Worst Joke Ever 2025

[Andrew Dwyer]

 

Apparently he had been stringing her along for years  !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

My apologies to Man U fans for this one ......

 

 

 

...........NOT !!

[Andrew Dwyer]

What’s the guys name ??
 

 

That can’t be right.... can it ?

[Andrew Dwyer]

Okay guys, some good news for readers of this thread !!
 

 

 

Puts a new meaning to the phrase “ cash on delivery “ ????

 

[scottiejohn]

9 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Meanwhile back in the uk !!
 

Typical! you wait for days for a gritter and then two come along in quick succession.   See post 5001

PS;  To rub salt into the wound you actually "liked" the previous post.  Me thinks that senility is not so much creeping up it is galloping along!

[WorriedNoodle]

[scottiejohn]

9 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Okay guys, some good news for readers of this thread !!
 

 

 

Puts a new meaning to the phrase “ cash on delivery “ ????

 

They had none left when I tried, it seems you've ordered them all!

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[Andrew Dwyer]

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Typical! you wait for days for a gritter and then two come along in quick succession.   See post 5001

PS;  To rub salt into the wound you actually "liked" the previous post.  Me thinks that senility is not so much creeping up it is galloping along!

Noooo ????

 

I remember now, I liked the joke and saved it to my phone to add to FB later , fast forward 2 days, I come across the photo on my phone.........ah ideal for TVF ☹️

 

This thread is to blame for my rapidly diminishing brain cells !!

[scottiejohn]

2 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

diminishing brain cells !!

Shouldn't that be singular?

????

[overherebc]

So Brutus returns from the wars and having won 24 famous battles is called to see Ceasar.

Ceasar presents him with a gold cup and tells him inside are 24 chocolate buttons each one with a date on for each famous battle.

When he gets home he starts laying out the chocolate buttons and checking the dates only to four missing.

He storms back to face Ceasar and arrives just as Ceasar is getting stabbed to death. He pulls his dagger joins in and Ceasar looks up and says Et tu Brute!!!!

Lying git he says you Et four.

 

OK I'll get my coat.

[scottiejohn]

4 hours ago, overherebc said:

OK I'll get my coat.

Why the hurry, you seem to be fitting in quite badly!

????

[scottiejohn]

Please measure the following post on my "GROANOMETER"

 

The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race.
"Listen to me," the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. "You'd better win this race or you'll be working the farm tomorrow."
The horses line up in the gates, the starting gun sounds, and the gate is removed. All of the horses take off for the finish line, except the owner's horse. He is fast asleep in his starting pen.
"What the heck do you think you're doing?" the owner yells at the horse.
"I'm grabbing some rest," says the horse. "I've got to work the farm early tomorrow morning."

 

 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A frantic father calls the family doctor on the phone.

"Doc, you've got to come quick! My three-year-old son just swallowed all of my golf tees."
"All right, stay calm," the doctor tells the father. "I'll be over in ten minutes."
"What should I do in the meantime?" the father asks?
The doctor answers,

 

"I guess you could practice your putting."

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican told his best friend that he was switching parties and becoming a Democrat.
"My God," his friend replied, "why would you do such a thing?"
"Simple," the man muttered in his last breath,

 

"because I'd rather one of them die than one of us."
 

[scottiejohn]

 

No sh*!

[scottiejohn]

Woodpecker
-------------------------

A Hawaii woodpecker and a California woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely un-peckable. The Hawaiian
woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge.
After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the
tree with no problem. 

So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian
woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion -
Your pecker always works harder when you're away from home.
 

[scottiejohn]

[WorriedNoodle]

On 1/19/2020 at 10:19 AM, WorriedNoodle said:

On 1/15/2020 at 10:53 AM, WorriedNoodle said:

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[tifino]

 

 

Little Miss Muffet has encore sphincter moment 

 

 

[balo]

- My wife told me I had to choose between her and football.  
- That's terrible to hear
- Yes I miss her a lot
 

[balo]

The wife in the house comes running home, slams the door open and screams,

- Hello my dear, pack your suitcase. I've won the big prize in the lottery!

- Wow that's amazing !  Should I pack for the beach or the mountain?

- What do I care, just get the hell out of here!

[overherebc]

4 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Why the hurry, you seem to be fitting in quite badly!

????

It's the way I tell them.

????????

[overherebc]

Two old Scottish crofters had crofts next to each but they never got on together and really didn't like each other.

One day Tam is ploughing his second field when the plough shear hits a rock and breaks.

He realises his only option is to ask Hamish if he can borrow his shear to finish the field and get his barley in.

On the way he starts thinking I'll ask to borrow the shear and Hamish will say why? I'll have to tell him mine broke on a rock and I need to finish today to get the barley in. He'll say I told you that field had a few buried rocks in it but you didn't believe me. I'll say I plan to clear the last few before next harvest. Then he'll say what if you break my shear and I'll say I'll give you the new one I'm getting made at the Blacksmiths ready in 5 days I think.

By this time he reaches Hamish's door and has all the answers ready. He knocks on the door and Hamish opens it and says what hell do you want Tam?

He replies  Ach stick yir plow shear up yir a-rse.