, pot bellied <deleted>

 

The other is a cartoon character.

[WorriedNoodle]

[Zyxel]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[fangless]

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It;s been a long, brutal day and when  Jacko gets home from work he plops himself down and says to his missus, Beryl, could you get me a beer before it starts?
     Slightly quizzical, Beryl gets him the beer and watches him drain it before he says again, I think I have got time for just one more before it starts. Would you mind?
     Muttering under her breath, the missus nevertheless gets Jacko the beer and once again watches as he knocks it back. Wiping the froth from the stubble of his chin, he says, Geez, that was good. What chance do I have of just one more beer before it starts?
     This time, Beryl is ready for him and launches: I've had a gutful, Jacko. You've done bloody nothing since you got home but sit on your fat backside and order me around, while I've done nothing but run around after you, and if you think that y.........
     At this point, Jacko sags back in the chair, puts his hands to his temples and says,

 

"Oh Christ, it's started!"
 

[fangless]

  Jack wakes up with a hangover that would kill a brown dog.

After a minute of searing agony, he manages to open his eyes, only to see a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table and, next to them, a single red rose!

He sees all his clothes, freshly pressed, hanging off the chair and the whole room in perfect order. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table from his wife of twenty years:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you!"

 

  He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, orange juice and the morning newspaper all laid out. His lad is also at the table, and Jack takes the opportunity to make some enquiries. "Son, what happened last night?"

            "Well, you came home after 3 am roaring drunk and woke the whole house. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

            "So why is everything in such perfect order and I have a rose and breakfast on the table waiting for me?  Isn't your mum boiling mad with me?"

            His son replies, "Oh, that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take off your pants you screamed,

 

"Leave me alone, lady, I'm a happily married man!"

 

[fangless]

Joe dies, and his will provides thirty thousand dollars for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests depart the fairly basic affair, his wife, Helen, turns to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she says.

            "I'm sure you're right," replies Jody, who knows about this, lowers her voice and leans in close. "How much did this really cost?"

            "All of it," says Helen. "Thirty thousand!"

            "No!" Jody exclaims. "I mean, it was very nice, but thirty thousand dollars?"

            Helen answers, "The funeral was one and a half thousand. I donated five hundred to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another five hundred. The rest went on the memorial stone."

            Jody computes it quickly. >Twenty-nine and a half thousand dollars for a memorial stone? My god, how big is it?'

            'Two and a half carats.'

 

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[sanuk711]

[fangless]

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Ewe have to think it is just a pyramid scheme to fleece the sheepish investors who are probably barking mad to get involved in such doggerel conversation!

 

PS; Did he just round up that one million figure?

Edited November 19, 2021 by fangless

[ExpatOilWorker]

11 hours ago, fangless said:

Helen answers, "The funeral was one and a half thousand. I donated five hundred to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another five hundred. The rest went on the memorial stone."

            Jody computes it quickly. >Twenty-nine and a half thousand dollars

$1,500 + $500 + $500 = $500???

 

Jody need to slow down her computing. 

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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